The Sage of Tornado Man: Episode 6: Japanese Fighting Chicken
It wasn’t long after dispatching Ghom that the party was able to make their through hundreds of succubi (which, by the way, Tornado Parents had forgotten have their ####### hanging out) and destroy Cydea. I’m glad myTornado Man is only 6 because if he’d been to the point where hormones were flaring, that would have been a super uncomfortable fight. As it was, we dispatched Cydea quickly and made our way, uneventfully, to Azmodan.
As we were entering Azmodan’s chamber Tornado Dad told Tornado Mom, “Remember, Azmodan instantly kills the first person he sees so make sure to let Tornado Man go in first”, loud enough for Tornado Man to hear. Tornado Man started to hesitate before deciding that Tornado Dad was full of it. With his classic, “Don’t worry, I’m a Barbarian, I’m the strongest” line, Tornado Man led the group into the fray. Azmodan proved to be a chump and cried while Tornado Man cackled like a mad man. Seriously, it was disturbing how joyful he was at the destruction of his enemies.
Upon return to the Keep, it was discovered that Adria had sacrificed her daughter, Leah, to not only summon Diablo out of the black soulstone, but allow him to absorb the other souls that had been captured inside of it. Diablo was gone, having made his way to the heavens to destroy the angels once and for all. Tornado Man and his sidekick parents would follow.
When the group entered heaven they were confronted by the leader of the angels who blamed Tornado Man for the impending doom of heaven. Tornado Man replied, “Dude… it’s not our fault you’re not strong enough! We’re coming to help you anyway. Stop being a jerk”. As Tornado Mom and Dad laughed, Tornado Man said, “What? He was being a baby”.
Tornado Man quickly led his group through the heavens. Tornado Mom and Dad were not sure what happened, but Tornado Man managed to go straight to the next objective in record time. Tornado Man could make no wrong moves. It was as if a mystical force was guiding him. As they were making their through the heavens, Tornado Dad asked if Tornado Man knew what “El Diablo” meant. When Tornado Man admitted he did not know, Tornado Dad told him it was, “a Japanese fighting chicken”. Tornado Mom corrected Tornado Dad and told him that it really stood for, “The Diablo”. Tornado Man decided Mom was right and Dad was “always joking, and your jokes are NOT funny. Especially when you say hi hungry, I’m Dad”. Tornado Man’s a jerk that doesn’t know good humor. Who raised this kid anyway?
With speed run records dashed, the party made their way to Diablo’s lair. Before they entered, they were again accosted by the angel leader who threatened to kill Tornado Man. When Tornado Man's character said it would not be easily done, Tornado Man yelled, "YEAH, THAT"S RIGHT". Right after shouting, the angel would crumble to the ground as Diablo destroyed some item inside a chamber that gave the angels their strength. Tornado Man said, "that's what you get" before leading his party into the chamber. As they entered, Tornado Dad again told Tornado Mom to let Tornado Man lead so Diablo would kill him first. Tornado Man ignored the conversation until Tornado Mom said, “…and take his loot”. At which point, Tornado Man promptly made a U-Turn and refused to lead. After a good 60 seconds of trying to encourage Tornado Man forward, Tornado Mom broke out the ultimate weapon… “Alright, if you’re done playing, I guess we’ll turn it off”. This turned out to be just the motivation Tornado Man needed to lift his spirits as he sprinted to Diablo. The fight was quick and uneventful (thanks easy mode) and Diablo was destroyed. Tornado Man got two legendary items which he said were, “epic loots, bro”.
The group made their way back to the keep where they would sort out loot. This is where Tornado Mom would make a huge blunder. She transmogrified an item. For the next 30-45 minutes, Tornado Man transmogrified every single slot he had equipped. This disturbing trend would continue into the future…
To be continued…