Son bad transition to school (1 Viewer)

[Deepster]

You might want to start reading up on this.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/autism-study-finds-no-link-celiac-disease-gluten-reactivity-real

There are schools out there who believe a gluten free diet can help with some of the autistic behavior. While there are detractors, as you figure things out medically, it can't hurt to be a little proactive and see if it helps. I have a ton of good gluten free resources if you decide to try it. PM me if you'd like.

 

[meatwad1]

I work at a Catholic School. Judging by what you are saying, I would be conscious of how they are dealing with the situation and consider whether or not the school is the best fit for him. Just because people say the public school is bad does not mean that it is bad for everyone. Also, I can tell you that in my school there are a few kids every year in K4 who act like this. To a person, they all eventually grow out of it, even the kids who are on the autism spectrum. So I would not automatically assume that something is terribly wrong. In my experience, most k4 kids do not even know what planet they are on at any given time.

I would pay close attention to how the school deals with this. Not every school is the right fit for a child. And the people who say the Catholic schools do not have services are right. That does not mean they will not work with your kid, some Catholic schools will do a better job with special ed kids than public schools, some will have the attitude to kick him out. Worst case scenario maybe you consider moving in the future to be near a school that is excellent for him if this school turns out to be a poor fit.

 

[ATC1]

I'm not asking for services, just asking for a little patience for him to be tested, Dx. and start treatment to see if he will adjust. My daughter has fit in so well, I would hate to have to move her as well to find the right school for my son. Especially if he would respond to treatment.

 

[Ilov80s]

I'm not asking for services, just asking for a little patience for him to be tested, Dx. and start treatment to see if he will adjust. My daughter has fit in so well, I would hate to have to move her as well to find the right school for my son if he would respond to treatment.

Selling your house is like 300 steps ahead of where you are at right now. I wouldn't think about that now. Just observe anything that seems odd, let the doctors, know and see what they think. Fill out the questionnaires as accurately as possible. Don't stress too much. As for working with his behavior at home, you are likely to get better results with rewards than punishments. The rewards should be intermittent. Focus only on 1 or 2 very specific things at a time. Don't expect an entire new skill or behavior to change instantly so remember to applaud effort in the right direction and incremental success. I could be more specific if there were particular things you were working on or wanted to.

 

[ATC1]

Feeling a little better since the weekend after sitting down with the wife. We have an appointment with the Dr. today, supposed to get a call from the specialist today after turning in the questionnaire and have an appointment with the school staff Thursday morning.

After an e-mail from the teacher. 7 of the 8 "triggers" seem to be related to sitting in his spot. i.e. turning around in his chair, not sitting in his spot, sitting still ect. It is now my belief that the previous Daycare did not try to keep him in one spot to this extent. He pretty much had free roam of the centers. Now that he needs to sit in a spot he doesn't realize he is behaving poorly, because he doesn't know that is a rule. So, in his mind he is being sent to the office, having things taken away from him and basically not understanding why he is being punished. He had a better day Friday (Sent to the office once) so we took that and ran with it as him being better, but need to work on sitting and listening. We have told him he is a good boy and get met with a smile in return. We also started a thumbs up ritual between me and him when ever we talk abut sitting and listening.

I think we will get a handle on the problem. The main concern is the school having the patience with him until he can adjust. We get the feeling they are running the course to have him leave seek help and return next year. He is the youngest in his class. However, I would hate for him to have to transition to another school when it may just take a little while for him to adjust in the class.

Thanks to everyone. I will be updating the thread regularly.

 

[stbugs]

Feeling a little better since the weekend after sitting down with the wife. We have an appointment with the Dr. today, supposed to get a call from the specialist today after turning in the questionnaire and have an appointment with the school staff Thursday morning.

After an e-mail from the teacher. 7 of the 8 "triggers" seem to be related to sitting in his spot. i.e. turning around in his chair, not sitting in his spot, sitting still ect. It is now my belief that the previous Daycare did not try to keep him in one spot to this extent. He pretty much had free roam of the centers. Now that he needs to sit in a spot he doesn't realize he is behaving poorly, because he doesn't know that is a rule. So, in his mind he is being sent to the office, having things taken away from him and basically not understanding why he is being punished. He had a better day Friday (Sent to the office once) so we took that and ran with it as him being better, but need to work on sitting and listening. We have told him he is a good boy and get met with a smile in return. We also started a thumbs up ritual between me and him when ever we talk abut sitting and listening.

I think we will get a handle on the problem. The main concern is the school having the patience with him until he can adjust. We get the feeling they are running the course to have him leave seek help and return next year. He is the youngest in his class. However, I would hate for him to have to transition to another school when it may just take a little while for him to adjust in the class.

Thanks to everyone. I will be updating the thread regularly.

Can I ask why you sent him early? I am assuming that as the youngest he probably could have waited a year. I don't have any personal experience, but is this something that a kid like your son would be better able to handle as he gets older? It might not be a bad idea if you can do it to wait a year and now that you know what he needs to do, you can help get him prepped. I think you said he was 4, so he has time. There are lots of kids that turn 6 in kindergarten. I wouldn't think about another school, just maybe the same day care and pre-K next year. I have 3 boys and 2 went to kindergarten when they turned 5 during the summer because they were more than ready and have done really well. My middle son was attached to his younger brother and we felt like maybe we wasn't as ready (another summery birthday) and he has been great as well. So, 2 are among the youngest in their classes and 1 among the oldest. Maybe your son should be one of the older kids and that may help him adjust better.

 

[Tom Skerritt]

4 years old seems awfully young to be in this structured environment... especially if he is having the issues you describe. Sounds like he is unable to handle the pre-K environment at this time. I understand your defensiveness toward the school, but they are just doing their job. Your son is preventing all of the other children from getting the attention they need, and the school must act appropriately to get this under control. And kicking your son out might be the best solution. Sucks for you, but you should accept that until you can get your son the help he needs.

And FWIW, my son is ADHD. My wife and I did not realize this until it was pointed out to us by his 1st grade teacher. We knew he was "active", but never considered ADHD. I believe he was 5 or 6 years old at the time. His teacher asked if we had ever had him evaluated by a psychologist. I was thrown and angry. It was difficult to accept that there might be something wrong. But once you accept it, it becomes easier to get help and begin the learning and treatment process.

 

[ATC1]

There is a 2 pre-K classes. One is a developmental age where only less then half the kids go to Kindergarten. We were prepared to have him go to the other PreK class for next year from the start. We would not send him back to Day Care as I feel the smaller classes, no structure, or making him focus/sit that he would need in a class really does he much good. If after a little time he does not show signs of improvement, we will certainly be looking for a place that has that type of structure. Putting him in that same Day Care I don't think would be best for him, but we will certainly be open to what the specialist suggests.

 

[ATC1]

4 years old seems awfully young to be in this structured environment... especially if he is having the issues you describe. Sounds like he is unable to handle the pre-K environment at this time. I understand your defensiveness toward the school, but they are just doing their job. Your son is preventing all of the other children from getting the attention they need, and the school must act appropriately to get this under control. And kicking your son out might be the best solution. Sucks for you, but you should accept that until you can get your son the help he needs.

And FWIW, my son is ADHD. My wife and I did not realize this until it was pointed out to us by his 1st grade teacher. We knew he was "active", but never considered ADHD. I believe he was 5 or 6 years old at the time. His teacher asked if we had ever had him evaluated by a psychologist. I was thrown and angry. It was difficult to accept that there might be something wrong. But once you accept it, it becomes easier to get help and begin the learning and treatment process.

I agree and it is possible he is just not ready. But after a week? I think we know what the problem is. We will certainly take into account what the specialist and the school think and will not expect him to stay if there is no signs that he will adjust.

 

[Quez]

Man that teacher sounds mean. I'd want to hit her too if she was all trying to make me stay in my seat.

 

[stbugs]

There is a 2 pre-K classes. One is a developmental age where only less then half the kids go to Kindergarten. We were prepared to have him go to the other PreK class for next year from the start. We would not send him back to Day Care as I feel the smaller classes, no structure, or making him focus/sit that he would need in a class really does he much good. If after a little time he does not show signs of improvement, we will certainly be looking for a place that has that type of structure. Putting him in that same Day Care I don't think would be best for him, but we will certainly be open to what the specialist suggests.

Got it. That makes more sense. My middle son did pre-K as well. He didn't have any issues, so again, not the same decisions you have to make. We just felt like he would get more out of another year maturity wise before Kindergarten and it has worked out well for him. If he is doing pre-K for 2 years, then I think that would be best. I just know that there are people that like to push their kids too early and each kid is different. While I understand as parents you want your son to get the patience he needs, I also see the other side that as a teacher that disruption makes the class harder for everyone else. It is a hard balance and as you know already, having the disruptive kid isn't easy on you guys as parents. I think working with him on it and getting outside help/diagnosis/recommendations will help out.

 

[El Floppo]

Sounds like you guys are getting a handle on things

A four year old who doesn't like to sit still or transition from one task to another... again, sounds pretty normal to me- especially one who hasn't been in a more formal preschool. The physical acting-out reactions, otoh- a bit less so. Sounds like a double-pronged approach couldn't hurt: work with him on sitting still (if he isn't adhd) and also work with him on more appropriate ways of expressing his frustration.

GL- let us know the results of the evaluations.

oh... as a parent with 2 kids who have some speech issues, I'm always a little surprised that parents take any kind of "non-normal" developmental issues from their kids so personally- or have a stigma concerning them. I get it- you want your kids to be all-systems-go, but I've seen a number of very involved, loving, supporting parents basically ignore pretty clear ADHD or autism-spectrum issues from their kids- preferring imagining that the kid is just fine instead of getting the jump and getting the kids some help. Also have seen prospective parents run into infertility issues and then feel too ashamed/whatever to push through getting help with fertility treatments to have a kid. IMO and IME, there's no shame in any of this- you want to do what's right for you and what's right for your kid- bottom line.

 

[ATC1]

Son saw the pediatrician today and he saw the pointed out that it seemed like he has a general difficult time transitioning and not an underlying problem because he seems to not be misbehaved at home or with people he is familiar with. He noticed the eye contact issue, but feels he improved as he warmed up to the Dr. in the clinic.

The specialist called after his appointment. We will schedule for an evaluation before Thursday if I can get the preapproval from the insurance. This specialist says they are already coming to his school for other kids as on-site appointments in the kids' settings. That tells me the school is more tolerant that we perhaps thought and they are already familiar with the appointments and type of services the specialist provide.

 

[El Floppo]

Son saw the pediatrician today and he saw the pointed out that it seemed like he has a general difficult time transitioning and not an underlying problem because he seems to not be misbehaved at home or with people he is familiar with. He noticed the eye contact issue, but feels he improved as he warmed up to the Dr. in the clinic.

The specialist called after his appointment. We will schedule for an evaluation before Thursday if I can get the preapproval from the insurance. This specialist says they are already coming to his school for other kids as on-site appointments in the kids' settings. That tells me the school is more tolerant that we perhaps thought and they are already familiar with the appointments and type of services the specialist provide.

good news about the pediatrician- hopefully this is just a "young and inexperienced/immature" thing and not something for which you need to get assistance.

fwiw- specialist going to school doesn't mean the school is "tolerant" IMO. the state/county and schools are mandated to provide services to kids who need them- this a normal thing in all public schools that I've seen.

I think the tolerance you're looking for is going to be about whether your kids can stay this year or will have to come back next year. Next year, unless you kid has dramatic issues (which it doesn't sound like he does), he will be in that school- with or without services.

 

[B-Deep]

Son saw the pediatrician today and he saw the pointed out that it seemed like he has a general difficult time transitioning and not an underlying problem because he seems to not be misbehaved at home or with people he is familiar with. He noticed the eye contact issue, but feels he improved as he warmed up to the Dr. in the clinic.

The specialist called after his appointment. We will schedule for an evaluation before Thursday if I can get the preapproval from the insurance. This specialist says they are already coming to his school for other kids as on-site appointments in the kids' settings. That tells me the school is more tolerant that we perhaps thought and they are already familiar with the appointments and type of services the specialist provide.

good news about the pediatrician- hopefully this is just a "young and inexperienced/immature" thing and not something for which you need to get assistance.

fwiw- specialist going to school doesn't mean the school is "tolerant" IMO. the state/county and schools are mandated to provide services to kids who need them- this a normal thing in all public schools that I've seen.

I think the tolerance you're looking for is going to be about whether your kids can stay this year or will have to come back next year. Next year, unless you kid has dramatic issues (which it doesn't sound like he does), he will be in that school- with or without services.

exactly

keep exploring keep trying to get help and gte answers. This may all go away as he settles in, but keep working to make sure there is nothing more there.

Either way the school should assist and your son will stay there. I have a son who is easily the most severly handicapped child in his school. He is still considered a 2nd grader, they take him into class for things he can handle, and he is with an intervention specialist for other things.

This is the most extreme case, IF your son has an issue that gets him an IEP (individualized education plan) it simply means the school and you work to lay out how he will have his needs met, this can be through minor modification and extra instruction, or a complete redo of what they teach. Either way the schools are required to work with you.

best of luck!

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Son saw the pediatrician today and he saw the pointed out that it seemed like he has a general difficult time transitioning and not an underlying problem because he seems to not be misbehaved at home or with people he is familiar with. He noticed the eye contact issue, but feels he improved as he warmed up to the Dr. in the clinic.

The specialist called after his appointment. We will schedule for an evaluation before Thursday if I can get the preapproval from the insurance. This specialist says they are already coming to his school for other kids as on-site appointments in the kids' settings. That tells me the school is more tolerant that we perhaps thought and they are already familiar with the appointments and type of services the specialist provide.

An examination by an opthamologist might be helpful, just to rule out problems with his vision.

 

[LarryAllen'sJockstrap]

Long story short. My son is 4. He has been in speech therapy for almost 2 years. He is a bit hyper (not sitting still, not making eye contact.) We were not sure what age kids get diagnosed with ADHD, but this could be something else. He has not hit out of malice until he started pre-K. Everyday the teacher says he has hit her, the principal and throws his shoes at her. He calls her mean. I have never seen him say that to anyone. He has not been in school a week and they are talking about kicking him out.

We have taken all his toys away from him, sit with him doing nothing but puzzles and books after school until dinner. I spend so much time with him one on one I feel I’m not giving enough attention to my daughter. We are scheduling an appointment with his pediatrician and have a meeting with the school.

Anybody deal with this? I’m starting to break down and get depressed. I really need help.

Our son was diagnosed with fairly significant ADHD when he was ~3; he's 4 and a half now. If you want more details on his specifics, PM me, but outbursts, tantrums refusal to obey and violence have all been issues we've faced. When he was 2, we had in a mother's day out program a few days a week, and they recommended we look into our school district to see if they provided early learning for special needs children. Our son's nickname in MDO was "Popcorn" cause he just ran around with energy 100% of the time, moving from thing to thing like popcorn cooking in the microwave. We had to get him early everyday cause he'd refuse to go for his nap when every other student would. Luckily, we found that our district does provide early learning, and that summer we were able to get him enrolled in a special needs pre-pre-K class. It took a diagnosis by our doctor and 3 sessions with staff and social workers to observe and evaluate him. Anyways, year one was a half day in a class of all other special needs students. The progress he made was amazing; you think you're doing the right things at home. These people are professionals that really understand what is and isn't effective and how to best develop each student. This year, he splits his day between the special ed work, and sitting in a standard pre-K classroom. Today was day one. It's been a godsend. There was NO way he would have been able to handle being thrown right into pre-K or especially K.

The program above is completely free, run through our public school district and funded by the state. Most of the districts in the local area provide similar programs. You might want to look into something like that.

 

[B-Deep]

Long story short. My son is 4. He has been in speech therapy for almost 2 years. He is a bit hyper (not sitting still, not making eye contact.) We were not sure what age kids get diagnosed with ADHD, but this could be something else. He has not hit out of malice until he started pre-K. Everyday the teacher says he has hit her, the principal and throws his shoes at her. He calls her mean. I have never seen him say that to anyone. He has not been in school a week and they are talking about kicking him out.

We have taken all his toys away from him, sit with him doing nothing but puzzles and books after school until dinner. I spend so much time with him one on one I feel I’m not giving enough attention to my daughter. We are scheduling an appointment with his pediatrician and have a meeting with the school.

Anybody deal with this? I’m starting to break down and get depressed. I really need help.

Our son was diagnosed with fairly significant ADHD when he was ~3; he's 4 and a half now. If you want more details on his specifics, PM me, but outbursts, tantrums refusal to obey and violence have all been issues we've faced. When he was 2, we had in a mother's day out program a few days a week, and they recommended we look into our school district to see if they provided early learning for special needs children. Our son's nickname in MDO was "Popcorn" cause he just ran around with energy 100% of the time, moving from thing to thing like popcorn cooking in the microwave. We had to get him early everyday cause he'd refuse to go for his nap when every other student would. Luckily, we found that our district does provide early learning, and that summer we were able to get him enrolled in a special needs pre-pre-K class. It took a diagnosis by our doctor and 3 sessions with staff and social workers to observe and evaluate him. Anyways, year one was a half day in a class of all other special needs students. The progress he made was amazing; you think you're doing the right things at home. These people are professionals that really understand what is and isn't effective and how to best develop each student. This year, he splits his day between the special ed work, and sitting in a standard pre-K classroom. Today was day one. It's been a godsend. There was NO way he would have been able to handle being thrown right into pre-K or especially K.

The program above is completely free, run through our public school district and funded by the state. Most of the districts in the local area provide similar programs. You might want to look into something like that.

we were not sure what my son could even learn, his intervention specialist (special ed teacher) is amazing at finding how to teach him, and he is doing things we never thought possible

maybe there is nothing going on that some time won't fix, but look into it because if he has even slight issues there are people who know how to help.

 

[AAABatteries]

Man that teacher sounds mean. I'd want to hit her too if she was all trying to make me stay in my seat.

No offense Quez, but why do you keep trying to make jokes? This isn't the thread for it.

 

[meatwad1]

Feeling a little better since the weekend after sitting down with the wife. We have an appointment with the Dr. today, supposed to get a call from the specialist today after turning in the questionnaire and have an appointment with the school staff Thursday morning.

After an e-mail from the teacher. 7 of the 8 "triggers" seem to be related to sitting in his spot. i.e. turning around in his chair, not sitting in his spot, sitting still ect. It is now my belief that the previous Daycare did not try to keep him in one spot to this extent. He pretty much had free roam of the centers. Now that he needs to sit in a spot he doesn't realize he is behaving poorly, because he doesn't know that is a rule. So, in his mind he is being sent to the office, having things taken away from him and basically not understanding why he is being punished. He had a better day Friday (Sent to the office once) so we took that and ran with it as him being better, but need to work on sitting and listening. We have told him he is a good boy and get met with a smile in return. We also started a thumbs up ritual between me and him when ever we talk abut sitting and listening.

I think we will get a handle on the problem. The main concern is the school having the patience with him until he can adjust. We get the feeling they are running the course to have him leave seek help and return next year. He is the youngest in his class. However, I would hate for him to have to transition to another school when it may just take a little while for him to adjust in the class.

Thanks to everyone. I will be updating the thread regularly.

Can I ask why you sent him early? I am assuming that as the youngest he probably could have waited a year. I don't have any personal experience, but is this something that a kid like your son would be better able to handle as he gets older? It might not be a bad idea if you can do it to wait a year and now that you know what he needs to do, you can help get him prepped. I think you said he was 4, so he has time. There are lots of kids that turn 6 in kindergarten. I wouldn't think about another school, just maybe the same day care and pre-K next year. I have 3 boys and 2 went to kindergarten when they turned 5 during the summer because they were more than ready and have done really well. My middle son was attached to his younger brother and we felt like maybe we wasn't as ready (another summery birthday) and he has been great as well. So, 2 are among the youngest in their classes and 1 among the oldest. Maybe your son should be one of the older kids and that may help him adjust better.

This is actually good advice. Older kids also have an advantage..Malcom Gladwell did a cool essay in one of his books about birthdays and how members of the Canadian national hockey team are picked.

 

[cstu]

Sounds like you guys are getting a handle on things

A four year old who doesn't like to sit still or transition from one task to another... again, sounds pretty normal to me- especially one who hasn't been in a more formal preschool. The physical acting-out reactions, otoh- a bit less so. Sounds like a double-pronged approach couldn't hurt: work with him on sitting still (if he isn't adhd) and also work with him on more appropriate ways of expressing his frustration.

GL- let us know the results of the evaluations.

oh... as a parent with 2 kids who have some speech issues, I'm always a little surprised that parents take any kind of "non-normal" developmental issues from their kids so personally- or have a stigma concerning them. I get it- you want your kids to be all-systems-go, but I've seen a number of very involved, loving, supporting parents basically ignore pretty clear ADHD or autism-spectrum issues from their kids- preferring imagining that the kid is just fine instead of getting the jump and getting the kids some help. Also have seen prospective parents run into infertility issues and then feel too ashamed/whatever to push through getting help with fertility treatments to have a kid. IMO and IME, there's no shame in any of this- you want to do what's right for you and what's right for your kid- bottom line.

I understand the reluctance since I was the same way when my daughter was 2 and not speaking. In hindsight I laugh at how stupid I was to be worried about it. The help my daughter has received has been incredible. In fact, I just got back from spending 12 hours alone with her at Disneyland with zero problems. It was absolutely amazing and there is no way she would have been that way without the services she's received.

 

[cstu]

Feeling a little better since the weekend after sitting down with the wife. We have an appointment with the Dr. today, supposed to get a call from the specialist today after turning in the questionnaire and have an appointment with the school staff Thursday morning.

After an e-mail from the teacher. 7 of the 8 "triggers" seem to be related to sitting in his spot. i.e. turning around in his chair, not sitting in his spot, sitting still ect. It is now my belief that the previous Daycare did not try to keep him in one spot to this extent. He pretty much had free roam of the centers. Now that he needs to sit in a spot he doesn't realize he is behaving poorly, because he doesn't know that is a rule. So, in his mind he is being sent to the office, having things taken away from him and basically not understanding why he is being punished. He had a better day Friday (Sent to the office once) so we took that and ran with it as him being better, but need to work on sitting and listening. We have told him he is a good boy and get met with a smile in return. We also started a thumbs up ritual between me and him when ever we talk abut sitting and listening.

I think we will get a handle on the problem. The main concern is the school having the patience with him until he can adjust. We get the feeling they are running the course to have him leave seek help and return next year. He is the youngest in his class. However, I would hate for him to have to transition to another school when it may just take a little while for him to adjust in the class.

Thanks to everyone. I will be updating the thread regularly.

Can I ask why you sent him early? I am assuming that as the youngest he probably could have waited a year. I don't have any personal experience, but is this something that a kid like your son would be better able to handle as he gets older? It might not be a bad idea if you can do it to wait a year and now that you know what he needs to do, you can help get him prepped. I think you said he was 4, so he has time. There are lots of kids that turn 6 in kindergarten. I wouldn't think about another school, just maybe the same day care and pre-K next year. I have 3 boys and 2 went to kindergarten when they turned 5 during the summer because they were more than ready and have done really well. My middle son was attached to his younger brother and we felt like maybe we wasn't as ready (another summery birthday) and he has been great as well. So, 2 are among the youngest in their classes and 1 among the oldest. Maybe your son should be one of the older kids and that may help him adjust better.

This is actually good advice. Older kids also have an advantage..Malcom Gladwell did a cool essay in one of his books about birthdays and how members of the Canadian national hockey team are picked.

My daughter benefited greatly from waiting. She was born in September and would have been one of the youngest in class if she started kindergarten last year. There's no way she was ready for it so we kept her an extra year in pre-school (not officially called pre-K but that's what it was). She's now doing much better socially, her reading is at a 7 year old level, and the only behavior problem is a tendency for impulsivity and running off (both of which are much better).