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My wife, she's... overweight. (2 Viewers)

I feel bad now for getting on my wife to train her lower abdomen harder because she only has a 4 pack of abs showing instead of a 6.

 
Me and the wife are getting banded in the Fall currently we are going through the 6 month observation phase. Maybe she wants to look into Lap Band.

 
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'iamsmilin said:
I'd give you advice, but I didn't read the entire thread. Cliff Notes?
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No real need for Cliffs Notes:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
Since I've already wozzed up this thread talking about myself, here's a question for people. Last night I went to the supermarket. My wife said "I'm craving chocolate, please buy me something." What should I have done?
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Well has she said she was on a diet? Or just complaining about her weight?
 
'iamsmilin said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'iamsmilin said:
I'd give you advice, but I didn't read the entire thread. Cliff Notes?
Click to expand...
No real need for Cliffs Notes:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
Since I've already wozzed up this thread talking about myself, here's a question for people. Last night I went to the supermarket. My wife said "I'm craving chocolate, please buy me something." What should I have done?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Well has she said she was on a diet? Or just complaining about her weight?
Click to expand...
I already gave him the right answer in the first few pages, but he won't listen to me.
 
'iamsmilin said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'iamsmilin said:
I'd give you advice, but I didn't read the entire thread. Cliff Notes?
Click to expand...
No real need for Cliffs Notes:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
Since I've already wozzed up this thread talking about myself, here's a question for people. Last night I went to the supermarket. My wife said "I'm craving chocolate, please buy me something." What should I have done?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Well has she said she was on a diet? Or just complaining about her weight?
Click to expand...
She has allegedly been on some sort of diet pretty much every day for at least the last 5 years. I'm not really expecting any sort of real answer -- I'm just trying to illustrate just one difficult situation for someone trying to get a spouse to lose weight.But yeah, just a week or so ago she told me excitedly about how she and her friend were going to be logging everything they ate into some computer site and the friend would be able to tell if she ate too many calories or whatever. So she probably shouldn't be eating a bunch of treats.
 
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'iamsmilin said:
I'd give you advice, but I didn't read the entire thread. Cliff Notes?
Click to expand...
No real need for Cliffs Notes:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
Since I've already wozzed up this thread talking about myself, here's a question for people. Last night I went to the supermarket. My wife said "I'm craving chocolate, please buy me something." What should I have done?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Well has she said she was on a diet? Or just complaining about her weight?
Click to expand...
She has allegedly been on some sort of diet pretty much every day for at least the last 5 years. I'm not really expecting any sort of real answer -- I'm just trying to illustrate just one difficult situation for someone trying to get a spouse to lose weight.But yeah, just a week or so ago she told me excitedly about how she and her friend were going to be logging everything they ate into some computer site and the friend would be able to tell if she ate too many calories or whatever. So she probably shouldn't be eating a bunch of treats.
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You're pretty much screwed in this situtation. It really depends on your wife but you could say, "Are you sure you want chocolate? I thought you started that new diet."
 
'[icon] said:
'jwp said:
Had the same problem. She is now my ex-wife and looks bigger every time I see her...
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:goodposting: If my s/o blew up and threw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old when I tried to discuss it... I'd likely follow this approach.
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So you don't ;love your wife, you only love how she looks.As long as you admit it. However a lot of people aren't that shallow.It is what it is.
 
'Cliff Clavin said:
'jwp said:
Seriously there's no possible way to have the conversation some guys are advocating. Same goes for other issues, not just weight. I can totally relate to the guy that said he goes to some happy place in his mind when they have sechs. A counselor might help but it's a longshot. Any conversation the man initiates just makes everything worse lol.
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No wonder marriages fail so often. If you can't have a conversation like this, you don't have much of a relationship.
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:goodposting: Guys like icon and jwp though, that would cut bait and run because their wives got fat, are pretty heartless and selfish.But like I said, as long as they can live with themselves that's the way they want to live, it just seems rather ridiculous to get married then.
 
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'General Malaise said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
:lmao: I'm not the OP and I never revealed whether I actually bought the chocolate. I believe the OP said he planned to talk with his wife this weekend.
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Why not pretend you didn't see the text and come back empty handed?
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It wasn't a text -- she said it to me on my way out.
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I legitimately forget stuff my wife tells me all the time. I think she would be more surprised if I remembered chocolate than if I forgot.If you haven't established this with your wife, get on it. Don't start with food though. Maybe forget to pick up the kids or something a few times first.
 
'FatMax said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'General Malaise said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
:lmao: I'm not the OP and I never revealed whether I actually bought the chocolate. I believe the OP said he planned to talk with his wife this weekend.
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Why not pretend you didn't see the text and come back empty handed?
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It wasn't a text -- she said it to me on my way out.
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I legitimately forget stuff my wife tells me all the time. I think she would be more surprised if I remembered chocolate than if I forgot.If you haven't established this with your wife, get on it. Don't start with food though. Maybe forget to pick up the kids or something a few times first.
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I did this back in April. When my wife's parents were in town. While they were all at my wife's doctor's apppointment for our baby. Who sucks more than this guy? NOBODY! :bag:
 
Which Diet Works?

One of the challenges of arguing that hyperprocessed carbohydrates are largely responsible for the obesity pandemic (“epidemic” is no longer a strong enough word, say many experts) is the notion that “a calorie is a calorie.”

Accept that, and you buy into the contention that consuming 100 calories’ worth of sugar water (like Coke or Gatorade), white bread or French fries is the same as eating 100 calories of broccoli or beans. And Big Food — which has little interest in selling broccoli or beans — would have you believe that if you expend enough energy to work off those 100 calories, it simply doesn’t matter.

There’s an increasing body of evidence, however, that calories from highly processed carbohydrates like white flour (and of course sugar) provide calories that the body treats differently, spiking both blood sugar and insulin and causing us to retain fat instead of burning it off.

In other words, all calories are not alike.

You might need a little background here: To differentiate “bad” carbs from “good,” scientists use the term “glycemic index” (or “load”) to express the effect of the carbs on blood sugar. High glycemic diets cause problems by dramatically increasing blood sugar and insulin after meals; low glycemic diets don’t. Highly processed carbohydrates (even highly processed whole grains, like instant oatmeal and fluffy whole-grain breads) tend to make for higher glycemic diets; less processed grains, fruits, non-starchy vegetables, legumes and nuts — along with fat and protein — make for a lower glycemic diet.

A new study published Tuesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association adds powerfully to the notion that low glycemic diets are the way forward. (Or, actually, backward, since the low glycemic diet is largely traditional.) The work took place at the New Balance Foundation Obesity Prevention Center of Boston Children’s Hospital, and looked at people’s ability to maintain weight loss, which is far more difficult than losing weight. (Few people maintain even a small portion of their weight loss after dieting.) To do this, the researchers — led by the center’s associate director Cara Ebbeling and director David Ludwig — put three groups of people on diets to lose 10 to 15 percent of their body weight.

They then assigned each of the dieters, in random order, to follow four weeks each of three diets with the same number of calories. One was a standard low-fat diet: 60 percent carbohydrates — with an emphasis on fruits, vegetables and whole grains (but not unprocessed ones) — 20 percent from protein and 20 percent from fat. This is the low-fat diet that has been reigning “wisdom” for the last 30 years or more.

Another was an ultra-low-carb diet (for convenience, we’ll call this “Atkins”), of 10 percent of calories from carbs, 60 percent from fat and 30 percent from protein. And the third was a low glycemic diet, with 40 percent carbs — minimally processed grains, fruit, vegetables and legumes — 40 percent fat and 20 percent protein.

The results were impressive. Those on the “Atkins” diet burned 350 calories more per day — the equivalent of an hour of moderate exercise — than those on the standard low-fat diet. Those on the low-glycemic diet burned 150 calories more, roughly equivalent to an hour of light exercise.

Three conclusions you can draw on the face of this: One is that the kind of calories you eat does matter. Two, as Ludwig concludes, is that “the low-fat diet that has been the primary approach for more than a generation is actually the worst for most outcomes, with the worst effects on insulin resistance, triglycerides and HDL, or good cholesterol.” And three, we should all be eating an “Atkins” diet.

But not so fast; the “Atkins” diet also had marked problems. It raised levels of CRP (c-reactive protein), which is a measure of chronic inflammation, and cortisol, a hormone that mediates stress. “Both of these,” says Ludwig, “are tightly linked to long term-heart risk and mortality.”

His conclusion, then? “The ‘Atkins’ diet gives you the biggest metabolic benefit initially, but there are long-term downsides, and in practice, people have trouble sticking to low-carb diets. Over the long term, the low-glycemic diet appears to work the best, because you don’t have to eliminate an entire class of nutrients, which our research suggests is not only hard from a psychological perspective but may be wrong from a biological perspective.”

Almost every diet, from the radical no-carb-at-all notions to the tame (and sane) “Healthy Eating Plate” from Harvard, agrees on at least this notion: reduce, or even come close to eliminating, the amount of hyper-processed carbohydrates in your diet, because, quite simply, they’re bad for you. And if you look at statistics, at least a quarter of our calories come from added sugars (seven percent from beverages alone), white flour, white rice, white pasta … are you seeing a pattern here? (Oh, and white potatoes. And beer.)

So what’s Ludwig’s overall advice? “It’s time to reacquaint ourselves with minimally processed carbs. If you take three servings of refined carbohydrates and substitute one of fruit, one of beans and one of nuts, you could eliminate 50 percent of diet-related disease in the United States. These relatively modest changes can provide great benefit.”

The message is pretty simple: unprocessed foods give you a better chance of idealizing your weight — and your health. Because all calories are not created equal.
Click to expand...
 
As much as I love reading 15 paragraphs of diet information, is there any way to just bullet point this stuff?

For instance. I eat a sandwich on whole wheat a few times a week. Is this destroying my body because of the bread?

 
'General Malaise said:
As much as I love reading 15 paragraphs of diet information, is there any way to just bullet point this stuff?For instance. I eat a sandwich on whole wheat a few times a week. Is this destroying my body because of the bread?
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Search for my post 2-3 pages ago. Said the same thing in many less words.
 
'Mr.Pack said:
'Cliff Clavin said:
'jwp said:
Seriously there's no possible way to have the conversation some guys are advocating. Same goes for other issues, not just weight. I can totally relate to the guy that said he goes to some happy place in his mind when they have sechs. A counselor might help but it's a longshot. Any conversation the man initiates just makes everything worse lol.
Click to expand...
No wonder marriages fail so often. If you can't have a conversation like this, you don't have much of a relationship.
Click to expand...
:goodposting: Guys like icon and jwp though, that would cut bait and run because their wives got fat, are pretty heartless and selfish.But like I said, as long as they can live with themselves that's the way they want to live, it just seems rather ridiculous to get married then.
Click to expand...
She left me....I would've stayed (in fact I begged her to stay, see some posts in no. 16's thread toward the beginning) for my son. But I can see now after a few years it turned out ok the way it worked out. The weight thing wasn't our only problem. We had a lot of problems that I shouldn't hijack this thread to discuss. I'm just commenting on one of many issues we had. It's an almost impossible conversation to have, at least I know in my case it was.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
'jwp said:
'Mr.Pack said:
'Cliff Clavin said:
'jwp said:
Seriously there's no possible way to have the conversation some guys are advocating. Same goes for other issues, not just weight. I can totally relate to the guy that said he goes to some happy place in his mind when they have sechs. A counselor might help but it's a longshot. Any conversation the man initiates just makes everything worse lol.
Click to expand...
No wonder marriages fail so often. If you can't have a conversation like this, you don't have much of a relationship.
Click to expand...
:goodposting: Guys like icon and jwp though, that would cut bait and run because their wives got fat, are pretty heartless and selfish.But like I said, as long as they can live with themselves that's the way they want to live, it just seems rather ridiculous to get married then.
Click to expand...
She left me....I would've stayed (in fact I begged her to stay, see some posts in no. 16's thread toward the beginning) for my son. But I can see now after a few years it turned out ok the way it worked out. The weight thing wasn't our only problem. We had a lot of problems that I shouldn't hijack this thread to discuss. I'm just commenting on one of many issues we had. It's an almost impossible conversation to have, at least I know in my case it was.
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That's an entirely different story tan this post:
'jwp said:
Had the same problem. She is now my ex-wife and looks bigger every time I see her...
Click to expand...
I wouldn't have included you in what I said if you had said that the first time.
 
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'Mr.Pack said:
I wouldn't have included you in what I said if you had said that the first time.
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[icon] isn't even married so you probably shouldn't have included him either.
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Not only that, but it's not as clear cut as "she's overweight....I'm leaving." It's deeper than that. She says she wants to lose weight but doesn't. It's not just a shallow/physical thing now. It becomes a big emotional ordeal.To say someone is shallow for being upset or leaving their woman when they pack on a lot of pounds while the woman wants to lose the weight and doesn't is VERY short sighted and extremely simple minded.
 
'BuddyKnuckles said:
'Chaka said:
'BuddyKnuckles said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'BuddyKnuckles said:
:lmao: we're still here.

This is simple...you're ####ed

She either wants to lose it or she doesnt. 99.9% of the time, anything you say or do will just mess up her head and your relationship. And 99.9% of wimmens, once they start down the path of sloth, gluttony, and tank-#rse, won't come back.
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I think you probably have some valuable insight because you're one of only a few people here in a similar situation to the OP. But you come across to me as a bit of a jerkface.
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sometimes a smack in the face is what is takes to get some people to see the truth. my earlier post might be slightly less abrasive and more insightful:
People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happen

I tried, in no particular order:

- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day

- offering to cook all our meals

- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)

- stopped having teh secks with her

- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her

- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivation

Sorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.

ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)
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he can try all the other stuff mentioned here, [icon] had a VERY different approach. I'm just telling him from years of personal experience that most of it is a waste of time. Why sit around in shark infested waters and drag out your misery? Use your one shot left in the barrel to just end it (figuratively speaking of course)
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You haven't ended it.
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please see bolded
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What is so important that you are willing to live in a miserable situation? Kids? They'll be fine if you divorce, maybe even better off.
 
'Chaka said:
What is so important that you are willing to live in a miserable situation? Kids? They'll be fine if you divorce, maybe even better off.
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I can't speak for BuddyKnuckles but I'd say I'm disinclined to get a divorce because of kids, money, and guilt, in that order. I'm including a bunch of separate issues under "kids" -- I wouldn't be able to see them as much, I wouldn't have as much of a say in the way they're raised, and they might suffer from the ordeal. I realize that plenty of kids do fine with divorced parents but that's not the only consideration.
 
Sorry if Honda

I think if you love your wife it would not matter if she grew to Jabba the Hut proportions but I guess love only goes so far.

 
'Biabreakable said:
I think if you love your wife it would not matter if she grew to Jabba the Hut proportions but I guess love only goes so far.
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Didn't watch the video but, if your wife loved you, she wouldn't let herself get that large and unattractive (referring to your Jabba the Hut comment, not anyone in the video). Because simply put, no husband is going to like that. It seems rather selfish to totally let yourself go and become totally overweight without considering your husband's (or wife's) feelings. I don't know why one side gets the free pass and the other is totally in the wrong and selfish. When did the whole marriage thing become a one way street?
 
'Biabreakable said:
I think if you love your wife it would not matter if she grew to Jabba the Hut proportions but I guess love only goes so far.
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Didnt watch the video but I'll just say with respect to this comment that you can't always control your feelings, just your actions and responses.
 
'TxBuckeye said:
if your wife loved you, she wouldn't let herself get that large and unattractive (referring to your Jabba the Hut comment, not anyone in the video). Because simply put, no husband is going to like that. It seems rather selfish to totally let yourself go and become totally overweight without considering your husband's (or wife's) feelings. I don't know why one side gets the free pass and the other is totally in the wrong and selfish. When did the whole marriage thing become a one way street?
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There are days that I feel this way. But I really don't think that my wife is being malicious or uncaring or selfish. She just struggles with this particular issue, in the same way that other people struggle with other things. None of us are perfect.
 
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'TxBuckeye said:
if your wife loved you, she wouldn't let herself get that large and unattractive (referring to your Jabba the Hut comment, not anyone in the video). Because simply put, no husband is going to like that. It seems rather selfish to totally let yourself go and become totally overweight without considering your husband's (or wife's) feelings. I don't know why one side gets the free pass and the other is totally in the wrong and selfish. When did the whole marriage thing become a one way street?
Click to expand...
There are days that I feel this way. But I really don't think that my wife is being malicious or uncaring or selfish. She just struggles with this particular issue, in the same way that other people struggle with other things. None of us are perfect.
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Sorry WJ, I really wasn't referring to you, or even the OP, with my post. It was directly in response to the person I quoted. It always bothers me when I read the whole "You should love her no matter how much weight she puts on" stuff like he posted. As I said, I always thought love and marriage was about mutual respect, not one person getting a free pass to do what they want while the other sits there and sucks it up.
 
'TxBuckeye said:
'Wrighteous Ray said:
'TxBuckeye said:
if your wife loved you, she wouldn't let herself get that large and unattractive (referring to your Jabba the Hut comment, not anyone in the video). Because simply put, no husband is going to like that. It seems rather selfish to totally let yourself go and become totally overweight without considering your husband's (or wife's) feelings. I don't know why one side gets the free pass and the other is totally in the wrong and selfish. When did the whole marriage thing become a one way street?
Click to expand...
There are days that I feel this way. But I really don't think that my wife is being malicious or uncaring or selfish. She just struggles with this particular issue, in the same way that other people struggle with other things. None of us are perfect.
Click to expand...
Sorry WJ, I really wasn't referring to you, or even the OP, with my post. It was directly in response to the person I quoted. It always bothers me when I read the whole "You should love her no matter how much weight she puts on" stuff like he posted. As I said, I always thought love and marriage was about mutual respect, not one person getting a free pass to do what they want while the other sits there and sucks it up.
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No need to apologize to me. I agree with you that selfishness is a negative trait in a spouse and makes for a bad marriage. But I guess I feel like this issue is more complicated than that, because I don't think most people become overweight as a result of selfishness.
 
'uconnalum said:
Me and the wife are getting banded in the Fall currently we are going through the 6 month observation phase. Maybe she wants to look into Lap Band.
Click to expand...
I never understood this. Is it THAT hard to say no to that 3rd Big Mac? :confused:
 
How's her exercise and healthier eating coming since page 1?

If you are setting a good example she might follow your lead.

 
Jesus...

Every time a thread on here pops up about women and these sorts of things I grow more and more thankful of having the girl I do.

The korean descent doesn't hurt but at 5'3" 115lbs she can still fit in her HS Cheerleading outfit and every time she breaks 122 she starts hitting the gym harder. As an upside she is her own worst critic... will openly come out and say "This looks like #### on me doesn't it" and I can say "Yes" (although I'm obviously nice about it) without worrying about it. She will dog me out on certain stuff as needed and I don't have to take offense.

I couldn't imagine not being in a relationship where you couldn't just talk about that stuff openly like adults. :unsure:

 
'[icon] said:
I couldn't imagine not being in a relationship where you couldn't just talk about that stuff openly like adults. :unsure:
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I think the ease you have in talking with your girlfriend is at least partially because the stakes are low. If she's only seven pounds overweight, or if she knows you think she's attractive but don't like an outfit, saying something is unlikely to have any real impact on your relationship.It's far more difficult to discuss things that could potentially set you on the path to your marriage ending, especially when you have kids.
 
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