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Woke in the middle of the night to find a stranger in my apt (4 Viewers)

Great bump.  I just popped a bunch of "Like" cherries in this thread. (including "Mike Schellenberg")

I feel like I've accomplished somthing in my drunken state.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
My Mister CIA moniker was inspired by an exchange I had with drpill on a different message board, many moons ago.

100% true story.

[/CIAPOP]

 
Stoner Claus staring Seth Rogen and Danny McBride. In a world filled with wedding socials and cheap drinks, their only weapon was 2 grams of weed. Somewhere between dreams and nightmares, between courage and not courage, two unlikely friends are brought together through a chance encounter and their love of grass, both the kind you can smoke and hide in. And near the longitudinal center of North America, a legend was born. Stoner Claus!

 
Jewell said:
So I thought the Facebook friend request idea was so brilliant that I decided to do it. I sent the home intruder, Schellenberg, the link to this thread to. I woke up this morning and saw that I had two messages from him. These are honest to God, 100% true responses from the home intruder:

Response 1: Mike Schellenberg September 27 at 6:40pm

Hey. I just saw this. I hadn't been on the computer since the event.

Obviously I wasn't robbing anything, I live across the hall from him. Not to mention that I think theft is a despicable act. I definitely didn't have a flashlight, and I assume that I was using my cell-phone as a light, because I was too drunk to use a light switch, and I'm talking about a vegetative state of drunk.

I'm thinking of posting a response on the forum, but I'm really not sure what to say. I eventually managed to piece together what had happened during the night and was horrified, mainly because I know he has a young kid so feel terrible for the fear that must have caused. I definitely don't blame the guy at all for freaking out, I'd feel better if he had beat the #### out of me.

However, I don't think I've ever had so many people saying I should be dead in the span of a day. I'm not sure what that says about the state of humanity, but I'm POSITIVE that nobody else on the forum has EVER done anything stupid while wasted.

Now I just need to figure out whether more damage has been done to my self esteem or my name.

It's just a comfort to know that so many people immediately expect the worse, and are looking for any excuse to draw blood.

Funny thing is if my pipe hadn't been to clogged to smoke out of, this probably wouldn't have happened. I never drink as much when I've smoked pot, and only alcohol can make somebody be so stupid as to walk into the wrong apartment.

Thanks for letting me know about this. I'm not sure how to react, but I am fairly used to being hated for mistaken intentions.

Response 2: Mike Schellenberg September 28 at 1:00am

At first I was concerned about the forum. But now that I'm high it seems really funny. Not the actual thing of course, but the net discussion.

I've never had people discussing my actions so intently. I guess it's sort of what a celebrity feels like reading a tabloid.
Click to expand...
Was about to stop reading the thread. Great plot twist!

 
Mike Schellenberg said:
Alrighty. I have a few minutes before heading off to school.

First of all I wear Newbalance. Since I definitely didn't have a flashlight, it must have been my cell phone, which I often use for light when I can't see. I know that it's a pretty common thing to do.

That night I went to a wedding social with $2.50 drinks. There's nothing worse than cheap drinks that you can rationalize over-consuming as helping out friends with their new life together. I don't remember the trip home, but I remember my friend gave me a ride so that I wouldn't need to sleep in my car, hence the mumbling about my friends. My drunk brain connected how did you get in here with how did you get home I guess.

I don't think I realized it wasn't my apartment and had probably used the key in the door without realizing it had been left unlocked, so I guess I connected my key opening a door with the door belonging to my home. I can only assume that I was on my way to the bathroom for a piss when I ran into DrPill.

This is the part that I was able to vaguely remember because my first thought was to wonder who was in my apartment, until he started asking me questions and then I realized it was me who was in the wrong apartment. Totally unable to express the thoughts sloshing through my brain and gripped with fear, when he gave up trying to figure out what I was doing and kicked me out, I took off down the stairs and out of the building because I thought he was chasing me. I ran and hid in the grass, laying down and collecting my thoughts.

After a while I realized he wasn't chasing me and I was probably safe to go back in, making sure this time to go into the right apartment. Never during this time did I realize that I didn't have my shoes or glasses, or the weed, and went right to bed, where what had happened promptly disappeared from my memory.

I woke up to find that my glasses were missing, and panicked a bit, trying to remember why they were gone. I vaguely remembered lying outside in the grass, so I went to put on my shoes and check outside to see if I found them. There were no shoes, and this is when the nagging memory that someone had been yelling at me the night before suddenly made sense and I was able to remember enough to assume it was my neighbors apartment.

I decided to check outside for my glasses and shoes first before knocking on his door in shame. He had kindly written on the white board at the building entrance that Mike Schellenberg should call this number to get my stuff back. I wasn't sure how he had my name, but I figured he had recognized me.

Anyways I called, and that was when I found out I had also left pot, oops. So I got my stuff back and he was really cool about it, which was a relief, although I still felt like an idiot.

Being hung over all day I only went on Facebook the next day, to find a message linking me to this page. And the rest they say is history.

And now I need to get ready for school or I'll be late. But I think this I've proven myself.

In the end I'm glad that my blunders have been able to bring cheer to so many people.
Click to expand...
GD it I want to go to sleep. What a page turner!

 
Studs & Duds said:
(blows out) this remind of my friend names leon whiskers. leon was a cat. and yes, that is right, I say was. so leon whisker live on teh streets. he have no real home, he have no real family. Just alotta people of the neighborhood that give him love and give him many pets on he head (awww). there was one lady who really like leon and feed him milk every day. Her name was Mrs. Merfs. That's right again, i say was. She whistle every morning and hope that leon make it through the night. Maybe he get into a fight with a group of wild cat that live in teh gutter. maybe he steal a cheese from a rat and teh rat bite him. Or maybe even worse, he get stuck in honey in the garbage and they throw him in that truck and crush him. She could only pray every morning that he is still alive.

So mrs merfs say her whistles and like a clock works, here come leon. mrs Merfs smile, she put a bowl nice milk on teh floor and give him pets on he head. he make a purrs noise and mrs merfs probly couldn't be happier. her baby from the street has make it through another night and now he getting he milk. If you are a old lady that is pretty much one of teh best thing in teh world. it is like they need each other and together they is happy.

So one day me and huerta is watchin america gladaters and we hear a big commotion down the street. it is mrs merfs and they is takin her away in a ambulance. I walk over to see what I could do. Maybe i could help by takin her snuggie to teh hosptial or somethin, I dont know but i feel bad if I just sit there. So I see a fireman who was there and I ask him. "hey what happened? does you knews what happens to mrs merfs?" and he look at me and make a sad face and says "i sorry, but that lady is dead." wow. we is in shock. She had always lived there as far as i could remember and something like this had never happened before. Huerta take it pretty hard because i guess when he was little mrs merfs gave him mounds one time for hallaweens and that is he favorite. I give huerta a pat on the head and tell him that we should get mounds to celebrate she life. It would be a nice gesture and on top of that we was pretty hungry anyway. So we both had a piece of mounds and had a good laugh and cry about mrs merfs. It was just like a irished wake ecpet instead of beer and whiskies, we have choclate and cockonuts.

So a few week go by and there is a lotta hustle and bustles at teh Merf house. They was gonna sell it, so they is fixin it all up. They put a new mailbox on. They trim she grass and plant a flowers. And they paint the house a new color....white. (chills) So again Huerta and me is watchin TV, I think it was like no whammies...yes it was. Huerta was jumpin around all excited because one of them contestants was winning alotta money and kept just JUST missin teh whammies. He was jumping near the window and something catch he eye and he get all quiet. (whispers) "hey studs, did you leave you a stuff animal out on teh grass?" I think for a second and i say no because i think teh last time I use it I put it right away. So i look and it isn't a stuff animal. It is Leon. And he is one of two thing. He is a sleep. Or (blows out) he is dead.

Well, if you are a good detective you probly have already figure out that Leon was not asleep. We go over to him and check for he pulse. Nothing is there. Then we notice soemthing that would stay in our head for teh rest of a life. Leon mouth is all white. why is it white? Is it like he spit is dried? Was he tryin to disguise heself to get away from trouble? No. It take us a few hour to figure out but he mouth was white because he eats paint. The people cleaning and painting the Merf house had left a bucket of paint out in teh back where Mrs merfs used to feed Leon. also, that day there was a special train in teh neighborhood that whistle all morning. huerta and i agree that Leon probly hears that train whistle and think mrs merfs is back and wants to give him he morning milk and some pets. The odds of all them things happening at once is atronautical.

About a year to teh day later Huerta and I was watchin TV, I think it was jeffersons. And when weezie was cookin something, the pot she uses make a whistle and me and heurta kind of look at each other and smile. I think both of us was thinkin about mrs Merfs and leon and that they is probaly in heaven, with mrs. Merf pettin leon while he drinkin he milk. and maybe leon finally live with her because it is heaven and in heaven cats arent homeless (life is much easier for people and animal). The only thing that would have made that moment when weezie pot whistle better for me and huerta was if we coulda splita Mounds. but life aint perfect. Leon is proof of that.

stuqs

p and s...hey mike are u related to that guy names steven schiellberg
Click to expand...
I have heard this Studs name a lot over the years, don’t think I read a post before. This is some poetic ####.

 
Mike Schellenberg said:
Hello again.

I have been gone for some time now, but I offer a gift in apology.

I have stayed away because of guilt, from not having yet responded to a specific post.

This post to be exact:

One evening, shortly after this was posted, a friend and I decided it was a great idea and came up with the lyrics for this parody. A few weeks later we recorded the tracks for our song. And it wasn't until Christmas that I was creating the electronic parts. However, I was unable to finish Stoner Claus is Coming to Town in time, despite having skipped out on the family movie, and left it unfinished.

And then the other day I came upon the most wonderful rationalization; I can define Christmas as being seven days before the first of the New Year, and the Chinese New Year is on Feb 14. And therefore today, Feb 7, has been the Chinese Christmas. And so it is once again appropriate to release a Christmas song.

So here is the long overdue Stoner Claus is Coming to Town parody, outlining the ridiculous events of Sep 26, 2009, so early in the morning.

The song is posted on the Myspace page for the band of my friend and I: http://www.myspace.com/dobermantis
Click to expand...
Oh come on

 
Epic stuff in here. Great bump whoever did that!.

You people couldn’t figure out the cell phone flash light? Majorly disappointed.

Hiding in the grass because you thought you were being chased had me  :lol:

 
Studs & Duds said:
(blows out) this remind of my friend names leon whiskers. leon was a cat. and yes, that is right, I say was. so leon whisker live on teh streets. he have no real home, he have no real family. Just alotta people of the neighborhood that give him love and give him many pets on he head (awww). there was one lady who really like leon and feed him milk every day. Her name was Mrs. Merfs. That's right again, i say was. She whistle every morning and hope that leon make it through the night. Maybe he get into a fight with a group of wild cat that live in teh gutter. maybe he steal a cheese from a rat and teh rat bite him. Or maybe even worse, he get stuck in honey in the garbage and they throw him in that truck and crush him. She could only pray every morning that he is still alive.

So mrs merfs say her whistles and like a clock works, here come leon. mrs Merfs smile, she put a bowl nice milk on teh floor and give him pets on he head. he make a purrs noise and mrs merfs probly couldn't be happier. her baby from the street has make it through another night and now he getting he milk. If you are a old lady that is pretty much one of teh best thing in teh world. it is like they need each other and together they is happy.

So one day me and huerta is watchin america gladaters and we hear a big commotion down the street. it is mrs merfs and they is takin her away in a ambulance. I walk over to see what I could do. Maybe i could help by takin her snuggie to teh hosptial or somethin, I dont know but i feel bad if I just sit there. So I see a fireman who was there and I ask him. "hey what happened? does you knews what happens to mrs merfs?" and he look at me and make a sad face and says "i sorry, but that lady is dead." wow. we is in shock. She had always lived there as far as i could remember and something like this had never happened before. Huerta take it pretty hard because i guess when he was little mrs merfs gave him mounds one time for hallaweens and that is he favorite. I give huerta a pat on the head and tell him that we should get mounds to celebrate she life. It would be a nice gesture and on top of that we was pretty hungry anyway. So we both had a piece of mounds and had a good laugh and cry about mrs merfs. It was just like a irished wake ecpet instead of beer and whiskies, we have choclate and cockonuts.

So a few week go by and there is a lotta hustle and bustles at teh Merf house. They was gonna sell it, so they is fixin it all up. They put a new mailbox on. They trim she grass and plant a flowers. And they paint the house a new color....white. (chills) So again Huerta and me is watchin TV, I think it was like no whammies...yes it was. Huerta was jumpin around all excited because one of them contestants was winning alotta money and kept just JUST missin teh whammies. He was jumping near the window and something catch he eye and he get all quiet. (whispers) "hey studs, did you leave you a stuff animal out on teh grass?" I think for a second and i say no because i think teh last time I use it I put it right away. So i look and it isn't a stuff animal. It is Leon. And he is one of two thing. He is a sleep. Or (blows out) he is dead.

Well, if you are a good detective you probly have already figure out that Leon was not asleep. We go over to him and check for he pulse. Nothing is there. Then we notice soemthing that would stay in our head for teh rest of a life. Leon mouth is all white. why is it white? Is it like he spit is dried? Was he tryin to disguise heself to get away from trouble? No. It take us a few hour to figure out but he mouth was white because he eats paint. The people cleaning and painting the Merf house had left a bucket of paint out in teh back where Mrs merfs used to feed Leon. also, that day there was a special train in teh neighborhood that whistle all morning. huerta and i agree that Leon probly hears that train whistle and think mrs merfs is back and wants to give him he morning milk and some pets. The odds of all them things happening at once is atronautical.

About a year to teh day later Huerta and I was watchin TV, I think it was jeffersons. And when weezie was cookin something, the pot she uses make a whistle and me and heurta kind of look at each other and smile. I think both of us was thinkin about mrs Merfs and leon and that they is probaly in heaven, with mrs. Merf pettin leon while he drinkin he milk. and maybe leon finally live with her because it is heaven and in heaven cats arent homeless (life is much easier for people and animal). The only thing that would have made that moment when weezie pot whistle better for me and huerta was if we coulda splita Mounds. but life aint perfect. Leon is proof of that.

stuqs

p and s...hey mike are u related to that guy names steven schiellberg
Click to expand...
man do I miss this.

 
Studs & Duds said:
(blows out) this remind of my friend names leon whiskers. leon was a cat. and yes, that is right, I say was. so leon whisker live on teh streets. he have no real home, he have no real family. Just alotta people of the neighborhood that give him love and give him many pets on he head (awww). there was one lady who really like leon and feed him milk every day. Her name was Mrs. Merfs.
Click to expand...
God belss Mrs. Mrefs.

 
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