Zow
Footballguy
Feels like forever that I've posted a topic about a personal issue/conflict - which is likely the result of working a million hours and being a dad in a good marriage. But, something occurred today that I'm struggling on figuring out the best way moving forward. My inclination is to do nothing and pretend like it didn't happen, but as you'll read maybe that's not the best course. Also, this isn't meant to be a political thread (although I concede I considered putting it there). But, that's not really my focus and my focus is moreso on handling the issue.
Background: I probably have a "normal" relationship with my MIL. We don't agree politically (she thinks Hillary has literally killed people assassination style) and sometimes endure an unspoken tension (she's used to being in charge and I'm not terribly keen on adhering to unreasonable requests) but she's a really good grandmother to my kids and has helped us a ton with them so we generally get along by tolerating one another. The majority of my wife's family is very pro-Trump, and while I'd describe my wife and I as pretty moderate, to them we are raging liberals.
Regarding masks, I think consisent with our political leaning (not that the two should be entwined), we prefer to adhere to the CDC guidelines but aren't opposed to socializing or being out in public. MIL, oddly despite two of our close relatives getting Covid-19, thinks Covid-19 isn't a big deal and the mask mandates to be some overblown liberal political thing (or whatever the current FoxNews position is).
Scenario: We were spending the weekend with my in-laws and my wife's sister and her family. We spent Saturday at a hanging out at a town known for Halloween with the plan on Sunday (today) to go to a very popular pumpkin patch about 45 minutes away. We've done this now like 5 years in a row so it's a "family thing." The town we were at yesterday and staying at had a mask mandate and the establishments we went to did have reasonable protocols in place. This morning I took my kids and my niece and nephew to the park to get them out of the house so the rest could pack up. While there, I noticed another set of parents stand close to me by the swings without masks on. I just moved without saying anything. Also, my kids were being awful. The combination of such got me thinking about the pumpkin patch, I remembered the crowds, and it got me thinking about what sort of precautions they would take. So, I googled it and yelped it. The reviews for this year were in comical contrast depending on the authors' positions on masks, but overwhelmingly the theme was "this place is taking no Covid-19 precautions." The post was either "if you're anti-mask this is a great place!" or "OMG I'm rated this 1 star simply because there ae NO Covid-19 precautions taken."
My thought process at this point was two-fold. First, my wife and I are set to adopt two of our kids by the end of the year. But, because we haven't yet, they technically are in the legal custody of the state. Accordingly, my worry is that it's borderine neglect to assume the risk for them when it's technically not our call yet. Second, my work is currently incredibly busy/slammed and my office is taking the pandemic very seriously. As such, should I test positive/catch Covid-19, I'm out for at least a two week quarantine. This would cost my family and me literally thousands of dollars. So, I screen shot a number of the reviews and text the concerns to my wife. I do not say I'm refusing to go, but that I'm very concerned and we should talk about it.
Fast forward about 15 minutes and I arrive back to the vrbo with the kids. My wife is noticeably upset and fighting off tears. Nobody is really saying anything. She tells me that the car is loaded up and we're going. As we're getting the kids in the car she tells me she's furious with her mother. She tells me she shared my text and the reviews with her mom and sister to essentially prepare them for the possibility that we may now pass this year. While her sister wanted to argue that I was just wrong about the mask thing (expected) and that I didn't express the concern the day before when we went to a winery and a restauarnt (again, the establishments took the recommended precautions and masks were worn and the tables distanced), apparently my mother-in-law took it step further and proclaimed I was only buying into the Covid-19 issue as an excuse and I really just wanted to go home early to watch football (while reportedly rolling her eyes). This very much angered my wife and she told her mom that it wasn't true, that I had a point she wanted to consider, and that what she said was very mean. She was so mad that we just left right away, drove about a mile, and got out and talked about it. At that point she said she was so upset with her mom that she didn't want to go for that reason. We then went and ate lunch on our own and went to another much smaller but much more Covid-19 safe pumpkin patch by where we live so as to not disappoint our kids.
Current issue: MIL wants to call us and apologize. She did text an apology to my wife. My FIL called my wife and apologized for MIL and explained it as her not thinking about what she was saying. Oddly, the comment doesn't really bother me a whole lot because I really don't give much weight to her input on issues like these or what she thinks of me. It's been an issue in the past where I've had sports I've played (golf and softball tournaments) conflict with some family outings planned after I had committed and I know she disagrees with my decision to still go play. Given that my wife is very reasonable with those conflicts, I don't let my MIL's disagreement bother me. As such, I don't care much about her comment here and the fact that she errantly assumes I'm prioritizing sports over family. But, because of that, I really don't want to talk to her on the phone and I fear that if she tries to explain herself or get into the issue that my lack of concern for her input will come out. I told my wife to tell her it's fine. My wife, understandably, is worried that this may be a bigger issue and we are likely set to see them again in a week or two.
How would you deal with this? Big deal or little deal? I don't think this is a big deal but I can tell my wife does. From my perspective, I view my MIL as somebody I want to continue to have in my life because she's great for my kids but I have no desire at this point, and I presume the foreseeable future, to have dinner with just her or do an adults only trip with her or whatever. So, that's the relationship I'm looking to preserve/maintain here.
Background: I probably have a "normal" relationship with my MIL. We don't agree politically (she thinks Hillary has literally killed people assassination style) and sometimes endure an unspoken tension (she's used to being in charge and I'm not terribly keen on adhering to unreasonable requests) but she's a really good grandmother to my kids and has helped us a ton with them so we generally get along by tolerating one another. The majority of my wife's family is very pro-Trump, and while I'd describe my wife and I as pretty moderate, to them we are raging liberals.
Regarding masks, I think consisent with our political leaning (not that the two should be entwined), we prefer to adhere to the CDC guidelines but aren't opposed to socializing or being out in public. MIL, oddly despite two of our close relatives getting Covid-19, thinks Covid-19 isn't a big deal and the mask mandates to be some overblown liberal political thing (or whatever the current FoxNews position is).
Scenario: We were spending the weekend with my in-laws and my wife's sister and her family. We spent Saturday at a hanging out at a town known for Halloween with the plan on Sunday (today) to go to a very popular pumpkin patch about 45 minutes away. We've done this now like 5 years in a row so it's a "family thing." The town we were at yesterday and staying at had a mask mandate and the establishments we went to did have reasonable protocols in place. This morning I took my kids and my niece and nephew to the park to get them out of the house so the rest could pack up. While there, I noticed another set of parents stand close to me by the swings without masks on. I just moved without saying anything. Also, my kids were being awful. The combination of such got me thinking about the pumpkin patch, I remembered the crowds, and it got me thinking about what sort of precautions they would take. So, I googled it and yelped it. The reviews for this year were in comical contrast depending on the authors' positions on masks, but overwhelmingly the theme was "this place is taking no Covid-19 precautions." The post was either "if you're anti-mask this is a great place!" or "OMG I'm rated this 1 star simply because there ae NO Covid-19 precautions taken."
My thought process at this point was two-fold. First, my wife and I are set to adopt two of our kids by the end of the year. But, because we haven't yet, they technically are in the legal custody of the state. Accordingly, my worry is that it's borderine neglect to assume the risk for them when it's technically not our call yet. Second, my work is currently incredibly busy/slammed and my office is taking the pandemic very seriously. As such, should I test positive/catch Covid-19, I'm out for at least a two week quarantine. This would cost my family and me literally thousands of dollars. So, I screen shot a number of the reviews and text the concerns to my wife. I do not say I'm refusing to go, but that I'm very concerned and we should talk about it.
Fast forward about 15 minutes and I arrive back to the vrbo with the kids. My wife is noticeably upset and fighting off tears. Nobody is really saying anything. She tells me that the car is loaded up and we're going. As we're getting the kids in the car she tells me she's furious with her mother. She tells me she shared my text and the reviews with her mom and sister to essentially prepare them for the possibility that we may now pass this year. While her sister wanted to argue that I was just wrong about the mask thing (expected) and that I didn't express the concern the day before when we went to a winery and a restauarnt (again, the establishments took the recommended precautions and masks were worn and the tables distanced), apparently my mother-in-law took it step further and proclaimed I was only buying into the Covid-19 issue as an excuse and I really just wanted to go home early to watch football (while reportedly rolling her eyes). This very much angered my wife and she told her mom that it wasn't true, that I had a point she wanted to consider, and that what she said was very mean. She was so mad that we just left right away, drove about a mile, and got out and talked about it. At that point she said she was so upset with her mom that she didn't want to go for that reason. We then went and ate lunch on our own and went to another much smaller but much more Covid-19 safe pumpkin patch by where we live so as to not disappoint our kids.
Current issue: MIL wants to call us and apologize. She did text an apology to my wife. My FIL called my wife and apologized for MIL and explained it as her not thinking about what she was saying. Oddly, the comment doesn't really bother me a whole lot because I really don't give much weight to her input on issues like these or what she thinks of me. It's been an issue in the past where I've had sports I've played (golf and softball tournaments) conflict with some family outings planned after I had committed and I know she disagrees with my decision to still go play. Given that my wife is very reasonable with those conflicts, I don't let my MIL's disagreement bother me. As such, I don't care much about her comment here and the fact that she errantly assumes I'm prioritizing sports over family. But, because of that, I really don't want to talk to her on the phone and I fear that if she tries to explain herself or get into the issue that my lack of concern for her input will come out. I told my wife to tell her it's fine. My wife, understandably, is worried that this may be a bigger issue and we are likely set to see them again in a week or two.
How would you deal with this? Big deal or little deal? I don't think this is a big deal but I can tell my wife does. From my perspective, I view my MIL as somebody I want to continue to have in my life because she's great for my kids but I have no desire at this point, and I presume the foreseeable future, to have dinner with just her or do an adults only trip with her or whatever. So, that's the relationship I'm looking to preserve/maintain here.
) and apparently things are smoothed over a bit. This was helped by a concession that the reviews I read were correct and that they didn't have a great time because it wound up being cold and windy. The explanation provided to my wife was that my MIL didn't mean it and that she was just upset that we may not be going and placed blame where she could. Now, I suspect that was manufactured with my input by my FIL and I'm not buying it, but as previously stated I don't really care much about and it made my wife happy. So, any potential drama and crisis averted I think. 
![[scooter]](/data/avatars/m/22/22287.jpg?1659477690){kind=avatar}
