Man, that's a tough one there. I know she trusts you but I would have to make sure she knows that:
1. It's illegal if something progresses to a sexual nature (I don't know the laws in your state, but I assume that's the case)
2. For her safety she needs to shut this down. And it's not morally right.
I would be tempted to call the cops but I know you have no legal standing here and you don't want to break the trust factor. But to me this is where you cash some of those chips in. That ain't right in any book.
Thanks, I appreciate the advice and taking the time to read this. It's become my way of venting and helping myself process all this because it's really come out of nowhere. My wife and I never wanted kids and "emotionally adopt a troubled teen" was never on my bingo card for life.
She for sure knows it is illegal to do something. She has at least said/implied there's nothing of that nature happening but also has implied that it could happen. I have never discovered her lying to me yet. She has left things out before knowing that she either wasn't ready to share something yet or because she knew I would have to say something and she didn't want to trigger something bigger. Her family has had CPS and police involved with it her whole life and she's lied to them plenty of times to avoid being placed into foster care so she knows and is very conscious of how that all works.
I've very clearly expressed how I felt. I hate it, it's not safe, I worry about her and care about her, etc. We've had a lot of talks about being safe (she insists she is) and waiting until your mid 20s to have a kid (she agrees that's a good age and that everyone else in her family had kids way too young). I also think she opened up a little about this because she wanted me to convince her this was bad and needed to be shut down. I never flat out told her to stop drinking, but my expressing concern for her safety seems to be what made her want to stop. It's gotten her to reconsider and try to change her vaping and weed habits as well. So while it takes some time to get her head around it, she seems to ultimately come around to making the right decision. I think so much of her destructive behavior before was just that nobody cared about her or what she did, so why should she care? Now that someone cares, it gives her a reason to care. I care a lot and so she now cares a lot.
There was a boy her age this summer who she was talking to. I guess she "dated" him the summer previous. She had told me before that he was bad news. Her aunt mentioned she didn't like him and he wasn't allowed over. Her best friend at the time said he was no good. So when she told me they were talking again and she knew he was bad but also she was infatuated with him and "wanted to see what would happen if they were alone at night", we had a lot of talks about it. I warned her aunt, but again I am not actually her dad. I can't ground her or take her phone. Luckily, after thinking about it a few days and cancelling plans with him a couple times she told me she deleted his Snapchat and blocked him. He seems totally out of the picture now. So I do think she's going to make the right choice. She mentioned that she didn't even like any of these guys like how she did this boy her age and how she could easily just delete them. She also seemed to have maybe had some kind of plan to see one of them on Valentine's Day and told me thought it was better to just stay home and do her homework. So I do actually trust her judgement, I think it's just the process of wanting to do something that you know you can't do and coming to terms with it. Hopefully.
I've warned her guardian. I've told her how I feel. But at this point, unless she tells me something illegal has happened, I don't think the cops really makes sense. What can I say, a 15 year old is talking on social media with people over 18? I don't know if they have ever hung out, what they have talked about, etc. I think this a case where the aunt as the guardian has to handle it (though it sounds like she hasn't even brought it up the 15 year old). I am just doing everything I can in the short time I have to reshape her expectations from males. She definitely seeks their approval because her dad was never around (and hence how quickly she's taken to me as a replacement for her father). Unfortunately, because her family is generally awful, she's drawn to guys who are trash. Her own words, I am the first guy in her life who hasn't left her, hit her or been a perv. So even though she hates all those other guys who've been around her, she's subconsciously drawn to them. We've talked about it, she is aware and knows that seeking to repeat those patterns of abuse is so unhealthy. I just hope it's not too late to redefine how sees her self and the type of relationships she wants to be a part of.