Joe T
Footballguy
Yes, I did. That is the rule.
If she doesn't at least offer or buy a beer or look at her purse or something in the first three dates, she isn't going to. She thinks she has been offered a full ride scholarship when she hasn't.
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***Official*** FFA iDating Thread (6 Viewers)
- Thread starter Woz
- Start date
If she doesn't at least offer or buy a beer or look at her purse or something in the first three dates, she isn't going to. She thinks she has been offered a full ride scholarship when she hasn't.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Interesting how some of you think. We are talking about first date after meeting someone online, not in person. If you can't be sensitive to a gal who may have been harassed in some manner in the past then it won't work for sure. A public place isn't a public place when meeting for the first time for many. But if you want to narrow your margin on finding a good one for long term then that's on you.
sbonomo
Footballguy
I am a stickler for punctuality - That is s deal killer in my book if someone is constantly late. First date was an hour, one drink just to make sure the gal was real and there was any chemistry. So technically second date.
mquinnjr
Footballguy
I was thinking of a date after meeting in person. Online, a woman's guard is going to be up even more until trust is built. Play this out, and I'm not going for the porn storyline either where you're in a cab to one another's place after drink #2 and a guy tries to overpower at that point. Say drinks and appetizers/meal goes well. You've both had a few drinks, not hammered but just comfortable and enjoying each other. You want to spend more time together but don't want to spend it in a bar, go take a walk if you're in a big city. The girl is not drunk, but guard slightly down and enjoying herself. Guy is leading the way, and they're in the moment enjoying each other's company, etc. If a guy is bigger and tries to do something at any point now, the girl is all but helpless. Before you say, that's not realistic - think about if you were 5'3" 115 and out with someone a foot taller and 110lbs heavier than you, but in shape, and tell me that's not terrifying if you're a little buzzed and have known the person for 2ish rounds of cocktails in person. Not saying anyone in here fits this persona at all, but the girl has to get comfortable with the fact that she's not marching to her death with the next Craigslist killer, etc. bad news bears scenario. Ted Bundy was attractive and welcoming to his victims. You have to overcome that psyche, mostly via time and trust building. Anyone who's normal will obviously, but it's definitely a thing and that's what I meant.
Joe T
Footballguy
Okay, got it. I wasn't worried about the punctuality, I thought you might have picked her up on the first date. Hard to keep up.
EYLive
Footballguy
In that case, you can weed out a lot of the advice in this thread that encourages game playing. It sounds like you want a woman that has her life together and knows what she's looking for in a man. I think it would better to be straightforward and represent who you are and what you stand for, rather than trying to remember all the rules of playing games with girls.Captain Cranks said:
I was matched with my wife online, but not a hookup app.
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Insoxicated
Nice to see CurlyNight carried her "Ram her opinion down your throat over and over until you give up" approach to discussion to this thread too...CurlyNight said:
I'm with JoeT. If a woman hasn't at least offered to get the tip after a couple dates, she's toast. I'd never let her (at least early on).... but not offering is a sure sign of a self-centered money-pit that any rational guy will spot and avoid like the plague.
Major
Footballguy
This reminds me of this bird I was dating for a month or two. We've been out numerous times and she still never offered to pay for a meal/drinks. She was young, a solid offdee 8.5 and like being ravaged so I let this slide. Then one night while out, I was having a conversation with a friend and she said she was going to the bar. I asked her to get me a drink without offering cash and she gave me this look. About two weeks later we had a fight and ended up breaking it off. She called me cheap and literally brought up the time I asked her to buy me a beer.Joe T said:Yes, I did. That is the rule.
If she doesn't at least offer or buy a beer or look at her purse or something in the first three dates, she isn't going to. She thinks she has been offered a full ride scholarship when she hasn't.
GTFO.
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Insoxicated
100% chance that chick is still single.Then one night while out, I was having a conversation with a friend and she said she was going to the bar. I asked her to get me a drink without offering cash and she gave me this look.... She called me cheap and literally brought up the time I asked her to buy me a beer.
Despite what your daddy told you.... you're not a princess, honey.
pats3in4
Footballguy
Yeah, she's going to be the 45yo posting duck lipped selfies to Facebook, along with frequent status updates about how her dating life sucks.
Major
Footballguy
I ran into her a few months later at a bar and said hello. After the usual chit chat, I asked if she'd get me a beer. She didn't think it was very funny.
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Insoxicated
Have been out of the game for a while, but back in the day I did once get out of the car at the same time (fortunately) as the girl and ran into her in the parking lot. Quite literally turned on my heel and climbed back into my car and drove off.
Uncool? Sure. But so is faking the #### out of your profile with old pics, creative angles and photo filters.
Megaton
Footballguy
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
That sounds like it will result in the exact opposite of the dancing pickle.Soootch said:I usually ask girls to meet for Sunday Mass, then if things go well, a little fellowship afterwards with the other parishioners over juice and doughnuts.
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
Ha. Me as well. We met accidentally when I downloaded a song from her computer using Napster. This was back in the early 2000s when meeting someone online was to be ashamed of.
Megaton
Footballguy
Buttonhook
Footballguy
I know two couples that have been married around a decade that both met on eHarmony and swear by it. They actually do seem like fairly compatible couples. But I've also heard from my single friends that it's stale and not as lively as other sites.Captain Cranks said:
Buttonhook
Footballguy
I've been out of the dating scene for quite a while, but glad to see some things haven't changed...Joe T said:
perry147
Footballguy
What is the right move here? Around the end of salad my grandmother might have died.One of my first iDates was with a woman I met in a chat room, no pic but sounded nice on the phone. I forget how she described herself, but she clearly omitted the fact that she was a wildebeest. We met for lunch at Steak & Ale. Bread.............salad.........main course........................................
:(
sbonomo
Footballguy
Rirruto
Footballguy
So much this. I do a similar rule. And I once dated a girl for 6 months because she paid for our 3rd date when I'd ducked into the restroom. She was basically awful, but that was a world class move.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Yep. Thank you. As I stated a few times, it's a different perspective. Find out what the gal likes to do and do that. Being harrassed does make some of us more vigilant when it comes to online dating.
I've been chatting with a 26-year old for about a week. I've been kind of meh with her, because her face is a 6 and she's an amazon (6'1") and I don't like tall women. But true to your guys' strategy, she keeps coming around and has been steadily upping her flirting. Today she texted me a bra and panties pic and started getting a little explicit. Honestly, I have to give her body an 8, so I'm starting to lean towards meeting up. She keeps talking like she wants more than a hookup, and an amazon 6 isn't going to get it for me long-term. So how do I keep things casual?
Major
Footballguy
Osaurus
Footballguy
offdee
Footballguy
She's young and has probably been burned by this at some point in the past. The good news is that she wouldn't bother inquiring if she wasn't interested in you.
The reply: Well, I'm sure there's women who would like to be married to me....but, nobody is that lucky yet!
She just now texted me saying that some guy had sent her a message asking if she could be into older married guys, and that it hadn't occurred to her before that some people would be on there looking for extramarital affairs.She's young and has probably been burned by this at some point in the past. The good news is that she wouldn't bother inquiring if she wasn't interested in you.
The reply: Well, I'm sure there's women who would like to be married to me....but, nobody is that lucky yet!
I like your reply but I wouldn't want to give her hope that I think she could be that one.
offdee
Footballguy
You haven't even met her yet, how would that make her think you're referring to her? It's a general statement and triggers many positive things in her mind...
- confidence
- sense of humor
- that you're desired by other women
- you're picky and have choices (engages her sense that she should start trying to prove to you why she's better than all these other women vying for your attention)
At the end of the day, you WANT all these women you're dating to look at you and be so enamored that they hope they are the one for you. That doesn't mean you feel (or need to feel) that same way about them. That's the key in all of dating...keep the women intrigued and interested. Always maintain the mindset and confidence that YOU are the catch, not them. And please don't take this as being mean or rude to the women...you can be completely good to them while maintaining this personal mindset of ultimate confidence. That is what attracts the good ones.
Buttonhook
Footballguy
I think this line only works if you are somewhat young. If you make this statement as a 38 year-old guy that's never been married, I'm positive most women would think you're self-centered and egotistical, and that's why you've never gotten married.She's young and has probably been burned by this at some point in the past. The good news is that she wouldn't bother inquiring if she wasn't interested in you.
The reply: Well, I'm sure there's women who would like to be married to me....but, nobody is that lucky yet!
Or you could be like me, 45 and divorced. But I'll say it anyway because it's true!
offdee
Footballguy
Eh, I was mid 30's and Divorced when I was in my prime iDating prime and said stuff like this all the time with success. I've found just being completely blatantly honest with an element of humor and ultimate confidence surrounding any possible uncomfortable topic is gold. Again, when dealing with hot women, saying things to them or acting a certain way around them that they aren't usually used to is always a good thing. Even if you think it's "wrong". They are bombarded by guys who think that telling them exactly what they want to hear, how pretty they are, how lucky you are to be spending time with them, blah, blah, blah....it's all the same nonsense noise to them and they are bored by it. Be different (and own that difference) and that is how you stand out to get them excited and interested.
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James Daulton
Footballguy
Please rate your overall appearance so we can see what it takes for a 45 year old dude to pull mid-20's Offdee 6.5's (wtd)
Well as I commented earlier in the thread, I'm apparently not as attractive as I think I am, because I don't have as much success as I think I should. In reality, it's probably mostly about attitude and presentation, as offdee mentions above, but it's hard to change spots after getting beaten down by the American dating scene for so many years. I'd probably say I'm an offdee 7 (if he had such a scale).
I've had a lot of success in South America, partly because I'm a gringo and partly because I'm like a different person when I'm down there. Much more outgoing and confident, and that's a result of my experiences there. The most success I've had here in the States with online dating was about 4 years ago (at 41). I had just gotten back from a trip south and was riding a wave of confidence that I somehow parlayed into several months of dating 21, 22, 23, and 29-year olds.
Even though it doesn't feel right and many times goes against my nature, I think offdee's (and others') advice is probably spot on. But as usual, it's not so much in the knowledge as in the execution.
offdee
Footballguy
It's really different for guys. Obviously initially looks helps to get your foot in the door, but ultimately women don't care as much about looks as they do about other things. Below is a rough checklist of where "looks" falls in line of importance for hot women in an ultimate mate.
1) Confidence
2) Sense of Humor
3) Sexually advanced (confidence in that department...knows how to flirt and get the juices flowing, good kisser, knows what he's doing and not intimidated by a beautiful female body)
4) Financially stable (you don't have to be loaded rich, just can support yourself comfortably and still have extra funds to just enjoy life and not stress about splurging on yourself and her now and again)
5) Take care of yourself- the things you CAN control (Be in shape, good fashion sense, etc.)
6) An active, exciting life (hobbies, passions, etc.)
7) Looks
How often do you see a smoking hot woman on the arm of a regular looking dude? The answer is more often than you'd expect. Why? Because the guy has the top of the above list in spades.
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offdee
Footballguy
Do you like her and attracted to her or is this just more of practice for dating world again?stlrams said:
My suggestion would be to invite her over to your place to hang out over a bottle of wine and some simple apps like cheese and crackers. This is an acceptable suggestion for a 3rd date and minimal cost to you. Up the flirtation leading up to the date and make a point at your place to be a bit more forward sexually. If success, than great! If she ends up being a prude or the vibe just ends up being strange than oh well, you tried, now you know...move on.
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CurlyNight
Footballguy
A pic would be better-James Daulton said:
James Daulton
Footballguy
CurlyNight
Footballguy
This depends on the age range of the woman. 20 somethings will not put looks at #7. Looks is a big part of the attraction carrying on into more dates so #7 is too low in the dating stage. Once you are committed in a relationship then it falls lower.offdee said:
James Daulton
Footballguy
Agreed. In fact, I'd wager that looks are the number 1 or 2 determinant if a guy can get his foot in the door. Now I do agree that, upon getting to know a dude, a chick will stay for reasons other than looks. And I think the truth is, that after dudes hit 40 or so, there are so few decent looking guys that women can't be super selective. Baldness and excess fat really bring one's looks down.
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CurlyNight
Footballguy
The inequality in looks where you see an average guy with a hot chic is also true vice versa, with an average chic with a hot dude. Look at LeBron James who imo is good looking married an average looking woman (imo) in his childhood sweetheart. He could have picked an eye candy but he went with both his heart and mind. So for those of you who are only looking at looks in profiles first, you may be narrowing your field and possibly missing out on a soul mate which is what we all strive for when looking for long term/marriage.
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
I think men and women are very similar in terms of screening out candidates based on looks in the idating arena. The only difference is that women have an easier time getting past the looks (or lack thereof) if a substandard sample is somehow able to get their foot in the door. The attractiveness of the personality can quickly overcome the unattractiveness of the person physically. That's not as easily accomplished for guys, imo. We still say to ourselves, "she's a cool chick, but damn she needs to lose some weight."
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Yep. There is some pressure for us to have to be of certain weight. A few pounds and we are fat. But the guy has a beer belly and is fine.
My friend is getting married next month. We are having a hell of a time finding a size 26 bra. She looks pretty anorexic/unhealthy to me but hey the guy likes it that way.
