**the mental health thread** (1 Viewer)

[BobbyLayne]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I know how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, a whopping TWO FBGs have consoled me today. I’ve been on this board 20 years. If this was any other poster we’d be on page 25 already. It’s all good. I’m not even shocked by it.

Been counted out and hated on my entire life. That’s why I’m like like this. To protect myself Instead of feeling sorry for myself I use it as motivation. It’s me alone VS this cruel world and I’m a monster. That’s how I’ve always survived.

If you need to talk - I’m here for ya. Send me a PM if you don’t want to share here.

I am struggling to get through it myself so I have trouble consoling others, but I can relate to how you are feeling. I have been through hell and back at least 4 times for prolonged periods.

Yeah I kind of feel that way. i've struggled with major depression and have acute PTSD, so you'd think I'd want to encourage others. I read you guys posts and thought "yep been there" but honestly didn't know what to say.

Just keep chipping away @Snoopy. For me there have been no magic bullets, but talk therapy, paying attention to my diet, hydration, exercise, mindfulness meditation, music, Rx meds all contribute in a positive way....every little bit helps. It's not so much about finding a cure but just figuring out how to live with it. Effectively manage it. Some days are better than others. But just keep after it, don't give up.

@STEADYMOBBIN 22 brother man I'm sorry you are going through this. Appreciate you sharing. It helps you but it's also going to be helpful for folks who come along later and read it. Just knowing you are not alone can be empowering.

My prayer for you is you figure out a way to get your wife on your side. LIke she can't fix you, and you have to do this for yourself, not for her, the kids or anyone else. But see if you can figure out a way to express to her you're not happy with who you are, you want to change, and you're willing to put in the work to better understand why you are the way you are....BUT all that said, it would be super awesome knowing you were an ally. Tell her you need to know she is willing to be supportive. I don't know if that's a bridge too far at this point, but that's my hope for you. Because life can be a lot easier when you have someone rowing the same direction.

Really appreciate both of you guys for sharing. Keep chopping wood, making changes is not easy, but you can do it.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

I’ve had less extreme experiences in life, but I definitely relate to shutting people out and not leaving myself open.

You might want to check out a book called The Body Keeps the Score and possibly look for a somatic therapist. If it is actually a PTSD issue, that often gets held in to stored body trauma. Obviously not saying I know, but through issues that my daughter had, I have learned a lot about complex ptsd and do think that many people have some forms of trauma that go unresolved and cause issues. Anyway, just my thought. Stay strong.

 

[Ilov80s]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I don’t really know you, can’t say we’ve crossed paths here much so I don’t have any great words of inspiration and can’t comment on your situation. I can’t lie and say it will be all good. I can say that I work with kids on the spectrum and kids with all sorts of social-emotional troubles. I’ve seen a lot of them really improve their lives, improve their well being and state of mind. It’s not easy, takes work and takes a willingness to take risks/step out of your comfort zone. That’s scary but it can really be worth it.

How’s the counseling going? How long have you been doing it?

Diagnosed later in life as only the most severe forms of autism were recognized through my childhood. Meaning a lot of misdiagnoses and some of them were bad and put me in rotten situations. Been going for a couple months now, mainly venting trying to get rid of my demons.

Yeah labels can be helpful but are often a dangerous thing. I kind of hate that part of my job is labeling kids and putting them in some kind of box but that’s how they get services, funding, etc. Got to play the game even though I’ve found everyone is unique and the best way to help anyone with anything is get to know them, listen, empathize, etc. I don’t think I ever helped someone by looking at a test score or reading a report.

Do you feel any kind of connection with the counselor (I know that it is likely something you naturally struggle with)? Has it felt like it has helped? Finding the right person is so important but often so difficult.

 

[BobbyLayne]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

I’ve had less extreme experiences in life, but I definitely relate to shutting people out and not leaving myself open.

You might want to check out a boom called The Body Keeps the Score and possibly look for a somatic therapist. If it is actually a PTSD issue, that often gets held in to stored body trauma. Obviously not saying I know, but through issues that my daughter had, I have learned a lot about complex ptsd and do think that many people have some forms of trauma that go unresolved and cause issues. Anyway, just my thought. Stay strong.

The Body Keeps the Score is a great resource. Probably the most widely read book amongst combats PTSD vets at the Brooklyn VA.

Agree with @Ilov80s 100% - it is crucial finding a therapist who is invested and makes you feel understood. Give them feedback if you're not happy with the relationship, and find someone else if it doesn't get better. Don't waste time on someone you don't click with, this stuff is hard enough, you don't need to add to the degree of difficulty.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I know how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, a whopping TWO FBGs have consoled me today. I’ve been on this board 20 years. If this was any other poster we’d be on page 25 already. It’s all good. I’m not even shocked by it.

Been counted out and hated on my entire life. That’s why I’m like like this. To protect myself Instead of feeling sorry for myself I use it as motivation. It’s me alone VS this cruel world and I’m a monster. That’s how I’ve always survived.

If you need to talk - I’m here for ya. Send me a PM if you don’t want to share here.

I feel you bro. I have not had a great time especially the last month or so myself. Anything I can do to help pm me

 

[Ilov80s]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

I’ve had less extreme experiences in life, but I definitely relate to shutting people out and not leaving myself open.

You might want to check out a boom called The Body Keeps the Score and possibly look for a somatic therapist. If it is actually a PTSD issue, that often gets held in to stored body trauma. Obviously not saying I know, but through issues that my daughter had, I have learned a lot about complex ptsd and do think that many people have some forms of trauma that go unresolved and cause issues. Anyway, just my thought. Stay strong.

The Body Keeps the Score is a great resource. Probably the most widely read book amongst combats PTSD vets at the Brooklyn VA.

Agree with @Ilov80s 100% - it is crucial finding a therapist who is invested and makes you feel understood. Give them feedback if you're not happy with the relationship, and find someone else if it doesn't get better. Don't waste time on someone you don't click with, this stuff is hard enough, you don't need to add to the degree of difficulty.

I haven't read the book, but I am familiar with the research there and some of the updated theories based on that. It's also super helpful with addiction (which often relates to trauma as well). You aren't just dealing with a mental-emotional condition but a physical one. Which sounds scary but in my experience is actually a blessing because it's much easier to recognize and treat the physical than the mental-emotional.

As for changing counselors, I agree with what Bobby said with the one caveat of you know yourself best. If you are someone who just takes awhile to build a relationship, build trust, etc. then it could be counter productive changing quickly. That is something you have to have a feel for. What's the right amount of time for you to get to that place. If that time comes and it still doesn't feel right, then look at other options. Just remember, no therapist is going to have a solution for you. Like Bobby said, it's a lifelong process- and not a linear one. You will have moments of growth and slip ups. Don't get too high on any victory or too low on any defeat. All are just part of the process and will pass.

Also I am a big believer in group therapy. It can be scary and maybe tougher to find, but we are social creatures and having a group can be powerful. Even if you can't find a group, finding 1 person you can co-regulate with is massive. Being on the spectrum will make this more challenging but it's worthwhile to look for.

Rather than explain co-regulation, I think these Google images and slides so a much better job than I ever could.

 

[Snoopy]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I don’t really know you, can’t say we’ve crossed paths here much so I don’t have any great words of inspiration and can’t comment on your situation. I can’t lie and say it will be all good. I can say that I work with kids on the spectrum and kids with all sorts of social-emotional troubles. I’ve seen a lot of them really improve their lives, improve their well being and state of mind. It’s not easy, takes work and takes a willingness to take risks/step out of your comfort zone. That’s scary but it can really be worth it.

How’s the counseling going? How long have you been doing it?

Diagnosed later in life as only the most severe forms of autism were recognized through my childhood. Meaning a lot of misdiagnoses and some of them were bad and put me in rotten situations. Been going for a couple months now, mainly venting trying to get rid of my demons.

Yeah labels can be helpful but are often a dangerous thing. I kind of hate that part of my job is labeling kids and putting them in some kind of box but that’s how they get services, funding, etc. Got to play the game even though I’ve found everyone is unique and the best way to help anyone with anything is get to know them, listen, empathize, etc. I don’t think I ever helped someone by looking at a test score or reading a report.

Do you feel any kind of connection with the counselor (I know that it is likely something you naturally struggle with)? Has it felt like it has helped? Finding the right person is so important but often so difficult.

So far she didn't do anything to lose my trust. Big thing as I was frequently lied to and betrayed. Never been in a relationship so this is hard.

 

[Ilov80s]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I don’t really know you, can’t say we’ve crossed paths here much so I don’t have any great words of inspiration and can’t comment on your situation. I can’t lie and say it will be all good. I can say that I work with kids on the spectrum and kids with all sorts of social-emotional troubles. I’ve seen a lot of them really improve their lives, improve their well being and state of mind. It’s not easy, takes work and takes a willingness to take risks/step out of your comfort zone. That’s scary but it can really be worth it.

How’s the counseling going? How long have you been doing it?

Diagnosed later in life as only the most severe forms of autism were recognized through my childhood. Meaning a lot of misdiagnoses and some of them were bad and put me in rotten situations. Been going for a couple months now, mainly venting trying to get rid of my demons.

Yeah labels can be helpful but are often a dangerous thing. I kind of hate that part of my job is labeling kids and putting them in some kind of box but that’s how they get services, funding, etc. Got to play the game even though I’ve found everyone is unique and the best way to help anyone with anything is get to know them, listen, empathize, etc. I don’t think I ever helped someone by looking at a test score or reading a report.

Do you feel any kind of connection with the counselor (I know that it is likely something you naturally struggle with)? Has it felt like it has helped? Finding the right person is so important but often so difficult.

So far she didn't do anything to lose my trust. Big thing as I was frequently lied to and betrayed. Never been in a relationship so this is hard.

Sounds like a good start.

 

[Ilov80s]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

I know how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, a whopping TWO FBGs have consoled me today. I’ve been on this board 20 years. If this was any other poster we’d be on page 25 already. It’s all good. I’m not even shocked by it.

Been counted out and hated on my entire life. That’s why I’m like like this. To protect myself Instead of feeling sorry for myself I use it as motivation. It’s me alone VS this cruel world and I’m a monster. That’s how I’ve always survived.

If you need to talk - I’m here for ya. Send me a PM if you don’t want to share here.

I feel you bro. I have not had a great time especially the last month or so myself. Anything I can do to help pm me

Sorry to hear that. Anything you want to get off your chest?

 

[Long Ball Larry]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

I’ve had less extreme experiences in life, but I definitely relate to shutting people out and not leaving myself open.

You might want to check out a book called The Body Keeps the Score and possibly look for a somatic therapist. If it is actually a PTSD issue, that often gets held in to stored body trauma. Obviously not saying I know, but through issues that my daughter had, I have learned a lot about complex ptsd and do think that many people have some forms of trauma that go unresolved and cause issues. Anyway, just my thought. Stay strong.

Wanted to amend that “stay strong” because I actually think that kind of messaging is counter-intuitive to the idea of getting in touch with trauma and being vulnerable. It is the idea of “staying strong” that can exacerbate underlying mental health issues and cause people to suppress them. Not sure that anyone would have cared, but just a something I thought about later. So don’t stay strong, but stay real and have the courage and strength to stick with the realness even when it hurts.

 

[sho nuff]

@STEADYMOBBIN 22 I would definitely encourage talking to a pro. Its hard to do...but they are really good at what they do.
I saw a reaction to a post I made in 2019...wow, what a difference to now for me. I still struggle with things...(have stayed on the drinking much much less and never when I feel any sort of mental health day...and I get out and walk just about every day).

 

[Mr.Pack]

I would disagree with Ibuprofen being harmless. Recent studies are showing that is not the case.

link?

i've read that it can be harmful in massive doses but as a sometime use deal my understanding is that it's as harmless as any otc drug one can take. but i'm always willing to learn more.

I just stopped taking 1200-1600mg /day. Interestingly most of my stomach ailments wet away. I had been taking that much for the past 3-5yrs.

 

[PIK95]

I take two Ibuprophin every four hours. Am I safe?

 

[Hoh]

Prayed for everyone in this thread this morning. I know it’s an empty gesture to most but if nothing else I considered you all worthy of my time and energy. Peace.

 

[JetMaxx]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

Hey man I’m sorry to hear this but it’s a positive that you see things for what they are. One thing I’ll say is don’t be too hard on yourself that it becomes self defeating. You had a very tough go of it as a young person that has lingered into adulthood but you are not resigned to it and see the need to get professional help. I applaud you for seeing that need and it takes a tremendous amount of courage to first acknowledge it and then to follow through. You got this!

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I take two Ibuprophin every four hours. Am I safe?

I'd not recommend it. Neither does Johns Hopkins. It can also contribute to tinnitis.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I know how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, a whopping TWO FBGs have consoled me today. I’ve been on this board 20 years. If this was any other poster we’d be on page 25 already. It’s all good. I’m not even shocked by it.

It's a holiday weekend, and some of us just haven't checked in yet. I've always thought of you as a good person.

I have no idea what to do to help, but you can just ask for what you need. I'm happy to try to help. I can send a stuffed bear if you need one.

(Same goes for snoopy.)

Stay safe. We really do care.

 

[ChiefD]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

A lot of what you typed sounds familiar. I see myself in a lot of your words.

My dad was an a-hole. Alcoholic, cheated on my mom, and his idea of parenting was manipulation and using us as a battle for custody between my mom and him. My vow as a parent was to never pass that crap on to my kids.

But it's hard. I carry a lot of that internally. I have been through things I've never told my wife because I don't want her to ever have to worry about that. And I certainly don't want to pass any of my trauma on to my kids.

But sometimes it manifests itself in how I treat them. At times I am short-tempered. My wife asks me "why do you look mad all the time." And I should be the happiest guy around. Have a great house and great kids and a great wife. But I never feel "settled" if that makes sense. I moved about 12 times between the ages of 7 and 16. The house I live in now is the longest I've ever lived in one place (13 years).

I have a lot of reasons for how the way I am. Therapy is not an option for me for a lot of reasons that would take too long to list here. My philosophy has always been "my burden dies with me."

A few weeks ago I was on vacation, and my 17 year old son fired back at me when I snapped for some dumb reason. His words: "C'mon dad. You have no reason to be negative today. We are on vacation and we should be positive right now."

Talk about a slap in the face. And that day helped. He's right. I have to be stronger than that. We do have choices in life, and we have to let those bad things go. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done. But I'm trying man. And you can too. You have a good heart - anyone that has read you here over the years KNOWS you have that in your core.

But I also know for me, taking 10 seconds and thinking "I can respond positively here because it's my choice" has been a good mantra.

 

[ChiefD]

I definitely have PTSD from my childhood. And nothing to look forward to. I stated in another thread that I am on the spectrum. Seeing counseling.

God didn't make mistakes until he made me. #cursed #nevergoodenough

Man, don't EVER let this statement rule you. When you were a child being born, you didn't come out a finished product. You were a child like the rest of us: innocent and not knowing anything other than how to breathe on your own and how the heck do I get food.

As time goes on, we become a product of how we were raised. And if you have PTSD from your childhood, then those instances shaped you. Just as instances in everybody's lives have shaped them.

But as we get older, in order to get better we have to realize that despite that, we can choose to do something about it. We will always carry that pain and burden. But the fact that you made the choice to seek therapy means that YOU are in control of YOU now. That is a massive step just for you. And that's to be celebrated.

One small step at a time turns into a long walk. And those long walks turn into journeys that can take a lot of that bad and turn it into good. And you've started that journey.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Just want to chime in and say thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

I’m not fixed or anything but doing better. Taking some steps to get better such as working out and staying off social media and this place.

I was never in danger of hurting myself or taking any extreme measures, I guess I just needed to ragequit/blow off some steam (Bennett!)

 

[dickey moe]

SM22 thanks for sharing and please reach out and seek some help/therapy. I've done it at times in my life and it has kept me from going over the edge. You know I love you bro... Cowboys complaints until the day I die...

 

[nirad3]

For those of you that struggle with ailments that are improved by taking regular medication as prescribed, I must say... keep on 'em.

Something I take "went generic" a couple of months ago and my insurance company is only going to cover that. I was getting the name brand for a discount through a certain pharmacy (like $10/mo. instead of $60) and now I'm forced to pay $40 for the generic.

There was a week where I was fighting my insurance company, working with my doctor and pharmacy, etc.... so I was out of said medication. MAN, I wish I wouldn't have done that. It's taken me a couple of weeks to start feeling normalized again, and I'm still feeling some "aftershocks" here and there.

Meh.

 

[AAABatteries]

I have a lot of reasons for how the way I am. Therapy is not an option for me for a lot of reasons that would take too long to list here. My philosophy has always been "my burden dies with me."

I would never tell you what to do GB nor do I know your reasons but if there's a desire and an opportunity to rethink this I would suggest doing so. Therapy can be extremely helpful.

 

[Scoresman]

For those of you that struggle with ailments that are improved by taking regular medication as prescribed, I must say... keep on 'em.

Something I take "went generic" a couple of months ago and my insurance company is only going to cover that. I was getting the name brand for a discount through a certain pharmacy (like $10/mo. instead of $60) and now I'm forced to pay $40 for the generic.

There was a week where I was fighting my insurance company, working with my doctor and pharmacy, etc.... so I was out of said medication. MAN, I wish I wouldn't have done that. It's taken me a couple of weeks to start feeling normalized again, and I'm still feeling some "aftershocks" here and there.

Meh.

Yeah these meds need to be weaned off sloooooowly.

I was on Paxil for 11 years earlier in my life. It definitely helped my anxiety issues but also took a lot of other emotions away completely. Just kind of felt numb mentally. Like things I'd watch on TV/movies that might have made me shed a tear now had zero effect. That sort of thing. Also, killed any libido.

Best thing I did was getting off that medication, but you have to know when to do it. I was on it for way too long. And for god's sake work with your doctor to wean off of it slowly.

 

[Willie Neslon]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

I’m sorry man. That sounds really awful.

I don’t have much to say other than it will pass. Try and remember that the most. One day you will forgot how you have felt the past couple of days.

Thoughts, prayers, vibes and love comin your way GB.

 

[kutta]

Just want to chime in and say thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

I’m not fixed or anything but doing better. Taking some steps to get better such as working out and staying off social media and this place.

I was never in danger of hurting myself or taking any extreme measures, I guess I just needed to ragequit/blow off some steam (Bennett!)

Earlier you mentioned some problems with your wife. I was married 29 years to a woman I love and who loves me. But we couldn’t get along. I stayed for 15 years too long. It took counseling for me to realize that all our problems weren’t my fault. I always blamed myself for everything.
I was finally able to realize I was just never going to be truly happy in my marriage. We separated last February and divorced last June - one year ago. It was the hardest, most depressing time of my life. Lots of crying and drinking and listening to music and more crying.

But today, things are much better. My ex and I get along well enough. The kids have kind of come around. And I’m seeing a girl who is WAY out of my league.

My point is, YOU have control over your life. You. No one else. If you want to change things, you can. It’s hard. And it sucks. But if you don’t like your path, change it. Everything isn’t your fault. Once you realize that things will get much easier.

And find a good counselor. It’s so soothing when you find the right one.

 

[Ilov80s]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

Damn that sounds awful, not sure what happened but given how well things were going, I would stay optimistic that this is a short term setback. Perhaps an adverse reaction to medication, infection, etc. I don't know your full mental history but I would stay calm about a small blip like this.

 

[Willie Neslon]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

Damn that sounds awful, not sure what happened but given how well things were going, I would stay optimistic that this is a short term setback. Perhaps an adverse reaction to medication, infection, etc. I don't know your full mental history but I would stay calm about a small blip like this.

They prescribed two antibiotics. One of them (Flagyl) I believe really messed with my head. I don't think i've ever taken a medication, especially an antibiotic, that made me feel agitated and depressed like that. I stopped the mediation yesterday morning and this evening I feel a bit calmed down. I kind of understand now how people can get really low when taking a prescription med. Very scary.

 

[Ilov80s]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

Damn that sounds awful, not sure what happened but given how well things were going, I would stay optimistic that this is a short term setback. Perhaps an adverse reaction to medication, infection, etc. I don't know your full mental history but I would stay calm about a small blip like this.

They prescribed two antibiotics. One of them (Flagyl) I believe really messed with my head. I don't think i've ever taken a medication, especially an antibiotic, that made me feel agitated and depressed like that. I stopped the mediation yesterday morning and this evening I feel a bit calmed down. I kind of understand now how people can get really low when taking a prescription med. Very scary.

It's hard for me to even imagine what that is like because like you, I've never had a medication make me feel anything other than relaxed or tired. Glad you are feeling more like yourself. That is really scary.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I spent 24 hours in the emergency room last week and went through one of the worst things in my life. Without diving into it I'm still dealing with physical issues from that day. They put me on 2 really strong antibiotics that have made my mood turn really dark. I have been extremely agitated over the last 3 days which isn't like me at all. I stopped the antibiotics yesterday and am feeling a little better mood-wise today but I am still very very depressed and feel like I will never feel normal again. I went for a 3 hour walk late last night and my thoughts were all over the place. I also had what I think was a full blown panic attack (or it could have been a reaction to the medication) the morning of the 4th. Shortness of breath, racing heart, numbness in my left arm and general feeling of doom. I almost went back to the hospital but it passed in about 20-25 minutes. I have three follow up doctor appointments in the coming weeks for various issues. Just 8-9 days ago I was doing so well. everything was fine. I was eating almost perfect, very clean and exercising 6 days a week. Then this happened out of the blue and i haven't been able to experience even the slightest amount of joy. I'm sleeping maybe 2 hours tops at a time which I'm hoping was a medication side effect. No sex drive or sexual function. I just want to feel right again. I'm hoping it will just take time and I can enjoy stuff again. Thanks for reading. I think I needed to write it all down and get it out.

Damn that sounds awful, not sure what happened but given how well things were going, I would stay optimistic that this is a short term setback. Perhaps an adverse reaction to medication, infection, etc. I don't know your full mental history but I would stay calm about a small blip like this.

They prescribed two antibiotics. One of them (Flagyl) I believe really messed with my head. I don't think i've ever taken a medication, especially an antibiotic, that made me feel agitated and depressed like that. I stopped the mediation yesterday morning and this evening I feel a bit calmed down. I kind of understand now how people can get really low when taking a prescription med. Very scary.

Oh, yeah. I once had a prescription for blood pressure that prevented me from sleeping. And because I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't figure out what the issue was. Worst week ever. A day after I stopped taking it, I was fine.

 

[Ilov80s]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

 

[Ilov80s]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

So sorry to hear about your family. I totally know what you mean about how you can feel things coming undone long before they fall apart- we try to pretend we don't see it, right?

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Why did you stop the meds? The kid I am working most closely with stopped her meds too, I don't know how to feel about it.

I get the part about the therapist. I hear that same thing all the time from kids/parents- tough to find someone you can trust. Not lame at all.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

As someone trying to deal with my relatively minor substance abuse issues (I shouldn't negate them, I get it), I understand that. Just when I have a couple good weeks, I am sure to have a bad one. I don't know how to break that pattern. I know you were in a way tougher spot than me but I am also jealous of the kind of progress you've made. I am really proud of you. When you opened up here about your life and situation, I thought that was so brave and it really touched me. I probably should have reached out more or said something. I probably just gave it a heart and moved on, but I promise that hit me. Still does. Whether it is PTSD, depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, etc. It's just always going to be a daily battle. I know we don't really know each other but I will fight beside you- if you want to.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

Sucks. Crazy how much difference 1 person can make. As a matter of fact, I think 1 person can make all the difference.

Anyway, glad I asked and even more glad you answered honestly.

 

[Ilov80s]

Bobby, you my guy, go Lions. But more importantly, go You.

 

[AAABatteries]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

Sorry to hear GB - good luck and you know how to get in touch with me if you ever need to talk. I’ve been seeing a therapist this year and it helps - hopefully you can find someone who you’re comfortable with.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

Sorry to hear GB - good luck and you know how to get in touch with me if you ever need to talk. I’ve been seeing a therapist this year and it helps - hopefully you can find someone who you’re comfortable with.

I think it’s important to say that I think you’re an upper echelon FBG and I always value your posts, both when you’re being serious and when you’re not.

For you to admit your struggles makes somebody like me feel less weird and more normal.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

Same to you Bobby. I respect the hell out of all of you. Hope you get the help you need. Anxiety attacks are not fun. At all.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Thanks, guys.

Why did you stop the meds? The kid I am working most closely with stopped her meds too, I don't know how to feel about it.

Can't speak to the student you're working with, so many variables. Each person is unique, IDK her diagnosis, some meds are super powerful, others are very subtle, et al.

Being high functioning I have always wanted to be careful with my Rx and how they would impact my faculties. I was on a low does, low side effect SSRI (Sertraline/brand name Zoloft) beginning Thanksgiving 2019. By early December January (edit - I wish it was only a couple weeks lol) my friends started to notice a difference. It's subtle and takes time to build up. When the pandemic hit a few months later, I doubled the dosage.

But the side effects were not insignificant. My powers of concentration were fine, but weight gain, some G/I stuff, loss of libido (which was NBD bc depression had been messing that up anyway lol...also as an unmarried believer, I chose to be celibate, so hey, cheat code!) Anyway, at some point, maybe after a year, I switched from an SSRI to an atypical antidepressant, Bupropion (brand name Wellbutrin.) Thumbnail - does not usually cause sexual dysfunction - I was by then engaged to be married - no weight gain, sleepiness, and more effective than SSRIs at improving symptoms of hypersomnia and fatigue. All good things. But IME it was less effective than the SSRI. Felt like being between a rock and a hard place, real Hobson's Choice.

Also, worth noting I was in a 5 day a week, 30 hour outpatient program for combat PTSD veterans (the source of my mental illnesses.) Sounds intense, right? Basically, I picked 8 or 9 tools for the toolbelt, to help me effectively manage my PTSD, anxiety and major depression. No silver bullets. For me, it takes a lot of effort in all areas, from diet, exercise, meditation, individual talk therapy, group therapy, CBT, distress tolerance class, music therapy, art therapy, on and on. It's a bit of a full court press to aggressively (bad word choice - it was a very warm and gentle environment) take back control of your emotions and feelings. Was incredibly helpful.

I literally owe my recovery life to the VA. They are like a third family (my dysfunctional blood relatives, my community of faith, and my fellow veterans and the staff.) It was a safe place.

Long story short, I decided, unpressued and in concert with my therapist, so discontinue the program after two years. I "graduated" and transitioned to a less intensive once per week program. I had to give up my individual and group therapy, but we figured out a loophole so my CBT instructor and group therapy leader could become my new therapist. I stopped taking meds bc they weren't super effective and I was doing well.

A few months after I got married last summer, my therapist took a new job at a Veterans Center in Philadelphia. Was still doing OKish but then the Director of my once a week group retired and they don't have the staffing to replace him.

Not sure what the next steps will be but that's why I'm meeting with the psychiatrist today. We'll figure out a plan today and go from there.

 

[zamboni]

I hope everyone is doing ok.

I'm not.

Had a panic attack Sunday while trying to have brunch with my wife in the city. Lots of stuff going on - in the last few weeks we found out my MIL has a terminal illness, favorite cousin passed away, but I've been slowly losing control for months. Knew I was stuck and just didn't know how to stop the slide into darkness.

Finally reached out to someone on Monday. Meeting with my program director at the VA in the morning to discuss treatment options and get a recommendation for a new counselor. I've been off meds for a couple years and stopped seeing a therapist last fall - she moved to Philly, and I elected to not find a new one. It's just so hard to find a good match lol. Sounds lame but that's a thing.

Feel good that I have resources available to me. Having made meaningful progress over the last 5 years, I'm reasonably confident we'll get things back on track. But man is it deflating. Thought I was past all that. The reality is I'll always have to live with intentionality in order to effectively manage my mental illness. Probably never goes away.

Over the winter and spring I was doing some light stuff through the VA, a once a week group thing with other PTSD vets who had graduated the full-time treatment program. The guy running those sessions retired several months back; due to budget constraints, they never replaced him. They have no intention to do so. My downward spiral started coincided with his departure. Guess I underestimated how much those sessions were helping me.

Sucks.

I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling, Bobby. You're a very valued and highly respected person around here and I hope you can find the help you need. And always remember you have this forum to share your issues, without judgement. Same goes for everyone else here who is having a rough go of it.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Appreciate the encouragement @Ilov80s @STEADYMOBBIN 22 @AAABatteries @zamboni

Means a lot

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Bobby brings up a great point….

I will say that in my limited experience with therapists, he is right. Finding one you mesh with is difficult. Too young, too old, too agreeable.

Also, maybe this is just our area but choosing a therapist from a website with a picture and a few words is….dumb.

Is there a better way? I guess doing an initial zoom call is a good way to save some time.

 

[SWC]

And the opposite as well. Being kind makes you feel better. Random kindness is great medicine. That's why many do well by volunteering for those less fortunate. I believe you get what you put out there. Being sarcastic mean to someone may make you seem cool to some but imagine how much we get from small kind words or acts we put out there. It's pretty therapeutic.

Are you calling me mean and sarcastic?

This one hit me a little harder today.


Your boy is hurting. I dont know why. Im just so overwhelmed right now.

I’m going to overshare I hopes that others who are hurting get help. I’m going to.



I’m sorry. It I’m going to trauma dump all over y’all today….

So much loss in my life. Two brothers, never met my father, the only man I’ve ever respected full, my grandfather, who was my only father figure died in 2008.

My best friend, whom I was closer to than my own brothers cut me out of his life after I got into it with his eventual wife. (She berated me for not being forthcoming about him cheating on her prior to their marriage when I had no knowledge of it)

I have plenty of friends but only two I trust. That’s because every other “friend” we had growing up either did us wrong, stole, set up, or even tried to kill us. Most of them are dead or in jail.

I was the only white kid growing up and experienced so much racism and hate forwards me from my peers. I fought back, survived and even thrived but it still haunts me.

My beautiful kids (16 and 18) both are ready giving me a hard time, probably because of me, not anything they’re doing wrong.

Wife is ALWAYS mad at me.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t really get along with others that well. People say how outgoing I am and personable but it’s all a facade. I hate peoples. Lol. I can just put on a mask.

You guys probably see it her. I don’t get along with some of you but honestly love you all.


I don’t think I’ve been living true to myself. I’ve been putting on a mak to try and overcome all these things but the cost is to much to bear.

I am NOT going to hurt myself or anybody else.

I’m just sad.

So that’s why I’m such an ******* my people. I’m ****ed up.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to piss other soft. I’m abrasive and mean but on my heart I’m the opposite.


Time to talk to a pro I guess.

steady i wish you nothing but the best and i a, sincerely sorry you are hurt and hurting life can be cruel and it sounds like you have seen the worst of it i dont have magic words but wanted you to know i am thinking of you and rooting for you man

 

[SWC]

guys i just happened to read steadys post but i feel the same for anyone going through it i am hoping for you all to feel on the upswing soon be well guys love you all this place and everyone here means a lot to me

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Thank you @SWC

I’m in a great place right now. I’m good. Thanks. For me it seems there are peaks and valleys.

On the flip side of how I feel- dealing with it is also a two sided coin. I firmly believe that what works - FOR ME - is to just buck the **** up, keep moving forward. But sometimes you do that long enough and it catches up with you.

You can’t outrun your demons and every now and then they force the box open.

 

[Ilov80s]

Bobby brings up a great point….

I will say that in my limited experience with therapists, he is right. Finding one you mesh with is difficult. Too young, too old, too agreeable.

Also, maybe this is just our area but choosing a therapist from a website with a picture and a few words is….dumb.

Is there a better way? I guess doing an initial zoom call is a good way to save some time.

It’s my biggest frustration as a teacher. I can identify every kid who is having issues and needs counseling but it’s rare that that one of those kids ends up finding a therapist they are comfortable with. For better or worse, it often ends up that myself or another teacher serve as their pseudo therapist because we are who the kid is comfortable with. I don’t mind it but I’m not always equipped to deal with every issue. I am helping a 14 year old kid now who has/is dealing with depression, self harm, alcoholism, sexual abuse, doesn’t have functional parents, family is a bad influence, etc.

She adores me and we have a great relationship but HFS is it a lot for me. I’m trying to find her a therapist but it has been totally unsuccessful. She at least sort of likes the therapy group I got her into though I’ll be honest, I think the people working there are mailing it in.

 

[parasaurolophus]

I take two Ibuprophin every four hours. Am I safe?

I'd not recommend it. Neither does Johns Hopkins. It can also contribute to tinnitis.

Did you get that info in a mailer?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Good luck to everyone in here I love you guys.
When I did therapy back when my mental health was lousy, I didn’t feel like I could get everything out of it. I was in too much pain to really dig down in there and figure out what was going on. Right now my mental health is the best it’s ever been in a lot of ways but I still see a therapist. And I feel like I’m getting WAY more out of it because we can be a little more introspective and I’m not in any kind of crisis. I definitely think it would be good for lots of people to find a therapist that works for them and just to talk things out.

 

[BobbyLayne]

a haiku

back at the VA
it is so good to see you
we hide behind masks

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

a haiku

back at the VA
it is so good to see you
we hide behind masks

Glad you are getting help.

I'm waiting for the limerick version.