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Vasectomy in the AM... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter firecrackerfreakshow
- Start date
Osaurus
Footballguy
Same here. I asked ahead of time to make sure.No. I guess it isn't a bad idea. But I can feel the titanium clips if I try, so I take thAt as a good sign. I guess everyone isnt the same but I got snipped, clipped, and cauterized.Serious question. anyone get their sperm count tested on a regular (annual) basis to make sure it hasn't reconnected?
General Malaise
Footballguy
Oh, neat.
Insurance resets for me Oct. 1....so I called my urologist and begged them to take me Sept. 30th. They found an opening for me. I'm going to snort about 8 vicodins before I go in. I am not looking forward to this at all.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
That damn cauterization is the worst. I was traumatized.
lumpy19
Footballguy
Right before the doc finished I got this insane cold sensation and I told the doc "I don't know what you're doing but it just got really cold down there" He said before he closed things up he gave me a boost of novicaine so that i'd stay numb longer
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
Nothing in the world like seeing smoke rising from your sack and smelling burning flesh.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
lumpy19
Footballguy
My favorite part was when he clamped my ball sac to see if I still had feeling after the first novicaine shot(I did). It's a special feeling when you're supposed to be numb and you're not quite there yet and someone attacks your balls.
GOOD LUCK!!
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
This happened to me as well which is why the doc added more local. I have said before that I had so much that my body absorbed a bunch and my lips and fingertips went numb. Was disconcerting.
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
:X 
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I had mine about 15 years ago. It's a cakewalk.
And I was able to achieve erections again in about 16 months. That's a lot quicker than average.
And I was able to achieve erections again in about 16 months. That's a lot quicker than average.
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
Buckychudd
Footballguy
jhib
Footballguy
And I wasn't really ready for that. Since you know about it going in, it'll probably be that much worse for you.
The Noid
Avoid me!
What I forgot to ask was where he got the safety razor he used to shorn my scrotum. He was all "zip-zip-zip" and I was a cue ball in a few seconds with nary a nick. Maybe it was technique and experience, rather than the tool, but I like being able to reset things down there every once in awhile when things get out of control (without worrying about pulling a Clint Malarchuk.)
The Duff Man
Footballguy
Did everyone here go the "no scalpel" route.
The whole thing was a cake walk. Once you know this is an option....I had to wonder who still chooses the "scalpel" version??
The whole thing was a cake walk. Once you know this is an option....I had to wonder who still chooses the "scalpel" version??
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
You will be fine, close your eyes, relax and it will be over before you know it. Just think about the full scrip of vicodin you'll get from this.
skillz
Footballguy
(HULK)
(Smash)
Gee Spot
Footballguy
Definitely the way to go. The doc advertised it as 'pain free' and it wasn't bad at all for what I was expecting. I still played it out for the weekend to drink beer and watch sports on the couch.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Well yeah. I think the fail rate in terms of complete impotence is still around 35-40%.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Alright, it's been almost two weeks since I had it and I'm finally ready to talk about it. For those of you who are thinking about it and haven't read the full thread, here's a full recap of my experience...
Scheduled for 1:45pm on Sept. 30th. My dad picked me up and drove me. He child locked the door so I wouldn't jump out at a red light. Prior to his arrival, I took 2 pain pills (Narcos) and chugged a beer. I don't take pain pills. They helped. I also smoked a bowl. It really helped. I also was ordered to spread a bunch of numbing cream all over my freshly shaved balls. If you have never shaved your balls with a razor, I urge extreme caution, more shaving cream than you might be accustomed to using and good lighting.
Upon entry to the room, I was ordered to disrobe and put on a gown. I was then given a pill to prevent any infection. My wenis, sensing imminent danger, shrank to the size of a runt-of-the-litter lady bug. After the nurse left, I gave my miniscule member a talking to that resembled Vince Lombardi at halftime to a team down 10 points. The response was flatter than the Detroit Lions performance on Sunday.
I was moved to another room and met by a nurse who looked like a cross between Diana Taurasi and Kathy Bates. For some reason, that put me at ease. She walked me through the process, said the doctor would be in shortly, asked if I minded if he played some music and whether I prefered he talk to me during the procedure or just leave me alone. I said he could watch German Porn for all I care if it puts him at ease. And yes, I want to be talked to. I like it when my pilots tell me what's going on, so the guy cutting open my nards has the same tacit approval.
Show time. Numbing injections applied. The soft, dulcet tones of smooth jazz permeated the room. Not sure, but I think it was "Hot and Heavy". Right ball first. Incredibly, I didn't feel a thing and the doc and I talked about the Blazers, college football, college hoops (he's a Maryland man and was there when they won the NCAA Championship)...it was liking being a sports bar with a new friend, only without the cold beers, TVs, bartenders and pants. After he was done with Righty, he asked how I was feeling. I responded "I actually didn't feel anything!". He said "Great, the numbing medication is doing its job".
And then he moved on to Lefty. I'm not sure what provoked it, but his first move on my left ball caused me to jerk like I was being electrocuted and elevated me 3 feet in the air like the girl in The Exorcist. "MORE NUMBING MEDS" he quickly barked to Nurse Lurch. The pain from his first cut moved rapidly up my gut like a swift kick to the crotch. Conversation then went from Sports Bar to Blair Witch Project, with me worried about what was about to happen. Fortunately, the next dose of numbing meds worked and he finished up quickly. Stitches were applied to both stones, I was told to dress and was bid a fond farewell.
I actually didn't feel too bad the rest of the day, but I wasn't going to let me wife and kids know it. My dad drove me home, I curled up on the couch, took more pain pills, opened a cold beer and watched Edward Scissorhands, which I thought was appropo. I was told to keep the wounds bandaged, wear tight fitting underwear, avoid exercise, heavy lifting and work. But I honestly didn't feel too bad, so long as I was loaded on pain pills, cold beer and had a bag of frozen peas on my retired babymaker.
Spent all day Thursday recovering, but bored out of my head. I'm not cut out for all day couch lounging. By noon, I had enough and started doing stuff around the house. By Friday, I was back to work and got rid of the rest of the pain pills, which were making a little stupid and I was fearful I'd just take them to take them. I coached soccer the next day, stopped wearing tight fitting underwear, went to the coast for a weekend and....
.....over did it. By Monday, I was noticing some inflammation and leaking out of my left incision. I went back to the doctor for a check-up a few days later and sure enough, I had a small infection in the left side. I was ordered to keep it bandaged, clean it out and wear NOTHING but tighty-whities for a week. Not boxer briefs (which I like for workouts) but old fashioned tighty-whities. I had to buy a four-pack at the store and I must say, it helped. A lot. Today, I'm good as new, still have to keep the left wound clean, but am back to normal.
Now, one thing I haven't read here, but will tell you is this: When you get done with this procedure you are ordered to ejaculate 25 times BEFORE you have to shoot one off in a cup and take it in for testing. You have exactly 1 hour to load the cup and get it to your doctor. So, if you aren't much of a planner in your masturbationing, you need to be for this step. You also need to treat your body like an amusement park before jerking into a cup. I asked the nurse if I could wear a disguise dropping off my load and she said "you'd be surprised how many guys ask me that". So, anyhow, moral of the story is this - if you see me in the next few weeks, I'd not shake my right hand.
Scheduled for 1:45pm on Sept. 30th. My dad picked me up and drove me. He child locked the door so I wouldn't jump out at a red light. Prior to his arrival, I took 2 pain pills (Narcos) and chugged a beer. I don't take pain pills. They helped. I also smoked a bowl. It really helped. I also was ordered to spread a bunch of numbing cream all over my freshly shaved balls. If you have never shaved your balls with a razor, I urge extreme caution, more shaving cream than you might be accustomed to using and good lighting.
Upon entry to the room, I was ordered to disrobe and put on a gown. I was then given a pill to prevent any infection. My wenis, sensing imminent danger, shrank to the size of a runt-of-the-litter lady bug. After the nurse left, I gave my miniscule member a talking to that resembled Vince Lombardi at halftime to a team down 10 points. The response was flatter than the Detroit Lions performance on Sunday.
I was moved to another room and met by a nurse who looked like a cross between Diana Taurasi and Kathy Bates. For some reason, that put me at ease. She walked me through the process, said the doctor would be in shortly, asked if I minded if he played some music and whether I prefered he talk to me during the procedure or just leave me alone. I said he could watch German Porn for all I care if it puts him at ease. And yes, I want to be talked to. I like it when my pilots tell me what's going on, so the guy cutting open my nards has the same tacit approval.
Show time. Numbing injections applied. The soft, dulcet tones of smooth jazz permeated the room. Not sure, but I think it was "Hot and Heavy". Right ball first. Incredibly, I didn't feel a thing and the doc and I talked about the Blazers, college football, college hoops (he's a Maryland man and was there when they won the NCAA Championship)...it was liking being a sports bar with a new friend, only without the cold beers, TVs, bartenders and pants. After he was done with Righty, he asked how I was feeling. I responded "I actually didn't feel anything!". He said "Great, the numbing medication is doing its job".
And then he moved on to Lefty. I'm not sure what provoked it, but his first move on my left ball caused me to jerk like I was being electrocuted and elevated me 3 feet in the air like the girl in The Exorcist. "MORE NUMBING MEDS" he quickly barked to Nurse Lurch. The pain from his first cut moved rapidly up my gut like a swift kick to the crotch. Conversation then went from Sports Bar to Blair Witch Project, with me worried about what was about to happen. Fortunately, the next dose of numbing meds worked and he finished up quickly. Stitches were applied to both stones, I was told to dress and was bid a fond farewell.
I actually didn't feel too bad the rest of the day, but I wasn't going to let me wife and kids know it. My dad drove me home, I curled up on the couch, took more pain pills, opened a cold beer and watched Edward Scissorhands, which I thought was appropo. I was told to keep the wounds bandaged, wear tight fitting underwear, avoid exercise, heavy lifting and work. But I honestly didn't feel too bad, so long as I was loaded on pain pills, cold beer and had a bag of frozen peas on my retired babymaker.
Spent all day Thursday recovering, but bored out of my head. I'm not cut out for all day couch lounging. By noon, I had enough and started doing stuff around the house. By Friday, I was back to work and got rid of the rest of the pain pills, which were making a little stupid and I was fearful I'd just take them to take them. I coached soccer the next day, stopped wearing tight fitting underwear, went to the coast for a weekend and....
.....over did it. By Monday, I was noticing some inflammation and leaking out of my left incision. I went back to the doctor for a check-up a few days later and sure enough, I had a small infection in the left side. I was ordered to keep it bandaged, clean it out and wear NOTHING but tighty-whities for a week. Not boxer briefs (which I like for workouts) but old fashioned tighty-whities. I had to buy a four-pack at the store and I must say, it helped. A lot. Today, I'm good as new, still have to keep the left wound clean, but am back to normal.
Now, one thing I haven't read here, but will tell you is this: When you get done with this procedure you are ordered to ejaculate 25 times BEFORE you have to shoot one off in a cup and take it in for testing. You have exactly 1 hour to load the cup and get it to your doctor. So, if you aren't much of a planner in your masturbationing, you need to be for this step. You also need to treat your body like an amusement park before jerking into a cup. I asked the nurse if I could wear a disguise dropping off my load and she said "you'd be surprised how many guys ask me that". So, anyhow, moral of the story is this - if you see me in the next few weeks, I'd not shake my right hand.
Last edited by a moderator:
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
By my last "drop-off" I was showing up with the cup not in a brown bag and just waving it around non-chalantly in the waiting room. No disguise needed.
lumpy19
Footballguy
lumpy19
Footballguy
I had my wisdom teeth out a few months ago...opted to get knocked out for that
Vasectomy I opted for local, it's really not bad at all.
Wisdom teeth were about 100x worse
=Smackdown=
Footballguy
Was put to sleep for both - wisdom and the V. Not sure why you'd like to be awake for the play by play for either?
Wake up and done.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Didn't have the option for sleep with the V. Wasn't too bad. I had a good Dr. I wish I bought Fruit of the Loins undies off the bat and rested another day. Other than that, no changes.
jhib
Footballguy
Huh. Maybe it really was worse knowing about it going in.
Sorry about that.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
I'm up at 6AM tomorrow morning, this thread has me terrified and ready to vomit but 3 kids is already past our limit so we're not going #4 if I have to do my own vas.
bentley
Footballguy
Exactly. Mine was completely pain free but I would be willing to go through anything to avoid having more kids.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
Worth every penny.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
That was my favorite part - drugged up watching stupid movies with a bag of frozen peas on my nards. Good times.
xulf
Footballguy
AhrnCityPahnder
Yinz-o-riffic
Joined the club on Friday
:blanks: :vicodin:
:blanks: :vicodin:
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
So far not too bad. They gave me whatever anesthesia you get for a colonoscopy so I don't remember any of it. Whoever used the 45 mins after getting kicked in the nads analogy was right on. Feel the incision a bit too. Hurt like hell when I stood up just now but otherwise I'll survive.
If not I got an oxy script to help out
If not I got an oxy script to help out
