Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
Nigel Tufnel

A note to my coworker ...

Recommended Posts

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

Edited by Nigel Tufnel
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you just tell her that you're interested in making sweet love to her?

Quit playing games with her and tell her straight up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

It's not a hickey... a mosquito bit me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

what do you do exactly? you're a valet, i mean, "gentleman's gentleman" right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

what do you do exactly? you're a valet, i mean, "gentleman's gentleman" right?
I have a very tedious office job, a la Office Space. I am a gentleman's gentleman on the weekends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

what do you do exactly? you're a valet, i mean, "gentleman's gentleman" right?
I have a very tedious office job, a la Office Space. I am a gentleman's gentleman on the weekends.
:excited:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:excited:

lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life.

she lives in some podunk town way the ### out.

i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.

she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella.

they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.

today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air.

she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.

i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.

NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.

:wall:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

what do you do exactly? you're a valet, i mean, "gentleman's gentleman" right?
I have a very tedious office job, a la Office Space. I am a gentleman's gentleman on the weekends.
well those TPS reports don't write themselves, buddy. get back to work.

"steak & ale"? seriously? i haven't heard that mentioned as a destination restaurant since my 8th birthday. no photos but we did play miniature golf next door...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Using the phrase "in regards to" over and over again does not make you sound intelligent. Quite the contrary, actually.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:wall:lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.:wall:

Well done, squire. This is what I'm talking about. We might work in the same office. :excited:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

So you work with my baby mama? :excited:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

So you work with my baby mama? :excited:
The really small, thin hoop earring is a nice touch, homie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Same with the neck tat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear coworker-who-sits-right-in-front-of-me:

While I admire your zeal for work, I really wish you had gotten over your cold completely before you dragged your mucus-dripping, tuberculosis-sounding, infectious ### back in here.

Sincerely,

Wamp

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:wall:lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.:wall:

Well done, squire. This is what I'm talking about. We might work in the same office. :wall:
:excited:can you lean over and tell her that... while excusing yourself is polite.... it still doesn't make up for her farting at her desk all day long.TIA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't care that you went to Steak and Ale on Valentine's day. Really, I don't. And, despite what you might think, getting your picture taken there for $10 a snap from a wandering photo peddler is not a "good deal." Oh, and the two photos (did I mention they were $10 a piece?) of you and your baby-daddy that display the hickey on his neck convey, no, scream "class."

Feel free to vent your coworker frustrations with me in here. I will update this thread a lot.

IM?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, lady-that-sits-in-the-front-and-lets-everyone-in-and-out, you know those huge cardboard boxes that sit in the lunchroom and hold canned goods, bags of chips, and magazines? Those are donation boxes for the soldiers overseas, not your personal, free vending machines. Yeah, I saw you. You don't need that extra bag of Cheetos, anyway, trust me.

Edited by Nigel Tufnel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chick in my office talks about her kids ALL the time. Not once in a while. ALL THE ####### TIME!!!

Where'd that punch in the face thread go?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To the gal that's sitting 20 feet away from me that's hearing impaired:

It may be time to invest in a new hearing aid. I'm sorry, but hearing you yell at the top of your lungs while your on the phone, "Could you please repeat that, I'm hearing impaired!" fifteen times a day is less than ideal.

Also, I may smile back at you more in the hallways if you'd shave that caterpillar you've got growing on your upper lip.

Edited by Notorious T.R.E.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, lady-that-sits-in-the-front-and-lets-everyone-in-and-out, you know those huge cardboard boxes that sit in the lunchroom and hold canned goods, bags of chips, and magazines? Those are donation boxes for the soldiers overseas, not your personal, free vending machines. Yeah, I saw you. You don't need that extra bag of Cheetos, anyway, trust me.

me-ow!looks like this kiten has claws!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, lady-that-sits-in-the-front-and-lets-everyone-in-and-out, you know those huge cardboard boxes that sit in the lunchroom and hold canned goods, bags of chips, and magazines? Those are donation boxes for the soldiers overseas, not your personal, free vending machines. Yeah, I saw you. You don't need that extra bag of Cheetos, anyway, trust me.

me-ow!looks like this kiten has claws!!
It feels good to vent. Wrath waning ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Boss,

Really, I could care less about how good your bratty, ugly looking kids are at school and how good their papers are.

Oh and when you chew your plums and lick your fat fingers when your done, just remember your licking my ball sweat after the plums take a dip.

Hasta,

Dtour77

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To the nice lab technician: He goes out of his way to come by my office every morning and describe in detail way too many of his online poker hands from the night before.

And even worse, this is only for play money.

Edited by andy_b

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear loud-woman-in-the-office-next-to-mine,

You can't possibly smell the onions on my Subway turkey sandwich through the wall between us. I don't care if you were recently pregnant, it's still not physically possible. Please stop making comments about how much my lunch stinks everyday.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Office manager guy, look, we all know you're gay and Travis isn't your "friend." We're cool with it. It's not like Tim Hardaway works here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyone else wondering if it's time for Nigel to get a new job?

Nigel, you doon't own any guns, do you? :goodposting:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To the gal that runs the dept. next to mine.......................

Quit talkin about your loser down-syndrome lookn husband like he is the best thing on this earth. I know he just graduated law - school, but he has been going to school now for the last 18 years. You both have accumulated over $100,000 in debt during that time because the only job he had was a part-time shoe salesman at JC Penny making $8 per hour. Oh yeah, forgot about the courier job he had for a law firm makin $5 an hour last year. I am so sick of your braggin and putting down others.

Did it ever occur to you to go buy another pair of pants ??? You have been stuffing your fat ### into the same pair of work pants for the last 6 weeks. It looks like you swallowed a damn tractor tire in those things.

Please just take of your own life and quit worrying about others. Also you need to get back on that damn Oprah diet you went on 2 years ago and lost all that weight. Now it is back 5-fold, so lay off the damn cookies and quit growin ###.

God - I feel better already.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Overpaid Analyst who got us heavily short the homebuilders and has single handedly cost us a performance fee for 3 straight years because my boss refuses to acknowledge you are a dildo who is only in good favor with him because you are friends with his son -

When the markets are down and our short positions are actually working, what happens to your loud, sick, disgusting, obnoxious cough that sounds like you have Tuberculosis and has been treated by MD's for everything from Walking Pneumonia to Kennel Cough? How come you only break that bad boy out when the markets are setting new highs and your short positions are destroying any chance we might have of a solid return? Ever since September, when the markets are green and we're losing money hand over fist, you hack in dramatic fashion from 5:30am until you go home. People next to you cannot talk on the phone, hold conversations or concentrate without you interrupting them with your exaggerated, filthy, phlegm-filled cough that is further amplified by the fact that you are 6' 7" and, inexplicably, feel the need to STAND UP to have your coughing fits. You are spreading your spittle all over the place and are driving me and other coworkers insane. We IM all day long when you are coughing and talk about how we want to throw you out the window. You know why I flinch when you go in for a hi five? It's because your hand has been used as a handkerchief all day long. There have been days where I thought you were going to hack out your spleen.

And yet on the rare day we are actually making money in your positions, you are cough free? Huh. Amazing. Instead of going to a new doctor every time he fails to diagnose your coal miner's lungs, how about you pony up a trip to the head doctor and learn what we already know: your disturbing hack is all mental and if you ever gave up the ghost and got us out of the home builders, perhaps you'd make a miraculous recovery. Oh, and in the cabinet under the sink is some Lysol. Please use it.

TIA

GM

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I work with a guy who is 27 years old and a freshman at Florida Southern College.

Dear dickface:

Youre a 27 year old college student who works part time for food money. Youre broke, I get it. Thats your choice, so quit #####ing about it. You work Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with no flexibility. Well, #### you. I dont give a rats ### about rush week, your fraternity, black light parties, campus politics, or the fact that you hang out with 18-21 year old college chicks all the time, and how they all adore you because youre older and more mature than most of the guys there. You are a complete and utter tool. Please go fornicate yourself with an iron stick.

Hold on. A 27 year old freshman who's rushing? This guy is ##### of epic proportions. Tell him his frat brothers are only keeping him around to buy the beer. Report back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Boss, Really, I could care less about how good your bratty, ugly looking kids are at school and how good their papers are. Oh and when you chew your plums and lick your fat fingers when your done, just remember your licking my ball sweat after the plums take a dip.Hasta, Dtour77

:lmao::lol::D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I work with a guy who is 27 years old and a freshman at Florida Southern College.

Dear dickface:

Youre a 27 year old college student who works part time for food money. Youre broke, I get it. Thats your choice, so quit #####ing about it. You work Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with no flexibility. Well, #### you. I dont give a rats ### about rush week, your fraternity, black light parties, campus politics, or the fact that you hang out with 18-21 year old college chicks all the time, and how they all adore you because youre older and more mature than most of the guys there. You are a complete and utter tool. Please go fornicate yourself with an iron stick.

Hold on. A 27 year old freshman who's rushing? This guy is ##### of epic proportions. Tell him his frat brothers are only keeping him around to buy the beer. Report back.
and yet he's banging 18 year old women....

yeah, what a #####. :lmao:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great great thread.

Dear fat lady,

Really, what's the point in getting coffee? You filled half the cup with cream and by my count, you put 45 sugars into your coffee while I was fixing mine. I'm not sure what the final number of sugars actually came out to be as you were still putting them in, 5 at a time, after I had paid and was on my way out. Why don't you pour yourself a big glass of maple syrup and wash it down with a cup of melted butter. Actually scratch the melted butter because I think you may have used it all when you put 16 pads of butter on the top of your grits yesterday morning. No man will ever love you.

-SHH

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The the greasy-haired 50+ year-old lady who sits in the cube next to me.

Consider yourself very lucky that you have worked for the federal government for so long. Your complete and utter lack of ANY employable skills coupled with your inability to do even the most menial of tasks on your own (ie. emailing our manager) would have you out on your ### from any other employer in short order.

Also, when you're on the phone talking with your dipstick husband, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT ask to speak with your mangy f-ing poodle and proceed to try to have a conversation with it using baby-talk. No matter how long you incoherently babble at this little rat-dog it will never talk back to you.

Also, when something isn't working properly on your computer, asking it what's the matter isn't going to help. When nooone comes to your aid, asking your computer in a louder voice will not make it answer, either.

Edited by Sack-Religious

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyone else wondering if it's time for Nigel to get a new job?Nigel, you doon't own any guns, do you? :lmao:

It is.Not yet.
You actually work?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I work with a guy who is 27 years old and a freshman at Florida Southern College.

Dear dickface:

Youre a 27 year old college student who works part time for food money. Youre broke, I get it. Thats your choice, so quit #####ing about it. You work Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with no flexibility. Well, #### you. I dont give a rats ### about rush week, your fraternity, black light parties, campus politics, or the fact that you hang out with 18-21 year old college chicks all the time, and how they all adore you because youre older and more mature than most of the guys there. You are a complete and utter tool. Please go fornicate yourself with an iron stick.

Hold on. A 27 year old freshman who's rushing? This guy is ##### of epic proportions. Tell him his frat brothers are only keeping him around to buy the beer. Report back.
and yet he's banging being tooled on by 18 year old women....

yeah, what a #####. :lmao:

fixed

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The the greasy-haired 50+ year-old lady who sits in the cube next to me.Consider yourself very lucky that you have worked for the federal government for so long. Your complete and utter lack of ANY employable skills coupled with your inability to do even the most menial of tasks on your own (ie. emailing our manager) would have you out on your ### from any other employer in short order.Also, when you're on the phone talking with your dipstick husband, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT ask to speak with your mangy f-ing poodle and proceed to try to have a conversation with it using baby-talk. No matter how long you incoherently babble at this little rat-dog it will not ever talk back to you.Also, when something isn't working properly on your computer, asking it what's the matter isn't going to help. When nooone comes to your aid, asking your computer in a louder voice will not make it answer, either.

The dog is listening on the phone thinking "#####, do not talk to me like a #### baby, now I am going to #### on your bed." :lmao::lol: Edited by Winning IS Everything

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi co-worker. Do you see my ipod ear buds jammed so far into my ears that they are actually pressing up against my drums, and with my ipod turned up loudly enough that I'm risking bleeding out Pete Townsend style? That's in an effort to drown out your inanity. If you continue to tap me on the shoulder to ask me stupid questions, I may have to start wearing padded clothes so I can ignore your touch as successfully as I've learned to ignore your voice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyone else wondering if it's time for Nigel to get a new job?Nigel, you doon't own any guns, do you? :lmao:

It is.Not yet.
You actually work?
Call it what you will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Speaking of Office Space.

My old company before we were "sold" had TPS reports.

Edit to add: We have low cubes. If you want to talk to someone please walk over to their cube.

Please don't shout 3 cubes over to talk to them

Edited by belljr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The the greasy-haired 50+ year-old lady who sits in the cube next to me.

Consider yourself very lucky that you have worked for the federal government for so long. Your complete and utter lack of ANY employable skills coupled with your inability to do even the most menial of tasks on your own (ie. emailing our manager) would have you out on your ### from any other employer in short order.

Also, when you're on the phone talking with your dipstick husband, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT ask to speak with your mangy f-ing poodle and proceed to try to have a conversation with it using baby-talk. No matter how long you incoherently babble at this little rat-dog it will never talk back to you.

Also, when something isn't working properly on your computer, asking it what's the matter isn't going to help. When nooone comes to your aid, asking your computer in a louder voice will not make it answer, either.

:o

I've worked with her, too. It really annoys them when, despite overly loud conversations with their computer designed to initiate sympathy and assistance, you continually ignore them despite CLEARLY being within earshot. Good times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dearest dorky-Canadian-engineer-type-guy,

It makes everyone uncomfortable when you verbally abuse your wife on the phone in the middle of the office. Yes, we can all hear you. And yes, we agree, she is fat and stupid.

Yours,

Print Is Dead

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dearest dorky-Canadian-engineer-type-guy,It makes everyone uncomfortable when you verbally abuse your wife on the phone in the middle of the office. Yes, we can all hear you. And yes, we agree, she is fat and stupid.Yours,Print Is Dead

:o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dearest dorky-Canadian-engineer-type-guy,It makes everyone uncomfortable when you verbally abuse your wife on the phone in the middle of the office. Yes, we can all hear you. And yes, we agree, she is fat and stupid.Yours,Print Is Dead

:o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear co-worker,

Instead of calling in sick twice a week and being late at least one other time each week, please apply to work from home. You are there more than you are here anyway. When you are here, you are a mean, fat, ugly, nasty ##### that no one likes anyway. Please do us all a favor and just work from home. That is all, have a nice day!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear lady that was at the same table as I was when the dept went out for drinks once:

We're not friends. I'm not even sure that I talked to you the entire time that we happened to be at the same bar. Therefore, you have not earned the right to stop by my desk several times a week for mindless chit-chat. When I frequently turn my back to you and look longingly at my phone or email hoping for something, this should indicate that you should scurry off.

Furthermore, I'm not certain what country you're from, but here we keep our faces more than 4 inches from each other when speaking. Its bad enough I have to hear you when you corner me, but I don't want to taste your lunch as well.

Also, burn your entire wardrobe. Yes, the zebra and leopard prints skirts too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.