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When do gifts for nieces and nephews stop? (1 Viewer)

S

Snickers

Footballguy
So I have a niece that is 28 and another that is 21 along with a nephew that is 24. My siblings haven't expressed any thought to stop giving them Christmas or Birthday gifts. I find it offensive at this point, am I wrong?

 
Snickers said:
So I have a niece that is 28 and another that is 21 along with a nephew that is 24. My siblings haven't expressed any thought to stop giving them Christmas or Birthday gifts. I find it offensive at this point, am I wrong?
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My nieces and nephews are still kids. But the adults in my family (except one rogue aunt) quit giving Christmas and birthday gifts about 10 years ago. I fully intend to follow that policy when they get to 18.

 
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eoMMan said:
When they're 18 and strippin.
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Then another Uncle will take care of her. Or him.  Whatever. 

They range 14-1 right now so it's a little early to judge but I don't know if we'll ever stop giving something to our 4 nephews. Maybe when they're out of college.

We still give gifts to our parents and my wife's sister, brother and brother in law. Not my sister usually, although we sent her a gift this year because it had special meaning. 

 
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When I hit high school when I was growing up. Christmas became more about time with the family than gifts that I wouldn't use or didn't care about.

 
I've been wondering the same thing.  I was set not to buy my nephew a gift this year, since he's 18, in college, and has never sent me a thank you for a single gift I have given him his entire life.  Then a couple of days ago, I received my annual direction from my brother as to what I should be buying him, so :shrug:  

 
Good question. Nephews 30 and 27, niece is 16. I think at this point it will be done after a nice wedding gift. Not sure what happens if they don't get married, none are yet. We barely even get much of a thank you anymore so that's a little annoying.

 
krista4 said:
I've been wondering the same thing.  I was set not to buy my nephew a gift this year, since he's 18, in college, and has never sent me a thank you for a single gift I have given him his entire life.  Then a couple of days ago, I received my annual direction from my brother as to what I should be buying him, so :shrug:  
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Send your brother a note thanking him for the the guidance through the years and how you're sad to see it end.

 
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shadyridr said:
What do your siblings say? I'd say if you want to keep doing it. If not stop. 
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My siblings that have the kids don't say #### which is my bone of contention. They should have said something once the kids hit 18. I have two young kids and I will make it clear they are not to buy them gifts at a certain point. I will probably also tell them to #### in their hat at that point for not doing the same.

 
Snickers said:
My siblings that have the kids don't say #### which is my bone of contention. They should have said something once the kids hit 18. I have two young kids and I will make it clear they are not to buy them gifts at a certain point. I will probably also tell them to #### in their hat at that point for not doing the same.
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It bothers you they don't say anything? Grow a pair man

Why would they have to say anything?

 
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I have an uncle who still sends me money. It was $25 for decades and then 2 years ago he upped it to $50. I always send him a birthday card, a Christmas card, and a thank you note for the money. I'm 47. 

 
i stopped all presents to nieces/nephews after buying one niece a very respectable starter electric git/amp some 15 years ago ... said she wanted to start a band, so, unky lifer jumped in (at my brother's behest, he was tight on coin) and delivered.   anything for the rock n' roll, ya know?  dropped close to four bills on the setup ... went to visit them the following summer, and the amp was being used as a doorstop, the git was hocked, and she was listening to some hideous hip-pop/hop #### and actin' the damn foo'  :unsure:

over. done. finito. nevermore. #### that noise, Booby   :toilet:

 
When do gifts for nieces and nephews stop?  Usually right after the first time you utter the phrase, 'get off my yard'. 

 
Snickers said:
So I have a niece that is 28 and another that is 21 along with a nephew that is 24. My siblings haven't expressed any thought to stop giving them Christmas or Birthday gifts. I find it offensive at this point, am I wrong?
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We had that discussion a few years ago. We decided to stop at 30.

Once my nephew passes that threshold I'll lobby to reduce it further even though it is my kids that are likely to "suffer". 

 
krista4 said:
I've been wondering the same thing.  I was set not to buy my nephew a gift this year, since he's 18, in college, and has never sent me a thank you for a single gift I have given him his entire life.  Then a couple of days ago, I received my annual direction from my brother as to what I should be buying him, so :shrug:  
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Send him a card.  If he isn't thanking you for the gifts, he doesn't need them.  Don't reward bad behavior.

(This advice comes straight from my mother.  She taught me to send thank you notes.)

 
Snickers said:
So I have a niece that is 28 and another that is 21 along with a nephew that is 24. My siblings haven't expressed any thought to stop giving them Christmas or Birthday gifts. I find it offensive at this point, am I wrong?
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Yes, you are wrong. Stopping the gifts is cool and could have been done years ago. Being offended and angry with your siblings for not telling you to stop buying? GTFO. 

 
meh - I give my nieces a little cash every Christmas. Nothing much 25-50 bucks :shrug:

ETA:  We Host Christmas Eve every year - so if they show up there they get something :unsure:

 
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avoiding injuries said:
Nieces just turned 21. Wife got them something. I think the time has passed, but absolutely done when they graduate college. 
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This is the call we are making this year too.  The oldest niece graduated in the spring and got married.  This year she's going to her husband's family for Christmas Day (when we all get together) so we decided this was a good time to make the break and stop getting presents when they graduate college.

We stopped giving birthday presents when they stopped having family birthday parties, so that was different for each kid.

 
My wife and I stopped buying gifts for everyone (including birthdays)--the family just got too big. A large majority of my nieces and nephews have multiple kids and it seems they are churning them out every month. I mean one of my nieces has two kids of her own and also has three step-kids.  I know it wasn't a popular decision with the family when we started showing up at birthdays without presents, but we were done.  I tried to explain to everyone that my daughters (18-13) are spoiled and have everything they need and anything they don't have, i will make sure they get. The response was to just stop inviting us to parties (which is fine by me). I mean we are not the Grinch or anything--we still get birthday presents for the little ones--like under 8, because kids that age live to open a present, but we had to draw the line. Especially when it seemed like we were just exchanging the same gift cards every year with my 60 year sister.

Now if I can just get my mom on board with this, we will be good. My dad died two years ago and she is on a very fixed budget and she struggles to figure out how she is going to pay for all these great grandchildren's presents each month.I just wish my siblings would step up and tell her it is okay not to buy stuff for the kids. I know grandparents live for this stuff, but she doesn't have the resources to continue to pay for this ever-expanding family. 

 
Snickers said:
What is offensive is that my siblings don't let us off the hook. My ####### niece is almost 30, should I keep giving her gifts when she is approaching 40? 
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shadyridr said:
It bothers you they don't say anything? Grow a pair man

Why would they have to say anything?
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There's the answer.

Stop buying gifts for people, nieces / nephews / cousins / friends / wife when it becomes an obligation and not out of love or because you want to show you care. 

We stopped sending gifts to my sister a few years ago when, for a few years straight, we basically exchanged gift cards. 

 
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None of my siblings or myself gave gifts to each other's kids.  For a couple of years we tried a kid's secret santa but it became obvious that it wasn't necessary cause the kids got enough stuff from their parents and it seemed silly that an infant had to give a gift to a 30 year old cousin.   

My wife's family has a collection for the kids (and now grandkids) that all the aunts & uncles contribute to.  Kids are in the pool until they graduate high school.  Her family just did away with the adult gift exchange where you could steal each other's gifts.  I never really cared for it because I would buy something good and get stuck with candles or a blanket or some other dumb gift.   Now her family only does stocking stuffers which is still unnecessary but not too bad.

 
krista4 said:
I've been wondering the same thing.  I was set not to buy my nephew a gift this year, since he's 18, in college, and has never sent me a thank you for a single gift I have given him his entire life.  Then a couple of days ago, I received my annual direction from my brother as to what I should be buying him, so :shrug:  
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The no thank you note thing really chaps my ###. We are adamant about our kids sending them to anyone that gives them a gift.

 
I'm pushing 47 and one of my aunts still buys me a shirt or socks every birthday & Christmas. If we're there for Easter, I get a basket filled with candy. If you're trying to maintain favorite aunt/uncle status, this is how it's done.

 
It depends.  I have a nephew that works his #### off (2 jobs) and is putting himself through school full time.  He's putting every dime he gets to school so that he's not crushed with debt when he's done.  We're giving him some cash to help out and a gift card to treat himself out to something other than just paying bills.

If he wasn't such a good kid I wouldn't get him anything after 18.

 
If you celebrate Christmas with them then getting them a small gift is fine, a bottle of wine, something like that.  If you don't then I agree with 18.

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Family is family regardless of age. I'm not going to stop treating somebody like a family member because they hit a certain age. 
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Us siblings don't buy birthday or Christmas gifts for each other. When my kids reach the age of my niece, my brother and sister will be in their 70s.

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Family is family regardless of age. I'm not going to stop treating somebody like a family member because they hit a certain age. 
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To me, buying gifts for someone doesn't define them as family or not.  Personally, I'm over the whole presents thing, other than for young kids who you can see the true joy (or disappointment) in their face.

 
Snickers said:
Us siblings don't buy birthday or Christmas gifts for each other. When my kids reach the age of my niece, my brother and sister will be in their 70s.
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I guess each family is different. This year I'm taking both of my sisters and their families, and my elderly mother to all spend New Years in vegas together- and all of us are super excited about it. Small things like this helps keep families together and thinking about each other. I personally believe a family is only as strong as the amount of time/effort you put into it. With that being said- each and every family is different.

 
Bull Dozier said:
To me, buying gifts for someone doesn't define them as family or not.  Personally, I'm over the whole presents thing, other than for young kids who you can see the true joy (or disappointment) in their face.
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We went pollyanna this year for my family.   I've been over the gift stuff for years now..   Put out lists , people pick crap off of it.  Half the time I have to add inexpensive stuff just to add it to the list.

 
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