I have never been a go to the doctor guy but I decided maybe I should see someone. I went to a new pcp and I was bluntly honest. I was offered meds but said I wanted a referral to a specialist before trying any meds. I was honest in saying I am not a fan of meds. I was told I would get a referral. Kind of sorry I went as it felt really humiliating and now I think I may have been to honest as I can see what the doctor wrote in my records with this new on line patient portal stuff. I am pretty much marked down as a psycho. I was also given one of these business cards with phone number to call if I decide to hang myself.
I will wait and see if I really get a referral. I feel like these days you need to be pretty proactive with your healthcare if you really want something done. I will leave this up to fate. If I get a referral I will go if a referral does not show up I will drop it. I will not be proactive to get a referral.
I do think there may be a benefit to me seeing a psychiatrist so kind of hoping I get the referral.
It’s infuriating that our health care system is an impediment to getting the care you need.
Anyway...I was leary if going on meds. No interest in better living through chemistry. But I was also open minded about the possibility. I spent a good month or two researching it, and “interviewed” three friends on SSRIs. One is a close friend who is phenomenally talented singer-songwriter, one is a peer (fellow CPA and VP of Accounting at their firm), and a Pastor I’m acquainted with. They weren’t great comps because everyone is a slight twist of your own, but at least I felt like ai was making an informed choice.
My musician friend has disorders which are worse than my own. Their meds are really strong, significant side effects. But 8 months on, they’re back in the studio, writing/recording songs, just competed a video shoot.
My accountant friend is able to function at a high level. We have the same script, same low level dosage. Gave me confidence to know I could manage my mental illness. It was liberating to stop wondering when I would be “cured.” I don’t need to be perfect. I just needed to be a better version of myself.
Talking with the Pastor helped a lot because it made me realize it’s NBD to get the help you need. In another kind of church he might have been shunned or thought of as being weak. Thankfully our church takes a strong mental health advocacy & awareness stance.
Took about 5-6 weeks for the serotonin to build up. It’s not a cure all, as I have said before, I need to be focused on a half dozen factors: diet, exercise, group therapy, hydration, meditation, music, one-on-one therapy, proper rest. But it’s helped me immensely to be on an SSRI.
GL GB
P.S. Ain’t no shame in your game, man. #### the stigmata (Sopranos reference.) You are doing the needful. Don’t waste calories on what anyone else thinks, that’s their problem. Proud of you for taking this step.
Love ya brother
It's more that I just don't care if something happened to me and I died. I would actually be fine with it, I think. I am the guy who would probably try to stop a robbery as either result would be fine with me. I could be the hero or I could get killed. Either outcome would be fine with me and that's not a good feeling. I feel the same about this Covid stuff. I would not mind catching it. I either get antibodies and I am good or I die. Both outcomes are just fine with me.
