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My wife thinks I have a drinking problem.... (1 Viewer)

jb1020 said:
My wife recently discovered the Bota box.  Its dangerous keeping that thing on the counter all week.  Its easier to have a glass of wine now than it is to get a glass of water at my house.  
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The big two 'probelms' I have with those is it's tough to eyeball how fast it's going, can't just look and see.  This even applies to pulling out the plastic thing and guessing.   Weighing is tough to gauge too, which leads to the second issue. 

Many times I've picked it up and think there might be at most a glass left and I decide to go ahead and finish it.  Closer to a bottle later I remember that liquid inaide a crumpled plastic shape is tough to guesstimate.

 
we've got a staff tasting scheduled in about 45 minutes, and it looks like somewhere between 18 - 20 samples of mostly Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, and Petite Sirah. it's not uncommon to do this once or twice a month.

 
Quint said:
we've got a staff tasting scheduled in about 45 minutes, and it looks like somewhere between 18 - 20 samples of mostly Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, and Petite Sirah. it's not uncommon to do this once or twice a month.
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Any job openings there?

 
Bull Dozier said:
How do I tell her to pound sand?

Now, before anyone thinks there might be some slim chance she's right, let me lay out how much I drink and where this conversation started.

My go to drink is a Captian Diet (coke).  I know, not the classiest or coolest, but its what I like.  For Christmas, I received two bottles of Captain, a 500ml and a 750ml.  The 750 hasn't been opened, the 500 is about 1/4 gone.

I've had a beer with dinner out twice since Christmas.

That is the grand total of alcohol I've consumer, prior to last night, in the last 2 1/2 months.  So, what started this conversation last night?  We've had some snow here in the Twin Cities that last few days.  My two sons shoveled the driveway after school yesterday (unprompted, proud of them).  It snowed a little bit more last night, and the wind was blowing so I went out about 8:30 to do a quick shovel of what had come down since.  I didn't ask anyone to help, they were all sitting inside watching TV.  I get back in and make myself a cup of hot chocolate to warm up.  I noticed we still had some Bailey's, so I added some to my hot chocolate (FTR, I bought this bottle of Bailey's Christmas 2017 when we got some for her parents).  I bring it in to the living room and she asks what I'm drinking.  I said hot chocolate with Bailey's, and she goes off the deep end.  She cannot believe that I would have a drink "ON A THURSDAY NIGHT" (her words) and thinks that is just the most reciculous thing ever.  I said its just Baileys, I put like 2 oz in my hot chocolate because its tastes better, and is not nearly enough alcohol to feel anything.

She drinks maybe twice a year.  She'll have half a bottle of Mike's Hard lemonade and stops because she feels a buzz, and doesn't like it.  So, she can't understand why anyone would drink, particularly during the week. I will, maybe once every two weeks (as evidenced by the pace of my Captain disappearing) have a drink after a stressful day at work.  She thinks this is a sign of a problem that I need to deal with in a more productive way.

Should probably make this a pole, but I'm primarily venting and offering up my situation for fodder...
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You don't have one. I live at home right now. My family has a history of alcohol issues. I work in beer and wine and drink 2 6 packs a week almost. One beer at dinner and maybe depending on the night 1 or 2 while watching a Movie/TV/Playing a video game. Yes Ive gained some LBS do to it but I can also go without a drink. I had zero beer in the house for 3 days and didn't crave it. My mom thinks I drink more then I do based on me not taking all my bottles out to recycle bin. So the volume of what I bring out sometimes doesn't always reflect how much or how little I drink. I know customers who have a beer or two a night like me never any issues. I don't go out to get smashed either. I can have your wife spend a week with a buddy of mine though and she'd never obsess over your drinking again. Trust me the way he tells me how he drinks he's an alcoholic. He goes out 2-3 times a week and gets lit but he's more of a functioning alcoholic. 

 
shadyridr said:
That's what I was thinking. Maybe our tragic hero here suffers a little bit of the whiskey **** and the wife just needs a good rogering.
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You're right.  After that Bailey's, I could barely function.  I don't remember anyone else going to bed, or the rest of the night, but I woke up hours later on the couch in a pool of my own vomit.

 
You’ve drank 150ml of captain in 6 weeks???  That’s almost 4 shots worth.  Plus the baileys!!!!

You need help.  Join your local AA immediately.  

 
Bull Dozier said:
How do I tell her to pound sand?
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Throw an empty beer can at her head.

Bull Dozier said:
My go to drink is a Captian Diet (coke).  I know, not the classiest or coolest, but its what I like.  For Christmas, I received two bottles of Captain, a 500ml and a 750ml.  The 750 hasn't been opened, the 500 is about 1/4 gone.
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Switch to Kraken.  You can thank me later.

Bull Dozier said:
She cannot believe that I would have a drink "ON A THURSDAY NIGHT" (her words) and thinks that is just the most reciculous thing ever. 
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You didn't know this about her before you got married?

 
Galileo said:
You didn't know this about her before you got married?
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We've been married 17 years.  I knew she wasn't a big drinker, but in reality, neither am I so it didn't really matter.  Until the last year, it's never come up.

We knew each other a long time before we got married.  She saw me drink plenty, though back in those days in college, early 20s, I would drink to excess every time I drank.  It never bothered her, but we were friends, so she wasn't in a position to be bothered by it.  Never heard her complain about people drinking. 

 
Bull Dozier said:
We've been married 17 years.  I knew she wasn't a big drinker, but in reality, neither am I so it didn't really matter.  Until the last year, it's never come up.

We knew each other a long time before we got married.  She saw me drink plenty, though back in those days in college, early 20s, I would drink to excess every time I drank.  It never bothered her, but we were friends, so she wasn't in a position to be bothered by it.  Never heard her complain about people drinking. 
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Has she been going to a "Christian" based counselor lately?

 
Bull Dozier said:
We've been married 17 years.  I knew she wasn't a big drinker, but in reality, neither am I so it didn't really matter.  Until the last year, it's never come up.

We knew each other a long time before we got married.  She saw me drink plenty, though back in those days in college, early 20s, I would drink to excess every time I drank.  It never bothered her, but we were friends, so she wasn't in a position to be bothered by it.  Never heard her complain about people drinking. 
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I do worry, as others mentioned, that something deeper is going on.  But with teenage kids, you're not that many years away from the empty nest, and that's a whole new experience - almost like starting a new relationship.  So hopefully this was a one-off and not an indication of anything significant.  

 
Wow, your wife is dead wrong. 

I cant relate, my wife drinks more beer than I do :wifeherup:

I should tell her to cut back, not because I am concerned about her having a problem,  the calories add up and she could stand to lose 20 lbs as it is  

I am trying to switch her from beer to wine or whisky. At some point she might clue in I am trying to cut down her carbs. 

 
Maybe you should have married differently??

My wife and I shared our love of booze when we dated.  It’s not great, because we are not great influences on each other.  But damnit to hell if one of us gives the other the stink eye for drinking too much...

 
I have a friend who's wife at the time thought he drank too much (he absolutely didnt), so he took it upon himself to quit drinking for a year.  At midnight of a new years eve party he told her and everyone he was going to not have a drink for one year.  He succeeded.

The following year, also at a new years eve party, after midnight he wanted one beer before they left.  She blew up on him about it. 

The were getting a divorce within a year of that happening.  

 
FYI, my wife and I drink nightly.  If it weren’t for the extra lbs it causes, we’d continue doing that.  We’re taking a break to try and get in shape, but #######it if we don’t return to it when we’re thin and sexy.  

 
My wife used to be like this but her father and first husband were alcoholics so it was understandable

 
I don't see it as you having a drinking problem.

The question that came to mind. If it bothers your wife that much, is it more important for you to have a drink or a successful marriage?

 
KCitons said:
I don't see it as you having a drinking problem.

The question that came to mind. If it bothers your wife that much, is it more important for you to have a drink or a successful marriage?
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I think the wife has the problem.   Sometimes you need a drink to have a successful marriage. 

 
KCitons said:
I don't see it as you having a drinking problem.

The question that came to mind. If it bothers your wife that much, is it more important for you to have a drink or a successful marriage?
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Shouldn't the question be altered a bit and asked to his wife? Seems more appropriate.

 
ghostguy123 said:
Shouldn't the question be altered a bit and asked to his wife? Seems more appropriate.
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It can. But that's the point. If drinking bothers his wife, would not drinking bother the OP?

Da Guru said:
I think the wife has the problem.   Sometimes you need a drink to have a successful marriage. 
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Sometimes you need to not drink to have a successful marriage. It all depends on what value you place on drinking. Regardless of which person you are in this scenario.

 
Bull Dozier said:
No.  The closest thing is that her mom probably drinks too much, but other than being annoyed by it when she sees her, I wouldn't describe it as being traumatized.  I've know my wife for almost 30 years (I was 17, she 15 when we met) and she's never said anything like the above.  She never drank in high school because she did not like the feeling of not being in control.  She is the definition of someone being "high on life," super extroverted and loves to be around people, so she would never drink socially.  She just doesn't understand it.

I totally think of myself as a "fun Bobby" (Friends reference).  I would think my wife would be like yours.
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She'd probably be really fun after a few lines.

 
Bull Dozier said:
How do I tell her to pound sand?

Now, before anyone thinks there might be some slim chance she's right, let me lay out how much I drink and where this conversation started.

My go to drink is a Captian Diet (coke). 
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Honestly, I am sure 3 or 4 other FBGs addressed this specific issue. But, I am addressing it now. You do have a drinking problem. You are drinking total garbage like a `7 year old.  

 
KCitons said:
It can. But that's the point. If drinking bothers his wife, would not drinking bother the OP?

Sometimes you need to not drink to have a successful marriage. It all depends on what value you place on drinking. Regardless of which person you are in this scenario.
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Bull is a borderline teetotaler.  2 beers since Christmas and 1/4 bottle of Captain that adds up to 2-3 drinks.   That is one night for most people.

If I was out shoveling snow in the cold my wife would have a Baileys and coffee waiting for me when I got in.

2 beers and 4-5 ounces of Captain in 40 days and she is pissed?? Like I said she is the one with the issue.

 
Ilov80s said:
Honestly, I am sure 3 or 4 other FBGs addressed this specific issue. But, I am addressing it now. You do have a drinking problem. You are drinking total garbage like a `7 year old.  
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Ouch.

Be positive, have solutions - what should he be drinking instead?

 
Da Guru said:
Bull is a borderline teetotaler.  2 beers since Christmas and 1/4 bottle of Captain that adds up to 2-3 drinks.   That is one night for most people.

If I was out shoveling snow in the cold my wife would have a Baileys and coffee waiting for me when I got in.

2 beers and 4-5 ounces of Captain in 40 days and she is pissed?? Like I said she is the one with the issue.
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You're concentrating on the drinking and defining whether or not he has a problem. I already said he doesn't have a drinking problem. You could replace drinking with any number of other behaviors. Is it worth drawing a line in the sand and ending a marriage over what equates to half a beer once a month?

 
ghostguy123 said:
I don't think it matters.  If it doesn't, the next 50 things she tries to change about him might.
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If. You're assuming there will be other things. If there are, then the marriage was going to end anyway. If there aren't, then the OP is the guy that ended his marriage over drinking a small amount of alcohol once a month. Doesn't seem worth it to me.

 
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