Pickles' Power Prankings*<!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->* the third P is silent<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--><b>1. Shawntel</b>I haven't seen anything from her so far that dissuades me from the top ranking. Her only black mark is being a funeral director since it does have creepy factor to it that you'll have to work around ("What does your wife do? Oh, she embalms bodies, thanks for asking. Yes, I hate it."). That she's part of a family operation means that she probably lives (<i>heh</i>
and breathes this stuff, so there's really no escaping it unless you can convince her to walk away from it somehow. Some might be cool with it (I would like to think I would be), but I doubt Brad is, and I also think that most guys would be at least slightly averse to marring Morticia. Her personality is what's attractive here. No wild highs or lows. No pathetic look-at-me Wozzian moments. And thank god.. no waterworks when the going gets tough. She's pretty much adaptable and goes with the flow. Total marriage material, but then again we only get to see snippets of their time together. Extrapolating blindly, you can foresee (or convince yourself in two hour installments) a stable relationship with her. I'm not sure Brad values the same things I would (pretty sure he doesn't), but if he did, this would be a slam dunk, IMO. "Take the red pill, you idiot!"<b>2. Emily</b>Emotionally withdrawn to the point of probably needing to leave the show, but given the alternatives here, she's a solid #2. She seems to have a lot of the qualities you would want in a woman. She's absolutely stunning, save the horrific veneers. It's difficult to gauge exactly what she's like since she's so reserved and cautious. It's unlikely we'll really get a sense of it from this show and its overly scripted presentation. It will be interesting to see how she is at home and how she handles people interacting with her daughter. She's probably a lost cause due to her permanent grieving widow status, but I'm hopeful we'll see something different here. Emily would be the winner absent these issues. Of course if she didn't have this problem, she wouldn't be on the show in the first place. Rather, she'd probably be sitting on a beach somewhere spending her rich husband's money. I'm guessing that's where she'll end up eventually once it clicks that she won't be a pristine 24 year old forever and needs to maximize her return on investment.<b>3. Chantal</b>She's the hardest to rank because I'm having trouble pinning down who she really is. I can't tell if she's an emotional train wreck 24/7, or just on this show. I think she's honestly (in her warped mind) in love with Brad, but we all know she shouldn't be. There's no earthly reason for it. We do know that she was married before and with the same guy for a decade, so maybe she's reverting to her base instincts to cling and never let go. It probably explains the tears and the overtures to cut her loose if he can't pick among the remaining women. It's the kind of ploy a 15 year old would conjure up as a good idea. She's probably very bad at dating and has no idea what she's doing. If that's true, she might actually turn out to be a good long term prospect in monogamous relationship, or she could be a complete failure who never grew up. It's about 30-70 at this point, respectively. For me, those odds suck. Physically, she has one (I guess really two) nice asset(s) and is kind of run-of-the-mill otherwise. I conservatively project a 30 pound gain over five years and would not advise rolling the dice here. Not even a 1d20 saving throw against an orc with a +8 mace. Or whatever.<b>4. Ashley</b>I still think she's the second best Ashley on the show and has no business being in the final four. She's George Mason University circa 2006. She's a bit of a physical oddity with that bobble head. The tight little body might be an asset, or it could be a huge hindrance. I have no idea. The remaining women are so different physically, it's hard to tell what this guy likes. The personality is way too bubbly for me. I've said it before, but I don't trust dentists. I don't even trust hygienists. They're not wired right. She's had her nutty moments, and I think that's more we needed to see. I would probably opt to substitute in 20 other women in favor of Ashley. I'd take <i>Britt </i>over Ashley. Yeah, you read that right. I couldn't be less excited about seeing Ashley in Maine or whatever ####hole she's from. Pay her the per diem, and send her off with a copy of the home game already. <b>Current odds:</b>†Shawntel: 5/2Chantal: 4/1Emily: 5/1Ashley: 12/1[[[[ MY VIEW ]]]]Shawntel is the safest pick by far. If it were me, I'd have picked her by about the third episode and just shut it down. Since we know that Brad is partially brain dead and was probably hired by ABC to do their bidding (I'd love to see that contract), I figure her odds are lower than they should be. We also know that Brad has a WTF-inducing session in the mortuary and is shown his future burial plot in the mausoleum, so it seems like she grossly overplays her hand there. Too bad. She should have just smooth called on the hometown and took down the pot.Chantal sneaks into the second spot because the other women have essentially non-negotiable problems. I think Brad is a boob man, so this helps her cause. I also think that he wants a woman who is <i>really</i> into him, bordering on worship. Chantal is that woman. He knows she's got some instability issues, but he might rationalize them as proof of her commitment. There have been some moments where Brad's lost his cool and told these ladies what's up. He can probably sense that Chantal will always be the obsequious one in this relationship in an "I'm just happy to be here" way. I think he likes some meat on the bone and isn't scared away by the body terraforming that's been going on. If Brad doesn't care a lick about who wins this thing and is only going to ditch the broad a week later, this is his best option. No one would blame him. We'll all be like, "oh, yeah.. saw that coming." There you go.Emily has a lot to bring to the table, especially if she could be selectively lobotomized, but there's just no way to compete against a ghost. Brad knows this too. He doesn't want it to be true (and keeps her around hoping there will be some kind of miracle change in her), but he ultimately knows that she can't win this thing. Throw in the conspiracy angle that Emily is the best option for the next Bachelorette, and you've got a nice path to second place shaping up. Would you watch Emily as the Bachelorette? It could be the most boring TV ever filmed, but you probably would.Ashley is a big time dark horse (so dark, she's almost invisible), and for good reason. She's extremely lucky to have made it this far. I don't know what Brad sees in her, but it's time to end this charade. We're not buying it, sport. She never should have made it past central casting. Shame on you, ABC.† bias-adjusted
She also went through a divorce so her wieght may have been from depressed eating.
sucked me into this. I'm now TiVoing and watched last week's episode on-line to get up to speed.
