No More Mr. Nice Guy (1 Viewer)

[17seconds]

Are any of you familiar with this book? The pdf is here and it's free:

No More Mr. Nice Guy

For the most part, I'm one of these guys. Not entirely, but a lot of it. I found it eye-opening and I'm putting some changes into action.

After reading it I realized one of the reasons I'm in the FFA regularly is to keep a man's perspective on things. When you get into a serious relationship and all of your old buddies are in other cities you tend to lose the male perspective. Probably also why I listen to Howard Stern everyday. Tons of male perspective on that show.

 

[Clifford]

It's brought up in just about every relationship thread. Haven't read but have had it recommended to me.

I guess I haven't jumped in because no amount of reading will make me stop wanting hotter, younger chicks.

ETA: I am now 17 pages deep and printing out the next 20 pages. I think I am the "problem seeker" type...

 

[17seconds]

I guess everyone is too nice to give an opinion

Sorry to offend

 

[profman]

I liked Megadeth's version.

 

[Clifford]

One question: if I like my dad, had a good relationship with him, and despite a few minor tweaks would be just fine growing up to be just like him, should I still read this book?

 

[17seconds]

One question: if I like my dad, had a good relationship with him, and despite a few minor tweaks would be just fine growing up to be just like him, should I still read this book?

Yes.

My dad has always been awesome to me too. Everybody he meets likes him. In some ways he's also a Nice Guy though

 

[Long Ball Larry]

I prefer the follow-up: No More Mr. Clean.

 

[belljr]

I guess everyone is too nice to give an opinion

Sorry to offend

us real man really don't bother with this type of thing

 

[Clifford]

only one page 20-something and this guy is already repeating himself a lot. I'm still interested but I wonder if he has much more to say than nice guys try to please everyone because of conditioning as a child. Also his views on the fifties and sixties are coming off a bit limited, to be charitable.

ETA:

Breaking Free activity #4 I wrote

Being smart

Being a good worker

Being nice

Respecting women

I get that if you are doing these things not because you believe in them, but only to please others they could be negative. But the first one is more of a steady-state, and yes I am think I am smart. Being a good worker is survival but it doesn't mean being overly subservient, really the opposite. Being a good worker is forging your own way more than following orders. Respecting women I don't see as a bad thing.

 

[17seconds]

only one page 20-something and this guy is already repeating himself a lot. I'm still interested but I wonder if he has much more to say than nice guys try to please everyone because of conditioning as a child. Also his views on the fifties and sixties are coming off a bit limited, to be charitable.

ETA:

Breaking Free activity #4 I wrote

Being smart

Being a good worker

Being nice

Respecting women

I get that if you are doing these things not because you believe in them, but only to please others they could be negative. But the first one is more of a steady-state, and yes I am think I am smart. Being a good worker is survival but it doesn't mean being overly subservient, really the opposite. Being a good worker is forging your own way more than following orders. Respecting women I don't see as a bad thing.

I found that I match some but not all of it. You have to decide which things apply to you and are causing a problem with your life. You also have to use good judgement in changing your behavior. The answer isn't to become a total **** who never considers anyone else. You have to balance.

What resonated with me is how the nice guy behavior slowly builds frustration and resentment.

For example, if you want to do something by yourself on a weekend and you know there's no reason not to, you shouldn't ask your wife if you can do it. You should just tell her you are doing it. If it impacts something with your kids or something else important then don't do it. If I ask her whether I can do it and she says no, or makes me change it I get resentful.

 

[Clifford]

Oh well yeah. I stopped asking if doing X was ok a while ago. However when I tell her I am doing something she'll come back with a guilt trip or something. My problem is I'm getting so old most of the time I'd be just as happy staying home and doing nothing so I easily cave.

 

[belljr]

i always check but never get vetoed, i just check to make sure we dont have plans

 

[Ilov80s]

There probably was some woman's guide that reads exactly like this from 40 years ago.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

If you want to stay married or have a long term relationship you better be a nice guy for the most part. Sure women like guys who can make decisions like what movie you all are going to go see, restaurant already picked out, perhaps you order for them if you know what they want. But when it comes to other things I don't think it is a good idea to be bossy or just do what you want.

I do think that men act the way the book describes BEFORE they get married and if you are true to it and you find a woman that doesn't mind, good for you but to try and start becoming a different person in the middle of a relationship is NOT a good idea IMO.

Nice thread, well worth discussion.

 

[17seconds]

If you want to stay married or have a long term relationship you better be a nice guy for the most part. Sure women like guys who can make decisions like what movie you all are going to go see, restaurant already picked out, perhaps you order for them if you know what they want. But when it comes to other things I don't think it is a good idea to be bossy or just do what you want.

I do think that men act the way the book describes BEFORE they get married and if you are true to it and you find a woman that doesn't mind, good for you but to try and start becoming a different person in the middle of a relationship is NOT a good idea IMO.

Nice thread, well worth discussion.

I don't know if you've read the pdf but he has a specific definition of a Nice Guy. It's not the same as being a nice guy.

 

[MaxThreshold]

i always check but never get vetoed, i just check to make sure we dont have plans

We're supposed to believe this?

 

[Ministry of Pain]

If you want to stay married or have a long term relationship you better be a nice guy for the most part. Sure women like guys who can make decisions like what movie you all are going to go see, restaurant already picked out, perhaps you order for them if you know what they want. But when it comes to other things I don't think it is a good idea to be bossy or just do what you want.

I do think that men act the way the book describes BEFORE they get married and if you are true to it and you find a woman that doesn't mind, good for you but to try and start becoming a different person in the middle of a relationship is NOT a good idea IMO.

Nice thread, well worth discussion.

I don't know if you've read the pdf but he has a specific definition of a Nice Guy. It's not the same as being a nice guy.

Agreed and I was reading over the definitions. He kind of is all over the place and with so many traits you can say almost all grown men are nice guys. A couple of them apply to me but then a whole bunch are not even close.

 

[TxBuckeye]

Oh well yeah. I stopped asking if doing X was ok a while ago. However when I tell her I am doing something she'll come back with a guilt trip or something. My problem is I'm getting so old most of the time I'd be just as happy staying home and doing nothing so I easily cave.

This sounds eerily familiar. Admittedly, I understand where my wife is coming from much of the time, her ex was a cheating POS. Sometimes it sucks when you have to pay the price for the behavior of others. But, she's awesome otherwise, so I live with the fault. It seems a small price to pay.

 

[FUBAR]

If you want to stay married or have a long term relationship you better be a nice guy for the most part. Sure women like guys who can make decisions like what movie you all are going to go see, restaurant already picked out, perhaps you order for them if you know what they want. But when it comes to other things I don't think it is a good idea to be bossy or just do what you want.

I do think that men act the way the book describes BEFORE they get married and if you are true to it and you find a woman that doesn't mind, good for you but to try and start becoming a different person in the middle of a relationship is NOT a good idea IMO.

Nice thread, well worth discussion.

I don't know if you've read the pdf but he has a specific definition of a Nice Guy. It's not the same as being a nice guy.

Agreed and I was reading over the definitions. He kind of is all over the place and with so many traits you can say almost all grown men are nice guys. A couple of them apply to me but then a whole bunch are not even close.

Attributes are one thing, and most of us are nice guys to a degree.

Seems the issue is mostly mindset.

I certainly fit the descriptions in college and into my 20s, less so as I've gotten older.