The Five Dynasty Owners You'll Meet In Every League (1 Viewer)

[EBF]

DOCTOR NO - He's never met a trade offer that he couldn't reject. He's always quick to respond to your inquiries, but the answer is always the same: No. No. No. He values every player on his roster like they're the second coming of Rice, Manning, or Emmitt. You're sometimes tempted to offer him Calvin Johnson for Rod Streater just to see if he'd accept.

THE COLLECTOR - You don't need to bother watching the NFL draft because he will already own every rookie set to enter the league for the next decade. He hoards picks and prospects like he's preparing for the apocalypse, stocking the cupboards with teenagers who will lead his title charge eight years from now. However, his constant fascination with the next big things means he will never actually keep his players long enough to see their potential turn into trophies.

MISTER INVISIBLE - He never logs into the site. He doesn't respond to trade offers. He doesn't respond to private messages. If it weren't for the fact that he pays his league dues every year, you might not believe that he even exists.

THE CON ARTIST - You can recognize him by the fake Rolex and the distinct scent of snake oil that follows him everywhere. A gifted poet, he'll write long messages that accompany every one of his putrid offers, explaining in great detail why trading AJ Green and Ray Rice for Ryan Tannehill and a second round rookie pick is a brilliant move for your franchise. After a while you'll become numb to his propositions. So numb that you might actually accept one of them.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. - He plays in 637 leagues, but still finds time to send you sixteen offers every day. He changes rosters like a runway model changes outfits. His team six weeks from now will be completely different from his team today. You strongly suspect that he has a twin brother or a cloning device, because there's no way one person could have this much free time.

 

[Concept Coop]

I'm captain ADD in my league, I suppose. But I can think of at least one owner in my collection of leagues who meets your labels.

 

[Spin]

DOCTOR NO - He's never met a trade offer that he couldn't reject. He's always quick to respond to your inquiries, but the answer is always the same: No. No. No. He values every player on his roster like they're the second coming of Rice, Manning, or Emmitt. You're sometimes tempted to offer him Calvin Johnson for Rod Streater just to see if he'd accept.

THE COLLECTOR - You don't need to bother watching the NFL draft because he will already own every rookie set to enter the league for the next decade. He hoards picks and prospects like he's preparing for the apocalypse, stocking the cupboards with teenagers who will lead his title charge eight years from now. However, his constant fascination with the next big things means he will never actually keep his players long enough to see their potential turn into trophies.

MISTER INVISIBLE - He never logs into the site. He doesn't respond to trade offers. He doesn't respond to private messages. If it weren't for the fact that he pays his league dues every year, you might not believe that he even exists.

THE CON ARTIST - You can recognize him by the fake Rolex and the distinct scent of snake oil that follows him everywhere. A gifted poet, he'll write long messages that accompany every one of his putrid offers, explaining in great detail why trading AJ Green and Ray Rice for Ryan Tannehill and a second round rookie pick is a brilliant move for your franchise. After a while you'll become numb to his propositions. So numb that you might actually accept one of them.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. - He plays in 637 leagues, but still finds time to send you sixteen offers every day. He changes rosters like a runway model changes outfits. His team six weeks from now will be completely different from his team today. You strongly suspect that he has a twin brother or a cloning device, because there's no way one person could have this much free time.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. I'm afraid this might be me :( I'm guilty of sending long messages that accompany every trade, explaining why I think it helps their team. But I usually take a loss on trades, mainly because I might be addicted to trading.

We definitely have a "Collector" and a "Doctor No" in our league. Lucky to not have any invisible.

 

[footballfreek]

We have a few of those in my league. Think I may fit number 5 description. Just 5 leagues though.

 

[Spike]

I'm guessing way too many of us, in way too many of our leagues, have way too many "Mr Invisible"s.

 

[Ace Matherton]

I think I am a little bit of all of them except the con artist.

 

[Winning IS Everything]

DOCTOR NO - He's never met a trade offer that he couldn't reject. He's always quick to respond to your inquiries, but the answer is always the same: No. No. No. He values every player on his roster like they're the second coming of Rice, Manning, or Emmitt. You're sometimes tempted to offer him Calvin Johnson for Rod Streater just to see if he'd accept.

THE COLLECTOR - You don't need to bother watching the NFL draft because he will already own every rookie set to enter the league for the next decade. He hoards picks and prospects like he's preparing for the apocalypse, stocking the cupboards with teenagers who will lead his title charge eight years from now. However, his constant fascination with the next big things means he will never actually keep his players long enough to see their potential turn into trophies.

MISTER INVISIBLE - He never logs into the site. He doesn't respond to trade offers. He doesn't respond to private messages. If it weren't for the fact that he pays his league dues every year, you might not believe that he even exists.

THE CON ARTIST - You can recognize him by the fake Rolex and the distinct scent of snake oil that follows him everywhere. A gifted poet, he'll write long messages that accompany every one of his putrid offers, explaining in great detail why trading AJ Green and Ray Rice for Ryan Tannehill and a second round rookie pick is a brilliant move for your franchise. After a while you'll become numb to his propositions. So numb that you might actually accept one of them.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. - He plays in 637 leagues, but still finds time to send you sixteen offers every day. He changes rosters like a runway model changes outfits. His team six weeks from now will be completely different from his team today. You strongly suspect that he has a twin brother or a cloning device, because there's no way one person could have this much free time.

Absolutely GREAT post. As I read each, a name pops right into my head..... LOLI fit a few of those, but NOT Mister Invisible......

 

[EBF]

I think I am a little bit of all of them except the con artist.

I think I am mainly a collector and a captain ADD. I could also be accused of being a con artist, but the difference is that I'm actually willing to give up something to get something. The con artist usually doesn't even consider an offer unless it's completely lopsided in his favor, as if he's unable to view things from your perspective (unless he thinks your perspective is that of a braindead chimp). When confronted with a con artist, I tend to become a dr. no.

 

[dewmass]

Unfortunately I have Dr. No tendencies, with an element of Captain ADD.

 

[domvin]

You probably need another owner, the type that agrees to a deal via email, then reneges when you send him the offer....Second Thought Owner....

 

[JPeso]

When confronted with a con artist, I tend to become a dr. no.

Concur. It's not worth spending time on it if the baseline idea is so off the wall.

 

[mlball77]

You probably need another owner, the type that agrees to a deal via email, then reneges when you send him the offer....Second Thought Owner....

That owner can be difficult to deal with at times, but I do like letting people have all of the time needed to really think through a possible deal, particularly if it's a big one. -It can be difficult though. Instead of pulliing the offer/ending the talks, sometimes this owner can be "Mr. Moving Target." You talk to him one day in chat and he mentions an idea for player x and you think you have the framework of a deal dialed in, then the next day he asks for something markedly different. So, you travel down that new path a bit only to find out two days later that this owner now wants to talk about yet another very different route. You can't lock down the target as it is always moving with this guy. -In the end, you've spent a few days trying to work on a deal and you possibly aren't even sure what the other party wants any longer.

 

[Donsmith753]

In before Squistion calls EBF a collector

 

[Mentos]

I had a Captain ADD in a league. He had no idea what league he was in half the time. One time he wrote that he was happy we are making the consolation bracket count this year. He thought it was good that the consolation bracket would get the first pick in the rookie draft. Problem was this was a league with an auction and therefore no such thing as a first pick.

 

[squistion]

In before Squistion calls EBF a collector

 

[RBM]

CAPTAIN A.D.D. I'm afraid this might be me :( I'm guilty of sending long messages that accompany every trade, explaining why I think it helps their team. But I usually take a loss on trades, mainly because I might be addicted to trading.

Just described me exactly. My team has been awful for a few years now because of my addiction. Before that I was always very competitive.

 

[Norcalhoya]

DOCTOR NO - He's never met a trade offer that he couldn't reject. He's always quick to respond to your inquiries, but the answer is always the same: No. No. No. He values every player on his roster like they're the second coming of Rice, Manning, or Emmitt. You're sometimes tempted to offer him Calvin Johnson for Rod Streater just to see if he'd accept.

THE COLLECTOR - You don't need to bother watching the NFL draft because he will already own every rookie set to enter the league for the next decade. He hoards picks and prospects like he's preparing for the apocalypse, stocking the cupboards with teenagers who will lead his title charge eight years from now. However, his constant fascination with the next big things means he will never actually keep his players long enough to see their potential turn into trophies.

MISTER INVISIBLE - He never logs into the site. He doesn't respond to trade offers. He doesn't respond to private messages. If it weren't for the fact that he pays his league dues every year, you might not believe that he even exists.

THE CON ARTIST - You can recognize him by the fake Rolex and the distinct scent of snake oil that follows him everywhere. A gifted poet, he'll write long messages that accompany every one of his putrid offers, explaining in great detail why trading AJ Green and Ray Rice for Ryan Tannehill and a second round rookie pick is a brilliant move for your franchise. After a while you'll become numb to his propositions. So numb that you might actually accept one of them.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. - He plays in 637 leagues, but still finds time to send you sixteen offers every day. He changes rosters like a runway model changes outfits. His team six weeks from now will be completely different from his team today. You strongly suspect that he has a twin brother or a cloning device, because there's no way one person could have this much free time.

Awesome post haha

 

[mikel0254]

Awesome post. I think I'm in a league with all "Doctor No's", and they all complain about how little trading there is in our league. Funny how that works...I think I'm The Collector in my league.

 

[Andrew74]

Awesome post. I think I'm in a league with all "Doctor No's", and they all complain about how little trading there is in our league. Funny how that works...I think I'm The Collector in my league.

I have the same problem with the "No's" except none of them seem willing to trade.

 

[Sweet Love]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

 

[Shutout]

Like the list. definitely got all the usual suspects in my leagues.I prefer to call THE COLLECTOR by another name: THE PEDOPHILE (cause he likes 'em YOUNG).

 

[mikel0254]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

Such a "Dr No" response...

 

[EBF]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

The problem with Dr. No is that he'll never accept anything remotely fair. It doesn't matter which player you're after or what you're offering. He just finds a reason to say no. And while he generally avoids making catastrophic trades because of this risk-averse approach, he rarely has a good team because he never buys/sells when it's in his best interest.

 

[voiceofunreason]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

No offense but these guys drive me nuts. I really don't understand why they play. If you only want to make ripoff deals that you can't lose, exactly what fun are you having? Are you making 40k a year playing fantasy? I really doubt it.Sometimes I've liked a guy enough to overpay highly but normally once you know someone is like that, I don't talk to them again. If the teams were reversed, he'd laugh at the same offer he expects you to take. There's some fear of being wrong and they're too insecure to risk anything. If I think a trade will be 51% odds of being in my favor I'll do it.

 

[JackReacher]

I guess I'm a combo of DR. NO and THE COLLECTOR.

I'm open for trading and get excited when I see an FFPC email only to open it and see something along the lines of:

Team A offers: RB3, WR3 & TE2 for RB1.

It's this way EVERY TIME!

I really believe it's not me unless they think I'm some total sucker.

 

[Pipes]

I think you should add one more...Monte Hall...the exact opposite of Dr No. The guys who's always making trades just to make some. This guys will win some trades but probably lose more than he wins. This guys will do well in a trade then turn around and make a stupid trade and basically end up being it the exact same shape. This guy always has an opinion, and is very vocal about it, about every other trade that doesn't involve him.

 

[Eminence]

I think you should add one more...Monte Hall...the exact opposite of Dr No. The guys who's always making trades just to make some. This guys will win some trades but probably lose more than he wins. This guys will do well in a trade then turn around and make a stupid trade and basically end up being it the exact same shape. This guy always has an opinion, and is very vocal about it, about every other trade that doesn't involve him.

Hi.

 

[Sinrman]

I'm definitely "Captain ADD"

 

[joey]

4 out of the 5 I can deal with cuz at least they're active. It's Mr Invisible that drives me nuts. Can't stand the owner who doesn't make a peep all year. I'm a mix of ADD, Dr. No and a touch of Con Artist.

 

[CoachJankySpanky]

I think you should add one more...Monte Hall...the exact opposite of Dr No. The guys who's always making trades just to make some. This guys will win some trades but probably lose more than he wins. This guys will do well in a trade then turn around and make a stupid trade and basically end up being it the exact same shape. This guy always has an opinion, and is very vocal about it, about every other trade that doesn't involve him.

We have a guy similar to this in our league but he has made nothing but bad moves the last three years. He thinks he's rebuilding now, but every move he makes just digs his hole deeper. It's pretty comical. He fancies himself as a knowledgeable wheeler and dealer, but he has driven his team into bankruptcy and has relatively nothing left of value. He'll shoot a trade over to me once in awhile but he has nothing of help. I almost feel bad enough to mercifully accept an offer so he can start building some hope towards competing by 2020. There should be a Matt Millen category that this guy could fall under.

 

[Shanahanigans]

The Idiot Savant- This guy makes head-scratching moves all the time, yet it always seems to work out for him. He trades Jahvid Best right before his concussion, Dem. Thomas right before is achilles tear, etc. Every year you predict that this year is the year his luck finally runs out, and his team implodes. That's when he finds the Brandon Lloyd of that year's waiver, the handcuff he picked with his 1st pick turns into gold with a blown out knee, and he has the easiest schedule of the year.

 

[JohnnyU]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

The problem with Dr. No is that he'll never accept anything remotely fair. It doesn't matter which player you're after or what you're offering. He just finds a reason to say no. And while he generally avoids making catastrophic trades because of this risk-averse approach, he rarely has a good team because he never buys/sells when it's in his best interest.

We definitely have one of those in our conference in HAL3.

 

[Hoosier16]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

The problem with Dr. No is that he'll never accept anything remotely fair. It doesn't matter which player you're after or what you're offering. He just finds a reason to say no. And while he generally avoids making catastrophic trades because of this risk-averse approach, he rarely has a good team because he never buys/sells when it's in his best interest.

I'm clearly a Dr. No, but I disagree with your reasoning. I think you have two subgroups, those that always stink and those that always maintain a good team. The ones that stink probably also fit into the Mr. Invisible role. Almost all trade offers are lopsided. Almost all offers are unbalanced (2 for 1) where the guy making the offer is always getting the better player. Almost all offers are made with complete disregard for the other guy's needs. These are all very easy to reject and comprise 95% of all offers.I do tend to overvalue my players, especially the FA pickups. The problem with the offers for those players is nobody is willing to give up anything. I see very little value in 2nd round picks and later when others are asking for Bryce Brown and Shorts. There isn't any reason to give them up for that price.Great post though. Your still missing someone, maybe a blend between the ADD and con artist, who generally has a good team and tends to victimize the same teams over and over.

 

[JohnnyU]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

The problem with Dr. No is that he'll never accept anything remotely fair. It doesn't matter which player you're after or what you're offering. He just finds a reason to say no. And while he generally avoids making catastrophic trades because of this risk-averse approach, he rarely has a good team because he never buys/sells when it's in his best interest.

I'm clearly a Dr. No, but I disagree with your reasoning. I think you have two subgroups, those that always stink and those that always maintain a good team. The ones that stink probably also fit into the Mr. Invisible role. Almost all trade offers are lopsided. Almost all offers are unbalanced (2 for 1) where the guy making the offer is always getting the better player. Almost all offers are made with complete disregard for the other guy's needs. These are all very easy to reject and comprise 95% of all offers.I do tend to overvalue my players, especially the FA pickups. The problem with the offers for those players is nobody is willing to give up anything. I see very little value in 2nd round picks and later when others are asking for Bryce Brown and Shorts. There isn't any reason to give them up for that price.Great post though. Your still missing someone, maybe a blend between the ADD and con artist, who generally has a good team and tends to victimize the same teams over and over.

My biggest question to the Dr. No's out there is, how many offers have you made in the last year? My guess is that most of the Dr. Nos not only reject everything sent to them, but they also are afraid to make a move where they initiated it, other than some waiver wire pickup.

 

[OrangeCurtain]

DOCTOR NO - He's never met a trade offer that he couldn't reject. He's always quick to respond to your inquiries, but the answer is always the same: No. No. No. He values every player on his roster like they're the second coming of Rice, Manning, or Emmitt. You're sometimes tempted to offer him Calvin Johnson for Rod Streater just to see if he'd accept.

THE COLLECTOR - You don't need to bother watching the NFL draft because he will already own every rookie set to enter the league for the next decade. He hoards picks and prospects like he's preparing for the apocalypse, stocking the cupboards with teenagers who will lead his title charge eight years from now. However, his constant fascination with the next big things means he will never actually keep his players long enough to see their potential turn into trophies.

MISTER INVISIBLE - He never logs into the site. He doesn't respond to trade offers. He doesn't respond to private messages. If it weren't for the fact that he pays his league dues every year, you might not believe that he even exists.

THE CON ARTIST - You can recognize him by the fake Rolex and the distinct scent of snake oil that follows him everywhere. A gifted poet, he'll write long messages that accompany every one of his putrid offers, explaining in great detail why trading AJ Green and Ray Rice for Ryan Tannehill and a second round rookie pick is a brilliant move for your franchise. After a while you'll become numb to his propositions. So numb that you might actually accept one of them.

CAPTAIN A.D.D. - He plays in 637 leagues, but still finds time to send you sixteen offers every day. He changes rosters like a runway model changes outfits. His team six weeks from now will be completely different from his team today. You strongly suspect that he has a twin brother or a cloning device, because there's no way one person could have this much free time.

Need to add another, "The Noob" - He's so excited to be playing fantasy football, but knows so little about players and dynasty strategery, that The Con Artist soon finds him and rapes his team, leaving him disenchanted and eventually dropping out.I'm in a league with a couple of "The Con Artist" and a few of "The Noob", and the Noobs are constantly getting just ravaged. Their teams have been almost picked clean, and I'm very concerned that within 3-5 years the league will be disintegrating due to lack of interest by the teams that got cleaned out.

 

[EBF]

Need to add another, "The Noob" - He's so excited to be playing fantasy football, but knows so little about players and dynasty strategery, that The Con Artist soon finds him and rapes his team, leaving him disenchanted and eventually dropping out.I'm in a league with a couple of "The Con Artist" and a few of "The Noob", and the Noobs are constantly getting just ravaged. Their teams have been almost picked clean, and I'm very concerned that within 3-5 years the league will be disintegrating due to lack of interest by the teams that got cleaned out.

Yeah, that's a real phenomenon to be sure.

 

[LionSlappy]

Way too many Mr Invisibles in my leagues. Sucks!

 

[squistion]

Some additions with a bit of overlap at times:

THE LOGAN'S RUNNER - Logan's Run was a 70's sci-fi film where in a futuristic society no one is allowed to live past the age of 30.

A Logan's Run team has a "sell by" expiration date on all players and they are traded at/or before they reach a certain age. These owners can be recognized by the blind panic they go into when (for instance) a RB they own reaches the age of 26 and can be seen posting in this forum that these players are all "sell highs" irrespective of talent or the fact they might be useful to a contending team.

A Logan's Run team looks pretty on paper and always seems poised to be next year's league champion, but rarely delivers since all older players that could add needed depth for bye weeks, injuries and/or a playoff run are purged for younger developmental prospects.

THE MORTGAGOR - The antithesis of a Logan's Run team.

This is an owner who is always mortgaging their team's future value for winning NOW this year. Their team is a perpetual Over-The-Hill Gang. Any young players with upside are traded for a creaky old veterans who (at best) have two years left in the NFL. And all draft picks (including what future years the league allows) are also traded away for players that would qualify for a senior discount.

Of course the problem with this "The Future is Now" approach is that when age eventually catches up with these older players, there are no assets to rebuild with. After the team is completely gutted, these owners move on to other leagues leaving the commissioner with the daunting task of finding someone to take a reclamation project that is 3-5 years away from being competitive again.

THE WINDOW SHOPPER - Periodically sends you emails asking "Are you interested in trading player X?" But when you respond affirmatively you never can get an actual offer from them or find out specifically what they are willing to give in return. They love talking in generalities about potential trades but rarely can bring themselves to actually do one.

 

[JohnnyU]

THE WINDOW SHOPPER - Periodically sends you emails asking "Are you interested in trading player X?" But when you respond affirmatively you never can get an actual offer from them or find out specifically what they are willing to give in return. They love talking in generalities about potential trades but rarely can bring themselves to actually do one.

Don't you just love these owners? The ol' what would you want for so and so, but never give you a decent first offer and they're the one who is interested in a specific player.

 

[Monty Burns]

unfortunately, in a few leagues that I'm in, Monty Hall, after totally destroying his team by trading just to trade, then drops out, pleading "not enough time" or some other lame excuse.....then the league has to find an owner who basically has to build a team from scratch, which obvioussly is a very long and frustrating process in any competative league....

 

[JohnnyU]

unfortunately, in a few leagues that I'm in, Monty Hall, after totally destroying his team by trading just to trade, then drops out, pleading "not enough time" or some other lame excuse.....then the league has to find an owner who basically has to build a team from scratch, which obvioussly is a very long and frustrating process in any competative league....

I don't like doing this, but that is precisely why I limit trading 1st rd picks to one year into the future, but I don't make owners pay to trade their 1st rd pick one year into the future. I know some commissioners like to make you pay that year's fee and allow teams to trade multiple 1st rd pick in multiple years into the future, but having one year free isn't always a benefit owners want when taking over a dynasty team. Most true dynasty owners like having those picks to work with, especially when Monte Hall has decimated the team.

 

[wiscstlatlmia]

I would like to potentially add another quality I know in my leagues I'm known as the revoker...never knew a deal I sent that wasn't worth revoking.sometimes it takes me a few times to get a deal exactly how I want it... sort of like editing a message board post... sometimes I notice some 'spelling' errors lol

 

[Hoosier16]

I'm a Dr. No...Just because you drafted a crappy team, does not mean I have to hand over the guys I drafted and who are doing well, to compensate for your loss.

The problem with Dr. No is that he'll never accept anything remotely fair. It doesn't matter which player you're after or what you're offering. He just finds a reason to say no. And while he generally avoids making catastrophic trades because of this risk-averse approach, he rarely has a good team because he never buys/sells when it's in his best interest.

I'm clearly a Dr. No, but I disagree with your reasoning. I think you have two subgroups, those that always stink and those that always maintain a good team. The ones that stink probably also fit into the Mr. Invisible role. Almost all trade offers are lopsided. Almost all offers are unbalanced (2 for 1) where the guy making the offer is always getting the better player. Almost all offers are made with complete disregard for the other guy's needs. These are all very easy to reject and comprise 95% of all offers.I do tend to overvalue my players, especially the FA pickups. The problem with the offers for those players is nobody is willing to give up anything. I see very little value in 2nd round picks and later when others are asking for Bryce Brown and Shorts. There isn't any reason to give them up for that price.Great post though. Your still missing someone, maybe a blend between the ADD and con artist, who generally has a good team and tends to victimize the same teams over and over.

My biggest question to the Dr. No's out there is, how many offers have you made in the last year? My guess is that most of the Dr. Nos not only reject everything sent to them, but they also are afraid to make a move where they initiated it, other than some waiver wire pickup.

I don't make a ton but I will make offers. I made 47 in one league and 37 in another.

 

[renesauz]

Not sure I fit any of these descriptions. In one league people would clearly label me the collector, but I blew up that team for a reason this year. IN another league I'd be the mortgager. A couple leagues have 1 or 2 severe ADD owners that make me feel like a Dr. No, but the records show I make multiple trades per year.That said, there are three or four people in every league that CLEARLY fit one of the descriptions, and I can come up with at least one solid example of every one of them.