Question about helping your kid (1 Viewer)

[TheIronSheik]

Recently, I've run into a dilemma that I'm not quite sure how to proceed with. And I have a felling if I don't handle this correctly, it could be something that happens again and again, each time worse.

So here's the scenario. My daughter is playing softball. She played in the Spring for her first time and she loved it. Now she's in Fall Ball. The problem is that she gets very upset that she's not as good as the other girls. To be fair, they're all in there 2nd or 3rd years of playing. I can tell that my daughter has natural talent. Not saying she's a phenom or anything, but she's learning quick and can throw and swing pretty good for just starting the sport 8 months ago.

Now, I played baseball into college and will watch her games and take mental notes of what can be done to help her get better. Problem is, she doesn't want to listen to me. Well. Not just me. Anyone. She gets all bent out of shape if you try to give her advice. I think she's embarrassed that she isn't a pro already. She's one of those people that she feels like if she can't do something right away people will laugh at her. I can relate, because at her age, I was like that too.

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better. But if I try to help her, it just makes her more mad. Now don't get me wrong, we've gone out and practiced a bunch and we laugh and have a good time. I don't ever yell at her and I try to make learning fun.

But she will get so mad she'll go up in her room and not want to be talked to.

One side of me says that I need to go get her and make her go out to practice. But I don't want her to hate it. And I think that would be the outcome. On the other hand, I can't just let her stop trying because she hit a road block. Today it's softball. But tomorrow it'll be some class in high school.

I'm just not sure how to get to the middle ground. Anyone have experience with anything like this with your kids?

TIA
TIS

 

[Foosball God]

Recently, I've run into a dilemma that I'm not quite sure how to proceed with. And I have a felling if I don't handle this correctly, it could be something that happens again and again, each time worse.

So here's the scenario. My daughter is playing softball. She played in the Spring for her first time and she loved it. Now she's in Fall Ball. The problem is that she gets very upset that she's not as good as the other girls. To be fair, they're all in there 2nd or 3rd years of playing. I can tell that my daughter has natural talent. Not saying she's a phenom or anything, but she's learning quick and can throw and swing pretty good for just starting the sport 8 months ago.

Now, I played baseball into college and will watch her games and take mental notes of what can be done to help her get better. Problem is, she doesn't want to listen to me. Well. Not just me. Anyone. She gets all bent out of shape if you try to give her advice. I think she's embarrassed that she isn't a pro already. She's one of those people that she feels like if she can't do something right away people will laugh at her. I can relate, because at her age, I was like that too.

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better. But if I try to help her, it just makes her more mad. Now don't get me wrong, we've gone out and practiced a bunch and we laugh and have a good time. I don't ever yell at her and I try to make learning fun.

But she will get so mad she'll go up in her room and not want to be talked to.

One side of me says that I need to go get her and make her go out to practice. But I don't want her to hate it. And I think that would be the outcome. On the other hand, I can't just let her stop trying because she hit a road block. Today it's softball. But tomorrow it'll be some class in high school.

I'm just not sure how to get to the middle ground. Anyone have experience with anything like this with your kids?

TIA

TIS

It sounds like she is too emotional right after the games so that isn't a good time to approach her with this imo.

If you have gone out an practiced and had fun and laughed before, then I would just try to work stuff into those sessions instead. Maybe relate to her frustrations. Tell her that you used to have some similar problems and the didn't go away until this coach you had suggested that you do "X".

That way she doesn't feel like it is YOU preaching to her, the tips you have came from some "coach" that helped you.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

 

[spOOfy]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

this is exactly right

 

[TheIronSheik]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

She's 10.

And I think you hit the nail on the head. I always say that I am way better at managing adults then I am kids. I see something wrong and my immediate reaction is to fix it. Just makes sense in my world. But I totally see what you are saying.

I guess I'm starting to understand the saying "handling it with kid gloves" now.

Appreciate everyone's responses.

 

[E-Z Glider]

My daughter wont take any softball advise from me either. She gets very defensive if I try to help her, thinking Im criticizing when in fact Im just trying to help her improve.

What I found works best is if I have something specific I want to work on, Ill just ask her if she will go outside and pass with me for 5 minutes. The hardest part is getting her out there, so I make the commitment very small and non-threatening. Once we're out there having fun, she'll usually open up and be much more receptive to my spectacular advise.

 

[TheIronSheik]

My daughter wont take any softball advise from me either. She gets very defensive if I try to help her, thinking Im criticizing when in fact Im just trying to help her improve.

What I found works best is if I have something specific I want to work on, Ill just ask her if she will go outside and pass with me for 5 minutes. The hardest part is getting her out there, so I make the commitment very small and non-threatening. Once we're out there having fun, she'll usually open up and be much more receptive to my spectacular advise.

Yup. I agree that the hardest part is getting her outside. But once we're out there, we usually have a great time. I'm usually the one who gets tired and says "OK. I think that's enough for today."

 

[playin4beer]

ONE daughter problems...

 

[TheIronSheik]

ONE daughter problems...

I know. I couldn't imagine dealing with a bunch of kids.

 

[Braktastic]

Baseball and softball are games of failure. They are sports that require a lot of hard work develop the skills necessary to play at a high level. Your daughter may not have the right temperament or maturity for this sport yet.

 

[playin4beer]

ONE daughter problems...

I know. I couldn't imagine dealing with a bunch of kids.

Pretty sure my 13 yr old and 16 yr old are syncing up with "cycles" and today was the beginning... add to that my 8 and 11 year old daughters and my house was a BLAST this morning before school!!

That being said... the 8 & 13 year old have been playing softball for a few years.. the 13yr old plays travel ball. The youngest sounds a lot like your daughter... she absolutely HATES when I say stuff to

her during games...

The only advice I have is to keep playing with her.. practice.. make it fun, and when she's having fun, "sneak" in a lesson or two

 

[TheIronSheik]

Baseball and softball are games of failure. They are sports that require a lot of hard work develop the skills necessary to play at a high level. Your daughter may not have the right temperament or maturity for this sport yet.

I think she's fine in the 10 year old girl league. And I think she could ride it out, doing nothing if she were to choose so, for another year or two. But that's kind of my point. She needs to learn that. She kind of has this mindset for a lot of things.

To me, this is the perfect time to show her that hard work pays off. And that nothing comes easy.

 

[Bucky86]

Sounds like a typical woman to me.

 

[gameday]

Face it . . . . she might just not have the right mental makeup to be a good athlete. Sounds like she can't accept criticism.

OK, strike that, I have the same issue with my son.

I coached him in Soccer and youth baseball for several years. Early on I realized he simply could not accept any criticism/coaching from me. I learned to quit trying to provide it and, instead, I asked other coaches to do that. He reacted much better to them. As another who posted in this thread said, I too simply tell him I enjoy watching him and I mention how much fun I had at his game. Sometimes I ask what he want to work on, and I ask if he wants any outside coaching or clinics.

It seems to be working. He is in 10th grade and he was a team captain on his Frosh baseball and football teams last year, and is a captain on the JV football team again this year. He will get moved up to Varsity for the playoffs and he will likely make the Varsity baseball team.

I am a bit bummed, though, that he doesn't take me up on my offer for outside coaching, clinics, etc. Several of the boys from his travel baseball team workout with a local trainer that also helped train Russell Wilson and JJ Watt. My son wants nothing to do with that. Knucklehead.

 

[belljr]

Is she 7 /8 range.

I've coached 15 year old boys baseball and now my daughters softball teams from tball to minors as well as help with clinics.

 

[Braktastic]

Baseball and softball are games of failure. They are sports that require a lot of hard work develop the skills necessary to play at a high level. Your daughter may not have the right temperament or maturity for this sport yet.

I think she's fine in the 10 year old girl league. And I think she could ride it out, doing nothing if she were to choose so, for another year or two. But that's kind of my point. She needs to learn that. She kind of has this mindset for a lot of things.

To me, this is the perfect time to show her that hard work pays off. And that nothing comes easy.

My daughter sounds closer to yours in temperament than my son, who plays baseball. Still my daughter doesn't sound quite so hard on herself. If anything, she thinks she's awesome when she isn't. She played one season of softball and did very well, but the game didn't hold her interest like soccer does. Still she is similar to your daughter in that she is very hard for me to coach unlike my son. So ultimately I stop trying to coach her.

I'd say remember she's 10. What happens with softball isn't going to necessarily leave some indelible blueprint on her life in terms of her work ethic. Probably the best thing you can do is ignore her behavior and divest yourself for your daughter's success in the sport. I know that sounds counter-intuitive and, believe me, I know it will be hard to do. But if you don't feed into her behavior and let her struggle one of two things will happen: she'll either quit the sport, or realize she needs help. The first one isn't the end of the world, as there are always plenty of life lessons available to teach the second.

 

[belljr]

Crap somehow deleted my post.

my daughter is similar. I do know I have a tendency to mention something every throw. I stopped doing that.

but like others have mentioned I try to just get 5 MI uses in here and there

 

[TheIronSheik]

Is she 7 /8 range.

I've coached 15 year old boys baseball and now my daughters softball teams from tball to minors as well as help with clinics.

Age? No. She's 10 and will be 11 in the winter.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Baseball and softball are games of failure. They are sports that require a lot of hard work develop the skills necessary to play at a high level. Your daughter may not have the right temperament or maturity for this sport yet.

I think she's fine in the 10 year old girl league. And I think she could ride it out, doing nothing if she were to choose so, for another year or two. But that's kind of my point. She needs to learn that. She kind of has this mindset for a lot of things.

To me, this is the perfect time to show her that hard work pays off. And that nothing comes easy.

My daughter sounds closer to yours in temperament than my son, who plays baseball. Still my daughter doesn't sound quite so hard on herself. If anything, she thinks she's awesome when she isn't. She played one season of softball and did very well, but the game didn't hold her interest like soccer does. Still she is similar to your daughter in that she is very hard for me to coach unlike my son. So ultimately I stop trying to coach her.

I'd say remember she's 10. What happens with softball isn't going to necessarily leave some indelible blueprint on her life in terms of her work ethic. Probably the best thing you can do is ignore her behavior and divest yourself for your daughter's success in the sport. I know that sounds counter-intuitive and, believe me, I know it will be hard to do. But if you don't feed into her behavior and let her struggle one of two things will happen: she'll either quit the sport, or realize she needs help. The first one isn't the end of the world, as there are always plenty of life lessons available to teach the second.

Yeah. That makes total sense. Appreciate the advice.

 

[El Floppo]

yeah... she's a girl.

they say stuff, we try to fix it, they get pissed.

sounds like you're on the way... dozier has it right, IMO. can't hurt to go out and have a catch, but let her lead the way in terms of searching out advice.

 

[TheIronSheik]

yeah... she's a girl.

they say stuff, we try to fix it, they get pissed.

sounds like you're on the way... dozier has it right, IMO. can't hurt to go out and have a catch, but let her lead the way in terms of searching out advice.

Parenting is like managing slow people who get very upset if you tell them to do something. Amirite? :FatherOfTheYear:

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Is this behavior reflected in areas other than sports? If it is, she may feel too much pressure to be "perfect". Since being perfect really isn't possible, that kind of pressure is bad. If it's just in softball, let it go. If she really likes it, she'll seek out help on her own.

The dad help thing is like being taught to drive by your dad. Sometimes it's okay, but most of the time it's a major train wreck.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Is this behavior reflected in areas other than sports? If it is, she may feel too much pressure to be "perfect". Since being perfect really isn't possible, that kind of pressure is bad. If it's just in softball, let it go. If she really likes it, she'll seek out help on her own.

The dad help thing is like being taught to drive by your dad. Sometimes it's okay, but most of the time it's a major train wreck.

No. It's not just softball. That's what worries me. She definitely has a fear of not being perfect. This is a huge issue for her. And it's not something that we have pushed on her. We are very laid back and always tell her that perfection isn't a possibility. Not sure why she believes in perfection.

 

[Hooper31]

Author: Carol Dweck

Book: Mindset

Great book that will help you understand her "mindset". Her current definition of success and failure might be somewhat different than what you assume it is. When people get caught up in ability as a measure of success they're doomed to failure.

I've had a similar problem with my own kid. I didn't want to admit it at first, but I was culpable. My daughter was giving me similar responses when it came to sports related stuff. For me the biggest change was making sure that I only praised efforts, not abilities.

Good luck.

 

[mphtrilogy]

i have a 10 year old daughter who also plays softball.

this is her 3rd year playing, it has taken until the 3rd year for her to click and she has gotten to be a very solid player with consistent practice, but nothing crazy.

just make sure you have a weekly catch, throw some ground balls etc.. keep working on the basics.

then if you can just take her to the park once a week and throw some easy BP in the fall and in the spring.

during the season, just let the games and practice do it, and supplement in the "offseason"

most of all, she needs to be having fun, so make it fun and light, but she definitely will need to practice to get better, unless you are a top tier athlete, softball/baseball takes a lot of practice and so-so athletes can become very good players with a lot of practice.

good luck!

and if she is interested in pitching, that could be her ticket, and you might want to invest in some pitching lessons )not cheap tho), softball is 99% about the pitcher...

 

[Deranged Hermit]

My son was in the same boat: started a bit late and had to catch up. He would get frustrated and would freak out if you tried to coach him up 'in the moment'. If you waited until the next day, he would be much more receptive. We're lucky enough to live literally two blocks from the baseball field, so I could take him over there to hit a few buckets of balls or to have him practice fielding away from everyone else. Seemed to work well as he's turned into a pretty good player: hits about .600, can play any position and is one of the best fielders in the league.

 

[El Floppo]

Author: Carol Dweck

Book: Mindset

Great book that will help you understand her "mindset". Her current definition of success and failure might be somewhat different than what you assume it is. When people get caught up in ability as a measure of success they're doomed to failure.

I've had a similar problem with my own kid. I didn't want to admit it at first, but I was culpable. My daughter was giving me similar responses when it came to sports related stuff. For me the biggest change was making sure that I only praised efforts, not abilities.

Good luck.

 

[cstu]

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better.

She's 10...Jordan didn't even start on his varsity basketball team until he was a junior.

 

[TheIronSheik]

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better.

She's 10...Jordan didn't even start on his varsity basketball team until he was a junior.

She's 10... She doesn't know who Jordan is.

 

[Mad Cow]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

 

[Politician Spock]

Recently, I've run into a dilemma that I'm not quite sure how to proceed with. And I have a felling if I don't handle this correctly, it could be something that happens again and again, each time worse.

So here's the scenario. My daughter is playing softball. She played in the Spring for her first time and she loved it. Now she's in Fall Ball. The problem is that she gets very upset that she's not as good as the other girls. To be fair, they're all in there 2nd or 3rd years of playing. I can tell that my daughter has natural talent. Not saying she's a phenom or anything, but she's learning quick and can throw and swing pretty good for just starting the sport 8 months ago.

Now, I played baseball into college and will watch her games and take mental notes of what can be done to help her get better. Problem is, she doesn't want to listen to me. Well. Not just me. Anyone. She gets all bent out of shape if you try to give her advice. I think she's embarrassed that she isn't a pro already. She's one of those people that she feels like if she can't do something right away people will laugh at her. I can relate, because at her age, I was like that too.

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better. But if I try to help her, it just makes her more mad. Now don't get me wrong, we've gone out and practiced a bunch and we laugh and have a good time. I don't ever yell at her and I try to make learning fun.

But she will get so mad she'll go up in her room and not want to be talked to.

One side of me says that I need to go get her and make her go out to practice. But I don't want her to hate it. And I think that would be the outcome. On the other hand, I can't just let her stop trying because she hit a road block. Today it's softball. But tomorrow it'll be some class in high school.

I'm just not sure how to get to the middle ground. Anyone have experience with anything like this with your kids?

TIA

TIS

She's female. She's not looking for you to solve her problems. She just wants you to listen to her #####. This trait doesn't change with age.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Recently, I've run into a dilemma that I'm not quite sure how to proceed with. And I have a felling if I don't handle this correctly, it could be something that happens again and again, each time worse.

So here's the scenario. My daughter is playing softball. She played in the Spring for her first time and she loved it. Now she's in Fall Ball. The problem is that she gets very upset that she's not as good as the other girls. To be fair, they're all in there 2nd or 3rd years of playing. I can tell that my daughter has natural talent. Not saying she's a phenom or anything, but she's learning quick and can throw and swing pretty good for just starting the sport 8 months ago.

Now, I played baseball into college and will watch her games and take mental notes of what can be done to help her get better. Problem is, she doesn't want to listen to me. Well. Not just me. Anyone. She gets all bent out of shape if you try to give her advice. I think she's embarrassed that she isn't a pro already. She's one of those people that she feels like if she can't do something right away people will laugh at her. I can relate, because at her age, I was like that too.

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better. But if I try to help her, it just makes her more mad. Now don't get me wrong, we've gone out and practiced a bunch and we laugh and have a good time. I don't ever yell at her and I try to make learning fun.

But she will get so mad she'll go up in her room and not want to be talked to.

One side of me says that I need to go get her and make her go out to practice. But I don't want her to hate it. And I think that would be the outcome. On the other hand, I can't just let her stop trying because she hit a road block. Today it's softball. But tomorrow it'll be some class in high school.

I'm just not sure how to get to the middle ground. Anyone have experience with anything like this with your kids?

TIA

TIS

She's female. She's not looking for you to solve her problems. She just wants you to listen to her #####. This trait doesn't change with age.

It was well documented on this board before the purge that I was not ever very good with the opposite sex. I'm still amazed I found one that puts up with my ####.

 

[Mr. Know-It-All]

10-11 is about the time that most boys figure out whether they are content riding it out in rec league or if they want to dedicate themselves to travel ball. I woul dlean more toward 11 myself - let them have fun when they can because once you hit HS it is "serious business". Not sure if girls follow that same time frame or not.

At 10-11 I expect solid grasp of fundamentals - the fine tuning hasn't really even begun yet. If you force too much, too soon - that is when you have a recipe for disaster.

 

[playin4beer]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Welcome to my world..

In the last 30 minutes I've fielded calls from my crying 16yr old daughter, pissed off 13yr old daughter, crying wife, and again from the 16yr old crying about the crying wife...

I should write a book about dealing with #####es...

 

[El Floppo]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Welcome to my world..

In the last 30 minutes I've fielded calls from my crying 16yr old daughter, pissed off 13yr old daughter, crying wife, and again from the 16yr old crying about the crying wife...

I should write a book about dealing with #####es...

you've already got your title... the rest should just write itself.

 

[Mad Cow]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Oh, I forgot irrational. I might not be the most experienced of the bunch, but I currently live with a 43 yr old woman, a 17 yr old daughter and the 10 yr old daughter, so I do have some knowledge here. My son and I are like half of the time.

 

[Politician Spock]

Recently, I've run into a dilemma that I'm not quite sure how to proceed with. And I have a felling if I don't handle this correctly, it could be something that happens again and again, each time worse.

So here's the scenario. My daughter is playing softball. She played in the Spring for her first time and she loved it. Now she's in Fall Ball. The problem is that she gets very upset that she's not as good as the other girls. To be fair, they're all in there 2nd or 3rd years of playing. I can tell that my daughter has natural talent. Not saying she's a phenom or anything, but she's learning quick and can throw and swing pretty good for just starting the sport 8 months ago.

Now, I played baseball into college and will watch her games and take mental notes of what can be done to help her get better. Problem is, she doesn't want to listen to me. Well. Not just me. Anyone. She gets all bent out of shape if you try to give her advice. I think she's embarrassed that she isn't a pro already. She's one of those people that she feels like if she can't do something right away people will laugh at her. I can relate, because at her age, I was like that too.

So what happens is after each game she starts to tear up and say that she doesn't understand why she's not better. But if I try to help her, it just makes her more mad. Now don't get me wrong, we've gone out and practiced a bunch and we laugh and have a good time. I don't ever yell at her and I try to make learning fun.

But she will get so mad she'll go up in her room and not want to be talked to.

One side of me says that I need to go get her and make her go out to practice. But I don't want her to hate it. And I think that would be the outcome. On the other hand, I can't just let her stop trying because she hit a road block. Today it's softball. But tomorrow it'll be some class in high school.

I'm just not sure how to get to the middle ground. Anyone have experience with anything like this with your kids?

TIA

TIS

She's female. She's not looking for you to solve her problems. She just wants you to listen to her #####. This trait doesn't change with age.

It was well documented on this board before the purge that I was not ever very good with the opposite sex. I'm still amazed I found one that puts up with my ####.

Ah. I see.

Well, let's forget I said that, and see where this thread goes. Your daughter may be headed to the WNBA by page 8.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Oh, I forgot irrational. I might not be the most experienced of the bunch, but I currently live with a 43 yr old woman, a 17 yr old daughter and the 10 yr old daughter, so I do have some knowledge here. My son and I are like half of the time.

There's just gotta be something wrong with me. I never went through any of this emotional crap. I got the logical stuff from my dad. I feel very fortunate.

 

[Mad Cow]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Oh, I forgot irrational. I might not be the most experienced of the bunch, but I currently live with a 43 yr old woman, a 17 yr old daughter and the 10 yr old daughter, so I do have some knowledge here. My son and I are like half of the time.

There's just gotta be something wrong with me. I never went through any of this emotional crap. I got the logical stuff from my dad. I feel very fortunate.

Hmmm. . . unicorn or something else?

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Oh, I forgot irrational. I might not be the most experienced of the bunch, but I currently live with a 43 yr old woman, a 17 yr old daughter and the 10 yr old daughter, so I do have some knowledge here. My son and I are like half of the time.

There's just gotta be something wrong with me. I never went through any of this emotional crap. I got the logical stuff from my dad. I feel very fortunate.

Hmmm. . . unicorn or something else?

Maybe it's because I'm an only child. Or I'm not a nutjob. I have no idea.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Iron Sheik, 10 year old girls are like gigantic emotional, hormonal rage monsters at times, other times sweet as can be. This is the age both of our daughters were more emotional, less willing to take advice from anyone, etc. It is the age. Just brace yourself for a long year and know it will be better on the other side.

Thanks, GB! I've said in the past that I'm definitely new to dealing with female emotions like this. I had two brothers growing up. Most of my cousins were males. So now that I've been inserted into a household where testosterone is in the minority, I feel way out of place. I feel like I'm living in a network sitcom.

Oh, I forgot irrational. I might not be the most experienced of the bunch, but I currently live with a 43 yr old woman, a 17 yr old daughter and the 10 yr old daughter, so I do have some knowledge here. My son and I are like half of the time.

There's just gotta be something wrong with me. I never went through any of this emotional crap. I got the logical stuff from my dad. I feel very fortunate.

Hmmm. . . unicorn or something else?

Maybe it's because I'm an only child. Or I'm not a nutjob. I have no idea.

My daughter is an only child. And I hope not a nutjob.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Have you tried Beating her with a switch?

 

[TheIronSheik]

Have you tried Beating her with a switch?

I thought about it, but apparently that is considered "bad" now.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Obama

 

[Bull Dozier]

Also, on the "kids not listening to their parents coaching" idea, I live that in spades. My boys are 6th and 7th grade. I have coached them separately in baseball, football, and basketball, and even coached them on the same team once in baseball, and twice in basketball. I don't coach them every year. I'll coach one in a season, take a season off, then coach the other. It rotates. I get to have the fun of coaching my kids, they get to play some without their dad around constantly. Everyone wins.

Anyway, back to the point. When they were in 2nd and 3rd grade, I coached their baseball team. Our local league does 2nd and 3rd together and does machine pitch. I had not coached baseball yet before (played it poorly as a kid), and signed up to be an assistant. No one else stepped up to be the head coach, so I got wrangled into it. I wanted to do a good job, so I did a whole bunch of research on how to teach the swing, drills to do, all that stuff. I worked in small groups and really worked with each kids swing, whether it looked like they had talent or not. One particular concept I taught them was how to bring the knob of the bat forward to the ball first before extending the wrists bring the bat head through the hitting zone. We did these drills every day at practice.

We did pretty good that season, but in 4th grade the boys moved to traveling so I stopped doing baseball. During my older sons second year in traveling, his coach brought a high school coach in to work on their swings. He taught the exact same concept of bringing the knob of the bat forward first (he had a slightly different way of explaining it, but he had the advantage of working with older, more talented kids). My son comes to me after practice and was excited about this new thing they learned and how he thought it was going to help his swing. I put my hand on his shoulder and said "don't you remember me teaching you the exact same thing when I coached the Red Sox?" He looked at me with his "huh?" look like I was speaking Swahili. I said "remember those drills we did with the wiffle balls and the tee?" "Oh yeah, I remember that" he says. He then shrugged his shoulders and moved on, not realizing the momentousness of the moment like I did. It was then that I realized he was not going to listen to me like he would listen to a "real" coach who actually knew what he was doing (regardless of if I actually did or not).

The same lesson has often been repeated in basketball as well. Just thought I'd share.

 

[Judge Smails]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

I wish I would have done this. I was an excellent coach, but better with other kids than my own son because I didn't handle the after game discussions as well as you did.

 

[Frostillicus]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

Nailed it.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

I wish I would have done this. I was an excellent coach, but better with other kids than my own son because I didn't handle the after game discussions as well as you did.

Trust me, it didn't come natural. I learned this the hard way.

A couple of summers ago my wife and I went to Vegas for a long weekend. We were leaving late at night, so after my older sons game, both boys were going home with my parents to stay while we were in Vegas. On the way to the game, my older son was unusually quiet and I could tell something was bothering him. We got to the field, and were getting the stuff out of the car and I can see tears welling in his eyes. I have no idea what could be bothering him since he wasn't talking. I asked him what was wrong, assuming he was sad about his me and his mom leaving for a few days. "I don't want to go home with grandpa"! he blurts out. Still thinking he's going to miss me I hug him and let him know we'll be back soon and he'll be having too much fun to miss us. "That's not it," he says. "Grandpa always wants to talk about the games when they are over."

Especially after a loss, I don't think kids want to dwell on it and get more "coaching" while they are feeling down.

 

[gameday]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

I wish I would have done this. I was an excellent coach, but better with other kids than my own son because I didn't handle the after game discussions as well as you did.

Trust me, it didn't come natural. I learned this the hard way.

A couple of summers ago my wife and I went to Vegas for a long weekend. We were leaving late at night, so after my older sons game, both boys were going home with my parents to stay while we were in Vegas. On the way to the game, my older son was unusually quiet and I could tell something was bothering him. We got to the field, and were getting the stuff out of the car and I can see tears welling in his eyes. I have no idea what could be bothering him since he wasn't talking. I asked him what was wrong, assuming he was sad about his me and his mom leaving for a few days. "I don't want to go home with grandpa"! he blurts out. Still thinking he's going to miss me I hug him and let him know we'll be back soon and he'll be having too much fun to miss us. "That's not it," he says. "Grandpa always wants to talk about the games when they are over."

Especially after a loss, I don't think kids want to dwell on it and get more "coaching" while they are feeling down.

I feel sorry for the kids who have parents that used to play at some fairly high level. Those parents hammer them about the game all the way home. We have one boy on my son's travel baseball team who pitched at a D1 college. The poor kid gets mercilessly peppered all the way home. No fun.

My other son competes on a national karate tourney circuit. My wife cannot help herself and tries to 'coach' him after ever competition. She just simply doesn't understand that's not the time to do it. Nor does she understand that she is the last person in the world my son wants coaching her. Even though I also competed in karate tourneys for 10 years I keep my nose out of it and let the real coaches do their jobs.