Henry Ford
Footballguy
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
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post a joke funnier than the one above (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter grateful zed
- Start date
Tom Servo
Nittany Beavers
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
'Son, where were you today?'
Son says 'at school dad.'
Robot slaps the son.
'Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends!'
'What dvd?'
'Toy story.'
Robot slaps the son again.
'Ok, it was a porno' cries the son.
'C'mon son... When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad.
Mom laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'
Robot slaps the mom!
He decides to test it at dinner.
'Son, where were you today?'
Son says 'at school dad.'
Robot slaps the son.
'Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends!'
'What dvd?'
'Toy story.'
Robot slaps the son again.
'Ok, it was a porno' cries the son.
'C'mon son... When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad.
Mom laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'
Robot slaps the mom!
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
“Watch out for that ####### wall".......
At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
“Watch out for that ####### wall".......
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"
Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlies says, "I just got into Chicago."
"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlies says, "I just got into Chicago."
"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
CGRdrJoe
Footballguy
A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”
The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says “make me one with everything.”
The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?” the monk asks.
The vendor replies, “change comes from within.”
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says “make me one with everything.”
The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?” the monk asks.
The vendor replies, “change comes from within.”
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
Kafka
Footballguy
...see, it works when you imagine the cables walking in "together".... nevermind, just
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Kafka
Footballguy
Kafka
Footballguy
sighhh.....I guess George Lopez is the best "they" got....
don't get hard Peter, I'm only playing with ya'...
Kafka
Footballguy
Kafka
Footballguy
I'm working on that, soon to be rectified
... A Mick, a Dago, a Portarican, & a Messican walk into a bar....what happens next?
Kafka
Footballguy
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Like you could beat up anyone else...What's The Gator have to do with anything?
You guys are so mean.
Kafka
Footballguy
...true, true...Wait a sec...No! Gator es putando mi nalga arriba alla calle, uno, dos, tres....e tambien per seguro!(?)
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The Gator
Footballguy
Kafka
Footballguy
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