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This is funny. (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
Marvin
Footballguy
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
SlaX
Footballguy
They had me at Hand Satanizer.
jb1020
Footballguy
the moops
Footballguy
belljr
Footballguy
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
Ed Wood
Footballguy
BustedKnuckles
Footballguy
Some girls will suck the life right out of you, others girls will suck the 100 million potential lives out of you
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
Everything Is Terrible presents a collection of completely WTF self-defense techniques you can employ to fight off a potential rapist, including “passing gas” or “excreting on yourself” in an attempt to be less attractive to an attacker. And, of course, there’s the ever-popular “just bite his #### off” technique.
What? Learn actual martial arts? That’s silly.
What? Learn actual martial arts? That’s silly.
SlaX
Footballguy
I just bid $20 on jujitsu lessons. No one's raping this guy.
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
Mrs. Dogg said she's pretty sure she'd wet herself no matter what.'ChainsawU said:
heckmanm
Footballguy
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
Mr. Ected
Footballguy
Fox News vs. Comedy Central
ETA: Saw this today on Charles Laquidara's (WBCN: Big Mattress - Back in the Day) Facebook page. Someone mentioned that it is kinda sad that it is not far from the truth for some...
ETA: Saw this today on Charles Laquidara's (WBCN: Big Mattress - Back in the Day) Facebook page. Someone mentioned that it is kinda sad that it is not far from the truth for some...
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Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
GregR
Footballguy
I think he should be happy he made it to the mat.
Sweet J
Footballguy
I LOVE this picture. Can't we get an internet meme going here? If I knew how to photoshop, I would put that ####### bear EVERYWHERE. Picking up chicks with Clinton; getting drunk with Snoop; adopting african babies with Brad and Angelina.
heckmanm
Footballguy
Gopher State
Footballguy
Q: What is the difference between a Saints fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
That bear died :( http://www.outsideonline.com/news-from-the-field/Flying-Bear-Struck-and-Killed-by-Car.html#prclt-61mA14B3I LOVE this picture. Can't we get an internet meme going here? If I knew how to photoshop, I would put that ####### bear EVERYWHERE. Picking up chicks with Clinton; getting drunk with Snoop; adopting african babies with Brad and Angelina.
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
GregR
Footballguy
Someone had given a couple's young granddaughter a little tea set as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys.
One day her grandfather was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, her grandmother came home.
The grandfather made her wait in the living room to watch the girl bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" The grandmother waited, and sure enough, there she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
One day her grandfather was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, her grandmother came home.
The grandfather made her wait in the living room to watch the girl bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" The grandmother waited, and sure enough, there she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
GregR
Footballguy
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks," Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaims the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replies, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks," Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaims the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replies, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
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Fennis
Footballguy
Sounds like he was doing the bear version of jackass.That bear died :( http://www.outsideonline.com/news-from-the-field/Flying-Bear-Struck-and-Killed-by-Car.html#prclt-61mA14B3I LOVE this picture. Can't we get an internet meme going here? If I knew how to photoshop, I would put that ####### bear EVERYWHERE. Picking up chicks with Clinton; getting drunk with Snoop; adopting african babies with Brad and Angelina.
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
:( I make one contribution to the This is funny thread, and it turns into a bummer. Guess I should stick to the dumb arguments about sports from now on.That bear died :( http://www.outsideonline.com/news-from-the-field/Flying-Bear-Struck-and-Killed-by-Car.html#prclt-61mA14B3I LOVE this picture. Can't we get an internet meme going here? If I knew how to photoshop, I would put that ####### bear EVERYWHERE. Picking up chicks with Clinton; getting drunk with Snoop; adopting african babies with Brad and Angelina.
GregR
Footballguy
These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game
show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall
was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while
talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any
during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what
was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall
was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while
talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any
during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what
was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
I'm sure I posted this last year, but it's too funny not to share again:
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
too painful to watch
Jojo the circus boy
Footballguy
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Pretty much. The only one I felt bad for was the nun. And some of the bystanders.
hofer
Footballguy
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
That was awesome.
