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Otis is stuck in Dallas at DFW - AMA (1 Viewer)

Otis

Otis

Footballguy
So I’m here in Dallas and my flight is delayed and I’m not a huge fan of the state I’m in. But I’m in the Delta lounge and getting shhammered to pass the time. Ask me anything. 

 
BassNBrew said:
Are you making good choices regarding your diet?
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You tell me: plate of fried rice; some pita and hummus; oatmeal cookies.  All at the Delta lounge, and it’s the first food I’ve eaten all day, starting at 4pm CT.

(Also a beer and three glasses of wine so far IMO)

 
I'm thinking of re-landscaping my front yard since it has poor drainage.  I don't spend any time out there.   I have a boat.   Should I just put in a circular driveway and reduce the landscaping to just what is directly in front of the street?  

 
Osaurus said:
Any home improvement inspiration coming to you? 
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Honestly, our home is pretty sweet right now.  We added on the covered patio with an outdoor kitchen and speakers and heaters and TV and it’s like my personal paradise out there.  I love it.  The only thing we need is to start redoing a few bathrooms over time.  More than $5k each IMO 

 
AAABatteries said:
How many Bud Select 55s does one have to drink to get shammered?
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It’s like calculus, it’s impossible.  It’s like one of those curves that keeps approaching a number but never hits it.  You cannot get shhemmered on them.  Imagine drinking beers but in between each you drink two glasses of water.  I promise you can’t get hammered.

But you pee A LOT.  And it’s way better for your waistline than other booze. 

 
-fish- said:
I'm thinking of re-landscaping my front yard since it has poor drainage.  I don't spend any time out there.   I have a boat.   Should I just put in a circular driveway and reduce the landscaping to just what is directly in front of the street?  
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This sounds stupid, but I’d need a diagram or something.  

BTW I’m masterful at landscape design and outdoor space design.  Mostly because while you nerds are hiking or playing disc golf or whatever, I’m in my yard doing what I do best — drinkin’ and sittin’. 

 
Otis said:
You tell me: plate of fried rice; some pita and hummus; oatmeal cookies.  All at the Delta lounge, and it’s the first food I’ve eaten all day, starting at 4pm CT.

(Also a beer and three glasses of wine so far IMO)
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NTTAWWT

 
Otis said:
So I’m here in Dallas and my flight is delayed and I’m not a huge fan of the state I’m in. But I’m in the Delta lounge and getting shhammered to pass the time. Ask me anything. 
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I thought you were on a massive cut?  why are you not at the centurion lounge where all the trashy euros hang out?

 
culdeus said:
I thought you were on a massive cut?  why are you not at the centurion lounge where all the trashy euros hang out?
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I am “on a cut” in the sense that I’ve been lifting weights for almost 3 years and there’s an Adonis underneath all this flab, but I don’t have the motivation or care enough to cut down and show it.  

But yeah, I’m on a cut. 

 
Otis said:
It’s like calculus, it’s impossible.  It’s like one of those curves that keeps approaching a number but never hits it.  You cannot get shhemmered on them.  Imagine drinking beers but in between each you drink two glasses of water.  I promise you can’t get hammered.

But you pee A LOT.  And it’s way better for your waistline than other booze. 
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I call BS.  Totally possible...calculus, that is.

 
Gary Coal Man said:
What technique do you use to avoid nicking your sack when trimming it?
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Just did this the other day.

Honestly this is one of two things I learned too late in life.  One is having the sack and area.  I use a buzzer with a guard.  I am conservative with it.  I would rather go not too close and have a stubbly shave.  For most of my singles career I was 70s Otis.  Maybe that hurt my hit rate.  I like to think my charm overcame any of that stuff.

Second, I in the past couple of years discovered the washcloth.  I never used to use one.  Especially in the nether regions.  I never realized how much... um... leftover... I had down back. Now I keep a washcloth in the shower for the nether regions with some soap on it that I run through till its clean as a baby.   Again, never really slowed my exploits as a single man.  But Jesus, why don’t they teach a class on this?  

 
ChiefD said:
How does it feel to be wealthy and able to fly to such an exotic city?
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Hate Texas so much.  I’d be first to sign the “let them secede” committee charter .

The funny part is Dallas.  Austin is a fun city.  Houston is for old losers.  But Dallas?  You find a lawyer in Dallas and they think they are king of the mountain.  Dbags.  What they don’t realize is that in NYC those guys are the ones lining the gutters for the investment bankers.

Dallas is full of douchie people IMO 

 
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TheWalkmen said:
Any nice looking flight attendants nearby?
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Flight attendants don’t hang out in the Delta lounge. So no.

BUT.  I am drinks the fancy wine and a middle aged married woman was talking to the bartender and was like “I’d like some of that Jordan but I don’t have cash with me,” and I gave the bartender a hard time and said “come on, give the young lady some Jordan (she wasn’t that young looking)” and offered to pick it up.  So I, a happily married man, with a way younger and way hotter wife, bought a $19 wine for a random stranger.  I did it because I was drinking the same wine, and for Karma.  Sometimes the universe needs good deeds.

And the house wine tastes like ####. 

 
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Seriously, I was thinking about it this morning, and if I lost 30lbs, I’d be like a Calvin Klein model.  

 
Otis said:
Flight attendants don’t hang out in the Delta lounge. So no.

BUT.  I am drinks the fancy wine and a middle aged married woman was talking to the bartender and was like “I’d like some of that Jordan but I don’t have cash with me,” and I gave the bartender a hard time and said “come on, give the young lady some Jordan (she wasn’t that young looking)” and offered to pick it up.  So I, a happily married man, with a way younger and way hotter wife, bought a $19 wine for a random stranger.  I did it because I was drinking the same wine, and for Karma.  Sometimes the universe needs good needs.

And the house wine tastes like ####. 
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She is traveling without credit cards?  That’s bizarre.  Tell her that in addition to the credit card that everyone knows she has on her, she can use Delta miles to pay for drinks.

ETA:  That Jordan sounds great right now.

 
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ChiefD said:
You fell for the oldest trick in the book? This your first day with chicks?
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Also, I’ve never been in a Delta Sky Club that takes cash.  You can only pay with a card or miles.  The bartenders literally don’t have a cash drawer.

 
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Otis said:
Just did this the other day.

Honestly this is one of two things I learned too late in life.  One is having the sack and area.  I use a buzzer with a guard.  I am conservative with it.  I would rather go not too close and have a stubbly shave.  For most of my singles career I was 70s Otis.  Maybe that hurt my hit rate.  I like to think my charm overcame any of that stuff.

Second, I in the past couple of years discovered the washcloth.  I never used to use one.  Especially in the nether regions.  I never realized how much... um... leftover... I had down back. Now I keep a washcloth in the shower for the nether regions with some soap on it that I run through till its clean as a baby.   Again, never really slowed my exploits as a single man.  But Jesus, why don’t they teach a class on this?  
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Get a bidet, you filthy animal.

 
krista4 said:
Also, I’ve never been in a Delta Sky Club that takes cash.  You can only pay with a card or miles.  The bartenders literally don’t have a cash drawer.
Click to expand...
Exactly. I saw this a number of times. Very fun and entertaining bartender. 

I had a tab opened already so just had it thrown on there. She came back for a second round with her wallet. She was a little insufferable (wealthy-ish Greenwich Connecticut woman) but nice enough at the same time time.  It was fine. Very pleasant. 

Except she kept talking so long I had to check my bag at the gate on this crappy small plane. I hate airlines so so much. 

 
Otis said:
Exactly. I saw this a number of times. Very fun and entertaining bartender. 

I had a tab opened already so just had it thrown on there. She came back for a second round with her wallet. She was a little insufferable (wealthy-ish Greenwich Connecticut woman) but nice enough at the same time time.  It was fine. Very pleasant. 

Except she kept talking so long I had to check my bag at the gate on this crappy small plane. I hate airlines so so much. 
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Are you going to rub one out to the thought of her in the plane restroom or wait until you get home?

 
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By the way for all the jackholes in the “I refuse to move my seat” group, lady at the front promised me to move to the open two seats (because I’m a big boi), the other flight attendant came back and was like “there was a lady with a child who wanted to move there” and they both stood there in an awkward silence about which one would win and I cut through it and was like “are you kidding me, please give that seat to the parent and child, this is such a no brainer.”  They all hesitated concerned and I was like “no seriously this is a really easy call.”

anyway so I’m not a scum bag like other people imo 

 
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