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A note to my coworker ... (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Understandable. I will re-review the thread for Gusto posts. Between this thread and the dearth of material you have, a book should be published. Even if it's only ipublished.Gusto picked up a little slack, but since then, there's been some interesting developments here at work where electronic communication was tapped by higher ups and used to incriminate and fire. I'm not taking any chances right now, GB. But in time - probably a year from now - I've got material for days. Hell, I might have a book out of this whole thing.You've been missed in it.I believe you owe a few more stories that you promised before a small vacation got in the way.
SeveredHorseHeads
Footballguy
Oh yeah, one last thing: I'm really sorry that I was only able to give a one weeks notice. My new employer really wants me to get started as soon as possible. It's out of my hands.
Just kidding, I just want to take a week off between jobs.
Just kidding, I just want to take a week off between jobs.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Though I do think this would make a fantastic book for toilet viewing, I'm talking about the work place drama i've been living the past year.well, the past 7 years really, but the last one was the most intense. :wipesbrow: :looksovershoulder:Understandable. I will re-review the thread for Gusto posts. Between this thread and the dearth of material you have, a book should be published. Even if it's only ipublished.Gusto picked up a little slack, but since then, there's been some interesting developments here at work where electronic communication was tapped by higher ups and used to incriminate and fire. I'm not taking any chances right now, GB. But in time - probably a year from now - I've got material for days. Hell, I might have a book out of this whole thing.You've been missed in it.I believe you owe a few more stories that you promised before a small vacation got in the way.
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Just when I thought I had exhausted all the idiotic things you do, you make me come closer to physical violence than I ever have in the workplace before. I've referenced you in this thread multiple times you dog talking, non-sequitor uttering, unemployable hag.
First of all it's 12:30, I'm sitting at my desk with a hot container of Chicken Marsala and I'm digging in. Most people would enter my cube, say "oops, you're eating, I'll be back in a while." Not you, though. You completely disregard this and start going on about "what this person wants." What mother####ing person? First and foremost, I have no clue what you're talking about.
Someone has asked you to review their French in a response to an individual who has written to a political figure. My French is about as good as your Swahili, why do you ask me what "xyz" means, when you know my French isn't good? You then start going on about "what this person wants" again. What person? The person who wrote to the political figure asking questions, or the person who wrote the response back? You can't give me a straight answer to this question. I would get a more coherent answer on string theory from my 3 year-old than I can get from you on the seemingly easy question of "which person are you talking about."
This conversation, which started going downhill before you said a damn thing, is rapidly approaching Mach 2. I'd sooner tobaggan down the steepest, rockiest face of Mount Everest in my underpants than continue this downhill conversation with you.
When I ask you what question the original writer posed that resulted in the response paragraph which was crafted by our co-worker, you don't know. I need context in order to help you. I spend 5 minutes chewing my food loudly hoping you'll catch the hint that I'm eating and would rather not deal with you right now but alas that was not to be. Instead, you keep repeating the same things over and over again, pointing to random parts of a French letter, none of which make any sense to me. Stupidly, I keep asking for more clarification, you just keep repeating the same things over and over again. You've now been in my office for 10 minutes and we haven't got past which person you're talking about. I'm coming very close to stabbing myself in the ear with my scissors.
I'm an idiot for letting this go this far.
S-R: "Jane, who gave you this to review?"
Idiot: "Mary"
S-R: "How's about you go ask Mary these questions so I can try to eat the rest of my lunch in peace?"
Idiot: "Good idea, maybe I should have gone to see her first, eh?"
S-R: "You think?"
Leave me the hell alone for the rest of the day, and all next week, too. If you ask me another stupid question I will be forced to become violently angry.
Yours in rage,
Sack
First of all it's 12:30, I'm sitting at my desk with a hot container of Chicken Marsala and I'm digging in. Most people would enter my cube, say "oops, you're eating, I'll be back in a while." Not you, though. You completely disregard this and start going on about "what this person wants." What mother####ing person? First and foremost, I have no clue what you're talking about.
Someone has asked you to review their French in a response to an individual who has written to a political figure. My French is about as good as your Swahili, why do you ask me what "xyz" means, when you know my French isn't good? You then start going on about "what this person wants" again. What person? The person who wrote to the political figure asking questions, or the person who wrote the response back? You can't give me a straight answer to this question. I would get a more coherent answer on string theory from my 3 year-old than I can get from you on the seemingly easy question of "which person are you talking about."
This conversation, which started going downhill before you said a damn thing, is rapidly approaching Mach 2. I'd sooner tobaggan down the steepest, rockiest face of Mount Everest in my underpants than continue this downhill conversation with you.
When I ask you what question the original writer posed that resulted in the response paragraph which was crafted by our co-worker, you don't know. I need context in order to help you. I spend 5 minutes chewing my food loudly hoping you'll catch the hint that I'm eating and would rather not deal with you right now but alas that was not to be. Instead, you keep repeating the same things over and over again, pointing to random parts of a French letter, none of which make any sense to me. Stupidly, I keep asking for more clarification, you just keep repeating the same things over and over again. You've now been in my office for 10 minutes and we haven't got past which person you're talking about. I'm coming very close to stabbing myself in the ear with my scissors.
I'm an idiot for letting this go this far.
S-R: "Jane, who gave you this to review?"
Idiot: "Mary"
S-R: "How's about you go ask Mary these questions so I can try to eat the rest of my lunch in peace?"
Idiot: "Good idea, maybe I should have gone to see her first, eh?"
S-R: "You think?"
Leave me the hell alone for the rest of the day, and all next week, too. If you ask me another stupid question I will be forced to become violently angry.
Yours in rage,
Sack
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Sack, promise us you won't go postal.
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
For you, Tufnel, anything.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Um, heh heh. Uh, RIP man. At least you didn't go all Benoit on your family in the process.
mr. furley
Footballguy
oh #### 
Desert_Power
Footballguy
Dear Social Work Intern,
I really do not care about your nephew. It would be perfectly acceptable if you could view these pictures in silence however you have to squeel at the top of your lungs and call everyone else in the office to look at them. After this 15 minute ordeal, do you really have to call every memeber of your family to talk at three times to volume necessary about the kid. I run for the nearest exit everytime I see an image file opening on your computer. Please just let me read FBGs in peace.
Wishing I was deaf-DP
I really do not care about your nephew. It would be perfectly acceptable if you could view these pictures in silence however you have to squeel at the top of your lungs and call everyone else in the office to look at them. After this 15 minute ordeal, do you really have to call every memeber of your family to talk at three times to volume necessary about the kid. I run for the nearest exit everytime I see an image file opening on your computer. Please just let me read FBGs in peace.
Wishing I was deaf-DP
CRay
Footballguy
mr. furley
Footballguy
Hey,
Morning. I know 7:30 comes around awful early but that's your start time. I can totally understand chit-chatting with your co-workers for a few minutes in the morning and, hey, especially on Monday.. who really wants to start work again on a Monday?
BUT IT'S NINE FORTY-FIVE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T SHUT YOUR FAT ####ING MOUTH!
:reported:
Morning. I know 7:30 comes around awful early but that's your start time. I can totally understand chit-chatting with your co-workers for a few minutes in the morning and, hey, especially on Monday.. who really wants to start work again on a Monday?
BUT IT'S NINE FORTY-FIVE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T SHUT YOUR FAT ####ING MOUTH!
:reported:
CRay
Footballguy
Dear "mine smell like roses":
I know we've gone over this before, but let's try one more time: when you let out a silent-but-violent down the hall and walk back over here IT FOLLOWS YOU. It does not stay where you let it out. And even though you can't seem to smell your own ####, we can ALL smell it.
Now stop it.
I know we've gone over this before, but let's try one more time: when you let out a silent-but-violent down the hall and walk back over here IT FOLLOWS YOU. It does not stay where you let it out. And even though you can't seem to smell your own ####, we can ALL smell it.
Now stop it.
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Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Seriously?
Maybe his clothes are dated.Just overheard in a telephone conversation: "Yeah ... yeah ... you kind of get that era about him."
From my wife:
Dear Jamie,
The reason you didn't know about the party and April did is that I only invited people I wanted to attend.
Dear Jamie,
The reason you didn't know about the party and April did is that I only invited people I wanted to attend.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
From my wifeear Jamie,The reason you didn't know about the party and April did is that I only invited people I wanted to attend.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Wow, that morning really just FLEW by! You've been here for just over 4 hours and i have NOT heard you yammering on and on for about 20 of those minutes. Though i have it on good authority you were over byHey,
Morning. I know 7:30 comes around awful early but that's your start time. I can totally understand chit-chatting with your co-workers for a few minutes in the morning and, hey, especially on Monday.. who really wants to start work again on a Monday?
BUT IT'S NINE FORTY-FIVE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T SHUT YOUR FAT ####ING MOUTH!
:reported:
's desk chatting it up about cake. You really didn't need to let out that exaggerated sigh and proclaim "wow, this has been a really tough morning". We all know. You have been breaking your back over there today. Take an extra 15 for lunch and come back when you're refreshed. 
btw - On a more serious note, i have no idea how you do it but your ability to sense when the boss is afoot is amazing. We all know when you fall silent that the Turk is about to appear. Sometimes i swear you've got cameras fixed around the office to track her movement. Your radar NEVER fails!
You can be talking and talking and talking when something triggers your spidey-senses and you scurry back to your desk seconds before the boss comes walking in to hammer on someone who, only moments before, stood up to stretch and have a quick chat.
When i'm browsing the FFA i make sure to tune in to your voice. If you're talking, i have nothing to worry about. When you stop, i just close the browser. Thanks!
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Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
TotallyNigel Tufnel said:Seriously?
mr. furley
Footballguy
Hey,
Morning. I know 7:30 comes around awful early but that's your start time. I can totally understand chit-chatting with your co-workers for a few minutes in the morning and, hey, especially on Monday.. who really wants to start work again on a Monday?
BUT IT'S NINE FORTY-FIVE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T SHUT YOUR FAT ####ING MOUTH!
:reported:
jeebus. some days it feels like you HAVEN'T STOPPED TALKING SINCE JULY 2ND!! ####!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I got so fed up that i actually brought in a stopwatch to clock the jabbering. SERIOUSLY. The first couple days it was like you knew i had it and the talking was cut way back but after a few days of laying in the weeds you started to relax a bit... on what felt like a day that was slower than normal for you... you clocked an ASTONISHING 3:43:16 of non-stop chatter.
Unfortunately i forgot to bring in the following day when you positively SHATTERED that mark. Subsequent days were equally bad but i was so stressed from the wedding that i forgot to bring the watch back in.
Thanks for the reminder today. I'll be bringing it tomorrow and posting the final time total to the FFA for recordkeeping purposes.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
By his own hand?TotallySeriously?
If that's true, this thread just got a bit less funny.By his own hand?TotallySeriously?
mr. furley
Footballguy
STOP ####ING LAUGHING AT EVERYTHING!!!!
I realize it's a nervous tic and that everybody has one (or more) but LAUGHING EVERY TIME SOMEONE TALKS TO YOU AND DURING EVERY PAUSE IN A CONVERSATION IS JUST ####ING CREEPY AND STRANGE!!!!!
It's made ESPECIALLY creepy when you giggle nervously while someone is telling you that they are scheduled to have a mastectomy in a couple weeks, YOU FREAK! STOP!
I realize it's a nervous tic and that everybody has one (or more) but LAUGHING EVERY TIME SOMEONE TALKS TO YOU AND DURING EVERY PAUSE IN A CONVERSATION IS JUST ####ING CREEPY AND STRANGE!!!!!
It's made ESPECIALLY creepy when you giggle nervously while someone is telling you that they are scheduled to have a mastectomy in a couple weeks, YOU FREAK! STOP!
pricklypete
Footballguy
Can we get the story here?TotallySeriously?
regularguy
Footballguy
Got one of these here too. I pretty much have it tuned out at this point.STOP ####ING LAUGHING AT EVERYTHING!!!!
I realize it's a nervous tic and that everybody has one (or more) but LAUGHING EVERY TIME SOMEONE TALKS TO YOU AND DURING EVERY PAUSE IN A CONVERSATION IS JUST ####ING CREEPY AND STRANGE!!!!!
It's made ESPECIALLY creepy when you giggle nervously while someone is telling you that they are scheduled to have a mastectomy in a couple weeks, YOU FREAK! STOP!
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
Dear obsessive coworker,
Yeah, I know you don't like the fact that our boss's staff just went from two people to four. But, the girl who started with me and I are just as competent, if not moreso, than you. Please stop trying to be so outspoken in meetings so you can "look good" in front of the boss. Your 1950's literature trivia doesn't make you look smart, it makes you look like a #####.
Oh, and can you please stop touching and flirting with EVERY woman that walks by your office? We really don't need the lawsuits. Thanks, buddy.
One more thing...when my office door is closed, it usually means I'm busy (or posting), and I'd like you to knock first. Barging in and barking orders is not the way to win the game you're playing.
Yeah, I know you don't like the fact that our boss's staff just went from two people to four. But, the girl who started with me and I are just as competent, if not moreso, than you. Please stop trying to be so outspoken in meetings so you can "look good" in front of the boss. Your 1950's literature trivia doesn't make you look smart, it makes you look like a #####.
Oh, and can you please stop touching and flirting with EVERY woman that walks by your office? We really don't need the lawsuits. Thanks, buddy.
One more thing...when my office door is closed, it usually means I'm busy (or posting), and I'd like you to knock first. Barging in and barking orders is not the way to win the game you're playing.
matuski
Footballguy
Dear Dr. God Complex -
You are not even a "real" surgeon, you are a gynecologist. And when you are palpating with the trocar, try not to stick your nose up so high while talking down to me that you can't see what you are doing.
YOU STABBED YOURSELF WITH THE TROCAR WHILE INSIDE THE PATIENT'S VAJAYJAY?
I'm sorry was that you telling me my suggestion for preventing this was only for "lazy and unskilled surgeons"?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Signed,
your local medical rep
You are not even a "real" surgeon, you are a gynecologist. And when you are palpating with the trocar, try not to stick your nose up so high while talking down to me that you can't see what you are doing.
YOU STABBED YOURSELF WITH THE TROCAR WHILE INSIDE THE PATIENT'S VAJAYJAY?
I'm sorry was that you telling me my suggestion for preventing this was only for "lazy and unskilled surgeons"?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Signed,
your local medical rep
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Colin Dowling
Footballguy
Dear staff - if you complain about days where you sit around with nothing to do, you lose the right to look at me with an evil eye when we have a full schedule of work to do.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Dear Sniffles:
SHUT UP YOU MISERABLE LITTLE MAN!!! You've been babbling on about some doctor's appointment or something all afternoon long and every time I try to accomplish something - ANYTHING! I hear you raise that tone of your Mushmouth voice and say "sooDHIIIEEERRR" and it makes me want to thwap you behind the ears. Hard. Just to see how long those rubbery nubbins on your rubbery nubbin of a head will keep vibrating.
Dear Pocahontas:
Please disconnect the air hose. You've overinflated yourself to the point where I worry that you're going to float away like some turquise encrusted horse manure smelling polyester clad Hindeburg, and frankly I have friends in this building and don't want to see them immolated when you go outside to spark up another discount smoke.
Sincerely, me.
SHUT UP YOU MISERABLE LITTLE MAN!!! You've been babbling on about some doctor's appointment or something all afternoon long and every time I try to accomplish something - ANYTHING! I hear you raise that tone of your Mushmouth voice and say "sooDHIIIEEERRR" and it makes me want to thwap you behind the ears. Hard. Just to see how long those rubbery nubbins on your rubbery nubbin of a head will keep vibrating.
Dear Pocahontas:
Please disconnect the air hose. You've overinflated yourself to the point where I worry that you're going to float away like some turquise encrusted horse manure smelling polyester clad Hindeburg, and frankly I have friends in this building and don't want to see them immolated when you go outside to spark up another discount smoke.
Sincerely, me.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Dear Singapore National, Former Intern, Now Full Time Employee Until Visa Expires in 2009:
Alright, alright, down boy. Down. I’m happy to have you in my pack, too. No, we didn't sponsor your work visa because you're necessarily the smartest nor the best, but you've proven yourself as an intern over the years to do pretty much all the poop work the rest of us won't. With a smile. And gosh damnit, we love you for it. And as much as I'd love to take full responsibility for obtaining your shiney new work visa by dealing with the quagmire and beaurocratic nightmare that is the Department of Homeland Security (as well as the dildos at Immigration) I was really only doing my job and was secretly hoping I'd have screwed something up in the process thus shipping your 120 pound asssssss back to The S'Pore. And though I do appreciate the box of chocolates you left on my desk for securing your stay in our country another 3 years or so, it's more than just a little gay. NTTAWWT.
And it's not because I don't like you, I do. It's just that in the 4 plus years you've interned here during your summer breaks from getting your 8th degree in nerdonomics, I've come to realization that I just can't understand a damn word you say. I try. Oh, how I try. But when I look at you and nod or smile, you might as well be telling me I smell like hamster urine and look like a diseased hobo. And here's a tip - barking it out even louder? Not helping. You might think that my dwindling retorts of "WHAT?" and "HUH" is because I've finally learned to comprehend your broken, mangled, mashed up version of Engrish, but I assure you it's because I've long since given up and have just pretended to understand.
Furthermore, I know your job sucks and that you probably hate building financial models all day long in Excel, but do you have to bang on your keyboard like you are Liberace with a gerbil infestation? Seriously, you bang on that farking thing like you are just mad at the alphabet. What, did Grover torment you in your youth? You're the skinniest grown man I've ever encountered that didn't have the Aids. How the hell do you possess so much power in your fingertips? Christ man, turn down the finger factor just a smidge, okay?
Like it or not, we're stuck together until the end of 2009. If we fire you, we are on the hook to pay for your plane ticket out of here and to ensure you board. And nobody wants that. We like you. We think. We don't really know. After 2009, I'm not sure what your going to do as my suggestion to get married to some American broad was met by a goofy smile, a timid head shake and gibberish I have no idea what it meant. But seriously, it's not a bad idea. For whatever reason, you are hell bent on staying in this country and working a tedious job for not much pay. If you want it bad enough, you're gonna need to help yourself some. Now I know American women are scary - I married one. But I'm not sure this work visa thing is like bonus time in a video game. Once you hit that wall, that might be it for you.
Some pointers on meeting a chick? Here's a few. Stop going to bed at 7:30pm every night. You are not 6 years old. Stop getting up at 3am to run 9 miles in the crack infested neighborhood you call home. Avoiding bullets will not improve your marathon times, though they may solve your immigration problem once and for all. Unless you are looking to wed a crank whore, I'm thinking you need to restructure your social life. Reading 10 magazines a day, while impressive, isn't going to get you laid. Not even if you read Cosmopolitan. Branch out, little buddy. Have a beer. Borrow some of my pot. Come with me to a strip club. If you want America sooooooooooooooooo bad, let America come to you. I can only help you so much. The trough is right here. Take a drink. Take a big long drink and then loosen the fork up, man. Once you do, let's work on that English.
In Buddah's Name,
GM
Alright, alright, down boy. Down. I’m happy to have you in my pack, too. No, we didn't sponsor your work visa because you're necessarily the smartest nor the best, but you've proven yourself as an intern over the years to do pretty much all the poop work the rest of us won't. With a smile. And gosh damnit, we love you for it. And as much as I'd love to take full responsibility for obtaining your shiney new work visa by dealing with the quagmire and beaurocratic nightmare that is the Department of Homeland Security (as well as the dildos at Immigration) I was really only doing my job and was secretly hoping I'd have screwed something up in the process thus shipping your 120 pound asssssss back to The S'Pore. And though I do appreciate the box of chocolates you left on my desk for securing your stay in our country another 3 years or so, it's more than just a little gay. NTTAWWT.
And it's not because I don't like you, I do. It's just that in the 4 plus years you've interned here during your summer breaks from getting your 8th degree in nerdonomics, I've come to realization that I just can't understand a damn word you say. I try. Oh, how I try. But when I look at you and nod or smile, you might as well be telling me I smell like hamster urine and look like a diseased hobo. And here's a tip - barking it out even louder? Not helping. You might think that my dwindling retorts of "WHAT?" and "HUH" is because I've finally learned to comprehend your broken, mangled, mashed up version of Engrish, but I assure you it's because I've long since given up and have just pretended to understand.
Furthermore, I know your job sucks and that you probably hate building financial models all day long in Excel, but do you have to bang on your keyboard like you are Liberace with a gerbil infestation? Seriously, you bang on that farking thing like you are just mad at the alphabet. What, did Grover torment you in your youth? You're the skinniest grown man I've ever encountered that didn't have the Aids. How the hell do you possess so much power in your fingertips? Christ man, turn down the finger factor just a smidge, okay?
Like it or not, we're stuck together until the end of 2009. If we fire you, we are on the hook to pay for your plane ticket out of here and to ensure you board. And nobody wants that. We like you. We think. We don't really know. After 2009, I'm not sure what your going to do as my suggestion to get married to some American broad was met by a goofy smile, a timid head shake and gibberish I have no idea what it meant. But seriously, it's not a bad idea. For whatever reason, you are hell bent on staying in this country and working a tedious job for not much pay. If you want it bad enough, you're gonna need to help yourself some. Now I know American women are scary - I married one. But I'm not sure this work visa thing is like bonus time in a video game. Once you hit that wall, that might be it for you.
Some pointers on meeting a chick? Here's a few. Stop going to bed at 7:30pm every night. You are not 6 years old. Stop getting up at 3am to run 9 miles in the crack infested neighborhood you call home. Avoiding bullets will not improve your marathon times, though they may solve your immigration problem once and for all. Unless you are looking to wed a crank whore, I'm thinking you need to restructure your social life. Reading 10 magazines a day, while impressive, isn't going to get you laid. Not even if you read Cosmopolitan. Branch out, little buddy. Have a beer. Borrow some of my pot. Come with me to a strip club. If you want America sooooooooooooooooo bad, let America come to you. I can only help you so much. The trough is right here. Take a drink. Take a big long drink and then loosen the fork up, man. Once you do, let's work on that English.
In Buddah's Name,
GM
John Black
Footballguy
Dear Co-Worker,
Don't brag about the six pounds you lost when you can still be a stunt-double for the Kool-Aid guy.
The next time she says..........I lost six pounds I may reply with "don't worry you'll find it"
Don't brag about the six pounds you lost when you can still be a stunt-double for the Kool-Aid guy.
The next time she says..........I lost six pounds I may reply with "don't worry you'll find it"
kupcho1
Footballguy
Dear guy two doors down,
For the love of Christ, I know that configuring your mobile phone and setting up its voice mail is outside the scope of your limited abilities, but please quit calling your own phone to confirm the fact! I'm 3 rings away from ripping your door off the hinges and feeding it to you sideways.
May Shiva, god of destruction, reign hellfire upon you
For the love of Christ, I know that configuring your mobile phone and setting up its voice mail is outside the scope of your limited abilities, but please quit calling your own phone to confirm the fact! I'm 3 rings away from ripping your door off the hinges and feeding it to you sideways.
May Shiva, god of destruction, reign hellfire upon you
L5UT1ger
Footballguy
Dear Grandchild of the boss/summer intern:
My office is next to the bathroom. If you go into the bathroom to talk on your cell phone, I can still hear you. Moreover, it creeps me out that you are talking on said cell phone and I can hear your urine, etc. hitting the water and your spraying the lysol. I can only imagine that it sounds like a Niagra Falls to the person on the other end of the line.
Enjoy your two semesters, tops, that you complete in college.
Yours in disgust.
My office is next to the bathroom. If you go into the bathroom to talk on your cell phone, I can still hear you. Moreover, it creeps me out that you are talking on said cell phone and I can hear your urine, etc. hitting the water and your spraying the lysol. I can only imagine that it sounds like a Niagra Falls to the person on the other end of the line.
Enjoy your two semesters, tops, that you complete in college.
Yours in disgust.
Keerock
Footballguy
Dear Senior Management Guy -
Please add the word 'while' to your vocabulary. Substituting the word 'why' in it's place makes you sound like a tool.
You will not 'go to lunch why we finish the job'... you will 'go while we finish it'.
Thanks for your continued efforts to grasp a third grade use of the English language.
- Kee
Please add the word 'while' to your vocabulary. Substituting the word 'why' in it's place makes you sound like a tool.
You will not 'go to lunch why we finish the job'... you will 'go while we finish it'.
Thanks for your continued efforts to grasp a third grade use of the English language.
- Kee
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
Dear hot Texan girl,
It's nice you think I'm cute. Hinting to our mutual friend to tell me was 3rd grade, but it made my day.
Just one request, given my track record with women: I'm going to need you to list out your mental issues, going from least to most crazy.
TIA.
It's nice you think I'm cute. Hinting to our mutual friend to tell me was 3rd grade, but it made my day.
Just one request, given my track record with women: I'm going to need you to list out your mental issues, going from least to most crazy.
TIA.
Keerock
Footballguy
I'd have her go in the reverse order, so you can rule her out right away if need be.Oh, and post them here when you get them... TIA
CRay
Footballguy
For the love of God, woman, shut up. At a minimum embrace the fact that you’re partially deaf and adjust the volume of your voice. And that hyena laugh…it’s got to go.
No one was laughing with you when you yelled out “LOOK! I JUST GOT THE BOOK “EXTREMEMLY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE” AND IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT ME! (YAR YAR YAR YAR YAR)” at the top of your lungs. If it were about you, they would’ve named it "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Annoying."
No one was laughing with you when you yelled out “LOOK! I JUST GOT THE BOOK “EXTREMEMLY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE” AND IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT ME! (YAR YAR YAR YAR YAR)” at the top of your lungs. If it were about you, they would’ve named it "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Annoying."
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
Dear overzealous guy on our team,
Yes, I know we have an important job. It's awesome that we're in our mid-twenties and doing this.
Please stop rubbing it in other people's faces.
Like this morning, when you chastised someone for taking up 6 minutes of our boss's time--saying that she wasted the company "approximately $1500 with that conversation". Or, when you "jokingly" make fun of my friends who are in lower positions, calling them "peons" to their faces.
It's not cool, and it's going to bite you in the ### someday. In the meantime, it's making me look like a #### by association.
Thanks for calming the #### down,
Keys
Yes, I know we have an important job. It's awesome that we're in our mid-twenties and doing this.
Please stop rubbing it in other people's faces.
Like this morning, when you chastised someone for taking up 6 minutes of our boss's time--saying that she wasted the company "approximately $1500 with that conversation". Or, when you "jokingly" make fun of my friends who are in lower positions, calling them "peons" to their faces.
It's not cool, and it's going to bite you in the ### someday. In the meantime, it's making me look like a #### by association.
Thanks for calming the #### down,
Keys
mr. furley
Footballguy
Memo to all male co-workers: IT'S A ONE MAN BATHROOM. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT ENTER WHEN I AM EITHER ON THE CAN OR USING THE URINAL.
thanks.
thanks.
Uncle Humuna
Footballguy
Hey Mortarshell,
NOBODY wants to hear you whistle opera-style.
Shut yer ###### cake-hole . . .
NOBODY wants to hear you whistle opera-style.
Shut yer ###### cake-hole . . .
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Hi there again,Just because you saw "300" both in the theater and on DVD, does not make you an expert on Greek history. I don't know that much about the Greeks (other than they seemed to like teh butt secks), but I still know you have no idea what you're talking about.
Yours in scholarship,
SM
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Damn, lady, you're certainly on a roll today. "When I was thin..." When, pray tell, was that? Birth? Odd that you've talked about losing a bunch of weight since you started working here, yet you're still the same size (roughly -- I try not to look at you).
Slovenly yours,
S McG
Slovenly yours,
S McG
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
You have no idea.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Hey nervous laugher,
When most women get their hair cut they wash it beforehand and sorta let the stylist take care of the length and maybe even update the style.
The hair helmet perm you have been pimping for the past 3 1/2 years (that i've known you) is a bit much. When i heard you discussing your appointment yesterday i secretly crossed my fingers hoping that it meant you would FINALLY lose the perm.
Imagine my "excitement" when i heard people complimenting the new 'do this morning.
Now imagine my "disappointment" when i turned the corner and saw that your new 'do is exactly the same as the old one only it looks like someone took a ruler and a pair of garden shears to the front and back.
Cutting a straight line across the front and across the back but leaving the rest the same length and keeping the perm IS NOT A HAIR CUT! and the "compliments" you are receiving this morning are a knee-jerk reaction to the surprise/shock of seeing such an embarrassment perpetrated on someone so naive.
I have honestly never seen anything quite like it.
I'm going to pass the hat today, see if we can't scare up $100 to get you to a real stylist and not the 83 year old woman who has been cutting your hair for the last 50 years.
When most women get their hair cut they wash it beforehand and sorta let the stylist take care of the length and maybe even update the style.
The hair helmet perm you have been pimping for the past 3 1/2 years (that i've known you) is a bit much. When i heard you discussing your appointment yesterday i secretly crossed my fingers hoping that it meant you would FINALLY lose the perm.
Imagine my "excitement" when i heard people complimenting the new 'do this morning.
Now imagine my "disappointment" when i turned the corner and saw that your new 'do is exactly the same as the old one only it looks like someone took a ruler and a pair of garden shears to the front and back.
Cutting a straight line across the front and across the back but leaving the rest the same length and keeping the perm IS NOT A HAIR CUT! and the "compliments" you are receiving this morning are a knee-jerk reaction to the surprise/shock of seeing such an embarrassment perpetrated on someone so naive.
I have honestly never seen anything quite like it.
I'm going to pass the hat today, see if we can't scare up $100 to get you to a real stylist and not the 83 year old woman who has been cutting your hair for the last 50 years.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Sorry, never saw this reply.Guy was an alcoholic. Got fired for sleeping on the job. Went to work for Wally World. Got arrested/fired for stealing. Was found dead in his home a few weeks later. A co-worker of mine spoke to the neighbor who found him. He had been dead about a week when foundCan we get the story here?TotallySeriously?
. No apparent gunshot wound so either OD'd, drank himself to death, or had a heart attack.
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Our Building Maintenance Manager just retired, and our resident dingbat frantically asked an Assistant Manager who do we contact for problems we used to go to him for?
Not thinking, he said, "Ask me and I'll figure something out."
That was yesterday, and this morning before he gets in, he gets these four e-mails from her sent over a 20 minute period.
Of course he sent them to me for a REALLY good laugh...
(These are UN-edited by the way, except for the names.)
------------------------
My desk is falling apart...can someone come in and realign it before it totally collapses?
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
George had a supply of extra blind slats. Do you know where they are? At least two of the windows here have slats missing which makes it hot and we can’t see computer screens properly.
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
The door on the fridge is not closing properly in the staff lunchroom. The drawer and shelf are wet because the fridge is running all the time. Sounds like a “new” fridge to me. Also, not sure what else can be thrown out...can you have a look in the freezer and toss whatever?
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
Re: Storage cupboards in the hallway – used for storing confidential files.
The second door (south) is not locking properly. The inside lock levers will have to be taken off and moved up higher so that it catches. I can show you where it is. The key to the cupboard is on Sheila’s desk.
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
------------------------
Dear Patty,
Desk: I can only hope and pray that your desk collapses and kills you.
Blinds: You don't know how to use the computer anyway, so what does it matter if you can see the screen or not? Also, I hope you die of heat exhaustion from the sun bearing down on you. And then have the desk buckle from the heat and collapse on you, finishing you off.
Fridge: The fridge is ONE YEAR OLD. We do not need a new fridge. And it runs all the time because THAT IS HOW THE FOOD STAYS COLD.
Door: I know about the door. EVERYBODY knows about the door. Yes it is sometimes difficult to lock, BUT IT IS NOT BROKEN. If you like, I can show you FOR THE TENTH TIME how you can just jiggle it to lock it. And I don't care where the key is. I am the Asst Mgr and I have a master key for ALL the locks in the building.
One last thing.
Why do you sign all your e-mails, "Thanks, Patty" ???
YOUR E-MAIL PROGRAM ALREADY HAS A SIGNATURE!!! It's right there, ONE FRIGGIN LINE below where you type your name.
So every single email you send out ends with...
Thanks, Patty
Patty Smith
Office Dingbat
Our Company
Our Address
P: ###-###-####
F: ###-###-####
P.s. Dear God I hate you. I'll have to remember to continue to slowly loosen all the screws in your desk after you leave for work every day.
Not thinking, he said, "Ask me and I'll figure something out."
That was yesterday, and this morning before he gets in, he gets these four e-mails from her sent over a 20 minute period.
Of course he sent them to me for a REALLY good laugh...
(These are UN-edited by the way, except for the names.)
------------------------
My desk is falling apart...can someone come in and realign it before it totally collapses?
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
George had a supply of extra blind slats. Do you know where they are? At least two of the windows here have slats missing which makes it hot and we can’t see computer screens properly.
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
The door on the fridge is not closing properly in the staff lunchroom. The drawer and shelf are wet because the fridge is running all the time. Sounds like a “new” fridge to me. Also, not sure what else can be thrown out...can you have a look in the freezer and toss whatever?
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
Re: Storage cupboards in the hallway – used for storing confidential files.
The second door (south) is not locking properly. The inside lock levers will have to be taken off and moved up higher so that it catches. I can show you where it is. The key to the cupboard is on Sheila’s desk.
Thanks, Patty
------------------------
------------------------
Dear Patty,
Desk: I can only hope and pray that your desk collapses and kills you.
Blinds: You don't know how to use the computer anyway, so what does it matter if you can see the screen or not? Also, I hope you die of heat exhaustion from the sun bearing down on you. And then have the desk buckle from the heat and collapse on you, finishing you off.
Fridge: The fridge is ONE YEAR OLD. We do not need a new fridge. And it runs all the time because THAT IS HOW THE FOOD STAYS COLD.
Door: I know about the door. EVERYBODY knows about the door. Yes it is sometimes difficult to lock, BUT IT IS NOT BROKEN. If you like, I can show you FOR THE TENTH TIME how you can just jiggle it to lock it. And I don't care where the key is. I am the Asst Mgr and I have a master key for ALL the locks in the building.
One last thing.
Why do you sign all your e-mails, "Thanks, Patty" ???
YOUR E-MAIL PROGRAM ALREADY HAS A SIGNATURE!!! It's right there, ONE FRIGGIN LINE below where you type your name.
So every single email you send out ends with...
Thanks, Patty
Patty Smith
Office Dingbat
Our Company
Our Address
P: ###-###-####
F: ###-###-####
P.s. Dear God I hate you. I'll have to remember to continue to slowly loosen all the screws in your desk after you leave for work every day.
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