Post Your Best Your Momma Jokes (1 Viewer)

[chet]

My 9yo son is really into your momma jokes now. Post your best ones here--PG13 please.

Your momma is do stupid that she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Your momma is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND THE HOUSE.

Your momma is so stupid that she tried to make an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

 

[Guest]

Borrowed from South Park.

Your momma is so poor she walks around with one shoe.

When people ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, "No, I found one".

ETA: Maybe not the best joke for chet's son to use.

 

[MikeIke]

Your momma's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped her mother.

Your momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Your momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl.

 

[rockaction]

Ya Mama's so fat

"How fat is she?"

The Pharcyde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhN6-9KLTY

 

[dickey moe]

At least I gotta momma, you got two daddies.

 

[comfortably numb]

Borrowed from South Park.

Your momma is so poor she walks around with one Louis Vuitton shoe.

When people ask her if she lost one Louis Vuitton shoe, she says, "No, I found one Louis Vuitton shoe".

ETA: Maybe not the best joke for chet's son to use.

fixed for chet relevance

 

[tom22406]

A bunch here

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/topic/702944-your-momma-is-so-thread/

 

[5-ish Finkle]

Yo' mamma's teeth so yellow she got a job at the movie theater spittin' butter.

 

[VA703]

Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

 

[VA703]

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Ive never found these jokes funny. I mean, he asked for the best ones and these are what he gets?

 

[VA703]

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma so fat when the ***** goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

 

[chet]

Not PG

Your momma's so nasty that all you have to do to get her pregnant is put sperm in her shoes and the flies will do the rest.

 

[chet]

Your momma is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

 

[GOB]

Your momma is so fat, I fear she is at high risk of heart disease and diabetes. Please consult a physician.

 

[GOB]

Your momma is so stupid, I believe she might have some mental ######ations and is probably not fit to be a mother. You are going to be an orphan.

 

[kentric]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulSztqMoDM8

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

Your momma is so fat, I fear she is at high risk of heart disease and diabetes. Please consult a physician.

OK, doctor, I see how it is... Well, yo mama's so old, when she was in history class they just wrote down what they was doin'.

 

[GOB]

Your momma is so fat, I fear she is at high risk of heart disease and diabetes. Please consult a physician.

OK, doctor, I see how it is... Well, yo mama's so old, when she was in history class they just wrote down what they was doin'.

Your momma is so old, you should stop letting people refer to her as momma. Grow up, son. These practically write themselves.

 

[Green and Gold]

Yo momma so fat she puts her belt on with a boomerang.

 

[El Floppo]

Ya Mama's so fat

"How fat is she?"

The Pharcyde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhN6-9KLTY

dammit- was coming in here to post that exact song.

 

[El Floppo]

yo mamma's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

so ugly, her nickname is "daaaaaamn".

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

A couple of outdated ones that were effective in their time:

Yo mama's so dumb, she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee; I had sex with yo mama, now it burns when I pee.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Your mama is so fat when she went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Your momma's so stupid that when thieves broke in and stole the TV she chased after them shouting ''Wait you forgot the remote''.

 

[El Floppo]

Ya Mama's so fat

"How fat is she?"

The Pharcyde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhN6-9KLTY

dammit- was coming in here to post that exact song.

yo mamma's got wooden legs with real feet.

 

[rockaction]

Ya Mama's so fat

"How fat is she?"

The Pharcyde:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhN6-9KLTY

dammit- was coming in here to post that exact song.

yo mamma's got wooden legs with real feet.

Yo momma's got an afro with a chin strap.

 

[BroadwayG]

Your momma's so ugly, I see where you get your looks from.

 

[headcrack]

Your momma's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

 

[comfortably numb]

Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

That's not even geographically correct!!

http://i.lvme.me/v8ccqht.jpg

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

[Sweet J]

Your momma's so tall when she does a backflip she kicks Jesus in the chin.

 

[Sweet J]

Your momma's so old she owes Moses lunch money.

 

[jamny]

Ive never found these jokes funny. I mean, he asked for the best ones and these are what he gets?

If you've never found them to be funny, why would you expect to like any of them?

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Yo momma sucks so much that when they pumped her stomach they found Rod Stewart.

 

[ShamrockPride]

Yo momma so fat, she lives in three area codes.

 

[comfortably numb]

Yo momma sucks so much that when they pumped her stomach they found Rod Stewart.

hahaha

I laughed at this but i have no idea why.

 

[VA703]

yo momma so hairy she got afros on her nips

 

[GOB]

Your momma so ugly she looks like Joe Pesci.

 

[belljr]

So fat when she sits around the house she's around the house

 

[Ditka Butkus]

yo momma is a whore.