Wife Cheated -- Now what do I do? (1 Viewer)

[xulf]

Yikes.  Typing too fast.  

...we were out of electric power for several hours.  And i could have passed the time having some jack and cokes ...yes.

Oh, electric power.  That explains everything.

 

[AAABatteries]

This may have already been said, but most of the time when a person cheats on their spouse it's far more complicated than just wanting to bang a new person. Typically the cheater has self-esteem issues or is looking for some kind of validation. Some people choose destructive coping mechanisms - drugs, alcohol, porn, affairs. 

Woah, slow down there chief.

 

[Tom Skerritt]

I don't want to hijack.  But yes,  in my case things worked out pretty well.  The wife accepted counseling and medication (which is unusual for borderline personality) and we were able to mostly hide the marriage problems from the kids. 5 years later things appear to be great.  

In my heart,  though,  I know that things will never be the same.  I'm willing to sacrifice myself for my family,  and the truth is that things haven't been that bad over the last 5 years.

But my feelings for her are not the same,  I haven't forgiven her,  and I will never forget. That's why I advise the OP to divorce.  That feeling in the back of your mind can drive you crazy. 

ETA : To answer the original question,  yes I think it worked out for the kids.  We mostly hid the fighting from them and now,  5 years later,  I doubt either of them would remember the problems mommy and daddy were having. 

However,  I think my case is an exception.  Despite my choosing to stay with my wife,  my advice to the OP is to get the divorce. It has been very difficult on me. 

Curious... do you still have sex with your wife? If yes, that seems really weird. If no, just masturbate, or do you get strange? How old are you? Please explain.

 

[SWC]

sorry for all you guys that have had to go through this very tough be strong and stay well brothers 

 

[NewlyRetired]

5 years later,  I wish I could tell you that things are great,  our marriage is stronger than ever. But the truth is,  it's not.  I still don't trust her completely and I've never actually forgiven her.

I am unsure if this is just a typo issue or my lack of understanding, but this above paragraph does not match this one below that you also wrote in a subsequent post

" I don't want to hijack.  But yes,  in my case things worked out pretty well.  The wife accepted counseling and medication (which is unusual for borderline personality) and we were able to mostly hide the marriage problems from the kids. 5 years later things appear to be great."

 

[fruity pebbles]

I am unsure if this is just a typo issue or my lack of understanding, but this above paragraph does not match this one below that you also wrote in a subsequent post

" I don't want to hijack.  But yes,  in my case things worked out pretty well.  The wife accepted counseling and medication (which is unusual for borderline personality) and we were able to mostly hide the marriage problems from the kids. 5 years later things appear to be great."

Appear is the key word there

 

[NewlyRetired]

Appear is the key word there

But even before that he says "things worked out pretty well", which is in stark contrast to previous statement.  I am probably just misreading this.

 

[Henry Ford]

But even before that he says "things worked out pretty well", which is in stark contrast to previous statement.  I am probably just misreading this.

They worked out pretty well.  Not great like they appear.  He still doesn't trust his wife and can't say he's completely forgiven her, but the kids think everything is fine, and that was his goal.

 

[MikeIke]

They worked out pretty well.  Not great like they appear.  He still doesn't trust his wife and can't say he's completely forgiven her, but the kids think everything is fine, and that was his goal.

This is correct.  To an outsider things look fine.  In reality,  things are fine -  just not perfect. I still love my wife and kids. She's on meds and in counseling. Things could be better,  but they could be a hell if a lot worse.