Tell Me Why I Should Have Children... (1 Viewer)

[cstu]

I don't want them doing that, but there are quite a lot of other things I'd rather trust them with rather than a stranger.

Maybe you guys can handle it but I'd be completely depressed being old without any kids.

How do you know? Who knows?

I never even think about getting old. I only worry about near future, next year or two. Next year is a big year, my 50th birthday and 20th anniversary. We have Hawaii and Australia pretty much booked. That's all I care about. Maybe a dog after that.

I know myself very well and think too much for my own good.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Imagine your life if your parents never had kids. Boom! There's your reason right there, give birth to new conciousness. It's a pay it forward kind of thing.

Don't value your own life or that your DNA has been passed down through thousands of people? Kill yourself, you're not worthyof this realm.

Listen to him. He's management.

 

[Spike]

If you are selfish and can't put others needs before your own don't have kids. And by the way there's nothing wrong with that. One of my closest friends decided early on with this wife that they didn't want kids and they have by all accounts a great life. Tons of cash, great careers, beautiful home, travel, etc. No kids, but their dogs are treated like royalty.

Kids are a big sacrifice. And a HUGE responsibility. You are basically responsible for potentially shaping generations to come. F up as a parent and there's a great chance the next few generations will be f'd up too. Raise great kids? Then their chances of following your lead are just as great. Kid's are very expensive. I'm putting 3 through college now. Would I be pretty much done if I hadn't forked out megabucks over their lives? Sure.

Listen to your gut. If it says no kids - by all means go that way happily and without regret. Mine was the opposite. My wife and I always wanted kids, maybe to create the family structure we didn't have. We wouldn't trade a thing. The laughs, memories, family traditions, vacations, etc are worth every sacrifice. And can't wait for grandkids either. But I don't judge people who choose not to have kids. Matter of fact, I applaud them thinking it through and doing what's right for themselves and potential kids. Whatever makes you happy - as long as you don't harm a kid by making the wrong choice.

Perfectly stated.

 

[parrot]

Link

Good to see my work is appreciated...

 

[eoMMan]

If you are selfish and can't put others needs before your own don't have kids. And by the way there's nothing wrong with that. One of my closest friends decided early on with this wife that they didn't want kids and they have by all accounts a great life. Tons of cash, great careers, beautiful home, travel, etc. No kids, but their dogs are treated like royalty.

Kids are a big sacrifice. And a HUGE responsibility. You are basically responsible for potentially shaping generations to come. F up as a parent and there's a great chance the next few generations will be f'd up too. Raise great kids? Then their chances of following your lead are just as great. Kid's are very expensive. I'm putting 3 through college now. Would I be pretty much done if I hadn't forked out megabucks over their lives? Sure.

Listen to your gut. If it says no kids - by all means go that way happily and without regret. Mine was the opposite. My wife and I always wanted kids, maybe to create the family structure we didn't have. We wouldn't trade a thing. The laughs, memories, family traditions, vacations, etc are worth every sacrifice. And can't wait for grandkids either. But I don't judge people who choose not to have kids. Matter of fact, I applaud them thinking it through and doing what's right for themselves and potential kids. Whatever makes you happy - as long as you don't harm a kid by making the wrong choice.

Perfectly stated.

Good summary except for the part about "being selfish". That's crazy talk.

 

[Craig_MiamiFL]

nomarriage.com

 

[Dr Oadi]

Merry Christmas Nikki!

 

[spreagle]

When you have kids you get to correct and improve where your parents fell short. And when your kids have kids, they get to correct and improve where you fell short. Etcetera.

But if you don't have kids the whole process of continual improvement on that line of the family tree comes to an abrupt end, and the whole branch goes dead, forever. Centuries upon centuries of continuous improvement, wasted, never to return. However, if you have nothing substantial to offer, like a welfare queen or a hedonist or big government liberal or something like that, it's really no big loss, no one will miss it, that particular family branch was always just a chunk of dead wood waiting to rot off the tree.

 

[T Bell]

You should have kids because Homer needs inventory.

 

[cstu]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

 

[rockaction]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

Jesus.

 

[Shrugs]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

I thought the story was going to end with your wife coming back pregnant.

 

[Paulymaggs]

My wife is 35 and never wanted kids. Some think she is selfish but she would do anything for me, her close friends, and her family. She wants to be the breadwinner and she just doesn't have the instincts of a caretaker. I am fine with not having kids. She was up front about it when we started dating. I had a vasectomy this summer after years of inefficient prevention (if it happened, it happened). We were never scared about the responsibility of kids. We just never had that itch.

At the same time, my wife assumes that I would be great dad. We share in the housework where I handle more of the day to day and she cleans everything at once a couple times a month. I do most of the cooking. As a teenager, I helped raise my older sibling kids (who all were in my house day one) including all the aspects of parenting outside of the major financial demands. That said, we have provided a lot of money to my nephews and nieces over the years.

It appears it isn't easy for career driven women to find the right person to marry. Well it is obvious that not a lot of men are "prepared" for that type of women, I also think that career driven women aren't always clear (with themselves as well as others) about their desires and expectations. That thought comes from knowing some of these women and also the fact that their path isn't clearly defined in our society. That said, our marriage and relationship has been the best thing in our lives. Her career is very important to her. I understand who she is and expect her to be herself with me. She relies on me in a way she relies on no one. I don't think she knew what she wanted out of me initially but who I am seems to be enough.

I can't speak to your situation with any certainty but it doesn't seem like a healthy situation for a kid. That said, I think that many, many kids are raised in similar or worse situations. I don't know if you are an unreasonable clean freak or if you husband is literally worthless around the house. It does appear (just from reading your concerns) that squeezing a kid into that dynamic will not solve any problems. It rarely does.

WiIl you regret not having kids? Maybe so. We are both 35 and we don't regret the vasectomy. We don't expect we will but there is still a lot of time. I know the joys and pride that come with raising children. My role in four young lives has given me tons of stress but also the joy of seeing them happy and sometimes the pride in knowing that you had a hand in their happiness.

One of the very best posts about relationships ever in the FFA.

 

[AAABatteries]

Based on your avatar I would have thought you were Otis' wife.

Did we ever get to the bottom of why Otis is in Nikki's avatar?

 

[Otis]

Based on your avatar I would have thought you were Otis' wife.

Did we ever get to the bottom of why Otis is in Nikki's avatar?

Who did what now?

 

[AAABatteries]

Based on your avatar I would have thought you were Otis' wife.

Did we ever get to the bottom of why Otis is in Nikki's avatar?

Who did what now?

Not you in the pic? https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index.php?/user/51552-nikki2200/

 

[xulf]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

Jesus.

wtmf

To cstu's post, there's nothing more gratifying than the excitement of your kids loving you and appreciating you.

 

[cstu]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

 

[cstu]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

I thought the story was going to end with your wife coming back pregnant.

 

[Franknbeans]

because you want to?

That should be the only reason.

 

[Scoresman]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

Former DINK here. 5 years in with the daughter now. $15K per year for 5 years for preschool. Moved across the country to be closer to family. Property taxes on house: $14K. Camp each summer: $5K. If it's a money deal for you, don't do it. Ironically, we were married in Maui and did first year anniversary in Cancun.

 

[Scoresman]

WTF why is preschool so expensive? In preschool all we did was sing songs, learn the alphabet and play on the play structure outside. Nowadays parents feel the need to send their kids to the latest Chinese/Slovakian/Peruvian immersion preschool.

 

[TobiasFunke]

WTF why is preschool so expensive? In preschool all we did was sing songs, learn the alphabet and play on the play structure outside. Nowadays parent feel the need to send their kids to the latest Chinese/Slovakian/Peruvian immersion preschool.

I assume it's all-day child care 5 days a week. My daughter goes to a preschool similar to what you describe three mornings a week and it costs less than $500 per semester, almost all of which goes to the teacher salary. The true cost is having to hear her sing "The Farmer in the Dell" as loud as she can for like 20 minutes every night.

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

WTF why is preschool so expensive? In preschool all we did was sing songs, learn the alphabet and play on the play structure outside. Nowadays parent feel the need to send their kids to the latest Chinese/Slovakian/Peruvian immersion preschool.

I assume it's all-day child care 5 days a week. My daughter goes to a preschool similar to what you describe three mornings a week and it costs less than $500 per semester, almost all of which goes to the teacher salary. The true cost is having to hear her sing "The Farmer in the Dell" as loud as she can for like 20 minutes every night.

Exactly. We're still both working (the DI part hasn't changed), so full time includes before school, school and after school costs. Google Old Economy Steven for more thoughts on how it used to be when we were in preschool. Stuff has changed.

 

[eoMMan]

Listen lunatic if you have to be convinced to have kids then do us all a favor and don't have any. It doesn't make you selfish but asking the question makes you a bat crap lunatic. I'm the marriage expert around here and let me tell you something girl. You need to tell your lazy, leech-bung husband to help you out around the house. I cook dinner every night because I get home from work earlier than my wife does. I wash my own friggin' clothes because I'm an adult and don't have to wait for someone else to do it. Actually, I take that back about your husband. He is actually the smart one. He has a cooking, cleaning slut-slave to take care of him while he sits around eating bon-bons. I like your husband but you are a whiney-bunghole compulsive slut-bag itchbay.....and you make me want to vomit. At least you're not selfish.

I miss HERBERT THE HIPPO.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

SELFISH

 

[Long Ball Larry]

WTF why is preschool so expensive? In preschool all we did was sing songs, learn the alphabet and play on the play structure outside. Nowadays parents feel the need to send their kids to the latest Chinese/Slovakian/Peruvian immersion preschool.

do they now?

 

[Scoresman]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

SELFISH

We have a cat.

 

[NutterButter]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

 

[cstu]

It's only money, folks.

 

[Thorn]

That thread about "needing" to buy a nine-year-old a $150 bat for Little League probably gave me more pause than anything else.

 

[eoMMan]

It's only money, many sleepless nights, experiencing the puberty and teen years when they talk back and dislike you on/off, worrying about them committing a crime or getting pregnant, worrying about them in general, losing time for your own hobbies, having to socialize with other parents you dislike simply because your kids are friends, etc. etc., folks.

Fixed your post.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

OP still around? Kids?

 

[NutterButter]

It's only money, many sleepless nights, experiencing the puberty and teen years when they talk back and dislike you on/off, worrying about them committing a crime or getting pregnant, worrying about them in general, losing time for your own hobbies, having to socialize with other parents you dislike simply because your kids are friends, etc. etc., folks.

Fixed your post.

I fixed your post.

 

[jwb]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

 

[TheIronSheik]

It's only money, many sleepless nights, experiencing the puberty and teen years when they talk back and dislike you on/off, worrying about them committing a crime or getting pregnant, worrying about them in general, losing time for your own hobbies, having to socialize with other parents you dislike simply because your kids are friends, etc. etc., folks.

Fixed your post.

I fixed your post.

I fixed someone else's post.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

You never know dude.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

 

[Freelove]

My wife and daughter were out of the country for a month visiting family. I picked them up at the airport today and have never felt as happy as I did when my six year old daughter first saw me and ran and jumped into my arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything else in the world.

What about a replicable cure for all forms of cancer.

Meh.

 

[jwb]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

You never know dude.

heh, heh, I only heard this for thirty years.

"There's still time"

"You never know"

"never say never"

To me, these were all code for "C'mon, join us in this boat of sleepless misery"

I mostly jest here - I'm happy when parents are happy. But I never wanted kids - always been that way.

 

[Chadstroma]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

Our childcare/school costs us twice as much as our mortgage does. It is the single biggest expense that we have by far. The only bright spot is that apparently the FIL has said that he will step up and pay for private school when they get to kindergarten age.

 

[Scoresman]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

You never know dude.

heh, heh, I only heard this for thirty years.

"There's still time"

"You never know"

"never say never"

To me, these were all code for "C'mon, join us in this boat of sleepless misery"

I mostly jest here - I'm happy when parents are happy. But I never wanted kids - always been that way.

That's the worst when people say these things like they're pitying you for not having kids.

 

[TobiasFunke]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

You never know dude.

heh, heh, I only heard this for thirty years.

"There's still time"

"You never know"

"never say never"

To me, these were all code for "C'mon, join us in this boat of sleepless misery"

I mostly jest here - I'm happy when parents are happy. But I never wanted kids - always been that way.

That's the worst when people say these things like they're pitying you for not having kids.

To each their own, as far as I'm concerned. I did it both ways- didn't have kids until I was 39, now I'm 42 and I have three. Different strokes for different folks, or sometimes even the same folks at different stages of their lives.

That said, doesn't your initial post in this dialogue basically amount to you pitying people with kids because they can't fly off to Maui, Cancun and Europe like you and your wife can?

 

[Copeman]

Kids suck the life right out of you.

 

[Scoresman]

Still a DINK here. I heard from a friend with a toddler that its costing them thousands of dollars in tuition.... for preschool. Freakin insane.

Meanwhile, the wife and I have been to Maui and Cancun this year and have Europe planned for early 2016.

You're doing it right. Keep doing that and never look back.

Still digging the childfree lifestyle. And at 49/53, it isn't changing.

You never know dude.

heh, heh, I only heard this for thirty years.

"There's still time"

"You never know"

"never say never"

To me, these were all code for "C'mon, join us in this boat of sleepless misery"

I mostly jest here - I'm happy when parents are happy. But I never wanted kids - always been that way.

That's the worst when people say these things like they're pitying you for not having kids.

To each their own, as far as I'm concerned. I did it both ways- didn't have kids until I was 39, now I'm 42 and I have three. Different strokes for different folks, or sometimes even the same folks at different stages of their lives.

That said, doesn't your initial post in this dialogue basically amount to you pitying people with kids because they can't fly off to Maui, Cancun and Europe like you and your wife can?

I dont pity them. It's just in jest when I do that. I can see how all of our friends with kids are "made whole" so to speak by their kids and I'm really glad they have them. I do however, pity people who have kids that never really wanted them and then end up being terrible parents as a result

 

[Cliff Clavin]

Its been a year and a half since the first was born and I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

There's some lady in one of my kids' playgroups who had her fourth at age 47 or some #### so I'm just saying is the bank closed or nah you never know you can take that to that bank brohans

 

[Good Posting Judge]

fwiw i'd take either of my kids over a cure for cancer.