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Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on. (1 Viewer)

I don't like these deep conversations up front. Take it to a romantic place first and this stuff comes later. What good is knowing all the gritty life story if the chemistry isn't there? It's like you're framing/defining the relationship before there is one. Talking beyond the surface about the past/exes before you've even hooked up? Why? You want her to look forward to seeing you for other reasons, not because you're an outlet where she can unload baggage. I say no more coffee/therapy sessions.  Go have some fun! 

 
Soulfly3 said:
After this coffee date, you need to not do anything w her for a few days

Packing too much, in too short a timeframe. Dont look desperate. Let her build the desire. Otherwise this will fizz out like a "Josh Gordon will never play again" comment
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What? Over analysing.. Depending on how the coffee date went (Ihaven't gotten to the results post yet) then he should go with the flow. Especially when looking for serious relationship, lose the game playing.

 
Willie Neslon said:
I don't like these deep conversations up front. Take it to a romantic place first and this stuff comes later. What good is knowing all the gritty life story if the chemistry isn't there? It's like you're framing/defining the relationship before there is one. Talking beyond the surface about the past/exes before you've even hooked up? Why? You want her to look forward to seeing you for other reasons, not because you're an outlet where she can unload baggage. I say no more coffee/therapy sessions.  Go have some fun! 
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I understand this sentiment, I do. But I think the traditional rules are out the window with 2 divorcees each with kids. If it is being contemplated as a serious thing, then you absolutely need to know some history, IMO. At least I do, I can't speak for her. But it seems that she's approaching it the same way. Once both are comfortable, which comes from being open and honest, then the rest will take care of itself, IMHO. 

And again, I agree with moving forward to fun, but she seemed like she had more to say, and I want to hear what she has to say. The eject button is never far away if I deem it necessary, from whatever may come. 

 
Shouldn't this chick be as randy as our hero and in need of a good ****ing?  I get that she's cautious but it's not like she's some tentative teenager.  Not saying that our hero should have plowed her by now (although I'm thinking that), but at least a kiss, real hug whatever should be in the rearview mirror.

 
Agree with many others.  Next time hanging out needs to just be more relaxed, fun and include alcohol (and no kids). 

 
Coeur de Lion said:
Depending on the nature and severity of the baggage, and the fact that she's not divorced yet despite being separated for several years, plus the neighbors / kids stuff -- proceed with extreme caution no matter how cute she is and how "normal" and grounded she seems to be.
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Yep. Definitely need another coffee or lunch gig next up before the date thing with the way things went and were left off. Need to find out why divorce took so long after separation for one and find out what else she has to say.

 
Something isnt adding up here or we are missing a huge chunk of the story.  She (and you for that matter) are free for close to 3 hours on a Wed morning.  She is seperated but not divorced and the dad doesnt have/want anything to do with the kids.  (if I remember they are pretty young), she is hinting at some big revelations coming down the pike

Just a few red flags

The next text you need to send her is to come over when the kids are in bed to hit it.  Otherwise I probably would tap the brakes significantly on this unless you are the type that likes drama and such.  You gave it a good run bro.  Just ease back now.

 
offdee said:
Agree with many others.  Next time hanging out needs to just be more relaxed, fun and include alcohol (and no kids). 
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Your advice is much sounder when you simply copy what others have suggested instead of trying to think up ideas on your own.

 
So I have dated enough divorced women in my post-divorce world that I can comfortable say the following:

  • She knows he's after her, and she knows she's in control of the pace of play here.
  • She's dealing with her neighbor - much as NRJ is an upstanding citizen - she doesn't know that, and she can't come on that strong for fear he becomes a clinger and she's not interested and the guy is literally next door. Theres a security thing for her here that NRJ has to work very carefully.
  • That said, if another guy asked her out right now, NRJ hasn't made enough of a dent where she wouldn't take another date. 
As much as the friendzone is a threat, I think NRJ has to keep the slowplay going. If she wants him in her life, she'll make sure it happens.

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Also aware of this. And I had a speech to this end ready to go, but didn't deploy. Time wasn't right just yet. I know you're just reading what I share here, and I do my best to convey what's happening, with feeling, but it still is only text and you don't get the actual vibe just through reading words here. Just believe me when I say I feel there is still a spark. You can just tell by how a person looks at you sometimes. Even I know that. 
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All this talk about be careful don't fall into the friend zone. The best relationships start as best friends first, not looking ahead so far. Maybe that's all she wants or for right now? Would that be so bad? Especially since we have some info here that could mean that's all it would be. Hope for the best with this relationship thing assuming the baggage isn't so bad as that's what you want, but if it's not what she wants, good friends is good too- esp with the kids liking each other.

 
pantherclub said:
Something isnt adding up here or we are missing a huge chunk of the story.  She (and you for that matter) are free for close to 3 hours on a Wed morning.  She is seperated but not divorced and the dad doesnt have/want anything to do with the kids.  (if I remember they are pretty young), she is hinting at some big revelations coming down the pike

Just a few red flags

The next text you need to send her is to come over when the kids are in bed to hit it.  Otherwise I probably would tap the brakes significantly on this unless you are the type that likes drama and such.  You gave it a good run bro.  Just ease back now.
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he hasn't even tried to show he is romantically interested.  for all we know, he tried to put her seat belt on for her when she got in the car and told her to call him when she got home safely.  you gotta show some interest in something other than :coffee:  and cookies.  otherwise, by this time she likely thinks you have a case of teh ####.  heck, I do.

 
Chemical X said:
he hasn't even tried to show he is romantically interested.  for all we know, he tried to put her seat belt on for her when she got in the car and told her to call him when she got home safely.  you gotta show some interest in something other than :coffee:  and cookies.  otherwise, by this time she likely thinks you have a case of teh ####.  heck, I do.
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I am talking about the light hearted text banter, the 3 "dates" in 4 days etc.  Just pull back and reassess on next Monday or Tuesday.  He needs to now play hard to get.  Between the tats,  the husband/separation/divorce/no kids, the baggage she references etc, I think I would get the ball back in my court and lay off for a while and see how she takes it.

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
I understand this sentiment, I do. But I think the traditional rules are out the window with 2 divorcees each with kids. If it is being contemplated as a serious thing, then you absolutely need to know some history, IMO. At least I do, I can't speak for her. But it seems that she's approaching it the same way. Once both are comfortable, which comes from being open and honest, then the rest will take care of itself, IMHO. 

And again, I agree with moving forward to fun, but she seemed like she had more to say, and I want to hear what she has to say. The eject button is never far away if I deem it necessary, from whatever may come. 
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Knowing some surface history is one thing but deep 2+ hour coffee conversations about the past, exes, baggage, etc..that's something else. It seems like you're thinking waaay too far ahead. Just see if you like being with her first before you start doing the long term calculations. Being an open book form the get-go about your life is not necessarily conducive to a budding relationship.

 
Even though she's been separated for a long while now and may have been done with ex for just as long, finalising a divorce esp with kids involved whether dad is involved or not is an emotional thing. I would guess for guys too. If the relationship was volatile or abusive she would have divorced sooner. This holding out unless it was a mess in court means what. Whatever happened, I'm betting it's going to be a great friend thing for now with lots of play dates involved. Doesn't mean it won't turn around in the future, but push now and she may become the occasional friendly neighbour..

 
pantherclub said:
I am talking about the light hearted text banter, the 3 "dates" in 4 days etc.  Just pull back and reassess on next Monday or Tuesday.  He needs to now play hard to get.  Between the tats,  the husband/separation/divorce/no kids, the baggage she references etc, I think I would get the ball back in my court and lay off for a while and see how she takes it.
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I think The Woo© is over.  guess there's a reason these 2 are divorced.

 
i am glad you did not ask her out i do not think it would have been a sweet move to wait until she is crying about her divorce and then just slip in there in between sobs hey want to go see iron man 2 i mean it is a good movie but i do not think that would have been a good move take that to the bank bromigo  

 
Allright, I think I'm mostly caught up. Would it be possible to update the title with post #'s of the major updates?

Couple notes: from what I've read, you've positioned things well. Keep doing what you're doing. The friend zone comments... forget about them. Letting things happen naturally is the way to go. Either she's interested or she isn't. Taking time to get to know her isn't going to get you put into the friend zone but being over-eager and unnatural very well could especially since she's on the cusp of finalizing the divorce.

I'd definitely try and create a little space though. This is not only good to build anticipation but will also set some boundaries in case you do get involved with her. I'd stay busy for the next few days and then shoot her a text on Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Something simple. 

Oh, and the 'good morning beautiful' nonsense... no more of that please.

 
pantherclub said:
and he supposedly doesnt want anything to do with the kids

Yep, huge red flag. 

Dont text her, dont call her, wave from your driveway and let the dust settle for a week or so.
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No.

That would just be a slap in the face considering they just spent a couple of hours opening up about things. Keep on keeping on Colonel. 

 
You've played it perfectly thus far.  Next steps:

  1. Install the gutters on her house while she's out one day
  2. Break into her house, cover the floor with rose petals and leave a note on her bed along the lines of, "I love you and won't live without you"
  3. ?????
  4. Watch the Saints game
  5. Profit 
 
pantherclub said:
totally disagree

Seems like you are hiding it for a reason
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My thought process here is that since she works for herself, perhaps NRJ knows that if he gives that info out, it'll be easy to find her name and all other personal information. 

Edit: Just catching up on the thread and saw @proninja posting the same thing. 

 
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take her to see goonies that movie ruled it had rudy in it and a pirate skeleton listen i know that you do not know me very well but trust me on this if there is one thing that will tell a girl you are in to her it is taking her to the only talkie that features the truffle shuffle you do that and bam you are in like flint and i do not mean the gi joe guy take that to the bank bromigos 

 
Colonel, you gots to take her, even in the smallest way, at some point in your next encounter or its lost. All you'll have is a complicated relationship w a neighbor in which you'll invest waaaay too much for even more too little if next time the it of it don't get out. Be real, dont play. The time is here. GL -

 
Chemical X said:
here is a major issue that our hero may not have planned for.....if he goes to starbucks, they carry lunch items.  what in the hell happens if this :coffee:  turns into someone ordering a lunch item?  jeebus, is he prepared?  I suspect he is going to get the "speech" this morning.

-I just got out of a serious relationship

-It's complicated.

-I am an escort.

-The Saints once employed a kicker with 1/2 a foot.
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I for one am very happy @Chemical X is back posting regularly again. The FFA has needed him. 

:hot:

 
pantherclub said:
and he supposedly doesnt want anything to do with the kids

Yep, huge red flag. 

Dont text her, dont call her, wave from your driveway and let the dust settle for a week or so.
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You have to Engage physically and Nurture dependence before you Neglect emotionally.  You need to brush up on your DENNIS system.

 
I have so many pages to get caught up on... and I am so #######g busy at work.............. it's going to be a late night at the office I'm afraid!  

:popcorn:

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
Your next interaction alone with her has to include alcohol, ideally vodka on helmet.
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Agreed.  And for the love of God, make it Tito's or Belvedere.  Grey Goose is overrated and played out and you don't want to be caught dead with Popov on your cack.

 
James Daulton said:
Hmmm...I wasn't there and don't know how the mind of a divorced woman works, but this sounds an awful like you're setting yourself up to be a friend/someone she can tell her troubles to.  IMHO you need to tread carefully here.
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I warned him.  :shrug:

 
Sure, some of the best relationships start out as friends. However, Most friends continue to be just friends and get to hear about her "nasty" divorce while sipping on coffee on a rain free day in LA, to later will be watching her kids while she is going out with her boyfriend. 

 
pantherclub said:
She is still married.  Tap the brakes.  
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Agreed, if by brakes, you mean "neighbor."  Next text should be :

"So when can I see you again?  Coffee was great and all, but I was thinking something a little more whimsical for next time.  Ideally something that ends with my thumb in your ###hole."

 
CurlyNight said:
Even though she's been separated for a long while now and may have been done with ex for just as long, finalising a divorce esp with kids involved whether dad is involved or not is an emotional thing. I would guess for guys too. If the relationship was volatile or abusive she would have divorced sooner. This holding out unless it was a mess in court means what. Whatever happened, I'm betting it's going to be a great friend thing for now with lots of play dates involved. Doesn't mean it won't turn around in the future, but push now and she may become the occasional friendly neighbour..
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:confetti:

It'll be even better when he starts being asked to watch the kids while she goes out on dates.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
Agreed, if by brakes, you mean "neighbor."  Next text should be :

"So when can I see you again?  Coffee was great and all, but I was thinking something a little more whimsical for next time.  Ideally something that ends with my thumb in your ###hole."
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EG giving dating advice is fantastic. 

 
CurlyNight said:
All this talk about be careful don't fall into the friend zone. The best relationships start as best friends first, not looking ahead so far. Maybe that's all she wants or for right now? Would that be so bad? Especially since we have some info here that could mean that's all it would be. Hope for the best with this relationship thing assuming the baggage isn't so bad as that's what you want, but if it's not what she wants, good friends is good too- esp with the kids liking each other.
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Color me extremely skeptical. 

 
Coeur de Lion said:
This. Friendzone has always been a nicer way to say "you don't do it for me."
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Agreed.  A lot of complete misunderstanding of the Friend Zone here.  There's no danger of his "going into" it; he's either already there or he won't be.  I'll trust the OP's instincts that he is not.

 
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