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The Colonblow Diaries (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Vivian Darkbloom
- Start date
aardball44
Footballguy
Bump for the BM crowd...
Night Hawks
Footballguy
With the one year anniversary of our girl Vivian's embarkment on his trip coming up, I thought this deserved a nice little bump.
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Vivian Darkbloom
Footballguy
It scares the hell out of me that you had this marked on your calendar.
Night Hawks
Footballguy
:rotflmao: No no. I honestly can't even think why I was searching for this and then saw the first post date and noticed it was near.
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
Alias
Footballguy
This was a good read, moreso for the wordsmith talents of VDB. I find a lot of these diaries end in early departures, it does take a little resolve to stick it out. Hunger and cravings have not been too bad, I think the good early results I have seen have overshadowed any selfish desires to eat solid food.
I find the key to the cleanse is the internal saltwater flush - where you drink a quart of saltwater to perform the flush, the laxative tea did not do much for me in terms of output but that saltwater is the cure for any constipation that ails you - I never peed out my poop chute before. Take the tea before you go to bed to work overnight, then wake up 2 hours before having to leave the house and chug 1 quart of saltwater (a lot harder then it sounds). From advice read on the net I bought Celtic Sea Salt expensive stuff - $8.39 for 8 ounces.
Currently I am on Day 4, I should be able to take it to 8 days before I begin the 3 day cooldown that is required to get off the diet - I would go 10 days, but want to be able to party on my b-day.
Day 0: 210.4
Day 1: 206.8 - 20 min. of cardio and 20 minutes weight training in the morning, lax tea taken at night
Day 2: 200.8 - includes 2 hours of cardio playing soccer the night before
Day 3: 200.2 - 1st day of the saltwater flush - taken in the morning 2h before weigh in - also no workout since soccer, muscles still sore from getting beat up in the pickup game - surprisingly energy has not been much of a problem, will go to the gym after work today
Each day I took three 30oz servings of the lemonade:
~4 tablespoons Grade B Maple Syrup
2 fresh squeezed lemons (going to pickup some limes today to mix it up)
1.5 dash of cayenne pepper
1/4 filled with hot water, the rest with cold water
@ 200 calories per serving that brings total caloric intake to 600 calories per day
Today I am going to up my water intake, the one thing I cut back on yesterday was water, probably because my system was "hungry" after the 2h cardio session the night before. Btw - last solid dump was the morning of Day 1.
Cooldown Cycle
This won't start until Wednesday, June 8th:
1st day of cooldown is just squeezed OJ (diluted at first)
2nd day is more OJ with some soup broth
3rd day more OJ, some soup, and a salad for dinner
4th day they say you should be able to go back to eating as normal
I find the key to the cleanse is the internal saltwater flush - where you drink a quart of saltwater to perform the flush, the laxative tea did not do much for me in terms of output but that saltwater is the cure for any constipation that ails you - I never peed out my poop chute before. Take the tea before you go to bed to work overnight, then wake up 2 hours before having to leave the house and chug 1 quart of saltwater (a lot harder then it sounds). From advice read on the net I bought Celtic Sea Salt expensive stuff - $8.39 for 8 ounces.
Currently I am on Day 4, I should be able to take it to 8 days before I begin the 3 day cooldown that is required to get off the diet - I would go 10 days, but want to be able to party on my b-day.
Day 0: 210.4
Day 1: 206.8 - 20 min. of cardio and 20 minutes weight training in the morning, lax tea taken at night
Day 2: 200.8 - includes 2 hours of cardio playing soccer the night before
Day 3: 200.2 - 1st day of the saltwater flush - taken in the morning 2h before weigh in - also no workout since soccer, muscles still sore from getting beat up in the pickup game - surprisingly energy has not been much of a problem, will go to the gym after work today
Each day I took three 30oz servings of the lemonade:
~4 tablespoons Grade B Maple Syrup
2 fresh squeezed lemons (going to pickup some limes today to mix it up)
1.5 dash of cayenne pepper
1/4 filled with hot water, the rest with cold water
@ 200 calories per serving that brings total caloric intake to 600 calories per day
Today I am going to up my water intake, the one thing I cut back on yesterday was water, probably because my system was "hungry" after the 2h cardio session the night before. Btw - last solid dump was the morning of Day 1.
Cooldown Cycle
This won't start until Wednesday, June 8th:
1st day of cooldown is just squeezed OJ (diluted at first)
2nd day is more OJ with some soup broth
3rd day more OJ, some soup, and a salad for dinner
4th day they say you should be able to go back to eating as normal
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Yah_Shoor_Yoobetchya
Footballguy
I remember laughing histerically at this statement after envisioning fecal level meters going ballistic at water treatment plants from Maine to Miami.
aardball44
Footballguy
I was mowing the lawn last night and reminiscing about some of the classic FFA posts of the past couple years, Viv's Colonblow Diaries among them. (A few others: "Crapped the Ceiling!"; "Goalpost"; "Bag Your Own Groceries?".)Thought about bumping them all at once for a "blast from the past" bonanza...but by the time I'd put the mower in the shed, I'd forgotten all about it.Thanks for bumping it. 
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bostonfred
Footballguy
It seems like day 3 or day 4 is when you inevitably get sick of this stuff. I wonder if you're just digesting old food for the first few days. :X
Alias
Footballguy
Day 5: no weigh in (at the beach)Day 6: 198.2
Cravings are getting much worse - no hunger though just when I see, smell or hear people talk about tasty vittles. Kinda disappointed with the weight loss results - don't get me wrong I realize this is not intended as a diet, merely considered a side effect - at least my system is getting "clean" before I whoop it up next weekend. As far as the "solution" I actually got used to it - I find it helps to fill up smaller bottles rather then the honking 30 oz'r, probably for psychological reasons. I am crapping out some very dark brown #### and considering I have not eaten in close to a week I think it is safe to assume that was my junk stored away in the trunk. Did not have time to do the salt water flush this morning, seems like #### is coming out on it's own - with tomorrow being the last full day (only 8 days for me) I will be sure to chug my quart o saltwater before work. The whole process has been kinda spiritual, it really gives you an appreciation for food - sort of a respect if you will. I have been going through similar thought processes of diaries I have read about this, I am already considering what my first real meal will be, it will probably consist of buffalo wings and thick potatoe wedges with LOTS of ranch dressing and maybe a little blue cheese for variety, come to think of it I may have to cut this cleanse short half a day to ensure I can eat them by Friday night.
Alias
Footballguy
I am actually beginning the cycle off of it, I want to hit the gym and lift weights and I think the lack of protein in this "diet" is not a good thing. Also I want to be damn sure I can go back to eating whatever I want come this weekend without getting sick or an upset tummy.1st day only diluted OJ - 2 fresh squeezed Oranges = 8 oz of juice + 22 oz of spring water.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
I only made it 4.5 days on the Colonblow. I had to stop in order to drink beer and eat wings during the NCAA BBall Championship game (thanks again BigBottom!).The saltwater chug in the morning is straight nasty. You almost have to sit on the pot and chug it down it goes through you that fast.I lost like 5 lbs. in 4.5 days on it. This is not a "diet" for weight loss as it will come back.
Alias
Footballguy
I bailed on Monday, when I found out I only lost like another 2 lb over the weekend, I said this is not for me, I was expecting to drop 20+ pounds a result of this cleanse. I do feel great though. It did increase my appreciation for food both in taste and in reducing the mass quantities I ate previously.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
Interestingly, I ate about 3 lbs. of wings and had 5 or so beers the night I bailed.
Alias
Footballguy
regarding the cycle off, it was not as harsh as I expected
ay 1: Nothing but fresh squeezed OJ for the first half of the day (80% water initially then 40%) - no problems.Lunch - large Chicken soup with corn and potatoes - eaten very slowly and carefully - chewing as much of it as possible before swallowing, again no problems.Dinner - half of a small pizza at pizzeria uno (chicken & wild mushroom) - had the other half for lunch the next day. Went to sleep early (like 8PM) not sure if I was tired from the weekend or my body needing time to digest all the new stuff in my system, slept the whole night until I had to wake up for work the next day - no ill effects.It could have just been since I only did for 6 full days instead of the requisite 10 days, was why I was able to cycle off so easily.Day 2 - pretty much back to normal, had more OJ for breakfast.
ay 1: Nothing but fresh squeezed OJ for the first half of the day (80% water initially then 40%) - no problems.Lunch - large Chicken soup with corn and potatoes - eaten very slowly and carefully - chewing as much of it as possible before swallowing, again no problems.Dinner - half of a small pizza at pizzeria uno (chicken & wild mushroom) - had the other half for lunch the next day. Went to sleep early (like 8PM) not sure if I was tired from the weekend or my body needing time to digest all the new stuff in my system, slept the whole night until I had to wake up for work the next day - no ill effects.It could have just been since I only did for 6 full days instead of the requisite 10 days, was why I was able to cycle off so easily.Day 2 - pretty much back to normal, had more OJ for breakfast.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
I didnt have any GI issues when I went back to solid food. I didn't do any intermediate steps either.Took about a day though to start ####ting right.
CaptainHucklebuck
Ancient Chinese Secret
Dear God. I've been reading this to my wife, and we're rolling on the floor laughing. I'm so sorry I never read this before.
bialczabub
Lord of the Flies
yeah...that's what it proves.
CaptainHucklebuck
Ancient Chinese Secret
Bump for anyone who's never seen this before.
NY/NJMFDIVER
Footballguy
So who made it the longest on this?And has anyone ever tried the Christian Bale/Machinst diet of a can of tuna and an apple every day?
Jules Winnfield
Footballguy
I've done the Colonblow 24 hr diet a number of times. When I would order it I would order 3 packs of it. I would try and do it once a month. The first time I did it I was pretty amazed at some of the crapola that came out of me. I did it the aggressive way which means three meals of Colonblow. 1 for breakfast, 1 for lunch, and 1 for dinner. You can get three meals out of one pack of Colonblow.I mixed it in water and late that night and first thing in the morning I would unload a seriously funky ball of poop. I didn't have the petrified black ribbon of stuff in the pictures but I unloaded some funky looking stuff.Just spent the last hour re-reading this
Wondering... has anyone done both the Master Cleanse (of VD fame) AND the ColonBlow (24 hour cleanse)?
Curious as to the differences in results...
I am curious about the Master Cleanse. Anybody here done it successfully?
Jules Winnfield
Footballguy
The Colonblow diet is only 1 day. What do you mean 4.5 days?
bobspruill
Breathe deeply
True, although a digest (ahem) including only VD's posts would be more palatable.
aardball44
Footballguy
I agree. That would be quite a moving tract.
cstu
Footballguy
That may be the case with colon cleansing. But the Master Cleanse is so much more
.... why to do the MC
snitwitch
Footballguy
I did this for about 7 days last year, and am contemplating it again this year.I really wanted the 10 foot long poop containing 10 year old red meat, but I don't think I did the cleanse for long enough.That may be the case with colon cleansing. But the Master Cleanse is so much more
I did drop about 10 lbs, and felt so energetic, it was great. It's like pressing the "reset" button on your body. Plus, when you fast, it really gives you an appreciation for chewable food. And you realize how mush crap you eat that you really don't need to survive...
highly recommended.
Keerock
Footballguy
I REALLY want to do this, but I'm not sure I could. I am completely addicted to food.I did this for about 7 days last year, and am contemplating it again this year.I really wanted the 10 foot long poop containing 10 year old red meat, but I don't think I did the cleanse for long enough.That may be the case with colon cleansing. But the Master Cleanse is so much more
I did drop about 10 lbs, and felt so energetic, it was great. It's like pressing the "reset" button on your body. Plus, when you fast, it really gives you an appreciation for chewable food. And you realize how mush crap you eat that you really don't need to survive...
highly recommended.
GreedoShotFirst
Footballguy
I REALLY want to do this, but I'm not sure I could. I am completely addicted to food.I did this for about 7 days last year, and am contemplating it again this year.I really wanted the 10 foot long poop containing 10 year old red meat, but I don't think I did the cleanse for long enough.That may be the case with colon cleansing. But the Master Cleanse is so much more
I did drop about 10 lbs, and felt so energetic, it was great. It's like pressing the "reset" button on your body. Plus, when you fast, it really gives you an appreciation for chewable food. And you realize how mush crap you eat that you really don't need to survive...
highly recommended.
cstu
Footballguy
Alright, I am going to have to call BS (literally and figuratively) on some of this, right here, right now. I have a few questions that I would like someone to clarify because this just seems like a lot a new age, mumbo jumbo. Oh, you're absolutely wrong here. It doesn't seem like new age mumbo jumbo. It is 100% certified new age mumbo jumbo. How can I claim this with 100% certainty? See:
(All quotes taken from The Master Cleanse by Stanley Burroughs. Any added emphasis is my own)
New age bull#### #1. Note the use of the phrase "New Age." Duh?
Yes, it's the only cure-all you'll ever need, folks! Mumbo jumo bull#### #1. Note claim to cure anything.
That's right, you eat bad and sit on your ### all day, you get hepatitis. Who doesn't believe that correlation? What, are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Germ Theory of Disease?" Ha! Burroughs has that covered as well:
Mumbo jumbo #2. Note claim that goes against rigorous scientific Theory.
Well, I guess it could be just a coincidence that smallpox was eradicated after the discovery and use of penicillin, right? Mumbo jumbo #3. Note author's reference to life-saving antibiotics as "destructive poisons."
New age #2. Note use the phrase 'vibration.' New agers love 'vibration'
Mumbo jumbo #4. Just total bull####. Nutritional information for a lemon: Serving size 1 medium (58g)
Calories 20
Total Fat 0g
Sodium 10mg
Total Carbohydrate 6g
Dietary Fiber 1g
Protein 0g
% of U.S. RDA
Vitamin A 0%
Calcium 2%
Vitamin C 35%
Iron 0%
Compare this to broccoli:
Serving size 1 med. Stalk (140g)
Calories 50
Total Fat 0.5g
Sodium 70mg
Total Carbohydrate 9g
Dietary Fiber 4g
Protein 4g
% of U.S. RDA
Vitamin A 10%
Calcium 6%
Vitamin C 200%
Iron 4%
Whoops, I guess lemons aren't the "richest source of vitamins and minerals known to man" and broccoli was just off the top of my head. Of course, broccoli doesn't go as well with grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper. On the other hand, lemons don't go as well with butter or melted cheese.
To be fair, each tablespoon of maple syrup adds 2% of your daily calcium and 1% of your daily potassium along with "small amounts of iron and phosphorous, and trace amounts of B vitamins. " Still, this winning combination hardly seems to be as vitamin and mineral packed as the author claims.
(This from a section on giving the lemonade to babies)Mumbo jumbo #5. Note reference to "color therapy." Color therapy says that each color vibrates(there's that vibrating again, New Age #3) at a specific frequency that matches the frequency that parts of our bodies vibrate at. :wacko:
What a shame that he can't help anyone anymore. After all, his quacky therapies only killed one person. What's one person against all of the victims of modern medicine!?Final tally: 5 points Mumbo Jumbo, 3 points New Age, 0 points good medicine. :(
GB New Agers
doctor Gunks
Footballguy
I'll say.
Yah_Shoor_Yoobetchya
Footballguy
HOLY CRAP!
I FORGOT HOW FUNNY THIS THREAD IS!!
I FORGOT HOW FUNNY THIS THREAD IS!!
Weapon of Mass Instruction
Watch my feet!
Jules Winnfield
Footballguy
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