Question - Guys Giving Up Your Seat For A Woman On Subway (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

Also - spin off thread asking if you think the woman might be offended by you offering your seat https://forums.footballguys.com/thr...uy-offered-her-his-seat-on-the-subway.812597/

 

[Joe Bryant]

I ask as I observed this situation last night and was wondering what others would do.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

I ask as I observed this situation last night and was wondering what others would do.

Hmmm. Must have missed the cornhole invite....

 

[djmich]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I ask as I observed this situation last night and was wondering what others would do.

Hmmm. Must have missed the cornhole invite....

Sorry. It was a quick stopover returning from Portugal.

We should do one this summer.

 

[Joe Bryant]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

 

[Joe Schmo]

It's antiquated but it is the way I'm built from my upbringing so yes, I would offer up the seat. I do have a close personal friend who is in her 50's that would look at me side eye and be like "wtf, I'm good thanks". She wouldn't insulted but has no need for chivalry or white knighting or whatever it is guys were taught to do in deference for woman in the past.

 

[Joe Schmo]

On the other hand, the woman I am kind of seeing at the moment likes it when I hold her car door open so there is that.

 

[-OZ-]

I’ve only been on a subway maybe a dozen times (all in DC), shuttles in airports more often. I don’t believe I’ve ever sat down. I’d rather stand.

 

[djmich]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

In Manhattan will influence the results vs in Jacksonville.

 

[Willie Neslon]

I would answer sometimes. Each individual situation is different. Impossible to say for sure without being on that train in that moment. Depends on the woman and how awkward the moment of the seat switch would be.

 

[Joe Bryant]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

In Manhattan will influence the results vs in Jacksonville.

Yes. That's why I specified Manhattan.

 

[B Maverick]

I was in London in Feb and had several rides on their underground system. Witnessed some offering, some not. Typically it was offered to the more elderly looking women, or some that had obvious issues. As a 50 yo I offered once or twice to those looking similar age to my Mom (in her 70s).

As someone noted above, I do prefer to stand, but on shorter trips.

And I know you said Manhattan, but as its been years since I have been there, offered up some recent experience for some context.

Sadly, I do also feel its one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't items. Some women will shame you if you do, some will shame you if you don't.

 

[fruity pebbles]

I would answer sometimes. Each individual situation is different. Impossible to say for sure without being on that train in that moment. Depends on the woman and how awkward the moment of the seat switch would be.

That’s where I’m at. 20 years ago, every time. Now….if she old, pregnant, handicapped etc every time. Able bodied…..I’d have to assess the situation. I don’t want to be anyone’s TikTok video or have some weird interaction.

 

[djmich]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

In Manhattan will influence the results vs in Jacksonville.

Yes. That's why I specified Manhattan.

Lol, yes just clarifying then that most of the people that respond to your request to ask some women will not be representative of your Manhattan question.

 

[Drunken knight]

I would say mostly. i have back issues, but still do not mind deferring a seat.

 

[Joe Bryant]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

In Manhattan will influence the results vs in Jacksonville.

Yes. That's why I specified Manhattan.

Lol, yes just clarifying then that most of the people that respond to your request to ask some women will not be representative of your Manhattan question.

LOL, yes. The question is for guys here. That might find themselves on a Manhattan subway. And if they think a woman on a Manhattan subway (who could be from anywhere) would be offended.

 

[-OZ-]

. I don’t want to be anyone’s TikTok video

Totally understandable but it’s deplorable that this is where we are today.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I said not sure. Because I’m the same age. I wouldn’t want to insult the person.

And older and/or pregnant woman, absolutely.

 

[nightmare]

The few times I ride the subway or bus I will stand. I eliminate the gamble of who sits
next to me by not sitting.

 

[fruity pebbles]

. I don’t want to be anyone’s TikTok video

Totally understandable but it’s deplorable that this is where we are today.

I mean the likelihood, even today, of that happening are extremely low, but I did have a woman berate me for holding the door open for her once. I’ve picked my spots ever since.

 

[Kanil]

I'd 100% offer and hope it wasnt offending the person. Mom once told me if she ever saw me not offer my seat up to a lady that she'd enforce the "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it" clause.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Also - spin off thread asking if you think the woman might be offended by you offering your seat https://forums.footballguys.com/thr...uy-offered-her-his-seat-on-the-subway.812597/

 

[Gally]

I cannot understand someone being offended over this. That is absolutely baffling.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Yeah, of course.

 

[Pipes]

100% I offer up my seat, regardless of the age of the woman too. Guess I'm old school but that's how I was raised. I hold the door open for women too. I'm sure much of the younger generation would be offended but oh well not going to change now.

 

[belljr]

Only if I think it ups my chances of possible sex

So no

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Most likely No for me. Unless she appeared to be in obvious distress and looking around longingly for a seat

 

[General Malaise]

I said not sure. Because I’m the same age. I wouldn’t want to insult the person.

And older and/or pregnant woman, absolutely.

Well, one thing I know for certain is that while it may be an insulting thing to assume a person's age you are absolutely in the clear assuming a woman's gestational status in life.

 

[General Malaise]

Never been to Manhattan so that probably taints my vote, but I do ride public transportation quite a bit in my home city and will usually stand as a rule of thumb. If the car is empty, I'll sit down, but if its even getting close to full, I just stand and hold on. I voted that I would absolutely relinquish my seat for a middle aged woman - I'd do it for any woman. Or an older man. Just how I was raised and feel like it's a hat-tip to my mom who taught me to do that in life.

 

[5-ish Finkle]

Most likely No for me.

"Yeah, but....y'know...Lambskin's fat."

 

[Don Quixote]

I was “not sure” — I stand when I’m on the subway when it is reasonably full, as would prefer to stand rather than sit next to a stranger. Will only sit down if subway is under 50% capacity. So, if I’m sitting down on a crowded subway, there’s probably a reason that I’m sitting down. So, “not sure” as may need to understand any other facts that may be relevant.

 

[psychobillies]

Absolutely yes. I won't let the few women who get angry about stuff like this stop me from having manners.

 

[dgreen]

I said No. Having been on the DC Metro, including a lot during rush hour, my view is that it is not a cultural expectation to do so. I've been on NY subways some and my assumption is that they'd have a similar lack of cultural expectation. I've never heard complaints about this culture or any push to change it. People find all sorts of things to complain about on public transportation and I'm not familiar with this being one of them.

That's not to say I think it's bad to offer. I just see that as bringing one's own culture into another culture. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but that is where the concern of offending someone comes in here. I think that's just a cultural difference. My guess is the odds are fairly low you'd offend someone, and really, really low that you'd offend someone to the point that something negative happens. Any offense taken would probably be minor.

Other people have mentioned opening doors for women. Again, that's just not the culture here (nor NYC, I assume). My daughter grew up in the Virginia suburbs of DC and now attends a college in the South. She says men will speed up to get in front of women to make sure they can open the door for them. She finds that weird, even annoying. She also comments on the amount of man-splaining that she experiences. I'm not sure if the two (door holding for women and man-splaining) go together, but I do think my daughter sees Southern men's politeness to also involve some level of offensiveness towards women.

 

[Desert_Power]

Yeah, it depends. I don't really sit down often unless it is a longer ride. If I happen to be sitting in the accessible seats, then yes.

 

[dgreen]

I was “not sure” — I stand when I’m on the subway when it is reasonably full, as would prefer to stand rather than sit next to a stranger. Will only sit down if subway is under 50% capacity. So, if I’m sitting down on a crowded subway, there’s probably a reason that I’m sitting down. So, “not sure” as may need to understand any other facts that may be relevant.

Yeah, I actually don't know that I've ever seen "all seats full with a few people standing". If only a few people are standing, then seats are usually available. I know NYC has different seat configuration (more standing room) than DC, so maybe it's more common in NYC to have that situation.

 

[Zasada]

If the woman is able-bodied, not pregnant, and has no other obvious/visible need for a seat, then nope.

That said, I still open the car door for my wife whenever I can. Not because she's a woman, but it's something that I have done since we started dating (30 years ago I just realized, wow I'm old -- maybe people should be giving me their seat on the subway, hah), and it's a small nice thing to do. I think.

Plus maybe it leads to sex.

Who am I kidding, we've been together 30 years. Diamond earrings, foot rubs, and offering to go shopping at Costco with her probably still wouldn't lead to sex.

 

[millertyme1]

N/A

Prefer to go standing.

 

[Bottomfeeder Sports]

Two years ago, I would have most of the time. A failed ankle surgery later, only if the trip is really short.

my view is that it is not a cultural expectation to do so

I wouldn't have the experience to know this. I'm not sure I'd care though.

I've taken lots of walks in mornings over the years and I always had a twisted pleasure of watching how people react when you say "hello" or "how you doing" to them.

 

[AAABatteries]

Age of the woman doesn’t factor in for me - I’d ask any female if she wanted my seat.

 

[NewlyRetired]

The gender of the individual does not define the action for me.

I hold the door open for people of any age, and gender. I just think this is polite, it has nothing to do with deference.

For the specific question of the subway, age and or discomfort level defines whether I would ask or not. Gender does not factor in. An old guy may need to sit significantly more than a 50 year old woman.

 

[johnnycakes]

If pregnant or elderly... of course. If otherwise young, healthy, and capable... she can stand.

 

[Joe Bryant]

If pregnant or elderly... of course. If otherwise young, healthy, and capable... she can stand.

Where do you draw the line at defining elderly? The woman in question here was 55, healthy and capable.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I wonder too how much region of the country matters in whether a guy would offer his seat. Thoughts?

 

[johnnycakes]

If pregnant or elderly... of course. If otherwise young, healthy, and capable... she can stand.

Where do you draw the line at defining elderly? The woman in question here was 55, healthy and capable.

Elderly = appearing to be 65 or older and enrolled in Medicare. I should also add I would give my seat to a handicrapper, but there are usually seats marked especially for them. Oh yeah... and I'll be 65 in a couple months, so I definitely include 55 as being "young".

 

[Terminalxylem]

. I don’t want to be anyone’s TikTok video

Totally understandable but it’s deplorable that this is where we are today.

I mean the likelihood, even today, of that happening are extremely low, but I did have a woman berate me for holding the door open for her once. I’ve picked my spots ever since.

Seems like an exaggerated response to her actions, assuming almost every other woman for whom you’ve held the door was appreciative?

 

[The General]

I don't think so unless the person looked like they had issues, was carrying a bunch of stuff, etc.

 

[The General]

What does No or Yes just barely mean? Like begrudgingly or after you think about it for awhile.

 

[FreeBaGeL]

. I don’t want to be anyone’s TikTok video

Totally understandable but it’s deplorable that this is where we are today.

I mean the likelihood, even today, of that happening are extremely low, but I did have a woman berate me for holding the door open for her once. I’ve picked my spots ever since.

Seems like an exaggerated response to her actions, assuming almost every other woman you’ve held the door for was appreciative?

Yeah this seems to be so common nowadays. People invent some extremely unlikely scenario in their head, and then rail on society for that made-up scenario that mostly only exists in their head.

Like the women that get angry at their spouse for cheating in their dream.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

No, why run the risk of insulting her.

That's another interesting tangent. I wonder how many women would actually be insulted by this?

I can't think of a less knowledgeable group of people than this bunch of mostly old guys, but I think it's an interesting question.

Maybe you guys can ask a woman around this age and see what they think.

In Manhattan will influence the results vs in Jacksonville.

Yes. That's why I specified Manhattan.

Lol, yes just clarifying then that most of the people that respond to your request to ask some women will not be representative of your Manhattan question.

LOL, yes. The question is for guys here. That might find themselves on a Manhattan subway. And if they think a woman on a Manhattan subway (who could be from anywhere) would be offended.

I’m in NYC for work a lot. Multiple times per month. Ride the subway all the time. I do this often (give up my seat) and see many others do it. That said, my perception is that it happened far more frequently when I lived in NY 20 years ago.

That said — I’ve literally never been ridiculed for offering my seat to a woman. Not once. Also haven’t seen it happen. Do some women go “nah, I’m good?” Yep. But have never seen any angry or irritated reaction.