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Regardless the kid is getting high, is the social group he hangs with doing the same? If so how do you go about getting him to quit hanging with that crowd and finding a nonsmoking crowd to hang with? If the kid is getting high but not hanging with stoners you have to figure why he's getting high.
I for sure agree, you want to figure out why he's doing it and who he is hanging out with. Vaping is pretty common now, maybe more common than drinking. So it's pretty wide open as to what his friend group is doing and what he's doing. But I am a big supporter of the idea that step number one is is learning and understanding.
Hormones running wild, he may not understand himself. THC helps suppress the excess energy and thoughts racing through his mind. He may be self medicating whether he realizes it or not.
Bravo
Good job, that is a great start. Sounds like it could be a nice pair since the guy is young, has somethings in common with your son, etc. If he is keeping his grades up despite the weed use, it's probably nothing major. That kind of experimentation is totally normal. He might be really stressed about his grades, future, etc. and the weed helps calm him. Of course you don't want that to be the only way he learns how to cope with anxiety but I would say he's probably going to be fine and you are handling things really well.
No clinics?
Her aunt finally took her somewhere. Waiting on the swab result. Doesn’t seem like step throat. She’s got two lumps you can feel in her throat and they have gotten more swollen. She said it’s not sore, she’s just having a harder and harder time breathing. Who knows what bill will come out as.
She will likely be a bit behind maturity-wise for a bit. The trauma stuff and any drinking or whatnot stops the maturing process. She'll catch up eventually.
Tha
She is absolutely behind maturity wise. She actually brought this up recently how she doesn't feel like she's maturing. I reiterated what you said that it might be delayed but is coming along. On the other hand, she's also engaging in some sort of relationships with adults- guys like 18-20 she's met on Snapchat. I don't know all the details as she won't quite say. I have no power to take her phone or even dictate where she goes but I of course let her aunt/guardian know (the 15 year old acknowledged that it was right for me to do this and she appreciated I cared so much) .
I was going to say boys. Avoid boys.
Thanks, I appreciate the advice and taking the time to read this. It's become my way of venting and helping myself process all this because it's really come out of nowhere. My wife and I never wanted kids and "emotionally adopt a troubled teen" was never on my bingo card for life.
Yeah, she has had enough problem with boys her own age. That is for damn sure. I am actually surprised she has any interest in them after all that has happened but yeah grown men...yikes. I for sure talked to her about how would she feel if one of her friends was "talking to" a 6th grader, wouldn't that be absolutely f'd up? And she for sure got that. I think she just likes the attention too. She unfortunately has hardly any real friends because they were mostly all people she did drugs and drank with or people she now realizes are awful people. I am really trying to get her to make some new connections with nicer kids but she's been resistant. Again, all of this would 100x easier if she was actually my kid and lived with me. I could just make her invite over some of the girls she knows who are nice kids. I could take her phone. I could mostly monitor where she goes at night, on the weekends. But I can't really do much but talk with her and trust her. Though I shouldn't really complain because that's worked like gangbusters.
I disliked high school for the most part and the reminders/knowledge of the bold is what really kept me going on a good trajectory. It's also pretty true. So, if your son is anything like I was (pretty intelligent, somewhat shy, not popular) this is very good advice.
Interesting thought. Aren't local police aware this is literally happening everywhere? I can pretty much guarantee in every county across the country there are men talking to underage girls online trying to test the water. I won't even get into the stories she's told me from when she was still living with her mom and was like 10-12 years old. Makes me sick (she was not harmed or anything, but I am guessing she had some close calls and didn't realize it). I could talk to the school resource officer. I just wish I had more info because again, there's nothing illegal about an 18 year old talking to a 15 year old online or even making plans to hang out, still not a crime.
Yes. And they usually have task forces with undercover detectives working and, sometimes, there are some private watchdog type groups or people who assist law enforcement with these stings.
I have not seen the exchanges but I am going to choose to trust her because she's never been anything but honest with me. Even about some pretty bad stuff she's done that got her in trouble. For example in early July, she got drunk and was driving her friends around. She told me even though it ended up with me making her tell her aunt, she got grounded for the rest of the summer. So even when she has made some major mistakes and knows she could get in trouble for it, she's been up front with me. She says she is not in danger, nothing "is happening" but it's complicated. I assume the complicated part is she likes him/them but also knows it's illegal and wrong so she's having trouble figuring it out. I think if she was actually planning on doing something, she never even brings this up to me because she knows she would either have to lie or I would call the cops. There's also the chance it's people she knows from beyond just Snapchat and Snap is just where they communicate. Her 21 year old cousin lives at home with her and he has friends around all the time. It could be something there that was friendly but started to feel like maybe it was something more. I know I said they met on Snap but after thinking about it more, I actually don't know if she said that exactly or I assumed it. I don't get the feeling she's being targeted by predators if that makes sense? I'll probe some more when I see her this week and gauge where it's at. Thanks again for the ear and advice.
Yeah I imagine that’s tough have to almost totally let go of controldaughter just turned 18 on monday. got her first tattoo yesterday
it is a fine design. kind of inner arm. just a little bigger than i would have liked
Why not go with a limited access plan first and make sure that she can handle the transition. Cutting it off cold turkey seems like a terrible idea. I can understand someone from the outside looking in thinking she may be taking advantage of the situation but if there was an objection I would think a limited (lessened) access plan could have been tried to see if that would work.
Yeah, of course. She didn't have a 504 plan (they are meeting now to maybe get one). So technically she was never supposed to be getting that support but I think a counselor or someone felt bad for her and was trying to throw her a bone. Then other counselors saw it and felt like the kid was taking advantage and didn't belong, was taking resources/space from kids who did have a plan, etc. Sounds like it was an administrator who made the call. A cut and dry "no plan, not allowed". I obviously am trying to piece together fragments of info. There is probably something else to it that I am not hearing. I am going to take the day off to attend the 504 meeting so hopefully that will set things straight (I work in education so I know what this process should be and know what to say). However, I am pretty disappointed with how the school is run and it's not the first time. My only real worry now is for the 15 year old to rebound, not let this BS get her off her path and plan to come back better for next year. I think it is a blessing in disguise but for a trauma kid, that long term payoff is hard to see.
this thread for four years from now. 
