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Valentine's Day Kind Of Sucks


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Valentines Day Kind Of Sucks

A few thoughts:

If this is the one time a year you buy your person flowers, you can do better.

If this is the one time a year when you're extra thoughtful or nice to your person, you can do a lot better.

Moreover, Valentine's Day is a manufactured, made-up, BS day. Supposedly signifying something many of us should be doing every day. Suddenly caring more about your person on the 14th day of February is like suddenly caring about the direction and path of your life on the 1st day of January. It's better than never caring. But not by much. These are things you should do all the time.

Here's the big point though. Shauna Niequist writes about this and it's dead-on truth: You don't need a "significant other" to be "significant". Forget what the world and the Hallmark Channel tells you.

Tons of people find themselves today, not in a relationship. They may be divorced, or broken up with, or never been in a relationship or a widow or widower or plenty more. All fancy ways of saying "Single".

And please let me speak some truth to you: "Single" is neither superior nor inferior or equal to "Married". It's just different. And just like married, single can be great. Or single can be not where you want to be. But don't fall into the trap that somehow "married" is superior. Because that's a lie.

Don't get me wrong, if you know me, you know I'm crazy in love with my wife and I love being married. I hit the lottery there and I can't imagine my life any other way than the way it's been for the last 32 years. But that's me. I'm not you. You're not me.

My advice to folks in both the married and single category is the same: Be the best possible version of you. Today. Tomorrow. Rinse and Repeat. This works for everyone.

And to be super clear, being the best version of you does not mean it's all about you. Actually, the opposite. In my opinion, the best version of people is when they're empathetic and kind and thoughtful and selfless. In my opinion, doing more of those things is the key for all of us. And interestingly, these traits are also wildly attractive so for you single folks that want to stay single, watch out.

So enjoy tomorrow. But understand it's just a day. And do your best to be the best version of yourself. You married folks, make the rest of the year like tomorrow. You single folks, don't believe any of that "less than" BS the world tries to tell you. You are beloved. Rock on.

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7 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

My wife yesterday: you didn’t get me anything for Valentines Day did you?

Me: nope

Her: good, I didn’t get you anything either.

 

:wub:

Money you two can now spend on something both of you either want or need.

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Had not given it a thought before, but in hindsight Valentine's Day seems like a really weird event for someone in elementary school to process; handing out Valentine's Day cards to all your classmates and hoping Betty June thought about you as much as you thought about her when licking the envelope.

Hope it's still okay to give thanks on Thanksgiving Day.

Edited by Mister CIA
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Fact is many holidays bring pain and sadness to many people. Take Mother's Day. There are people who have lost their mothers. People who have had terrible mothers not worth celebrating. Women who want to be mothers but can't, and there's an annual reminder of what they can't be. 

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It took a few years of training, but my wife doesn't expect much from me on Valentine's Day. We went shopping for Korean BBQ meats today and are going to stuff ourselves silly tomorrow. That's how we celebrate now.

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20 minutes ago, Osaurus said:

We got ourselves a new garage floor. Nothing says I love you like home improvement. 

I think I'm going to test how much my girlfriend loves me.  I need a full bathroom renovation. 

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I kind of agree but my wife, if she's really ill or feeling down, will snuggle with the teddy bear with a heart on it gave her 30+ years ago.  That's kind of sweet. Now, I bought it from some guy at a stop light on my way home from work but I don't see why she needs to know that. 

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41 minutes ago, RC94 said:

I think I'm going to test how much my girlfriend loves me.  I need a full bathroom renovation. 

That’s what my wife got. Just finished it yesterday. That will be my last major remodel. I’m too old to that kind of work anymore.

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20 minutes ago, comfortably numb said:

Good points.

Probably 2nd worst behind Christmas 

To each his own.

My family and extended family love Christmas..by far the best.  Forget all the others, Christmas is the most special time.

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I joke that, since I treat my wife like a goddess the other 364 days of the year, this is the day of the year I get to sit on the couch and have her get me beer. :P

After 31 years, she is at the point where I buy her flowers and she says "Again? Why?" 

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It’s just a day. Walking on the beach holding hands means more to us than Valentine’s Day. We’re going to have a nice dinner at home. No  gifts. Probably just plan our daughter’s wedding. 35 years this year.  She’d rather I help with the dishes than get roses and a card 

Edited by Judge Smails
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Oof.  It's a nice, sweet, good-natured holiday.  Everyone who observes it is not some serial abuser who packs any and all kindness into one day a year.  If you don't want to celebrate it, don't.  Let those who do, robustly or otherwise, go on about their business.  Honestly, this place sometimes.  😂

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14 hours ago, ChiefD said:

My wife yesterday: you didn’t get me anything for Valentines Day did you?

Me: nope

Her: good, I didn’t get you anything either.

 

:wub:

That's been our annual tradition since 1999.  (2nd year together)

10 hours ago, farfromforgotten said:

On our 1st Valentine's Day I bought my wife roses and she got angry at me. This will be our 20th Valentine's Day together. I haven't bought her anything for the "holiday" since. 

Pretty much the same here.

And then this morning she asks if I'm going to buy Valentine's day donuts for the children. 🤨🤔  (So, off to the local donut shop I go)

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42 minutes ago, Osaurus said:

I guess I am making skirt steak with chimichurri, yellow rice, and black beans for dinner tonight so it’s a special Sunday. 

Thanks. I'll be over at 6

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43 minutes ago, Aerial Assault said:

Oof.  It's a nice, sweet, good-natured holiday.  Everyone who observes it is not some serial abuser who packs any and all kindness into one day a year.  If you don't want to celebrate it, don't.  Let those who do, robustly or otherwise, go on about their business.  Honestly, this place sometimes.  😂

Sure. The point is to be good to reach other throughout the year. 🤷🏽‍♂️

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9 hours ago, DallasDMac said:

Seems rather egotistical to think you somehow have the right to tell everyone how they should feel.

I don't have any special rights. I do know some people, especially single people, who feel "less than" on this day because that's what a lot of society tells them and I don't think that's accurate. I do believe you don't need a "significant other" to be significant. If that's telling everyone how they should feel, then I'm guilty. 

Quote

So enjoy tomorrow. But understand it's just a day. And do your best to be the best version of yourself. You married folks, make the rest of the year like tomorrow. You single folks, don't believe any of that "less than" BS the world tries to tell you. You are beloved. Rock on.

 

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I understand the sentiment that it's a stupid made up holiday but as long as it's around we might as well do what we can for the people who matter to us. 

Valentine's Day is a day when people feel down and you can make them feel better. Be nice to your significant others, but also reach out to friends and family who might get sad on the holiday. Your mom, your uncle whose wife passed a few years ago,  your divorced sister, your single niece, they might all appreciate a quick happy Valentine's Day text or call. Especially with covid where a lot of people are already feeling lonely and depressed.  It sucks not having a valentine and it sucks having your dumb uncle be your only Valentine's Day text but it beats not getting a text at all. 

It's also a day with high expectations from some people. If your relationship is going strong then there's nothing wrong with saying who needs flowers, but if you are having some trouble with communicating recently your significant other may be waiting to see what you do and it is a good excuse to hit the reset button. Flowers are optional but a nice dinner together can go a long way towards improving communication and getting back to good. 

If you're enjoying being single or have a great marriage or just don't want to deal with the holiday then good for you but if you can find ways to put good in the world even better and it was cool of Joe to start a thread about it. 

Happy Valentine's day to all of you old ugly dorks. Love you guys.

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2 hours ago, Aerial Assault said:

Oof.  It's a nice, sweet, good-natured holiday.  Everyone who observes it is not some serial abuser who packs any and all kindness into one day a year.  If you don't want to celebrate it, don't.  Let those who do, robustly or otherwise, go on about their business.  Honestly, this place sometimes.  😂

This. Just because you observe it does not mean you don’t show love any other day throughout the year. 

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I'm a single guy and it's never phased me, but I understand why others can feel especially lonely at this time.  I always got the ex a little something when we were married.  :shrug:  Still friends with the last girl I dated and texted her this morning.

My daughter is 22 and I've never missed sending her flowers.  Went a little bigger this year with it being her last year at college.

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Went to a local flower shop and bought some mixed lilies.  Then I cooked a pretty amazing dinner - French onion soup and mushroom risotto (which we ate after kids were asleep).  She said it felt like we were at a restaurant.  Nothing major but made her happy.  

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29 minutes ago, fred_1_15301 said:

Went to a local flower shop and bought some mixed lilies.  Then I cooked a pretty amazing dinner - French onion soup and mushroom risotto (which we ate after kids were asleep).  She said it felt like we were at a restaurant.  Nothing major but made her happy.  

Ok so what are you gonna do today for actual Valentines Day

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3 minutes ago, jobarules said:

Ok so what are you gonna do today for actual Valentines Day

We will probably just eat leftovers tonight.  She wanted me to cook the big meal yesterday instead of today.  Always more fun on a Saturday.  In normal years, we never actually go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day.  We always go out on another day when it’s not as crowded.

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I have a tradition of getting my daughters cards and flowers too- they are 14 and 13 now so I know I won’t be their Valentine much longer. 

In my wife’s card today I said “I’ll always be by your side (quarantine, no where to go). 

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Sure, every day can be special but its OK to celebrate in a special way once a year.  We don't have to be stereotypical in that.  Seems a little bit of an Ebenezer Scrooge sentiment brewing in here.

My wife and I went to a marriage conference at our church on Friday night and Saturday morning.  We then went out to a simple dinner last night and made love like sea otters after getting the kids to bed.

We also didn't get each other any gifts, but did the homemade card thing.

 

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