My wife, she's... overweight. (2 Viewers)

[IC FBGCav]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

SirDom?

 

[Invaded?]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I'm unhappy in my relationship. I'm not an unhappy person.

I love my kids. I love spending time with them. They are awesome.

I have some great friends that I have fun with.

I have hobbies that I enjoy.

I have a good job.

Overall, and I've said it pretty plainly in the thread, I'm happy in my "life" with one exception. But there are things that you have when you are in a relationship that can't be fulfilled fully elsewhere.

Everyone is different. A lot of people in my situation might be content with the status quo considering everything else. But I can't just *choose* to be happy in my relationship with my spouse. I was unhappy with that part of my life and have tried to change it, so far without success.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

You spend half of your waking life working and the other half with your family. If you are unhappy at either, you either fix it or move on. He has tried for years to fix the marriage and now it is time to move on from little Ms. Fatty Boomalatty.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

Or you live with it. People live with **** they can't fix all the time. Maybe their wife gets sick. Or they have a developmentally disabled kid. Whatever. It sucks. But they make the best of it. I'm sure my dad could have been happier divorcing my mom when her M.S. got bad. He didn't. He felt an obligation. And yeah, it means he can be a ##### with a martyr complex sometimes. I still don't think my mom would have been better off if he had left.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I think this greatly underestimates the influence of a spouse on your own happiness. Your relationship with your spouse is sorta a big deal.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

Or you live with it. People live with **** they can't fix all the time. Maybe their wife gets sick. Or they have a developmentally disabled kid. Whatever. It sucks. But they make the best of it. I'm sure my dad could have been happier divorcing my mom when her M.S. got bad. He didn't. He felt an obligation. And yeah, it means he can be a ##### with a martyr complex sometimes. I still don't think my mom would have been better off if he had left.

Apples and oranges. If his wife gets sick, then she can't change. In this case, she can change, but she is choosing not to. So, he should be choosing to walk.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Or you live with it. People live with **** they can't fix all the time. Maybe their wife gets sick. Or they have a developmentally disabled kid. Whatever. It sucks. But they make the best of it. I'm sure my dad could have been happier divorcing my mom when her M.S. got bad. He didn't. He felt an obligation. And yeah, it means he can be a ##### with a martyr complex sometimes. I still don't think my mom would have been better off if he had left.

Not remotely the same.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Or you live with it. People live with **** they can't fix all the time. Maybe their wife gets sick. Or they have a developmentally disabled kid. Whatever. It sucks. But they make the best of it. I'm sure my dad could have been happier divorcing my mom when her M.S. got bad. He didn't. He felt an obligation. And yeah, it means he can be a ##### with a martyr complex sometimes. I still don't think my mom would have been better off if he had left.

Yeah, I tried this tack a few times in this thread and people get all bent out of shape that a sick/injured spouse is just a completely different situation from an overweight spouse. Even though from my perspective it's pretty similar.

ETA: too slow again.

 

[boubucarow]

I have been married for 10 years this upcoming October. My wife has been as low as 120ish, was 150ish on our wedding day, and recently reached the 190's. She should weigh around 125 or so. We did talk from time to time about her health but I never once said something about her weight. I loved her just as much at 190 as i did at 130.

This winter she decided to do something about it. She has already lost 20+ pounds the proper way, is working out 3-5 times a week on top of 40+ minutes of walking daily, and has already made drastic changes in her diet. I am very proud of her and have every expectation that she will continue to have a very active lifestyle and improve her health.

I didn't pressure her, criticize her, or threaten her. The most I ever said is that I would like to be more certain she would live a long healthy life.

She is still going strong and down to the 150's.

She has held her weight in the 150's through the winter despite a back injury that has prevented her from consistent exercise almost all winter. I still have every expectation that she will continue her effort. She doesn't have a specific weight in mind but I think she will know when she is in her sweet spot. I am very proud of her. It has not been easy for her.

Just wanted to update a positive update of a similar but very different situation to the OP.

They identified her back injury as a herniated disc that was pushing on her nerve resulting in severe pain shooting down her right leg. After months of physical therapy she had surgery in May to removed the pressure on her nerve and it has been successful. Her weight climbed back into the 160's as she was unable to exercise for 6 or so months. She just got the okay to do more strenuous cardio exercise and is back in the 150's. She jumped right back into it and her future health is looking good.

 

[ChiefD]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I'm unhappy in my relationship. I'm not an unhappy person.

I love my kids. I love spending time with them. They are awesome.

I have some great friends that I have fun with.

I have hobbies that I enjoy.

I have a good job.

Overall, and I've said it pretty plainly in the thread, I'm happy in my "life" with one exception. But there are things that you have when you are in a relationship that can't be fulfilled fully elsewhere.

Everyone is different. A lot of people in my situation might be content with the status quo considering everything else. But I can't just *choose* to be happy in my relationship with my spouse. I was unhappy with that part of my life and have tried to change it, so far without success.

When was the last time you asked your wife on a date? Just the two of you?

 

[Godsbrother]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I think this greatly underestimates the influence of a spouse on your own happiness. Your relationship with your spouse is sorta a big deal.

Of course it is but no one can make someone else happy. If he is happy with his life with the exception of her then he should get a divorce, I have no problem with that but quit whining and blaming her for being who she is.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I think this greatly underestimates the influence of a spouse on your own happiness. Your relationship with your spouse is sorta a big deal.

Of course it is but no one can make someone else happy. If he is happy with his life with the exception of her then he should get a divorce, I have no problem with that but quit whining and blaming her for being who she is.

I don't think he's been whiny. He's just trying to deal with a challenging situation. It looks like he's headed towards divorce, but I don't think he needs to rush into anything.

 

[Godsbrother]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I think this greatly underestimates the influence of a spouse on your own happiness. Your relationship with your spouse is sorta a big deal.

Of course it is but no one can make someone else happy. If he is happy with his life with the exception of her then he should get a divorce, I have no problem with that but quit whining and blaming her for being who she is.

I don't think he's been whiny. He's just trying to deal with a challenging situation. It looks like he's headed towards divorce, but I don't think he needs to rush into anything.

Maybe whining isn't the correct word; complaining would be better. He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

 

[ATC1]

I have been married for 10 years this upcoming October. My wife has been as low as 120ish, was 150ish on our wedding day, and recently reached the 190's. She should weigh around 125 or so. We did talk from time to time about her health but I never once said something about her weight. I loved her just as much at 190 as i did at 130.

This winter she decided to do something about it. She has already lost 20+ pounds the proper way, is working out 3-5 times a week on top of 40+ minutes of walking daily, and has already made drastic changes in her diet. I am very proud of her and have every expectation that she will continue to have a very active lifestyle and improve her health.

I didn't pressure her, criticize her, or threaten her. The most I ever said is that I would like to be more certain she would live a long healthy life.

She is still going strong and down to the 150's.

She has held her weight in the 150's through the winter despite a back injury that has prevented her from consistent exercise almost all winter. I still have every expectation that she will continue her effort. She doesn't have a specific weight in mind but I think she will know when she is in her sweet spot. I am very proud of her. It has not been easy for her.

Just wanted to update a positive update of a similar but very different situation to the OP.

They identified her back injury as a herniated disc that was pushing on her nerve resulting in severe pain shooting down her right leg. After months of physical therapy she had surgery in May to removed the pressure on her nerve and it has been successful. Her weight climbed back into the 160's as she was unable to exercise for 6 or so months. She just got the okay to do more strenuous cardio exercise and is back in the 150's. She jumped right back into it and her future health is looking good.

Good for her. It's tough, especially with an injury. It is still all her. Nothing you do to support her? Sometimes it is just up to them to make the decision.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

 

[Invaded?]

You keep talking about being unhappy and blaming it on your wife. Certainly there are things that she could do like lose weight, be more affectionate, etc. but no one can make you be a happy person. Whether you stay with her or not you've got to find happiness from within yourself.

Divorce may be the answer but just bailing out of your marriage isn't going to make you happy. And expecting the next relationship to make you happy probably isn't going to work either. Only you can make yourself happy.

Maybe you should try focusing on the good things in your life and how you can make things that aren't so good a little better instead of dwelling on your wife's inability to make you happy.

I'm unhappy in my relationship. I'm not an unhappy person.

I love my kids. I love spending time with them. They are awesome.

I have some great friends that I have fun with.

I have hobbies that I enjoy.

I have a good job.

Overall, and I've said it pretty plainly in the thread, I'm happy in my "life" with one exception. But there are things that you have when you are in a relationship that can't be fulfilled fully elsewhere.

Everyone is different. A lot of people in my situation might be content with the status quo considering everything else. But I can't just *choose* to be happy in my relationship with my spouse. I was unhappy with that part of my life and have tried to change it, so far without success.

When was the last time you asked your wife on a date? Just the two of you?

Not too long ago (probably shortly before Memorial Day when the proverbial #### hit the fan) I planned an entire evening out. Didn't tell her what we were doing, just surprised her with dinner and tickets to Blue Man Group. Drinks before dinner were painful, as I enjoyed my beer and she sat there. We sat across the table at dinner and ate without any real conversation sans talk of the kids or whatever. The show was great, I laughed and had fun, but it wasn't because of any interaction with her. I could have gone out with my sister or mom and had more fun. I could tell her disapproval as I bought a whole *two* beers pre-show so I didn't have to go back out.

The only closeness on the night was her huddling under our umbrella as we walked to the show out of necessity. I didn't get a kiss. Certainly didn't get any intimacy that night.

In the last few years I have surprise whisked her away to the mountains for her birthday. I have bought flowers unannounced many times. I did a complete bedroom makeover, including paint, curtains, pictures on the wall, candles, the whole shebang, while she was away one weekend. On and on.

I am not perfect, but I never neglected her or lacked relationship 'effort'. Through all this she has never said that I have, either.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Wow, you are way better at that #### than me.

 

[Godsbrother]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

I think most marriages go through ebbs and flows and I doubt there are many husbands that don't consider bailing at one time or another.

I'm not getting that vibe here. Invaded has checked out and really doesn't want it to work with this woman anymore. He is going through the motions but if there is no desire to work it out it isn't. If this is how he feels he should bail and get on with life.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

I think most marriages go through ebbs and flows and I doubt there are many husbands that don't consider bailing at one time or another.

I'm not getting that vibe here. Invaded has checked out and really doesn't want it to work with this woman anymore. He is going through the motions but if there is no desire to work it out it isn't. If this is how he feels he should bail and get on with life.

I don't disagree with any of your characterizations about his marriage, I'm just disagreeing that your ultimate conclusion necessarily follows from them. Just like Ramsey Hunt Experience posted earlier, sometimes people just learn to live with less-than-ideal situations. He isn't required to get a divorce just because he he feels that way about his wife.

 

[Godsbrother]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

I think most marriages go through ebbs and flows and I doubt there are many husbands that don't consider bailing at one time or another.

I'm not getting that vibe here. Invaded has checked out and really doesn't want it to work with this woman anymore. He is going through the motions but if there is no desire to work it out it isn't. If this is how he feels he should bail and get on with life.

I don't disagree with any of your characterizations about his marriage, I'm just disagreeing that your ultimate conclusion necessarily follows from them. Just like Ramsey Hunt Experience posted earlier, sometimes people just learn to live with less-than-ideal situations. He isn't required to get a divorce just because he he feels that way about his wife.

Agreed.

 

[boubucarow]

I have been married for 10 years this upcoming October. My wife has been as low as 120ish, was 150ish on our wedding day, and recently reached the 190's. She should weigh around 125 or so. We did talk from time to time about her health but I never once said something about her weight. I loved her just as much at 190 as i did at 130.

This winter she decided to do something about it. She has already lost 20+ pounds the proper way, is working out 3-5 times a week on top of 40+ minutes of walking daily, and has already made drastic changes in her diet. I am very proud of her and have every expectation that she will continue to have a very active lifestyle and improve her health.

I didn't pressure her, criticize her, or threaten her. The most I ever said is that I would like to be more certain she would live a long healthy life.

She is still going strong and down to the 150's.

She has held her weight in the 150's through the winter despite a back injury that has prevented her from consistent exercise almost all winter. I still have every expectation that she will continue her effort. She doesn't have a specific weight in mind but I think she will know when she is in her sweet spot. I am very proud of her. It has not been easy for her.

Just wanted to update a positive update of a similar but very different situation to the OP.

They identified her back injury as a herniated disc that was pushing on her nerve resulting in severe pain shooting down her right leg. After months of physical therapy she had surgery in May to removed the pressure on her nerve and it has been successful. Her weight climbed back into the 160's as she was unable to exercise for 6 or so months. She just got the okay to do more strenuous cardio exercise and is back in the 150's. She jumped right back into it and her future health is looking good.

Good for her. It's tough, especially with an injury. It is still all her. Nothing you do to support her? Sometimes it is just up to them to make the decision.

I don't push exercise on her or get on her case if she adds some calories with desert. I am available as much as possible to walk with her to places instead of using lazier methods. We walked 7 miles a couple weeks ago when doing a bit of shopping. I do tell her I am proud. I also "notice" changes in her body and tell her how good she is looking.

99% of the her motivation is from within. I don't think it can be any other way.

 

[SacramentoBob]

She sounds depressed.

 

[James Daulton]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

I think most marriages go through ebbs and flows and I doubt there are many husbands that don't consider bailing at one time or another.

I'm not getting that vibe here. Invaded has checked out and really doesn't want it to work with this woman anymore. He is going through the motions but if there is no desire to work it out it isn't. If this is how he feels he should bail and get on with life.

I don't disagree with any of your characterizations about his marriage, I'm just disagreeing that your ultimate conclusion necessarily follows from them. Just like Ramsey Hunt Experience posted earlier, sometimes people just learn to live with less-than-ideal situations. He isn't required to get a divorce just because he he feels that way about his wife.

The two comparisons aren't remotely close. If your wife gets sick, at least the loving woman you had is still with you (even if she can't express it). For whatever reasons he and his wife aren't intimate in any phase of their relationship. What does he gain by staying? Some marriages run their course and are better off ended.

 

[AAABatteries]

She sounds depressed.

Exactly what I was going to say.

 

[Johnny Rock]

He has already come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her physically or emotionally and he doesn't want to spend any time with her. Once you've come to that conclusion there really isn't much to gain by staying married.

Yeah, that's where you and I don't see things exactly the same. And my view is very much influenced by my own marriage.

I think most marriages go through ebbs and flows and I doubt there are many husbands that don't consider bailing at one time or another. I'm not getting that vibe here. Invaded has checked out and really doesn't want it to work with this woman anymore. He is going through the motions but if there is no desire to work it out it isn't. If this is how he feels he should bail and get on with life.

I don't disagree with any of your characterizations about his marriage, I'm just disagreeing that your ultimate conclusion necessarily follows from them. Just like Ramsey Hunt Experience posted earlier, sometimes people just learn to live with less-than-ideal situations. He isn't required to get a divorce just because he he feels that way about his wife.

Invaded?, You started this thread over two years ago. You've tried working on things and communicating for a long time, even before that; she hasn't. You don't deserve to be in a loveless marriage. Life can be so much better.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Anything happening here? Been thinking of this thread lately.

 

[Invaded?]

Anything happening here? Been thinking of this thread lately.

Hey WR.

No counseling for the past couple weeks because of scheduling issues/vacation.

In the session right before that break there was another 'dealbreaker' type statement that came out. I don't remember what led up to it but basically she said that back over the past year when I had REALLY gotten down about our relationship, intimacy, etc., and started having these conversations with her, that it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. That I shouldn't have felt the way I felt based on how our relationship was.

It was just another in a line of statements/beliefs that confirm she will never change and that things just aren't going to work. She doesn't understand, and is standing her ground on the wrong issues. She can't be the person I need her to be, it's just not in her.

We've just been in limbo lately. Just existing. Taking care of the kids. Going to work. To touching or intimacy, no real talking, not even really any fighting. Just going through the motions.

I've been planning on sitting down and having an honest conversation with her about where things stand as far as I'm concerned. My feelings, my outlook, etc. Trying to get the timing right, which I know, there is no good timing.

Definitely been fairly depressed lately thinking about everything.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Stay strong, it isn't easy. There's no perfect timing, but you'll figure out when to say whatever you need to say. "It isn't that bad" and "you shouldn't feel the way you do" are not unexpected responses from your wife, in my opinion.

 

[russinfortworth]

Just wanted to come in and say that I'm really proud of my wife. Never had been able to get off all the pounds after each kid (2), and then she would add some more over time. Didn't seem to have the motivation to lose it, but then she had a goal. Son #1 was working out to reach 90MPH as a pitcher, so they set up a challenge.

She would get to 130 before he got to 90MPH. She won by 7 days. She hit her goal early last week, and son hit his on Sunday...............after 6 months of hard work (walking and jogging) and dieting (low carb with some cheating), she is back down BELOW the weight at which we met 130. She has lost almost 52 pounds.

 

[Judge Smails]

Just wanted to come in and say that I'm really proud of my wife. Never had been able to get off all the pounds after each kid (2), and then she would add some more over time. Didn't seem to have the motivation to lose it, but then she had a goal. Son #1 was working out to reach 90MPH as a pitcher, so they set up a challenge.

She would get to 130 before he got to 90MPH. She won by 7 days. She hit her goal early last week, and son hit his on Sunday...............after 6 months of hard work (walking and jogging) and dieting (low carb with some cheating), she is back down BELOW the weight at which we met 130. She has lost almost 52 pounds.

That is fantastic!

 

[SacramentoBob]

Invaded, do you have any sons who fancy playing baseball?

 

[Invaded?]

Stay strong, it isn't easy. There's no perfect timing, but you'll figure out when to say whatever you need to say. "It isn't that bad" and "you shouldn't feel the way you do" are not unexpected responses from your wife, in my opinion.

You are right, they are not totally unexpected. They fit in line with everything else.

But not unexpected != acceptable.

 

[Invaded?]

Just wanted to come in and say that I'm really proud of my wife. Never had been able to get off all the pounds after each kid (2), and then she would add some more over time. Didn't seem to have the motivation to lose it, but then she had a goal. Son #1 was working out to reach 90MPH as a pitcher, so they set up a challenge.

She would get to 130 before he got to 90MPH. She won by 7 days. She hit her goal early last week, and son hit his on Sunday...............after 6 months of hard work (walking and jogging) and dieting (low carb with some cheating), she is back down BELOW the weight at which we met 130. She has lost almost 52 pounds.

Congrats Russ.

 

[Invaded?]

Invaded, do you have any sons who fancy playing baseball?

 

[Invaded?]

Things are pretty bad.

At night we eat dinner and put the kids to bed, and she goes up to our bedroom and doesn't come back down. Not even saying goodnight anymore. In the morning I get up and get ready and take my daughter to school. I don't hear from her during the day unless there's an issue with the kids or a scheduling issue or something like that.

I can't really deal with it anymore. Planning on having the 'What are we doing? We need to talk about some sort of separation.' talk tonight or this weekend.

I've talked to some family members and they have been supportive. Makes me feel a little better about the fallout when I leave.

So, yeah.

 

[xulf]

GL - it sounds like it's definitely time.

 

[AAABatteries]

GL - it sounds like it's definitely time.

 

[culdeus]

You get one shot at life. Don't blow it like this.

Lawyer up today and get the situation on how best to manage the divorce as quickly and quietly as possible.

Not worth negotiating with her a single second longer.

And download tinder and get some strange tonight.

 

[SIDA!]

Things are pretty bad.

At night we eat dinner and put the kids to bed, and she goes up to our bedroom and doesn't come back down. Not even saying goodnight anymore. In the morning I get up and get ready and take my daughter to school. I don't hear from her during the day unless there's an issue with the kids or a scheduling issue or something like that.

I can't really deal with it anymore. Planning on having the 'What are we doing? We need to talk about some sort of separation.' talk tonight or this weekend.

I've talked to some family members and they have been supportive. Makes me feel a little better about the fallout when I leave.

So, yeah.

Havent read the whole thread. But I would consult with a divorce attorney before having any discussion with the wifey.

 

[McGarnicle]

You get one shot at life. Don't blow it like this.

Lawyer up today and get the situation on how best to manage the divorce as quickly and quietly as possible.

Not worth negotiating with her a single second longer.

And download tinder and get some strange tonight.

Yeah, congrats in advance for all the tail you are about to receive.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Good luck with everything, Invaded.

 

[T Bell]

You sound like you've given it your all but you don't have a partner in this. I'm sorry for that.

As others have said, consult with a lawyer. Spend the money on it - it's an investment. Get your plan straight and understand the way the law works in your state. Do it before your wife gets tipped off about your intentions.

I'll just add as a divorced dad that this will be both the worst and best thing that you'll go through. Stay strong and see it through. My suggestion would be to cut back on drinking for a while and do some more exercising - it'll help a lot with the stress and sleeping, etc.

 

[Invaded?]

We fought last weekend. I was so fed up. I just went upstairs after she went to the bedroom and pretty much led with "What the #### are we doing?"

At this point she just wants me to forget all the stuff that happened prior. Pretty much forgiver her and start new. She thinks we can build a friendship/relationship if I just let us. The problem is that I'm so far past that. I literally don't have feelings for her like that, at all anymore. And I've told her that. I think she "gets it", in part, at this point. But I feel like it's just too late. Some things I do think she understands, but there are so many ways we're incompatible and that I know she'll never truly change.

The other day she told me not to plan anything for two weekends from now. She's got a surprise planned.

In my mind that's the weekend that things are going to go down for good.

I haven't talked to a lawyer yet. I really am on the fence about doing it before that weekend.

 

[ChiefD]

If you are truly going to divorce her, I would delete this thread immediately. You never know what a lawyer could potentially discover and use against you.

 

[culdeus]

If you are truly going to divorce her, I would delete this thread immediately. You never know what a lawyer could potentially discover and use against you.

What, his feelings? That's a bunch of bull####.

Mojo had all his stuff deleted because he didn't want his wife to find out he was banging a chick on this site and for whatever reason the board mods went along with it. This is 100% different.

He's a man and his wife isn't a drug addict so he's facing an uphill battle for custody.

I'd have gotten a lawyer months ago. Just to get the opening stuff going. I'd be prepared to serve her papers preemptively to the weekend, but things might not be able to move that fast.

 

[SIDA!]

We fought last weekend. I was so fed up. I just went upstairs after she went to the bedroom and pretty much led with "What the #### are we doing?"

At this point she just wants me to forget all the stuff that happened prior. Pretty much forgiver her and start new. She thinks we can build a friendship/relationship if I just let us. The problem is that I'm so far past that. I literally don't have feelings for her like that, at all anymore. And I've told her that. I think she "gets it", in part, at this point. But I feel like it's just too late. Some things I do think she understands, but there are so many ways we're incompatible and that I know she'll never truly change.

The other day she told me not to plan anything for two weekends from now. She's got a surprise planned.

In my mind that's the weekend that things are going to go down for good.

I haven't talked to a lawyer yet. I really am on the fence about doing it before that weekend.

You can do the whole weekend thing and see what happens, but in my opinion, judging from your tone/demeanor/emotional state, the relationship cannot be salvaged. Now you are running into the holiday season so you either have to take some fairly immediate action or probably wait until after the new year.

 

[SIDA!]

If you are truly going to divorce her, I would delete this thread immediately. You never know what a lawyer could potentially discover and use against you.

What, his feelings? That's a bunch of bull####.

Mojo had all his stuff deleted because he didn't want his wife to find out he was banging a chick on this site and for whatever reason the board mods went along with it. This is 100% different.

He's a man and his wife isn't a drug addict so he's facing an uphill battle for custody.

I'd have gotten a lawyer months ago. Just to get the opening stuff going. I'd be prepared to serve her papers preemptively to the weekend, but things might not be able to move that fast.

I missed the Mojo thread. Do you mean just that thread or the entire account?

 

[culdeus]

If you are truly going to divorce her, I would delete this thread immediately. You never know what a lawyer could potentially discover and use against you.

What, his feelings? That's a bunch of bull####.

Mojo had all his stuff deleted because he didn't want his wife to find out he was banging a chick on this site and for whatever reason the board mods went along with it. This is 100% different.

He's a man and his wife isn't a drug addict so he's facing an uphill battle for custody.

I'd have gotten a lawyer months ago. Just to get the opening stuff going. I'd be prepared to serve her papers preemptively to the weekend, but things might not be able to move that fast.

I missed the Mojo thread. Do you mean just that thread or the entire account?

No, I think mojo asked the mods to go in and clean up his posts where he responded to her one by one. I think he didn't want to be caught back on the site or something. They even cleaned up places where people quoted his back/forth flirting with her as if it never existed. It was a nice scrub job. I'm pretty sure SHICK was behind it.

 

[chauncey]

Wait, there are chicks here in the FFA looking to bang?

 

[sbonomo]

Ouch. GL with this situation, it sounds absolutely miserable.