Your Funniest Fantasy Football Story (2 Viewers)

[The Kansas Comet]

There was a guy in my league who drafted Earnest Byner with the 4th overall pick the year he retired. Getting ready to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of that move in a few weeks.

In another league, the father of one of the league founders plays. He's from Cuba and has a pretty thick accent. He's energetic, but horrible with names. Can't be bothered with 'em to say the least. A few years ago he decided he wanted Hasselbeck for his QB, so he takes...Tim. Puts it on the board. Fortunately, his son is drafting next and asks which Hasselbeck he wanted. He says, "****, the quarterback. Who do you think?" And his son then asks him, "Matt Hasselbeck?" Replay: "I don't know - the one for Seattle." So we let him change his picks, but remind him to pay attention to the first names. So last season, he says, "Bell. Denver." Which one? "The ******* running back." His son is too busy laughing to even try to help him this time. Which one, again? So he looks at his list and says "Tatooom Bell." The way he pronounced it had the entire league rolling. Guys were saying Tatoooooom for the rest of the day, like when Dallas fans used to say Moose for Daryl Johnston. I hope the dad drafts him again just to hear him say it.

 

[Raider Nation]

Fred Lane being drafted post mortem is the funniest thing I have seen.

Those of us who drafted Randy Moss and Edge last year suffered the same fate -- only nobody told those two they were dead.

 

[On The Rocks]

We had two guys that were partners on a team. One guy was a seasoned player the other was a newbie.

Their pick comes along and the seasoned guy says....go ahead....announce the pick. Make sure you say it loud and clear so everyone can hear you.

Newbie: We pick, Saints QB Bobby Her-burt.

Not the first time we had heard this line before but it was the first time we heard it from someone who was so sincere.

 

[Billy1x]

A few years back we all met at a new guys house. All but two of the owners were on time. The last two were a big surprise. The first guy shows up with nadda. Nothing at all. We asked if he forgot his stuff. "No.' We asked if he needed a magazine. "No, I've got it all in my head (pointing at his shaved skull). He actually made it thru three rounds before he was begging for a magazine. He set an all time record for lowest points ever that still stands.

A few minutes later the last ower shows up. The first female no less. Walks in with her own NFL drafting chair, a 12 pack, and a 4" stack of flow charts. "I have ever contingency mapped out." I'm not ####ting you - 4 inches of flow charts. Would you believe that she won the whole thing.

Then there was the night 2 or 3 years ago when I convinced myself a certain WR was going to break out. My other choice was another WR that also looked like he might also might break out. The owner after me took him. I'll never live it down. Every year in the 5th round when my turn comes up they yell, "QUINCY MORGAN" and fall on the floor laughing. Who was the other WR, I passed on - Chad Johnson!!

 

[flooredyas]

In 2004 I started up a new league. 12 teams and knew everyone. The last guy to join said he was really up on the NFL, but had never played fantasy before.With his first pick which I think was #10 he takes Dillon. Well, not a horrible pick but very questionable for that year. 5 picks later he proudly proclaims Brett Favre. He is a GB fan but that was a real reach. As the season rolls on he has Ontario on his team, (I told him to draft him in round 8 or so, as he was sitting next to me and had no other RB on his roster) who gets injured. He has the #1 waiver pick. Instead of IRing him, he drops him and picks up Nick Luchey (A REAL backup RB for Green Bay at that time). Melwelde Moore (Who became a force then) was a FA at the time. Needless to say, next year he was replaced.

 

[smcindoe]

In my league's early years we had a guy who was kind of a fish and most of us didn't know very well, but he was a nice enough guy. Well, one year he shows up at the bar for our draft with this old guy with white hair. He didn't introduce him at all (no "this is my uncle", or "Jim here will be helping me"), the two of them just sat down and went straight to work.

All draft long the old guy is whispering picks to him, scribbling notes, etc. And he was a cranky ******* too, he'd get mad if someone took too long on a pick or went to get another beer. He never said anything, but he would get visibly agitated. When the draft ended, the guy bolted. We never saw him again, the regular owner left the league after the season, and to this day we have absolutely no idea who that guy was. It's an enduring mystery of the league.

Every year, when somebody gets a cell phone call mid-draft and quickly tells the person we can't talk, they get accused of secretly getting advice from the mysterious cranky old man with no name.

 

[gianmarco]

Well, I don't find this story as funny as others in my league do.

So the league that I run is a 10 team redraft league that we do online at Yahoo. Been going on for the last 5 years with 9 of the same original 10 owners. Last year, I had instituted a new rule for draft picks where after the random order was determined, the # that you were assigned was the order in which you could select your draft spot. So, went through the whole ordeal of getting the random picks, then each person posting in that order which pick they wanted. Not a big deal, but added just a little extra twist.

So draft day rolls around and it's about 10 minutes until the draft is about to start when I realized that I never put in the order that we spent so much time trying to determine. I'm frantically trying to change the random order Yahoo put in to no avail. Of course, everyone is frantic, as am I, and one of the guys goes "Jesus ******* Christ....you spend 5 hours/day for the last 2 months on fantasy football with all your crap and you can't even put in a stupid draft order?" Everyone thought it was hilarious.

Of course, the best part that I keep getting reminded of. I originally had the #2 pick and got moved to the #6 pick. With the #6 pick, I ended up taking Lamont Jordan. With Alexander going as the #1 (which would have happened to begin with also), I would have had LT with that #2 pick. Of course, I finished in last place last year after making the playoffs the 1st 4 years in the league. Got what I deserved, I guess.

 

[Jeff Tefertiller]

Guys, there was a thread a while back that had a ton of these types of stories in it. I thought I would dig it out. Here you go.

the ask Mr Fantasy post on page two was pretty funny ...

 

[dwarfboy]

In a 12 team, keep 4 league I had the 11th and 14th picks because I'd lost the championship game. I had to release my favorite player Shaun Alexander back to the draft, but I really wanted him back. At the league rules meeting, with most of the other owners present I made an offer to the owner with the first overall pick. I offered him my first and second round picks in exchange for the number one overall(Alexander.) All the other owners turned to see if he was going to do the deal since it was actually a pretty even deal. He counter offered with:"let's just just both swap our first and second picks to keep it even." He had thrown his second round pick into the deal.

I immediately stood up, said "deal," and shook his hand. The rest of the owners were stunned, and tried to make better offers, but were too late.

Shaun Alexander broke the touchdown record that year and I was able to keep him for one more year.

Last year in the same league. I had the 13th pick because I'd won the year before and traded my first round pick to the owner with the #1 overall for Edge. I was keeping Alexander despite a high salary that was about 28% of my cap. I also kept Edgerrin James for another 26% so I was in a situation where I had to trade one on draft day or draft an entire roster of minimum salary players. I negotiated deals to trade away edge to 3 or 4 other owners with the agreement that I could trigger the deal when their pick came. I was talking to the owner of the #1 overall pick before the draft and found out he planned to draft Reggie Bush instead of LaDainian Tomlinson. Rookie RBs are pretty valuable in our league because two of your keepers must be drafted their rookie year, but can be kept for up to 5 years. I knew LT was the most valuable player in the draft, and while his salary was high, 21% of the cap it was a better than Edge's 26%. As the draft began I made my trade offer for the #1 overall as the owner was walking to the board with his Reggie Bush sticker. He paused, thought about it, asked if anybody wanted to beat it. The rest of the league was once again stunned, but nobody made a better offer. He accepted the deal of Edge and the 13th pick for the #1 overall. The rest of the league howled because it gave me LT to pair with SA and it freed me from salary cap hell, but also because I had managed to trade from the back of the draft to the number one overall for the second year in a row.

LaDainian Tomlinson broke the touchdown record that year and I'll be keeping him for one more year.

 

[dwarfboy]

One of my friends used to make fun of us for years for playing fantasy football. He thought it was a silly, geeky pointless pursuit. Some of his other friends talked him into playing in their local money league since they needed a replacement owner. He didn't prepare much before the draft, but did bring a cheat sheet with position rankings.

The year is 2004.

He drafted Peyton Manning in the middle of the first round, then followed that with Donovan McNabb in the second. All the experienced owners had 2 rbs at this point and were laughing since he could only play one qb at a time. He drafted Steve Smith and another bust in the 3rd/4th. In the 5th and 6th he drafted Patriots D and Adam Vinatieri because they were the only positions that still had the top rated at their position available and he knew them because they had won the Super Bowl. He got Curtis Martin in the 7th for his first RB. Somewhere late in the draft he got Mushin Muhammed, Drew Bennett and Brandon Stokely. Antonio Gates was his final pick of the draft.

He traded McNabb for Tiki Barber after week 3 so his lineup for much of the season was:

Peyton Manning 4500 yds 49 tds

Tiki Barber 1500 yds 13 tds

Curtis Martin 1600 yds 14 tds

Mushin Muhammed 1400 yds 16tds

Drew Bennett 1200 yds 11 tds

Brandon Stokely 1000 yds 10 tds

Antonio Gates 900 yds 13 tds

Adam Vinatieri 31/33 fgs 160 fantasy points

Patriots D were a top 3 D/ST that year

He was the runaway points winner and champion. He won just about the maximum amount of money possible.

 

[Irish1995]

A few years back I had an owner send me an email early on a Sunday morning looking to do a waiver wire pickup. Due to either bye weeks or injuries he only had one running back that would be playing.

He sent me a list of about four players he wanted and asked me to go down the list, give him the first one available and insert whichever player he got into his lineup for him since he was going out of town and would be unreachable.

"No problem," I thought, and started going through his pickups. One by one I found they were either already on a roster or not yet eligible for pickup (had just been dropped) until I got to Daryl "Moose" Johnston.

At this point I stopped. Referring to our league rules I determined that, yes, this was a legal pickup.

So he started Moose Johnston as his second running back that week.

It wasn't exactly a great pickup for him, as Moose seemed to have trouble doing any scoring that week. Not that I blame him, it's tough to pick up yards or touchdowns from the announcer's booth.

 

[erymer]

ok I'll play. The guys in my keeper league usually get together each year for a yahoo league just for kicks. this year we had a guy offer up two gems for us. First in the mid round he asks the following question on the chat section... "Hey, How do I find Jonathan Vilma? I can't find him. " I replied with "I'll show you in about 5 picks when I am up."

Then the best of the bunch....in round 21 of 25 (it a 16 team league), he takes Steve Smith and announces "Wow, I can't believe he was still avail. I just got the steal of the draft." ..."insert Dum### comment here" I really didn't even know how to reply to that. Hard to believe that anyone would think SS from the Panthers would last that long. I love having this guy in my league. Luckily we only have one of these.

 

[ukshane]

Most guys in my $200 auction league would nominate reserve players for a buck or two. A couple of years ago one guy already had just drafted McNabb and Hasselback. When it was his turn he confidently nominated Jesse Palmer, QB, NYG $10? If anyone doesn't recall, this was the same tool that was on The Bachelor at the time. The place erupted! I was commissioner so without even asking for more bids I told him "It looks like you won boyfriend sugar".

 

[shadyridr]

Way back in Marshall Faulk's rookie year some guy picked him with the last pick of the draft. We all busted out laughing because not only did it take him about 5 minutes to make the last pick but he said it so matter of factly like "Ill take Marshall Faulk". Of course Faulk was drafted many rounds earlier (round 6 I believe).

 

[TinHat]

We had all gotten together to watch the week's games at a friend's house who has the NFL ticket.

We're getting settled in, the pregames are rolling and it's kind of noisy.

One of the pregames comes in with an update on this guys player - he's like "shh...quiet everybody...I need to hear this" as it's still too noisy, he proceeds to put his ear up to the TV, but instead of going to the speaker, he has his ear right next to Mortenson's mouth.

 

[Helmet Head]

Here's one more:

We allowed a wife of one of our owners in the leagre. She was pretty knowldgeable and could hang with the husbands. Her name was PMS (Previously a Man's Sport).

Late in the draft she needed a kicker. She stand up and says, "I'll take the kicker Whoever, of Dallas!" We tell her there's no such player, but she insists that there is. She pulls our her magazine and reads to us, "Whoever kicks for Dallas should have a decent year."

Needless to say we bought her a Cowboys jersey with the name, Whoever on the back.

HH

 

[Knightro]

2 stories - related to the same draft

1st one - guy does a quick pick and his first nomination at the auction was Lawrence Phillips for $1 (this was right when he was suspended). Everybody was talking and I knew nobody else wanted him so I sold him off 1-2-3. He was so proud of himself. He calls the local radio show that Friday that does a fantasy football hour and opens up with "Hey guys, thanks for taking my call. I am pumped because I just got LP for $1 in my local auction this week." The hosts quickly respond, "you paid one more dollar than he will have carries this year" and hung up on him.

2nd one - we are only required to have 1 TE in our lineup. One owner wins Gonzalez for $25 early in the auction only to then go out and grab Wesley Walls ( I think) for $20. While most of us are stunned, one guy goes "hey #######, you do realize you only need one TE in this league?" At that point, I almost had Wrestlemania XV in my living room as the two were ready to fight right then and there.

 

[Lash]

just happened sunday...

guy drafted him straight from his magazine Matt Schaub and pronounced it like the stock broker 'SHWAB" sound

everyone burst and i snorted my coke out thru my nose

the guy in our league in charge of inputting the picks in the computer kept asking him "Who?" acting like he didn't hear for the noise

the guy thought people were laughing at the pick not the pronunciation and kept saying SHWAB, matt SHWAB, even getting a little angry and trying to justify the pick

which made everyone laugh louder

he said SHWAB about six times and another owner kept saying "Stop, just Stop please Stop"

most ive laughed in a long time

 

[Lash]

dude brings a laptop every year to draft from, he went to the bathroom this year, and another owner went to his laptop and typed a message on the league message board from the absent owners login name

subject line of topic ... "I Like Guys"

body of message said (paraphrased) : guys i am just tired of hiding it anymore and wanted to let you all know i am coming out of the closet, i hope you all are not uncomfortable around me and we can still hang out"

then another guy on another laptop made sure to quote him on the message board while replying to that topic so the other guy couldn't delete the topic

priceless

 

[LionsFan78]

Just got a nice one. Had to post it for you!

So one of the leagues I run this year is a work league, and we got a new member this year who's never played but wants to try it out. It's a nice little friendly league, only $50 buy in, etc. Anyway, the new guy emails me this morning. Below is pretty much the gist of his email:

Hey Mike,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I've decided on who I want this year. If possible, here it is...

QB- Palmer

RB-Tomlinson, Gore

WR- Owens, Harrison, Chad Johnson

TE- Gonzalez



I email him back, basically like "Ok, you know we're actually drafting our players....you can't just have the ones you'd like! "

"OH, my bad"

Wow. Still trying to figure out if he was serious.