This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Maybe. But at least he will then have some time to have a beer and do something for himself. I think it will also help his self-esteem, which has to be pretty low after her constant neglect and ball bashing.
With a pillow?
I have quite texting and calling, actually for the last week or so. I only respond to texts at this point, and make a point to not do it right away. What I do and don't do at this point will always be taking the kids into account and nothing more. I really think yesterday was a shock to her, and it will be on her to respond now.
Hmm, kind of weird advice given the lack of sex. You thinking surprise attack, like surprise her in the shower when her face is all shampooey?
"those aren't pillows"
It's a short-term useless fix.It's like a boyfriend realizing their girlfriend has gained some weight, and starts to guilt them into starting to working out more. The girl might be into it for a couple weeks, but eventually will go right back into what she really wants. The only way someone will really start to be healthy (or take on a new hobby) is if it was THEIR decision...in my workout example and in this therapist example it's more or less being forced on her.Forcing a hobby together is silly. You either like doing certain things together or you don't...trying to force it will just end up being status-quo eventually.
You're right, you should take your kids into account. Just don't fall into the trap of, well if I don't do X, it won't get done. You've never mentioned she was a bad mother, so hopefully she'll start doing more.
lol Not exactly as it should be pleasurable for both.
When I first read this list, I thought "What are you her mother?". All of these are nice, but doing them every single day and several times a day decreases there effect. I'm not the best for advice and it always seems easier to see things from the outside. There are a lot of similarities with my wife. She needs more sleep than I do and spends a lot of time on the couch doing nothing.
Does anyone else's SO have issues with ipod/facebook addiction? It seems like every free moment my wife has her face in her iphone/pod doing facebook or some dumb game. I guess I'm old school, but I don't like facebook and prefer actual interaction with people and don't waste time on stuff like that...and with a few exceptions, in non-NFL season, I prefer books to television (don't get me started on the drivel my wife likes).... and I SAID GET OFF MY LAWN, DAMN KIDS!! Oh, and I don't think Mrs. BSR's suggestion of thowing and ravishing Bogart's wife is on mark here... good idea when a relationship is strong for some added spice, bad idea when she hasn't done the guy in coming up on a year.
I know, that's why I said that this is what I want to say. :sigh: Bogart, I'm glad you brought that list and brought up issues during the session. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her and I agree you should keep on her during the whole two weeks. Get her to talk, get her to communicate, get her to do something.
More like...man up.'Urinal Mint said:
Two options:1. Keep being her step n fetch (see how well that's gotten him so far)2. Grow your balls back and stop doing them and all the other stuff you've been doing.Seriously, there's ZERO harm in dumping this now all on her. She wants to get a divorce because of it? Marriage was a sham then anyway.If someone doesn't appreciate what you do for them then you have to stop doing it.Just stop doing it and if she asks why isn't he just say that's no longer my job and it's time for her to pitch in.If the dishes stack up to much tell her to get off her ### and do it or just go buy paper plates and use them.
She's already annoyed.
This is spot on.
True. Women will lose all respect for you when you act this way even though you're thinking you're being helpful and supportive and a family man. It sounds bass-ackwards but it isn't.Bogart it's time to be the man you once were instead of a step and fetch slave
He's gotta wear the horsemask for it to work.
Very interesting weekend in the Bogart household. Just when you think it's all going one way, I get thrown a curve.Friday, the wife took the kids a couple of hours out of town for a family graduation. I followed up Saturday with one of her brothers in tow. I ended up Friday night going and having dinner with my parents and a very long, very good conversation on everything that is going on. They gave a ton of input, listened a lot, realized that I have not rushed into anything, and I left that night confident that things are likely not to change, and while I need to see this thing out, be ready for a divorce. They agreed and are ready to support.Saturday morning, made the drive out my brother in law for a graduation party for my niece. Wife and I did everything we could to stay away from each other, or at least felt that way. We only talked when dealing with the kids. You could tell my wife was upset most of the day, people in her family coming up and asking me what was going on, etc. Finally, at the end of the night as we are loading up the cars to leave, we get alone and both unload everything we are thinking. I didn't think she was taking the counseling seriously, she thought I was only finding affection if she was ripping my clothes off, I bring up our anniversary again and how I can't be anymore romantic than that, and she couldn't get back to her laptop fast enough. Etc, etc, etc. I told her that I thought she wanted a change and she claimed that she didn't. We ended the conversation very tense, got everyone loaded and on the road. Stopped a couple of times for gas, drinks, bathroom and each time, she held my hand, said she wanted it to work. We kissed some. Sunday morning we get up and she starts on a project I have been asking for her to do for some time. She makes some trips to Goodwill, Half Price Books, etc, just getting rid of all kinds of stuff in our garage. I have a pretty good day playing with the kids and doing some things around the house. She comes up to me and tells me that she has a surprise for me. She makes me close my eyes and leads me into the bedroom. I am expecting that she has cleared off another shelf of stuff, or emptied the junk our of our closet. Instead, I open my eyes to find three new sets of lingerie laying on the bed. She tells me to pick, I do, and she says she is going to wear one of these for me every week. We take the family out for ice cream and just enjoy each other. I get the kids to bed while she gets ready, I get cleaned up and shave and we have the sexy time. Good sexy time. Best in years.
We almost have it again the next morning, but get interrupted early on. But the fact that she was willing to in the morning which she has never been willing to do, spoke volumes. We spent the rest of the day finishing up projects and watched something on TV last night together for the first time in a long time.So, yeah, really REALLY good weekend. Was it the communication? Was it the subtle changes I have been making? Was it a last desperation move by her realizing where this relationship was heading? I don't know. This does NOT fix everything. There is still many things to fix, and if I had to place a bet, I still don't see this ending with us together. But it is a step in the right direction.We are both reading "The Five Love Languages" and both have defined what our love languages are, and are doing everything we are suppose to be doing before our next session. We will see where it goes from here.
Good for you! I can only imagine the weight that's been lifted from your heart. Hopefully this is only a sign of good things to come.
Face. It's important to her.
Good to see you are sexually active in the community again GB.
Everything?
Yes, everything. They know all of the problems, including the sex issues. We don't get into Xs and Os, but they know how long it's been and how often in the past. I consider my parents very wise and have very good advice about marriage and wanted them to know everything to allow them to tell me the best advice they could give.
I hope you called your mom to update right after you got laid.
I sent her a text during actually.
Like I said, we don't get into details, but you can use words like "no intimacy in months, almost a year", "very little physical contact since our marriage", etc.We are all adults in the conversation, again, I'm trying to do everything I can to make this work or move on.
Sorry to Hipple, but what kind of bull #### is that?Trying to catch up on the past dozen or so pages... hoping it gets better.
This looks good. On my list to get.Thanks for the recommendation.
Not that it matters, it was my stepmom. My mom will not be knowing the details.
I'm 99% certain my mom would take my wife's side in any dispute.
