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Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on.

Nathan R. Jessep said:
BREAKING

I'll give a little backstory

In texting earlier today, after the coffee meetup, I mentioned that she looked like she could use a hug after we had that rather heavy talk, but due to the nature of the conversation, I wasn't sure if that would be appreciated or not. Sounds lame I'm sure, but we've texted a good bit back and forth since I got her number, so between that and the face to face time, I have gotten a good feeling of her personality, and besides that, what I told her was absolutely the truth. And I was again seeing how she might respond to this offering. She kind of laughed it off but did agree that yeah it was some serious conversation and yeah I was probably correct about her needing a hug.  So we go back to bantering about random stuff for the rest of the day.

We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
Reply 'let's find out' then go over there.

 
I wouldn't tell/ask her if she needed a hug so much. I'd put my arm out and move my fingers for her to come in to it (and depending on your guys vibes, look away if need be to make it less serious in nature at the onset) and simply hug her. I'd also fully expect that hug in return. Having her follow simple and harmless instructions (or gambits) that escalate your intimacy is key.

 
BigSteelThrill said:
I wouldn't tell/ask her if she needed a hug so much. I'd put my arm out and move my fingers for her to come in to it (and depending on your guys vibes, look away if need be to make it less serious in nature at the onset) and simply hug her. I'd also fully expect that hug in return. Having her follow simple and harmless instructions (or gambits) that escalate your intimacy is key.
Click to expand...
I prefer the hands out, head tilted a little with nod, soothing 'c'mon'. 

 
BigSteelThrill said:
I wouldn't tell/ask her if she needed a hug so much. I'd put my arm out and move my fingers for her to come in to it (and depending on your guys vibes, look away if need be to make it less serious in nature at the onset) and simply hug her. I'd also fully expect that hug in return. Having her follow simple and harmless instructions (or gambits) that escalate your intimacy is key.
Click to expand...
another good one is to flex your leg to 90 degree angle (thigh parallel with the ground).  Pretend to brush off the thigh, then use two fingers to repeatedly point to your thigh, with an expectant look on your face.  The key to it is to display utmost confidence and unwavering insistence

 
money.never.sleeps said:
I read how you met your wife... stop already.  And 20- 25 years maybe a stretch for the "us" crowd ..  :unsure:

"Youre my boy blue"

An being old doesn't make you smart...  leave it at that. Alot old people are broke and or divorced for a reason... age doesnt cure somethings even if you want to believe otherwise.  Broad statement.  Check back in 6 months. Or 4 years
Click to expand...
:ignore:   

 
This thread plays like a Harlequin Romance novel, not that I've ever read one. 

And this thread is in an expansion mode, you can go in a lot of directions as CC eluded to earlier, you could get lost in here for a while...

It's obvious from this thread, nobody is getting enough real sex in here... 

 
You gotta go for the kill now. You need to get alone with her again and plant one on her.

"You can't have a hug without a kiss."

 
I like this thread.

Good luck, Colonel.  Sounds like you're handling things well, but be careful and don't get too "Sleepless in Seattle," here. 

 
Willie Neslon said:
this is the perplexing part:

"if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

huh?
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He's trying an apologetic way of easing her pants down, it works for some guys. Others are less sensitive and caring and actually attract even more women. 

This is all your fault btw: it started with that band name and then you sparked guys like Jessup thinking it's high school all over again and now you got him knocking on his neighbor's door for a cup of sugar, I hope you're happy. 

The Sugarcubes would be a real catchy name, think about it. 

 
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Nathan R. Jessep said:
BREAKING

I'll give a little backstory

In texting earlier today, after the coffee meetup, I mentioned that she looked like she could use a hug after we had that rather heavy talk, but due to the nature of the conversation, I wasn't sure if that would be appreciated or not. Sounds lame I'm sure, but we've texted a good bit back and forth since I got her number, so between that and the face to face time, I have gotten a good feeling of her personality, and besides that, what I told her was absolutely the truth. And I was again seeing how she might respond to this offering. She kind of laughed it off but did agree that yeah it was some serious conversation and yeah I was probably correct about her needing a hug.  So we go back to bantering about random stuff for the rest of the day.

We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
Guess it depends on how far how fast you wanna go. Perfect opportunity to respond with the truth: "Inappropriate? A hug is just a start...it should be obvious I'm really into you and would love to go further" or you could keep the snails pace and just respond "absolutely not inappropriate"

 
Ministry of Pain said:
He's trying an apologetic way of easing her pants down, it works for some guys. Others are less sensitive and caring and actually attract even more women. 

This is all your fault btw: it started with that band name and then you sparked guys like Jessup thinking it's high school all over again and now you got him knocking on his neighbor's door for a cup of sugar, I hope your happy. 

The Sugarcubes would be a real catchy name, think about it. 
Click to expand...
:hophead:

 
Here's the story

of a man in Saints gear

who was bringing up two very lovely kids

both of them had hats of Saint

like their father

the youngest one just hurled

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
BREAKING

I'll give a little backstory

In texting earlier today, after the coffee meetup, I mentioned that she looked like she could use a hug after we had that rather heavy talk, but due to the nature of the conversation, I wasn't sure if that would be appreciated or not. Sounds lame I'm sure, but we've texted a good bit back and forth since I got her number, so between that and the face to face time, I have gotten a good feeling of her personality, and besides that, what I told her was absolutely the truth. And I was again seeing how she might respond to this offering. She kind of laughed it off but did agree that yeah it was some serious conversation and yeah I was probably correct about her needing a hug.  So we go back to bantering about random stuff for the rest of the day.

We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
There is nothing worse than feeling like you could have made a friend but ended up pushing them away. I think you are simply testing the waters by trying to see if she welcomes a hug...if she likes to hug then she might want to kiss, etc... 

Is giving her a kiss to test the waters out of the question? If she says no or pulls away you can say "I thought we were moving in that direction, I'm sorry, of course I still want to be friends."

The problem with hugs is some women can still feel like you are just good friends. These things usually have a natural process and I find letting the women make the first move even with my wife after 16 years of marriage, best if I follow her lead. I'm not implying I never put the 1st move but we have a bunch of ways of communicating to each other what we want without saying it. That takes time to develop though. 

Just keep having fun, don't make a thing out of it. If coffee works, try a movie and dinner, try going to an art museum or gallery, take her to a park...if after 2-3 of these types of dates, if she isn't getting the hint then maybe it is just a friendship but most folks would see those types of dates as romantic vs friends IMO. 

 
Jeebus. I play a few hands of rummy and come back to 50 new posts?? Is the evening over yet Jessep? Can we log out for the night yet???

 
Right now, a bunch of yenta's on forums.tattooedmoms.net are giving someone advice on what to do if her neighbor shows up at the door for a hug. 

 
New text just came in. If I may ask, by chance or or even circumstance, would it be feaux pa, to let our hair down, both literal and in earnest, if the opportunity arises, when the karma allows?

 
This thread is filled with the perfect mix of humor, really bad advice, some "man whore" recommendations, dirty jokes, and a tiny bit of good advice and a slight bit of positive reinforcement.  Totally awesome. Lol.  

In regards to the "Breaking News"--that to me seems like a very safe way of softly inviting you to flirt back.   I think you should definitely flirt back--but not too hard.  Maybe something like "Perhaps it'd be most appropriate to give you a hug over some dinner and a glass of wine?".   Babes dig the word "perhaps" as it has a bit of a sophisticated aura to it  ( I just made that up).  The key to me is that she mentioned that she is still in the process of a divorce--which means that she's still technically married.  I think that this is maybe why she's giving you a soft invitation to flirt because she probably doesn't want to come across as the married woman that is coming on to you super strong.   She's basically leaving things up to you move things along with her at a slow and steady pace.  The key is to continue to mix in a fair share of playful flirting so that it's crystal clear that you have zero interest in being friend zone material. Good luck. 

 
pollardsvision said:
I mentioned it about 45 pages back, but seriously, does the "friend zone" even really exist after 30?

How many of you have a relationship with a woman (or even know of such a relationship) where you met after 30, both are unattached, regularly spend alone time together (either just the two of you or with the kids) talking about personal ####, really enjoy that time, etc........and .....####### is off the table?

Maybe in an extremely odd work thing where the attractiveness levels are completely out of whack, I could imagine such a thing. Maybe.

Otherwise, a 30-60 year old male-female tandem of single people hanging out regularly laughing and talking is likely going to be ####### in short order.

Friend zone is for 16 year olds.
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But what about men as they get older into their 40s and 50s?

I hate to be a sexist pig and I mean no disrespect to the ladies in here but I can have a woman naked in front of me inside of 30 minutes depending if I am in Dade, Broward, or Palm Beach County. South Florida Backpage is just the tip of the iceberg down here. 

And the point is that a man is usually established once he hits his 40s, going rate for a call girl is about $200/hr these days from what I hear and sometimes human beings need more than physical love. Men can throw $$$ at women to get physical attention, how do you capture a woman's heart though?

The OP is after more than just a roll in the sheets it would seem. 

 
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Willie Neslon said:
New text just came in. If I may ask, by chance or or even circumstance, would it be feaux pa, to let our hair down, both literal and in earnest, if the opportunity arises, when the karma allows?
Click to expand...
Lmao.  Your sarcasm is absolutely a beautiful thing.  You definitely need to write music when you are in a cranky/grumpy mood. I guarantee that you'll go platinum.   

 
Definitely need an update on how NRJ DID respond, as clearly he didn't wait an hour to see and analyze multiple responses from his cheering gallery here.

 
money.never.sleeps said:
I read how you met your wife... stop already.  And 20- 25 years maybe a stretch for the "us" crowd ..  :unsure:

"Youre my boy blue"

An being old doesn't make you smart...  leave it at that. Alot old people are broke and or divorced for a reason... age doesnt cure somethings even if you want to believe otherwise.  Broad statement.  Check back in 6 months. Or 4 years
Click to expand...
Really touched a nerve eh? You quoted this post twice.

Age gives you the experience dealing with women, kids, divorce that you don't have at age 20-30.  A 40 something woman with kids, divorced, no matter how hot she is, is expired milk and she knows it and it's vulnerable. Much more so than that same woman at age 29. Most guys don't want to raise someone else's kids or deal with crazy ex's which thins her relationship options considerably. There is no reason for him to try to close her in one day, he has leverage. Based on his most recent post, it appears he's broken through to the dark side with her. 

Besides, he said he's not really interested in a one nighter, he seems genuinely interested in her. Another reason to just take it slow.

Regardless is probably a giant fishing expedition and we'll all get hooked about page 98

 
Ministry of Pain said:
But what about men as they get older into their 40s and 50s?

I hate to be a sexist pig and I mean no disrespect to the ladies in here but I can have a woman naked in front of me inside of 30 minutes depending if I am in Dade, Broward, or Palm Beach County. South Florida Backpage is just the tip of the iceberg down here. 

And the point is that a man is usually established once he hits his 40s, going rate for a call girl is about $200/hr these days from what I hear and sometimes human beings need more than physical love. Men can throw $$$ at women to get physical attention, how do you capture a woman's heart though?

The OP is after more than just a roll in the sheets it would seem. 
Click to expand...
The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.

/Josiah G. Holland

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
BREAKING

I'll give a little backstory

In texting earlier today, after the coffee meetup, I mentioned that she looked like she could use a hug after we had that rather heavy talk, but due to the nature of the conversation, I wasn't sure if that would be appreciated or not. Sounds lame I'm sure, but we've texted a good bit back and forth since I got her number, so between that and the face to face time, I have gotten a good feeling of her personality, and besides that, what I told her was absolutely the truth. And I was again seeing how she might respond to this offering. She kind of laughed it off but did agree that yeah it was some serious conversation and yeah I was probably correct about her needing a hug.  So we go back to bantering about random stuff for the rest of the day.

We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
I would be so tempted to slip in some "A Few Good Men" references. 

Her: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

You: "We follow orders or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?"

Her: "Yeah, so I'm getting divorced, the husband is totally out of the picture. Tough situation to get through with the two kids. Next couple months are going to be rough."

You: "You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That your divorce, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives."

 
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Good god, this is like 6th grade gossip group!!! Why don't you pass her a note in class? DO YOU LIKE ME? CIRCLE ONE: YES / NO / MAYBE.

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
BREAKING

I'll give a little backstory

In texting earlier today, after the coffee meetup, I mentioned that she looked like she could use a hug after we had that rather heavy talk, but due to the nature of the conversation, I wasn't sure if that would be appreciated or not. Sounds lame I'm sure, but we've texted a good bit back and forth since I got her number, so between that and the face to face time, I have gotten a good feeling of her personality, and besides that, what I told her was absolutely the truth. And I was again seeing how she might respond to this offering. She kind of laughed it off but did agree that yeah it was some serious conversation and yeah I was probably correct about her needing a hug.  So we go back to bantering about random stuff for the rest of the day.

We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
What rhymes with hug me....

Hey hey hey!

 
I can honestly say I never had this hug conundrum play out over text message. 

Sounds like you both want some time (alone) together again so hopefully you can do so soon. 

Big plans for Saints game (face paint?)

 
 "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

NRJ, I hate to say it but it sounds like she thinks a relationship with you would be a bad idea.  The above quote plus all the unloading of past issues and serious talk leads me to believe she's starting to see you as friend/confidant.  Time to scale back your expectations my friend. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
We both got home late this evening, but were still texting a bit here and there throughout the evening. She texts me, completely off topic of what we had been discussing: "if at some point, out of terrible judgment, I wanted a hug, would that be completely inappropriate?" 

I'll leave it right here, for the experts to weigh in... will tell you what actually happened later (probably in the morning)
Click to expand...
First of all, awesome.  Secondly, and I may be reading too much into this, but this seems like she wants to step things up.  She wants physical contact.  She knows a hug isn't inappropriate in a platonic relationship, so she would have no reason to suggest it is.  For the first time in this endeavor (because I think your slow game/friend angle has been the right strategy) I think you need to step up the romantic courtship.  This is a huge sign that she wants more.  I probably would have responded with, "Sure, anytime.  How about after I take you out to dinner on ________."   

ETA - Even if this read was wrong and she just wants a friend, you'll know where she stands and you can get on with your life.  

 
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The AZ Ron Hitler video is a level above awesome. Now's the time to shift this into gear, dinner or move it along. Dinner overlooking water an option? Up the charts a bit, nothing corporate at all. No movie, play, whatever, just dinner. Pay for her babysitter. You don't need to paw her like a lion, but there should be enough touching (before you get to the restaurant) to get your point across w/o any guessing. 

 
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