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Young Adults and Curfew (1 Viewer)

How old were your kids when you dropped their curfew?

  • 13 or younger

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • 14

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • 15

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • 16

    Votes: 2 9.5%

  • 17

    Votes: 3 14.3%

  • 18

    Votes: 7 33.3%

  • 19 or older

    Votes: 9 42.9%
  • Total voters
    21
Steeler

Steeler

Footballguy
My kid just turned 18 and she thinks a curfew is dumb (and I get it from her POV).  She's a good kid, got good grades in HS, going to college in Aug, got a partial scholarship, has had a part time job for about 15 months, etc.  She's mostly just hanging out with friends (I think) - but I need my beauty sleep!  She's capable of locking up the house but I just can't sleep well until she gets home.  I'm not a tyrant and I've said there can be exceptions to the curfew as long as I know about it up front - for example she did go to an 18 and up club for her 18th birthday and had no curfew that night.  Going to a concert? - sure curfew is lifted.  But I don't like the idea of zero curfew at all times - that seems like a bad precedent to set - sure!  Do whatever you want!

So where can I get better parenting advice than the FFA?

 
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Steeler said:
My kid just turned 18 and she thinks a curfew is dumb (and I get it from her POV).  She's a good kid, got good grades in HS, going to college in Aug, got a partial scholarship, has had a part time job for about 15 months, etc.  She's mostly just hanging out with friends (I think) - but I need my beauty sleep!  She's capable of locking up the house but I just can't sleep well until she gets home.  I'm not a tyrant and I've said there can be exceptions to the curfew as long as I know about it up front - for example she did go to an 18 and up club for her 18th birthday and had no curfew that night.  Going to a concert? - sure curfew is lifted.  But I don't like the idea of zero curfew at all times - that seems like a bad precedent to set - sure!  Do whatever you want!

So where can I get better parenting advice that the FFA?
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It was midnight on weekdays and 1am on weekends while she was living at home during college unless she asked to stay out later.   It has nothing to do with freedom but with people need to sleep and go to work early.  If she wanted to stay out all night and whatever, she could stay on campus.   Didn't have much trouble with it at all.   Now high school was a much rougher road.

 
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My gut reaction, not having had kids, is... if she's going to college in August and presumably will be able to stay out as late as she wants... I'd probably rather her first few months of that freedom come while at home, in an environment I can offer feedback on her choices if she's making poor ones.

That said, she's your kid, do what you feel is right in the end.

 
I think something like a 1am curfew is reasonable.

That said, I think there should be a conversation that nothing is fixed and she can consider it a "trial" curfewship.  See how things go.  Tell her that just because that's the curfew that she doesn't need to be out until that time every night.  Reassess after a couple weeks or a month.  If she can behave responsibly and not abuse the curfew and you can get your rest, then it can remain or even become a little more lax.  If not, then it might be brought back earlier. 

Or, if she's responsible enough, explain that there is no set time but that she should be aware that she's living in your home and that her being out late affects your well being and your sleep.  Hopefully she can take that info and make smart decisions and everyone wins.

 
Step daughter is now 20, boys are 16 and 14.  Pretty sure we still had a curfew for the oldest the summer after freshman year (and sophmore year for that matter).  It wasn't so much a set time as it was "let us know when you'll be home."  If she stayed out very late, she was usually sleeping over at someone's house, so it rarely came in to play.  It was more along the lines "if she's planning to be home at midnight, I want to know so that if she's not home by 1 I know if I need to worry."  She is a great kid, stays out of trouble, so it wasn't really an issue.

My 16 year old is starting to complain about his curfew.  10 pm weeknights, 11 on the weekends unless there is a reason to stay out later.  He doesn't push back much because he's pretty anti confrontation, but he let it slip recently that he avoids doing things with friends sometimes because everyone else gets to stay out later, so he feels stupid having to go home earlier than everyone else.  I'm not really one to buy into the pack mentality of parenting, and he's only been driving for a few months, I'm not ready to let the reigns drop totally.  I do feel bad that he avoids social situations while in high school though.  Not sure.

 
My son graduates tomorrow and will be 18 in a couple weeks. As long as I know where he is going and a ballpark on return time, I dont ask him to get home at any specific time. 

ETA: This has pretty much always been the case and is with my younger daughters....except I usually have to pick them up, so 10 is about the limit for them.  :D

 
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Never had a curfew growing up, but maybe I would have if I was constantly staying out until unreasonable times for whatever was going on at that point (school year, summer, weekday, weekend, etc). The rule was like others, tell my parents about when I'd be home and as long as I was close, it wasn't a problem. And while I had a cell phone, it was before texting, so I imagine it's even easier now to shoot off a text to a sleeping parent saying "sorry, I'm going to be home an hour later than I said" I case they wake up during that time. That's how I plan to do it with my kids until they give me a reason not to.

That whole "I can't sleep/lock up the house until you're home" thing sounds like a "you" problem. If you loosen up on it, you'll likely find yourself adjusting to it after some time passes, and your anxiety will only come when you happen to wake up and see your kid isn't home by the time they said they'd be.

 
kids had a curfew in high school...

when son graduated, tried college for a few years and then moved back in with us for a time, we had to have a conversation.....he would want to stay out until all hours with the keep partying until 3 in the morning college attitude.....but then he would "want" to come home so he could sleep "in his own bed"....that wasn't going to fly with us, so it became, "if you are not home by 1:00 (on weekends) we don't want to see you until after 7:00 am"....you are either home by 1:00 or don't come back until after 7:00.....we will expect you home at 1:00 unless you text us (before 1:00) to say your are not coming home....we actually caught him sneaking "back into the house a couple of times"...this was mostly because my wife is a mama bird and struggles with not knowing/worrying, etc.....

 
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gianmarco said:
I think something like a 1am curfew is reasonable.

That said, I think there should be a conversation that nothing is fixed and she can consider it a "trial" curfewship.  See how things go.  Tell her that just because that's the curfew that she doesn't need to be out until that time every night.  Reassess after a couple weeks or a month.  If she can behave responsibly and not abuse the curfew and you can get your rest, then it can remain or even become a little more lax.  If not, then it might be brought back earlier. 

Or, if she's responsible enough, explain that there is no set time but that she should be aware that she's living in your home and that her being out late affects your well being and your sleep.  Hopefully she can take that info and make smart decisions and everyone wins.
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Bull Dozier said:
Step daughter is now 20, boys are 16 and 14.  Pretty sure we still had a curfew for the oldest the summer after freshman year (and sophmore year for that matter).  It wasn't so much a set time as it was "let us know when you'll be home."  If she stayed out very late, she was usually sleeping over at someone's house, so it rarely came in to play.  It was more along the lines "if she's planning to be home at midnight, I want to know so that if she's not home by 1 I know if I need to worry."  She is a great kid, stays out of trouble, so it wasn't really an issue.
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if this is new terrain, i like the idea of a trial period, moving into what BD used for his daughter.  I think this is all contingent upon past behavior and level of responsibility.  we encourage our daughter to earn her freedoms.... she acquires more as she gets older and proves herself (which she does).

 
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if your kids are out until like 3am 2am or later....they probably need to stay wherever they are

 
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Your house, your rules.  It sounds to me like your approach is very reasonable.  Turning 18 makes you an adult in the eyes of the law - but it doesn't automatically make you a mature, responsible person.  When your kid is truly independent, then they can make their own rules.

This thread is well timed for me - my daughter turned 18 yesterday and is going to college in the fall.  I extended her curfew from 12 to 1am (and she was fine with that).

 
The deal with my daughter after she turned 18 was she called if she was either not coming home or going to be home after midnight.If she couldn't comply with that it was time to find her own place.

 
RUSF18 said:
Never had a curfew growing up, but maybe I would have if I was constantly staying out until unreasonable times for whatever was going on at that point (school year, summer, weekday, weekend, etc). The rule was like others, tell my parents about when I'd be home and as long as I was close, it wasn't a problem. And while I had a cell phone, it was before texting, so I imagine it's even easier now to shoot off a text to a sleeping parent saying "sorry, I'm going to be home an hour later than I said" I case they wake up during that time. That's how I plan to do it with my kids until they give me a reason not to.

That whole "I can't sleep/lock up the house until you're home" thing sounds like a "you" problem. If you loosen up on it, you'll likely find yourself adjusting to it after some time passes, and your anxiety will only come when you happen to wake up and see your kid isn't home by the time they said they'd be.
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The problem with that approach is that a lot of states are cracking down  on under 18 drivers and their curfews.

Varies by state but 16yo can't drive past 11 and 17yo past 1 am in FL. *Except for work or accompanied by adult.

Honestly my kids were so busy with school and activities that curfew was never much of an issue in HS. When it was an issue,  i think it started at 11 when they were 16 and then went up to midnight (but make damn sure you re home by 1).

They didn't live at home for college but we still wanted them home by 1 am when they visited. 

 
Thanks for the feedback/responses everyone.  Seems like I have a similar outlook as most - her curfew was 11 PM during the week and 1 AM on the weekend during her last semester in HS.  I think midnight during the week and 1 AM on weekends is reasonable now and for as long as she lives here.  The problem is most of her friends parents don't enforce a curfew so we seem really strict - but in reality I think it's reasonable - especially if you consider it's flexible for certain circumstances.  I think the main point is communication which she has been pretty good at so far, let me know what's happening and when you will be home and we should be good.

 
Steeler said:
Thanks for the feedback/responses everyone.  Seems like I have a similar outlook as most - her curfew was 11 PM during the week and 1 AM on the weekend during her last semester in HS.  I think midnight during the week and 1 AM on weekends is reasonable now and for as long as she lives here.  The problem is most of her friends parents don't enforce a curfew so we seem really strict - but in reality I think it's reasonable - especially if you consider it's flexible for certain circumstances.  I think the main point is communication which she has been pretty good at so far, let me know what's happening and when you will be home and we should be good.
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This is a great plan and you are not strict.  You just care and that is good.

 
Steeler said:
 She's capable of locking up the house but I just can't sleep well until she gets home. 
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I know alarm clocks aren't much of a thing anymore, but that's what my parents used to deal with this.  They set an alarm for my curfew time, and when I got home I had to go in to their room and turn it off.  Let them sleep knowing they'd be woken up if I didn't come home by curfew.

 
3 kids, youngest is 18.  When the older 2 lived at home they had a curfew when they were under 18.  When they were older, I relaxed that a bit, but still wanted to know when they were going to be home.  Also tried to get them to let me know where they would be.  My wife has always been a bit more worried about it.  One of her friends she worked with 20 years ago had her son go missing at age 18.  Never found.  His story is in my sig.  USED to be in my sig when I had one...  Justin Gaines.  They are pretty confident he was robbed and murdered, but they haven't been able to close the case.   My wife actually babysat the boy when he was a kid.  All our kids know that story and what can happen.  

When my oldest son was living at college I told him if he ever went off campus to party or whatever, just shoot me a text and let me know what was going on.  I would not question it and it was only so we had the peace of mind in case something happened, we knew where he was.  He would send me text every time he went off campus.  "Hey pops.  Going to a party at ______".  My reply would always be "Have fun! Be safe!".  He knew it wasn't to judge him or control him, just because we cared.  I actually think he appreciated it.

 
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None of my kids had/have a curfew.  We just ask that they let us know when they'll be home, and if that changes, that they call us.  Thankfully never had any issues.

 
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