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NY Times - How To Be Happy Tips (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Joe Bryant
- Start date
mr. furley
Footballguy
have definitely incorporated "i get to" vs. "i have to". changing that one word definitely modifies the mindset towards positivty.
Alex P Keaton
Footballguy
Absolutely. One of my mentors says this all the time. He’s a guy who exhibits the gratitude mindset to at times an annoying degree! I love this concept and catch myself saying this a lot. Get to vs have to. Good stuff.
That's a big one for me too.
snogger
Footballguy
My therapist helped me learn to "let go of that which you can't control"
I am a BIG time overthinker and many things at work were driving my Anxiety sky high where I was, at best, getting 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night.
After a few months of talking through my abusive childhood, that was causing Anxiety and depression, we then started diving into current life.
As we talked, she started working with me to realize many of my overthinking issues at work were about things that were out of my control.
She gave me tools to use that when I started to feel my anxiety rising to take a break and think..
Is this something I can control? If not..
LET IT GO!
This works not for just work, but in other parts of my life as well.
I am so much happier over the past few months that I am now getting 6 to 6 1/2 hours of sleep and working to get even better.
I am a BIG time overthinker and many things at work were driving my Anxiety sky high where I was, at best, getting 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night.
After a few months of talking through my abusive childhood, that was causing Anxiety and depression, we then started diving into current life.
As we talked, she started working with me to realize many of my overthinking issues at work were about things that were out of my control.
She gave me tools to use that when I started to feel my anxiety rising to take a break and think..
Is this something I can control? If not..
LET IT GO!
This works not for just work, but in other parts of my life as well.
I am so much happier over the past few months that I am now getting 6 to 6 1/2 hours of sleep and working to get even better.
snogger
Footballguy
I use this at work now.
Use to be "I have to work on this project and that project"
To now "I get to work on this project and that project today"
It helps that I love what I'm doing now helping users automate their mundane day to day work using Copilot Agents and the Power Platform.
Uruk-Hai
Footballguy
I used this one when I was going through my first divorce. At first, I was in the "Crap. Now I have to start over". I got myself to "Wow! I get to start over!".
Major
Footballguy
My therapist helped me learn to "let go of that which you can't control"
I am a BIG time overthinker and many things at work were driving my Anxiety sky high where I was, at best, getting 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night.
After a few months of talking through my abusive childhood, that was causing Anxiety and depression, we then started diving into current life.
As we talked, she started working with me to realize many of my overthinking issues at work were about things that were out of my control.
She gave me tools to use that when I started to feel my anxiety rising to take a break and think..
Is this something I can control? If not..
LET IT GO!
This works not for just work, but in other parts of my life as well.
I am so much happier over the past few months that I am now getting 6 to 6 1/2 hours of sleep and working to get even better.
I had a similar experience with CBT therapy a while back. When I'd make a negative statement or maintain a bleak outlook on some future outcome she'd always question it with "How do you know?". Now when I get into that negative mindset where I don't think things are going to work out and start predicting outcomes especially ones I have no control over I always go back to the question "How do you know?". Amazing how a simple statement helps alleviate negativity as so much is out of our control and we aren't great fortune tellers after all
Major
Footballguy
The article initially lost me at "Listen to Cher". Then I read the subtext. Still a funny thought to crank up some Cher on a dreary day NTTAWT
Max Power
Footballguy
Hang out with younger people is a tough one for me. I'm in my 40s and don't consider people in their 30s to be younger enough to qualify here. People in their 20s are a decent group as I feel they are figuring out adulthood and I can have positive exchanges with them.
19 and below are just rough. I have 4x kids in this range and coach some as well. These kids and their friends experience the world in a way I can't relate to. The social media focus, brain rot gibberish, is more frustrating than anything.
Not to say all teens are bad. I've meet plenty who are awesome people.
19 and below are just rough. I have 4x kids in this range and coach some as well. These kids and their friends experience the world in a way I can't relate to. The social media focus, brain rot gibberish, is more frustrating than anything.
Not to say all teens are bad. I've meet plenty who are awesome people.
BLOCKED_PUNT
Footballguy
My teacher in HS told me that the key to being happy was to find something you love and then get someone to pay you for it. I assume that most people are much happier doing a job they enjoy.
snogger
Footballguy
My therapist gave me a worksheet.My therapist helped me learn to "let go of that which you can't control"
I am a BIG time overthinker and many things at work were driving my Anxiety sky high where I was, at best, getting 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night.
After a few months of talking through my abusive childhood, that was causing Anxiety and depression, we then started diving into current life.
As we talked, she started working with me to realize many of my overthinking issues at work were about things that were out of my control.
She gave me tools to use that when I started to feel my anxiety rising to take a break and think..
Is this something I can control? If not..
LET IT GO!
This works not for just work, but in other parts of my life as well.
I am so much happier over the past few months that I am now getting 6 to 6 1/2 hours of sleep and working to get even better.
I had a similar experience with CBT therapy a while back. When I'd make a negative statement or maintain a bleak outlook on some future outcome she'd always question it with "How do you know?". Now when I get into that negative mindset where I don't think things are going to work out and start predicting outcomes especially ones I have no control over I always go back to the question "How do you know?". Amazing how a simple statement helps alleviate negativity as so much is out of our control and we aren't great fortune tellers after all
#1 What is the thought affecting you
#2 What triggered the thought
#3 Is it a valid thought, if so why?
#4 What is the worst that could happen and is it valid?
#5 What can you do to help you the next time this happens.
As she explained, just taking the time to write it down will help you get through it.
snogger
Footballguy
Back to the topic at hand. Find a hobby you really like.
In the Winter my Happy place is Cross country skiing. The solitude of 3 to 4 hours, in the woods skiing is so relaxing and rewarding.
In the summer I go hiking through the same trails.
I also do woodburning which is an amazing, relaxing experience. Come up with a design, draw it out with pencil and then burn.
Some of my projects take months to complete as I only do it for up to two hours at a time.
In the Winter my Happy place is Cross country skiing. The solitude of 3 to 4 hours, in the woods skiing is so relaxing and rewarding.
In the summer I go hiking through the same trails.
I also do woodburning which is an amazing, relaxing experience. Come up with a design, draw it out with pencil and then burn.
Some of my projects take months to complete as I only do it for up to two hours at a time.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
I’m with you here. It’s great to interact with young adults - actually prefer the interests of those in their 20s to stuff like the news, investments, retirement, health problems, etc. - topics common among middle aged people. It makes me sad when I encounter younger people who are cynical though.
Tweens and teens, not so much. When not glued to their devices (rare), they tend to mumble, or speak so quickly I can’t keep up.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
I think that would be great, but suspect it’s pretty rare.
Instead, I chose a job that’s OK most of the time, somewhat important, and pays enough to allow me to work part time. This allows me to do the stuff I really enjoy.
rockaction
Footballguy
When I look back upon my life I think my big regret is missing out on this. To see my kids and their friends form their communities while having an adult perspective to not meddle but maybe help gently nudge every so often if asked.
I think I’d enjoy the vicariously lived hopes and dreams for them. I’d like to think they’d still be optimistic and excited about life before they moved on. That would be such a cool thing to watch, and I’m sad I missed out on seeing that.
Yes.
Another area I've benefitted from this is hanging out with folks a little younger. Like 10-20 years. I'm further enough down the path to probably have experieneced things they maybe haven't yet. But not so old as to be their dad. And even if I were old enough to be their dad, sometimes an older person that isn't their dad is a good thing.
You’d make a good “Big Brother” candidate. And also if it makes you feel better it’s not always sunshine and kitten farts with kids.
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Don't read the NY Times should be the 1st thing on the list
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Probably half my friends are 10+ years younger, a couple 20+. They’re definitely better activity partners, and it’s fun to be a mentor. I also really enjoy teaching, if the students are enthusiastic.
Going in the other direction, I’ve only two friends more than a decade older. I’m not super close to them either. Not sure if this is typical, or if I’m missing out by spending less time with older folks.
titusbramble
Footballguy
I found the easiest way to be happy was to stop reading legacy media like the NYT
I definitely have way more younger friends. But also have several that are 10-20 years older that are crucial in my life. For the same reasons. In fact, most of why I seek out the younger people is because of how impactful the older friends have been for me. I think there's tons of value in having some key older friends.
Zow
Footballguy
Honestly, hanging out with people in their 20s doesn't/wouldn't help me because it would remind me of a less stressful time in my life and a time where I was in much better shape than I am now. In other words, hanging out with them reminds me of things I can't do any more (basically, play hours of sports per day at a relatively high level) and not worry about being selfish while doing so because nobody relied on me then.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Don Quixote
Footballguy
Younger one does not really resonate with me either. I prefer a smaller group of close friends, and not really looking to expand friends or find opportunities to make new friends. I feel like this was written by someone a bit more social, or reporter talked with people of that type, as most seem in that direction with a focus on interacting with others IRL, and people who get energy from that. I find Susan Cain’s advice on finding a restorative niche better for me. After work, etc., getting away from people is what helps me reset and find happiness.
I do like the savor life one though. I was posting in another thread recently on birding helping me to relax/unwind. I had some time with the office closed yesterday, and I spent a few hours walking around and taking pictures at the park by me where migratory birds come through. Got my best looks ever at a Blackburnian warbler and Canada warbler. Not for everybody, but brought me some happiness.
I do like the savor life one though. I was posting in another thread recently on birding helping me to relax/unwind. I had some time with the office closed yesterday, and I spent a few hours walking around and taking pictures at the park by me where migratory birds come through. Got my best looks ever at a Blackburnian warbler and Canada warbler. Not for everybody, but brought me some happiness.
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Lehigh98
Footballguy
Understand the cost (emotional/physical/economical) of what's causing you stress and if it's even worth worrying about.
Simple example:
I was in the kitchen while my wife was getting ready to make pasta with the water boiling and staring at the pasta box.
I went off to do something else and when I came back, she was still stuck on the pasta box.
"What's going on?"
"I never know how much pasta to make... how much do you think you'll eat? Do you think the kids are hungry? They did have a late snack so maybe won't eat as much... I think they say to use the little hole in the spoon as a pasta serving size? I could do four of those maybe?"
I kissed her on the cheek and just dumped the whole box in. "The whole box is 99 cents, don't sweat it."
Simple example:
I was in the kitchen while my wife was getting ready to make pasta with the water boiling and staring at the pasta box.
I went off to do something else and when I came back, she was still stuck on the pasta box.
"What's going on?"
"I never know how much pasta to make... how much do you think you'll eat? Do you think the kids are hungry? They did have a late snack so maybe won't eat as much... I think they say to use the little hole in the spoon as a pasta serving size? I could do four of those maybe?"
I kissed her on the cheek and just dumped the whole box in. "The whole box is 99 cents, don't sweat it."
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
I am quite introverted, but think it’s important to keep making friends throughout life. New experiences and perspectives keep your mind challenged, and extensive social networks/community seem to be ubiquitous in long lived populations.
Guess that doesn’t necessarily need to be solely based on age though.
Yes. The don't sweat the small stuff is big. Especially when you realize it's almost all small stuff.
