Numbskull is my gotoWe have gone with "dingus". Same meaning but a little more unique...hahaha
Numbskull is my gotoWe have gone with "dingus". Same meaning but a little more unique...hahaha
So "Moron" is out?I know you don't know me well enough to know and I hope this doesn't sound too preachy but I'll risk it anyway.
A fathers words have incredible power. I'm guessing way more than many fathers know.
I've seen it first hand.
I KNOW folks here are joking about the "idiot" stuff. But I'd urge you to never say those words. Even on a fake football message board.
There is something sacred about how we talk about our children. In many churches, part of a baptismal ceremony begins with "Father, name your child". I think regardless of ones spiritual feelings though, how we talk and think about our children is so important.
They'll get plenty of people telling them they're idiots during their life. But part of that "being for them" thing is them knowing you have their back no matter what. Even when they ACT like an idiot.
I hope that doesn't sound wrong. The fact that you guys are discussing it here tells me you're a good dad.
This is just something I've seen in the past and I feel strongly about it.
Rock on.
We have an older kid who loves money. She loves money so much that we offered to pay her for A's at $50 per A, a bonus $250 if she got all A's.
I see that "Moron" is Spanish for "small hill." To build your son's esteem, you should refer to him as a "big moron." HTHSo "Moron" is out?
Need a new name for my son
similar for us with our 15 yr old daughter (sophomore). We accept any grade when we know the effort is there.Disagree. If a lack of effort resulted in a lower grade, I'd address that.
Sure, a B isn't a bad grade if that's the natural result of him doing his best. The grade letter itself isn't the issue. Sounds like he didn't really try his best. That would be a big (huge) deal in my house.
Take it out of his room, maybe? It's harder to goof off when you guys are right there.Not sure what to do at this point except just take the computer away entirely but "I need it for school!"
For what passes as gym class today, a B is definitely unacceptable.And what's wrong with a B in gym? I'd have gotten an F if I could. I loathed it. Might have been in part due to the horrible outfit we had to wear for it. Let's just say the 70's were not clothing-friendly. Or natural fiber friendly.
(Also, I couldn't really see to play the games involved. The only thing I did well was b-ball free throws.)
In as non-dickish a way possible, the answer here is "he's a teenager".So, I have a 16 year old teenager who is a really good kid. Respectful, plays on the high school soccer team - just a good kid overall. Has made good grades all the way through his freshman year. He is now a sophomore. If you look at his report card he's making two A's, three B's, and a C.
He just finished up his first semester finals. From all accounts he studied for his finals. Told us he was studying. Was bunkered in his room studying.
Got an F on his math final, a C on a history final, and a B on his gym final. B in Gym? What the hell. Other finals were fine.
So in our house, an F at any time is unacceptable. Math is certainly not his best subject, and he is making a C in that class. I'm ok with the C in the class so I would expect his final to be in the C range if he's trying his best.
For the history class, it's an AP class and he is making a B in that class, so I would expect his final to be in the B range. Getting a C is certainly not terrible, but to me still not acceptable.
For the gym class, a B on a final is unacceptable. He has an easy A in this class and clearly blew off the final.
So yesterday we have this discussion. My wife is more of a gentle type and my style is more direct. Not dickish, but more of a "let's figure out what's going on so it doesn't repeat itself because classes are going to get harder as you move forward and into college."
But his response is basically: "well, I'm still getting a good overall grade in the class. what's the big deal?"
And this is when I start to get pissed. I explain that NO FINAL should be getting blown off and the final is where you have to shine because when you get into college your final could end up being a huge portion of your grade.
And this is where we clash. And where I need your help. I don't know how to get him to understand the importance of tests. And finals.
He's a pretty laid back kid in general, and this is what worries me. He's the type of kid that will do the bare minimum of what's asked of him. And he thinks he's cool because his overall grade card looks fine. But bubbling under the surface is this character trait that I can see could be a problem down the road.
We've already told him he's getting a math tutor for the second semester, which he as agreed to. We've explained that math is one of those subjects that builds upon itself, so we need to nip this in the bud right now.
But how do I communicate the importance of all of this to him? Leave it to my wife, who is more gentle about it? Have someone else do it? At no time am I degrading or disrepectful to him during any of our communications.
I also know he's a teenager, so there is going to be that natural butting of heads. But I'm at a loss of what to do.
Thanks for any help.
Is it your money?Is this the thread where I complain about my 25-year-old daughter spending $400-500/month on Door Dash deliveries? I'm prepping a dad-intervention - "Today we are going to talk about compound interest, a lot."
Why? Are there really finals in gym? How do you even get a B? Did he say?For what passes as gym class today, a B is definitely unacceptable.
Nope.Then leave it alone. She's a grown woman.
And perhaps she'll find some. But you are her dad, not her mentor. Maybe there's some YouTube Master Class on investing you could take together? Make it about you wanting to spend time with her. Criticising her choices is unlikely to yield great results.Nope.
I'm old enough to remember wishing I'd grown up with better mentors.
Leave getting pissed for time you spend with yourself, thinking. Your job as a parent is raising your kid to not need you, and the best you can hope for is that when they're on their own, they still want to be in contact. To accomplish that you need to understand him now, which means you need to understand his perspective on things now. Once he's listening and trusting, instead of seeing you as one more situation he needs to navigate, he's listening and you can offer the benefit of your experience to help him get where he's going a bit more easily and with some guidance he trusts. At his age you're already done controlling what he wants and, to a large extent, what he chooses to do.For the gym class, a B on a final is unacceptable. He has an easy A in this class and clearly blew off the final.
So yesterday we have this discussion. My wife is more of a gentle type and my style is more direct. Not dickish, but more of a "let's figure out what's going on so it doesn't repeat itself because classes are going to get harder as you move forward and into college."
But his response is basically: "well, I'm still getting a good overall grade in the class. what's the big deal?"
And this is when I start to get pissed.
Sounds a lot like me. I knew what I wanted at 14 and going about accomplishing it involved a lot of ignoring what school and parents preached at me to do. I already knew what I wanted to do. I would have graduated a year early from HS EXCEPT the county board of education would not allow that under any circumstances, so I pissed away my final year of HS taking bull#### classes and only working part-time when I wanted to work fulltime for a year before college to save money. Going to college was easy; I had good grades and tested extremely wwell and got multiple scholarship offers because my parents had no money. The board of education (and my parents) should have listened to me but instead they made me waste a year. I wish my parents had helped me out with that.I got through highschool and college by figuring out day 1 what I could get away with not doing. Made good grades that would have been great had I done them.
You really could not have told me anything. Both because I was terribly immature even through college and you simply could not force me to gain perspective, but also I wasn't being lazy - it was thought through and calculated. Worked hard on the things that needed to be done, and not doing what didn't need to be done was part of the plan.
Homework is 5% of my grade? Thanks won't bother with that. Attendance doesn't matter? Cool see you for the quizzes and tests. I can drop a test grade? Sweet one less of those I'll worry about taking/attending. Etc, etc.
This is an excellent point. I have 2 sons who could not be more different. One like the OP - a HS senior has always required some amount of prodding and things don’t click… consistently taking advantage of ability to retake tests (an odd ability I never had). Dropped 4th year math after a semester even though it limited college options. Definitely Type B in that he’s just not a self starter. The HS freshman OTOH, everything comes easy… total bell curve destroyer, straight A’s, taking 11th grade math as a 9th grader… Type A.Honestly, it sounds like you're worried that your Type B kid isn't a Type A...like you are. I think, ultimately, you're going to have to accept that he's not going to be.
Perhaps the word you are looking for is "advice". Or is that the meta thingie?If your kid is motivated by money,
1) Show him the difference in auto insurance cost with and without a good student discount. Offer to split the savings with him if he gets the discount (assuming you are paying his car insurance).
2) Do some research on scholarships he could earn to his favorite college based upon grade point average. Get the grades up now instead of scrambling their senior year to save several thousand of dollars.
In life, some times you win; sometimes you lose. Just don't lose because you made it too easy for the other guy with a lot less talent to out work you.
<<<<<<< LOOK OVER THERE
Great responseHonestly, it sounds like you're worried that your Type B kid isn't a Type A...like you are. I think, ultimately, you're going to have to accept that he's not going to be.
My son is also one that will do anything you ask of him...but only what you ask of him.
He too, could have done better in school...but didn't. Particularly in math. He went to a community college and got a 2 year degree and won't be going back to school probably ever. He couldn't pass the math classes.
I worked my butt off to get good grades and did. But I also realized in hindsight that it really didn't matter as much as I thought they did.
I think that as long as you both are clear on the idea that he's going to have to live with the results of his efforts then it's probably best to just let it go.
ETA: My son is exceptionally frugal with his money. He saves just about everything he ever gets. He currently has WAY more money in the bank and investments at 22 than almost every adult you know at 52. So..
I always knew he was smart but this is next level stuff from the medal monger Bolded reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite podcasters/motivational dudes, Jocko Willink, “There are no bad soldiers (employees), just bad leaders.” Has definitely been the case with both my girls and I suspect a lot of you. You notice a discernible difference in their enthusiasm for a class based on how the teacher presents the material. One of the best teachers both my daughters had was a third grade teacher at the school my oldest now teaches at. He made a difference for both of my girls and inspired one to be a teacher at a very young age. We’re personal friends with him because of that but I know he has a huge base of successful kids that stay in touch with him. Just one of those great teachers that loves his calling and loves his kids.tri-man 47 said:This gets to the heart of things for me. As a university professor, I actively downplay the role of traditional testing/exams. (As an aside, I just wrapped up an Accounting 101 course where testing was just a third of the grade. The rest was online assignments (three attempts; immediate, automated feedback), some Excel training related to the accounting topics, and online group discussions with more of a broader business focus (e.g., for the inventory chapter, they shared and discussed articles on current supply chain issues). I've gotten really good, unsolicited feedback from a few students ("..fun and informative..").)
As Mac points out, supported by the research, it's about the learning process - learning how to learn ...self-directed/self-regulated learning. I would suggest your discussions might focus on that aspect. Unfortunately, too many educators are all about testing and "surface" learning (such as memorizing). Better to emphasize "deep" learning that comes from an active learning environment where students take ownership of their own learning. Arguably, if your son wasn't motivated to prepare for the finals, some or much of the blame falls on the teachers.
If your son can develop strong learning skills, he then sets himself up for future success ...in school and in life. Look at the work you do, Chief. Almost all of the customers that call for service have a unique situation that needs to be addressed. There's no "textbook" solution to turn to. It's like Matt Damon at the end of The Martian - you solve one problem, and then the next, and then the next. If your son can learn to analyze situations and information, and learn to solve problems, then he will have developed skills that will benefit him for life.
That said, good grades are still used as a benchmark - for scholarships; for admittance to better schools; to ideal job opportunities. He would be well-served to keep that in mind.
Was just going to post this. This is one of those threads you wish you could pin somehow before it gets lost in the ocean of nonsense on this forum. Some really, really good advice in here. Thanks to @ChiefD for posting the original question and to all of you for your responses. It’s been great reading and both my kids are long gone from the home. Merry Christmas one and all!identikit said:These are the best kind of threads as they bring out the best of/from everyone.
Merry Christmas everyone.