****Official**** depression thread (2 Viewers)

[Ketamine Dreams]

Is the first post of mine you have ever read?

No. And everyone is valued.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Always assume someone saying they are suffering is not schtick. Always want to try and help. It's the humane thing to do. This is not a topic to "win." That's part of the problem with those suffering. IRL, they may not look it and they feel alone. This can lead to a sad outcome.

Yup I get that.  I wasn't trying to be critical.  The opposite actually.....

 

[Long Ball Larry]

This may be nitpicking as I agree with your sentiments but I would not say put wife 2.0 in front of the children.  That may be some of the source of the oldest son's acting out.  Not that RL did things wrong but the son could perceive it that way.  I'm a firm believer that husbands and wives need to not put their kids over the other one but I think this dynamic changes somewhat when you get remarried.  The kids are caught in the middle and their stability should be priority #1 IMO.  RL - please don't take this as a knock, not suggesting you are doing this at all - good luck, hope things get better for you.

This is tricky. 

I am generally not a super confrontational person and I also had a history of letting my ex-wife get away with all sorts of ####, both when we were married and also immediately after we split up. She was the type who would passive aggressively punish, primarily with silence, when we were married. She is also a grudge-holder and could stay mad far longer than I could, so I got in a habit of rolling over when we disagreed. So I got in the habit of standing down during those conflicts, to the point that I would end up apologizing for things even when I should have been the one receiving the apology.

Unfortunately, at first I continued to follow that pattern after we split up. Early in our relationship Wife 2.0 pointed this out to me and encouraged me to stand my ground on things both with my ex-wife and with the kids, when my first instinct was to let things slide in order to avoid things getting unpleasant. So my ex- and my kids both recognize that the change in my reactions are due to Wife 2.0's influence. I think it is actually a positive difference; they clearly do not. This is one of the main sources of my ex-wife's hatred for Wife 2.0.

My ex-wife is also very much of the "kid-centric" parenting approach, in addition to basically passing on the victim mentality to my kids. Wife 2.0 has a different approach, which I haven't fully adopted, but have moved toward. She is quite direct with her kids (and with me) when we do something that isn't really okay. This has been a big change from my kids' perspective. They had been used to being treated gently and to their mom making excuses for them. And she still is, but I am trying to be more straightforward and direct. As a result, when I call them out for doing something wrong, their first reaction is often to get angry at me for "making them feel bad". None of them are stupid. They all know that the change was due to Wife 2.0 coming in the picture. Again, I see it as a positive: she is helping me be a better parent. They have a different view of it. 

It is definitely a difficult balance.  I have gone almost all of these same things.  Fortunately (I guess) just 1 kid and for the most part wife 2.0 has a good relationship, even though some feelings can be complex.

It can be really painful to feel like you are not putting the kids first.  But making it clear that you stand in solidarity with the wife is vital.  It is not fair to make your wife feel like an unequal partner, and only leads to frustration and resentment, which doesn't help anyone.  Keeping that bond intact and making the wife feel like a priority is necessary in order to to keep the relationship strong, which in turn helps her feel invested in the relationship, which ultimately creates more stability for you and the kids.  Providing a positive relationship model for kids is also really important, and in a weird way a part of the reason to get divorced in the first place, so as not to reinforce a negative model.  (not saying RL is not doing any of this; kind of responding to both posts in a general way).

I have been in the place where it feels like a no-win situation, like giving to the kids is a taking away from giving to the wife and vice versa, not to mention getting guilt-tripped and criticized by the ex on top of it.  It's like every day is just a sysiphian ordeal.  But I think that focusing on the relationship with the wife is actually the key, and that partnership helps create a self-sustaining foundation to keep coming back to.  Without it, there is no center.  And without that center, it is easier to give in to the immediate pressures from the ex and the kids.  And it certainly sucks for the kids to have to be put in the middle, but the adults are still in charge and they are the ones who need to set the parameters.  And whichever adults are the most mature are the best ones to set those parameters, even if that happens not to be the bio parents.

 

[shadyridr]

RNR I've laughed at quite a few of your Posts and you're a talented artist. You definitely have value. Keep plugging along in this world bro. You'll hit your stride soon. 

 

[shadyridr]

Going through my usual mid winter blues while grieving is the suck. Thinking about planning a short trip with my wife to get away from it all. Just gotta find someone to watch my son for a few nights. 

 

[kutta]

Going through my usual mid winter blues while grieving is the suck. Thinking about planning a short trip with my wife to get away from it all. Just gotta find someone to watch my son for a few nights. 

Hell man, start a babysitting thread and you'll have a line of FBG's at your door ready to babysit. I'll be first in line. ?

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

Update on recurring topic:

Idiot older son (now 16) has finally seemed to have a breakthrough in terms of his attitude and demeanor here and towards Wife2.0. Basically, he is no longer acting like an idiot.

He didn't offer a tearful apology or anything, but he owned up to the fact that he felt disloyal to his mom if he liked Wife2.0 and admits that he hasn't been fair to her, or me.

He also admits that a lot of the things he blamed on us were just convenient excuses for him to avoid taking responsibility.

We are on the lookout for backsliding, but as of right now he has had all of his privileges restored and things around here seem to be on the mend, emotionally speaking.

I still almost can't believe it. It has been a miserable 4+ years in terms of family life. I kind of don't know how to react to the possibility that it could be a thing of the past. But I already feel better, like a serious weight has been lifted from my psyche.

All my kids still have issues to one degree or another, which I would put mostly on how their mom has parented them and conducted herself (though I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination), but the situation with my oldest was by far the worst and most distracting/destructive.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

 

[CurlyNight]

Update on recurring topic:

Idiot older son (now 16) has finally seemed to have a breakthrough in terms of his attitude and demeanor here and towards Wife2.0. Basically, he is no longer acting like an idiot.

He didn't offer a tearful apology or anything, but he owned up to the fact that he felt disloyal to his mom if he liked Wife2.0 and admits that he hasn't been fair to her, or me.

He also admits that a lot of the things he blamed on us were just convenient excuses for him to avoid taking responsibility.

We are on the lookout for backsliding, but as of right now he has had all of his privileges restored and things around here seem to be on the mend, emotionally speaking.

I still almost can't believe it. It has been a miserable 4+ years in terms of family life. I kind of don't know how to react to the possibility that it could be a thing of the past. But I already feel better, like a serious weight has been lifted from my psyche.

All my kids still have issues to one degree or another, which I would put mostly on how their mom has parented them and conducted herself (though I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination), but the situation with my oldest was by far the worst and most distracting/destructive.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

At 16. Nice. That's still a pretty rebellious age. Congrats. Keep doing what you are doing.

 

[wazoo11]

Gah, I wish meditation wasn't so hard. 

 

[CurlyNight]

Gah, I wish meditation wasn't so hard. 

Don't know how you are doing it but sit in dim room, cross legged, palms up buddah style. I hve a table fountain which I tune in to the water flowing as my focus. Focus on a soothing object and soothing music with no lyrics. If you are trying to do it in quiet it doesn't work, at least for me for the thoughts start going. Create a sanctuary in a corner of a room, decorate it with what makes you feel relaxed. Just some tips.

 

[E-Z Glider]

Looking for some advise. My neighbor is really having a rough-go at life lately. He lives alone now but has had numerous women and family members living there over the years. Came over last week and broke down crying telling me he's an alcoholic and has no friends, etc. Had a Jehovah's witness stop by just now and said they were just there and he's in really bad shape. Crying and been drunk for 5 days. Hasnt eaten anything, etc.

I really have no idea what to do. I am going to take him over some lunch and give him a phone number for AA and some free addiction hotline. I really dont have the time, energy, etc to get overly involved (he's got family close by anyway), but I dont want to just ignore it either. Any other thoughts?

eta - Ive lived in my house for 15 years and have talked to the guy (very briefly) maybe 10 times in my life before last week so its not like I have any deep connection to him or anything.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Do just what you're doing, E-Z - being a good neighbor. Check in, pat a back, offer help in time of need, maybe call one of those family folk, dont try to be his salvation. Only he can save him. Assure him you'll throw down a rope if he needs out of the hole, but you aint gonna get dragged in. Sounds like you're a mensch. Stay that way, mostly is it.

 

[E-Z Glider]

Do just what you're doing, E-Z - being a good neighbor. Check in, pat a back, offer help in time of need, maybe call one of those family folk, dont try to be his salvation. Only he can save him. Assure him you'll throw down a rope if he needs out of the hole, but you aint gonna get dragged in. Sounds like you're a mensch. Stay that way, mostly is it.

Thanks. I took some food over, but he didnt answer the door. Maybe he's sleeping. I left it on the doorstep along with a note and the phone numbers. Ill keep an eye out to make sure he gets it at some point today.

I really hope he's OK. Its very emotionally draining to watch someone break-down like that.  :(

 

[wikkidpissah]

Yeah, i know. If you want something to say to him, say, "you're choosing to be miserable. you can choose not be, too. life's a choice, good or bad. I'm down for helping some when you choose not to be miserable. ain't got a finger to lift to help you stay miserable, k?"

 

[CurlyNight]

Thanks. I took some food over, but he didnt answer the door. Maybe he's sleeping. I left it on the doorstep along with a note and the phone numbers. Ill keep an eye out to make sure he gets it at some point today.

I really hope he's OK. Its very emotionally draining to watch someone break-down like that.  :(

Hopefully you'll see signs he's home like an open curtain now or light.. Hopefully he's ok and hasn't decided to OD. Went through this with my bro in 2013 when his friend called saying he's doing great (all of the sudden) and then weeks later with the mail piling they found he OD'd and was dead. Kicks himself still over should haves unfortunately. You can do only what you can do, and what you're doing is great. If it were me, I'd check in on him one more time. Maybe other neighbors know him/are friends with him and can assist?

ETA: He may have fam close by but more often than not, they are part of the problem. I wouldn't give him a lecture on how it's in his hands that he's miserable....etc. We don't know what's going outside of what you've seen. Just give pep talk if you talk to him.

 

[Max Power]

I started taking Trintellix for the last few months and feel ok with it.  Its not the miracle drug that some people sell it as. The Chris Cornell thing has me scared.  I get what he went through.  I can control me and wont overdo the drug.  I just understand the desire to. Heart felt pump to Chris.  Hopefully we can learn from this.

 

[bud29]

Some of you in this thread have gone through some truly terrible things, and I don't want to draw any equivalencies between your struggles and mine, but I could use some input on some recent events - 

Circa '15-'16 I dealt with some occasional depressive symptoms - nothing terribly severe, but certainly noticeable. Throughout that time I was single. Close to a year ago I began seeing someone, and thankfully, my depression subsided substantially. Our relationship is fine, but she left for an international trip on June 1 and will be gone for close to a month - I have very limited contact with her, aside from some texts/calls usually at night when she gets back to her hotel. This is obviously a massive contrast from how we had been living before, and the result for me has been the return of some depression much worse than the episodes I had experienced before.

Intuitively, it would make sense to just try and fill my schedule with other things, but I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I'm a student and my work hours are very wonky and inconsistent. It's hard to coordinate with other friends during the summer. I have large chunks of free time that are now mostly spent at home with little to do, which I know is not good. The depression is also a factor here of course, it doesn't exactly put me in the mood to go out and be active.

When reflecting on some of this I seem kind of dramatic ("oh my girlfriend is gone for a little while and now life sucks"), and I don't want to come across that way, but it has been difficult and I'm dealing with a pretty wide range of symptoms all of a sudden (loss of appetite, totally ####ed sleep schedule, anxiety/listlessness/irritability etc.) Any tips/insights are greatly appreciated, TIA

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Some of you in this thread have gone through some truly terrible things, and I don't want to draw any equivalencies between your struggles and mine, but I could use some input on some recent events - 

Circa '15-'16 I dealt with some occasional depressive symptoms - nothing terribly severe, but certainly noticeable. Throughout that time I was single. Close to a year ago I began seeing someone, and thankfully, my depression subsided substantially. Our relationship is fine, but she left for an international trip on June 1 and will be gone for close to a month - I have very limited contact with her, aside from some texts/calls usually at night when she gets back to her hotel. This is obviously a massive contrast from how we had been living before, and the result for me has been the return of some depression much worse than the episodes I had experienced before.

Intuitively, it would make sense to just try and fill my schedule with other things, but I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I'm a student and my work hours are very wonky and inconsistent. It's hard to coordinate with other friends during the summer. I have large chunks of free time that are now mostly spent at home with little to do, which I know is not good. The depression is also a factor here of course, it doesn't exactly put me in the mood to go out and be active.

When reflecting on some of this I seem kind of dramatic ("oh my girlfriend is gone for a little while and now life sucks"), and I don't want to come across that way, but it has been difficult and I'm dealing with a pretty wide range of symptoms all of a sudden (loss of appetite, totally ####ed sleep schedule, anxiety/listlessness/irritability etc.) Any tips/insights are greatly appreciated, TIA

I would personally recommend exercise or even use this time to look into talk therapy.  Meetup.com is a good place to find local activities, including pick-up sports and can be a good way to meet some other people with no commitment.  I suggest the talk therapy because from experience I think that whatever depressive symptoms you have would be likely to recur and trying to work on them can only be good for your relationship.  If the relationship is acting like the solution for the depression, it could just be a distraction from whatever is the underlying cause.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Some of you in this thread have gone through some truly terrible things, and I don't want to draw any equivalencies between your struggles and mine, but I could use some input on some recent events - 

Circa '15-'16 I dealt with some occasional depressive symptoms - nothing terribly severe, but certainly noticeable. Throughout that time I was single. Close to a year ago I began seeing someone, and thankfully, my depression subsided substantially. Our relationship is fine, but she left for an international trip on June 1 and will be gone for close to a month - I have very limited contact with her, aside from some texts/calls usually at night when she gets back to her hotel. This is obviously a massive contrast from how we had been living before, and the result for me has been the return of some depression much worse than the episodes I had experienced before.

Intuitively, it would make sense to just try and fill my schedule with other things, but I haven't been able to do that for a variety of reasons. I'm a student and my work hours are very wonky and inconsistent. It's hard to coordinate with other friends during the summer. I have large chunks of free time that are now mostly spent at home with little to do, which I know is not good. The depression is also a factor here of course, it doesn't exactly put me in the mood to go out and be active.

When reflecting on some of this I seem kind of dramatic ("oh my girlfriend is gone for a little while and now life sucks"), and I don't want to come across that way, but it has been difficult and I'm dealing with a pretty wide range of symptoms all of a sudden (loss of appetite, totally ####ed sleep schedule, anxiety/listlessness/irritability etc.) Any tips/insights are greatly appreciated, TIA

Is there anything you do beautifully or do passably well but would like to do beautifully? Is there anything that moves you?

 

[El Floppo]

:(  

 

[wikkidpissah]

:(  

go out to the fence & laugh at your son - that always cheers you up

ETA: pretty cold day - see if you can get him to lick one of the bars.

 

[McGarnicle]

Good god this comes on hard sometimes. Thankfully not often. All I can think about is hanging myself, it's the only thing that cheers me up.

 

[AAABatteries]

Good god this comes on hard sometimes. Thankfully not often. All I can think about is hanging myself, it's the only thing that cheers me up.
 

Hey GB - sorry to hear.  I don’t have any advice but we aren’t too far from each other so if you ever want to grab a beer and talk let me know.  I will say that if you are having those thoughts please seek out help.

 

[badmojo1006]

Fresh Air episode discussing the use of psycotropics for Mental Illness. Good listen.

Hope everybody is feeling good today.

 

[badmojo1006]

1 year ago, I hit rock bottom. Knife at my throat, ready to kill myself. But I didn't. Bi-Polar was really kicking my ###

So I got myself into a program which helped me start to get my life in order. I knew if I got to that spot again, I would be dead

A month later moved to where I am now. It is not the greatest place, but I had a roof over my head and food (I was close to homeless when I hit bottom).

But I worked, worked hard to improve my situation. Got on the right meds, continued to see a psychiatrist and counselor and went to my peer group.

And the people here noticed. After 3 months, started doing maintenance and getting paid for it. Then the cook was let go and they asked me to take the job. Moved up to my own room, rent free and getting paid.

And in January, I was moved to full-time staff. It is a real challenge at times, but I finally feel I am in the right job. Being able to work with mentally challenged people can be difficult but also rewarding. I still have work to do, mostly the fact that I have gained weight since being here. But that will come off.

And I also want to thank everybody here for support, chiding me and making me laugh. This is a great community and proud to be part of it. 

For those of you who are feeling down and out, I can get better.

 

[-fish-]

Great to hear, man.   

 

[El Floppo]

1 year ago, I hit rock bottom. Knife at my throat, ready to kill myself. But I didn't. Bi-Polar was really kicking my ###

So I got myself into a program which helped me start to get my life in order. I knew if I got to that spot again, I would be dead

A month later moved to where I am now. It is not the greatest place, but I had a roof over my head and food (I was close to homeless when I hit bottom).

But I worked, worked hard to improve my situation. Got on the right meds, continued to see a psychiatrist and counselor and went to my peer group.

And the people here noticed. After 3 months, started doing maintenance and getting paid for it. Then the cook was let go and they asked me to take the job. Moved up to my own room, rent free and getting paid.

And in January, I was moved to full-time staff. It is a real challenge at times, but I finally feel I am in the right job. Being able to work with mentally challenged people can be difficult but also rewarding. I still have work to do, mostly the fact that I have gained weight since being here. But that will come off.

And I also want to thank everybody here for support, chiding me and making me laugh. This is a great community and proud to be part of it. 

For those of you who are feeling down and out, I can get better.

 

[Peak]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

 

[shadyridr]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

:brohugs:

 

[waiver wire]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

good luck and know it does get better but the ups and downs are friggen brutal
this is where I'm lately . for whatever reason , I'm in a pretty bad down right now . cant get dressed , no motivation , eating crap food and beating myself up for doing all this to myself.  I'm just hoping the up comes sooner then later 

 

[St. Louis Bob]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

If you aren't seeing a counselor of some sort please consider it.   It takes a lot of strength to post something like this even on an anonymous message board.  I wish you and your family my best.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

good luck and know it does get better but the ups and downs are friggen brutal
this is where I'm lately . for whatever reason , I'm in a pretty bad down right now . cant get dressed , no motivation , eating crap food and beating myself up for doing all this to myself.  I'm just hoping the up comes sooner then later 

As I posted to Peak I would consider counseling but one thing that helps me more than anything is exercise.  It helps having a dog that makes me feel like I'm the biggest dickhole in the world if I don't walk him every day.  All I know is no matter how stressed out, or how down I am, when I leave, I come home feeling better.  All my best to you too.

 

[Joe Summer]

Peak said:

Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why. It's easy.

Maybe the reason that alcoholism runs in the family is because depression runs in the family? And maybe all those "alcoholics" in your family tree were actually just people with undiagnosed depression, who didn't know that they were suffering from a mental illness, and therefore turned to alcohol as a (subconscious) way to self-medicate?

At any rate, it sounds like you need to talk to a professional, NOW.

 

[Peak]

If you aren't seeing a counselor of some sort please consider it.

At any rate, it sounds like you need to talk to a professional, NOW.

I've met with one before.  Thought it would help.  After two sessions he told me that the problem was my wife and that I should divorce her - paraphrasing but the end result was his recommendation. I have a hard time with that, as I know it's not all her fault, as he suggested. My wife and I have issues.  I'm 99% positive she had postpartem issues following the birth of our youngest (9 yrs ago).  Three years after that we had a falling out and our relationship has never been the same.  It's to the point that I've moved out of our bedroom to sleep on the couch.  We don't talk. If we do, I have a short temper, as does she.  We haven't been intimate, even in the basic hugging/hand-holding sense.  This is definitely part of my issues, but the cause?.  I want to be better for her, and when I try it doesn't work. I do something wrong or the attempt falls on deaf ears. The sadness and anger piles on. I get to the point where I argue with myself as if I'm talking to her. I play both sides of the conversations and just beat myself down. Completely healthy, right? I agree I need to talk to someone, but the last one left me second guessing the process.  It's been two years and since then I've been bottling it up.  The incident with may daughter is what is sparking me to try again. To say something a little more direct - reach out I guess. 

 

[wikkidpissah]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

i am willing & able (ask around) to help and am but a PM away.

i will be insisting that you tell your medical doctor about your difficulties, so my help wont replace traditional care, only augment. i am not a professional but i am more aware than most professionals that a lot of what you and others are suffering comes from the fact that there isn't a gameplan for happy & healthy living and that improvising your whole life doesnt always work and the result can catch up with & trap you in feelings of anger & uselessness. i have some simple ideas for how to get in front of your #### and stop taking life personally and i'd be happy to share them with you or any FFAer in need.

 

[Joe Summer]

Peak said:

I've met with one before. Thought it would help. After two sessions he told me that the problem was my wife and that I should divorce her - paraphrasing but the end result was his recommendation. I have a hard time with that, as I know it's not all her fault, as he suggested. My wife and I have issues. I'm 99% positive she had postpartem issues following the birth of our youngest (9 yrs ago). Three years after that we had a falling out and our relationship has never been the same. It's to the point that I've moved out of our bedroom to sleep on the couch. We don't talk. If we do, I have a short temper, as does she. We haven't been intimate, even in the basic hugging/hand-holding sense. This is definitely part of my issues, but the cause?. I want to be better for her, and when I try it doesn't work. I do something wrong or the attempt falls on deaf ears. The sadness and anger piles on. I get to the point where I argue with myself as if I'm talking to her. I play both sides of the conversations and just beat myself down. Completely healthy, right? I agree I need to talk to someone, but the last one left me second guessing the process. It's been two years and since then I've been bottling it up. The incident with may daughter is what is sparking me to try again. To say something a little more direct - reach out I guess.

Find another doctor. It's true that your wife might be "the problem", but that's not the issue here. The issue is that you're suffering from depression and it needs to be treated -- either with counseling, or with medication, or with diet & exercise, or whatever.

 

[badmojo1006]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

Hey Peak, this was. A good step. Acknowledging were you are at. Are you getting counseling or are in any medications. It is just my opinion, but sounds like you have depression or maybe even bi-polar

Hope you get the help you need and PM me if you want to discuss it

 

[waiver wire]

As I posted to Peak I would consider counseling but one thing that helps me more than anything is exercise.  It helps having a dog that makes me feel like I'm the biggest dickhole in the world if I don't walk him every day.  All I know is no matter how stressed out, or how down I am, when I leave, I come home feeling better.  All my best to you too.

thanks for reaching out

therapist is booked for Wednesday , she is out of town until then 
I feel much better when I talk to her.
the downs just come out of the blue and kick me in the ### then I spiral until something jolts me up
haven't been this down for awhile so I should look at as positive its been this long that ive been down

 

[Jayrod]

It's been getting worse for me lately.  I don't even know where to start.  Heavy mood swings and no idea what I'm doing at times.  My mood takes a nose-dive and I can't get out.  I stay in a funk all day.  I try to do something that I typically enjoy, but no luck. I go to bed upset or depressed, and wake up in the same mood.  Everything just feels heavy.  I get angry at the drop of a hat.  My son starts bottle flipping and I yell.  Another forgot to bring home his planner and I yell.  What hit me the hardest and told me I need to do something about this is when I yelled at my teenage daughter - grabbing her and yelling in her face.  I didn't know I did it.  I felt like someone else.  By the time I realized what I was doing I let go and just stood there.  She ran off crying and I felt like the worst person. I went into another room, closed the door and just fell to the floor. I don't know why I did any of it.  I went back to her and apologized, told her I did something I swore I would never do.  The memory of that day is what is making me write this now.  There's a part of me that just wants to drink it all away. Alcoholism runs in the family, and I can see why.  It's easy.  It's available.  Every night I pick up a bottle and put it back down - but it gets harder every day.  I'm pushing away my wife and kids daily.  I feel like two people most days.  If I'm not angry, then I'm realizing what I've done to them and start to think they'll be better off without me.  I consider driving into a tree or just doing something to end their trouble.  I know thats not a solution, but it doesn't stop the thoughts.  I'm rambling, but I need to write out the thoughts.  I need to try to clear my head.  This thread popped up and it felt like the write thing to do.

i am willing & able (ask around) to help and am but a PM away.

i will be insisting that you tell your medical doctor about your difficulties, so my help wont replace traditional care, only augment. i am not a professional but i am more aware than most professionals that a lot of what you and others are suffering comes from the fact that there isn't a gameplan for happy & healthy living and that improvising your whole life doesnt always work and the result can catch up with & trap you in feelings of anger & uselessness. i have some simple ideas for how to get in front of your #### and stop taking life personally and i'd be happy to share them with you or any FFAer in need.

@Peak  I can vouch for wikkid.  Some back and forth him was a good step for me and helped in many ways, even if it wasn't the final solution.  Shoot, being willing to reach out in here was a good start.

I was exactly where you are in that I was just angry at the drop of a hat and then super remorseful after losing my temper with my wife or kids.  Thought about drinking it away, thought about suicide and just getting up and going to work was sometimes near impossible.

Three years later, things have turned around.  I have renewed my commitment to my faith, I have changed careers and seen my financial struggles turn around.  There is still work to do, but since about a year ago I noticed a real difference and no longer considered myself depressed.  I did some professional counselling along the way, but some personal steps are what really made the change and wikkid helped me get there.  Realizing why you are reacting the way you are is a big part of recovery.  Hard to overcome the disease if all you treat are symptoms and not the illness.

 

[CurlyNight]

So happy to hear! You've been there so you can relate to the people on how hard it is to be mentally or physically challenged. You understand better their struggles whether mentally or physically. I'm glad you find it rewarding. The most rewarding job is helping others in need imo.

Congrats on your persistence in rising above!! And best wishes!! Xxx

 

[CurlyNight]

For those of you who live alone and love animals, I recommend a pet. I live alone. I went through cancer stuff alone and  have to deal with stuff related to it.

I can't say enough how my guinea pig kept me getting up and not giving up. I could lay on the couch all day but I have to get up and clean her pen, play with her, chop her veggies, etc. Her cute self and squeaks always puts a smile on my face. I've found if you smile even if forced you'll feel better.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

1 year ago, I hit rock bottom. Knife at my throat, ready to kill myself. But I didn't. Bi-Polar was really kicking my ###

So I got myself into a program which helped me start to get my life in order. I knew if I got to that spot again, I would be dead

A month later moved to where I am now. It is not the greatest place, but I had a roof over my head and food (I was close to homeless when I hit bottom).

But I worked, worked hard to improve my situation. Got on the right meds, continued to see a psychiatrist and counselor and went to my peer group.

And the people here noticed. After 3 months, started doing maintenance and getting paid for it. Then the cook was let go and they asked me to take the job. Moved up to my own room, rent free and getting paid.

And in January, I was moved to full-time staff. It is a real challenge at times, but I finally feel I am in the right job. Being able to work with mentally challenged people can be difficult but also rewarding. I still have work to do, mostly the fact that I have gained weight since being here. But that will come off.

And I also want to thank everybody here for support, chiding me and making me laugh. This is a great community and proud to be part of it. 

For those of you who are feeling down and out, I can get better.

Wow, I guess we can let you slide for not continue to lead the t-shirt exchange.

Congrats on everything.  Life can be tough, but you are clearly tougher.  

 

[Long Ball Larry]

I've met with one before.  Thought it would help.  After two sessions he told me that the problem was my wife and that I should divorce her - paraphrasing but the end result was his recommendation. I have a hard time with that, as I know it's not all her fault, as he suggested. My wife and I have issues.  I'm 99% positive she had postpartem issues following the birth of our youngest (9 yrs ago).  Three years after that we had a falling out and our relationship has never been the same.  It's to the point that I've moved out of our bedroom to sleep on the couch.  We don't talk. If we do, I have a short temper, as does she.  We haven't been intimate, even in the basic hugging/hand-holding sense.  This is definitely part of my issues, but the cause?.  I want to be better for her, and when I try it doesn't work. I do something wrong or the attempt falls on deaf ears. The sadness and anger piles on. I get to the point where I argue with myself as if I'm talking to her. I play both sides of the conversations and just beat myself down. Completely healthy, right? I agree I need to talk to someone, but the last one left me second guessing the process.  It's been two years and since then I've been bottling it up.  The incident with may daughter is what is sparking me to try again. To say something a little more direct - reach out I guess. 

I would also suggest trying someone else.  There are a whole wide range of therapists.  I assure you that I know how much it ####### sucks going through the process of finding one.  I never wanted to do it and hate opening up, but eventually I did it.  I went to one by myself, who provided some help.  Went to one with my wife, who wasn't so great.  Though he later recommended another therapist for me specifically, and he has been better.  I will be honest and say that I am a pretty negative person with depressive tendencies, but I don't reach the depths of some of you folks in here, but I find that just releasing stuff with no consequences helps me a lot.  I don't think that a therapist who would come to a conclusion like that so quickly is particularly good.

 

[shadyridr]

I think you guys opening up are total badasses

 

[-fish-]

I've met with one before.  Thought it would help.  After two sessions he told me that the problem was my wife and that I should divorce her - paraphrasing but the end result was his recommendation. I have a hard time with that, as I know it's not all her fault, as he suggested. My wife and I have issues.  I'm 99% positive she had postpartem issues following the birth of our youngest (9 yrs ago).  Three years after that we had a falling out and our relationship has never been the same.  It's to the point that I've moved out of our bedroom to sleep on the couch.  We don't talk. If we do, I have a short temper, as does she.  We haven't been intimate, even in the basic hugging/hand-holding sense.  This is definitely part of my issues, but the cause?.  I want to be better for her, and when I try it doesn't work. I do something wrong or the attempt falls on deaf ears. The sadness and anger piles on. I get to the point where I argue with myself as if I'm talking to her. I play both sides of the conversations and just beat myself down. Completely healthy, right? I agree I need to talk to someone, but the last one left me second guessing the process.  It's been two years and since then I've been bottling it up.  The incident with may daughter is what is sparking me to try again. To say something a little more direct - reach out I guess. 

Sounds a lot like me when I was married.   Not saying it's the right thing for you, but divorce was the best thing I ever did and now I'm a better father since I don't have a miserable life.  Have you tried marriage counseling?

 

[Peak]

Sounds a lot like me when I was married.   Not saying it's the right thing for you, but divorce was the best thing I ever did and now I'm a better father since I don't have a miserable life.  Have you tried marriage counseling?

Considered it. Talked to her about going, but she refused. She said we could work through our own issues. Hasn't happened yet. I've tried scheduling a date night where we could talk with no kids around. No luck. 

Now I spent the last 90mins driving around because I didn't want to be at home. We argued over the damn firestick because the TBS feed wasn't coming in clear enough for her to watch X play. In that time I've gone from wanted to hit something to crying to feeling like I was the idiot for feeling this way. Thought about calling my dad to ask if he felt this way and that's why he drank every day and never left his recliner. Couldn't bring myself to do it.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I've met with one before.  Thought it would help.  After two sessions he told me that the problem was my wife and that I should divorce her - paraphrasing but the end result was his recommendation. I have a hard time with that, as I know it's not all her fault, as he suggested. My wife and I have issues.  I'm 99% positive she had postpartem issues following the birth of our youngest (9 yrs ago).  Three years after that we had a falling out and our relationship has never been the same.  It's to the point that I've moved out of our bedroom to sleep on the couch.  We don't talk. If we do, I have a short temper, as does she.  We haven't been intimate, even in the basic hugging/hand-holding sense.  This is definitely part of my issues, but the cause?.  I want to be better for her, and when I try it doesn't work. I do something wrong or the attempt falls on deaf ears. The sadness and anger piles on. I get to the point where I argue with myself as if I'm talking to her. I play both sides of the conversations and just beat myself down. Completely healthy, right? I agree I need to talk to someone, but the last one left me second guessing the process.  It's been two years and since then I've been bottling it up.  The incident with may daughter is what is sparking me to try again. To say something a little more direct - reach out I guess. 

It deeply saddens me to read this and unfortunately I understand.  There looks like some good advice below and thanks to @wikkidpissah for reaching out.  I'm not a professional but please know that things can be better.  I'm rooting for you man.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

thanks for reaching out

therapist is booked for Wednesday , she is out of town until then 
I feel much better when I talk to her.
the downs just come out of the blue and kick me in the ### then I spiral until something jolts me up
haven't been this down for awhile so I should look at as positive its been this long that ive been down

So sorry man but happy to hear that you have someone to talk to.  As I posted to Peak, I'm not a professional but I know how much this silly board helps when you can feel down and so alone.  There are a lot of good people here with big hearts that are happy to listen and help.  Take care.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Considered it. Talked to her about going, but she refused. She said we could work through our own issues. Hasn't happened yet. I've tried scheduling a date night where we could talk with no kids around. No luck. 

Now I spent the last 90mins driving around because I didn't want to be at home. We argued over the damn firestick because the TBS feed wasn't coming in clear enough for her to watch X play. In that time I've gone from wanted to hit something to crying to feeling like I was the idiot for feeling this way. Thought about calling my dad to ask if he felt this way and that's why he drank every day and never left his recliner. Couldn't bring myself to do it.

:(

 

[-fish-]

Considered it. Talked to her about going, but she refused. She said we could work through our own issues. Hasn't happened yet. I've tried scheduling a date night where we could talk with no kids around. No luck. 

Now I spent the last 90mins driving around because I didn't want to be at home. We argued over the damn firestick because the TBS feed wasn't coming in clear enough for her to watch X play. In that time I've gone from wanted to hit something to crying to feeling like I was the idiot for feeling this way. Thought about calling my dad to ask if he felt this way and that's why he drank every day and never left his recliner. Couldn't bring myself to do it.

I was there, man.  My advice, for what it's worth, is to insist on marriage counseling.  If she won't, it's a sign that it's time to move on.