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Nigel Tufnel

A note to my coworker ...

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pics of the nice boobs?

If I asked, she would probably show me. I am starting to learn my lesson about the trouble nice boobs can get me into.

What do YOU know?

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Dear coworker, I'm very sorry you have to answer the phone, but I'm pretty sure that is part of your receptionist duties. I know you are trying to make a statement by not making coffee in the morning. Doesn't really matter to me. I get to the office 30 minutes before you, and can start the coffee myself if I want some. Just don't complain if I don't make the coffee the way you like it.

I'm proud of you for quitting smoking, and I'm sorry you have gained weight because of it. It might help if you didn't scarf down the majority of "treats" that get brought into the office. There are 12 other people in this office, so I believe you eating 3/4 of an item might be taking a little more than your share.

It is tough that the 3 different baby-daddies of your kids don't support them, but please don't complain to me about your husband that took in you and the 3 kids. I'm sure you don't make his life easy. I just found out you receive government assistance which is understandable with your 3 kids. What I don't understand is why you feel the need to have 7 large dogs, 4 horses, and a $2500 bird. I know you live on the farm and have the space, but they can't be cheap to feed. Oh, you're having another $2500 dog flown in? Sounds marvelous. You can't convince your husband to buy a boat? What is his problem?

I do share some of the blame. I should have never pretended to listen to you when you first started working here. Nice boobs have the affect on me.

I was right on board with despising this co-worker through the whole diatribe, example after example. I had your back. Then with the 'nice boobs' comment I had to reconsider whether she's a problem at all.

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Dear new guy in my office. Please GTFO of my office and stop asking me every single thing without the least bit of effort in looking things up yourself. Believe it or not I have my own work to do and I guess my turning away from you and typing on the computer is not subtle enough

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Dear dog,

Isn't working at home awesome? :hifive:

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Please learn the correct pronunciation of the word CONSOLE.

It's NOT pronounced COUNSEL :crazy::confused:

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Dear coworker, I'm very sorry you have to answer the phone, but I'm pretty sure that is part of your receptionist duties. I know you are trying to make a statement by not making coffee in the morning. Doesn't really matter to me. I get to the office 30 minutes before you, and can start the coffee myself if I want some. Just don't complain if I don't make the coffee the way you like it.

I'm proud of you for quitting smoking, and I'm sorry you have gained weight because of it. It might help if you didn't scarf down the majority of "treats" that get brought into the office. There are 12 other people in this office, so I believe you eating 3/4 of an item might be taking a little more than your share.

It is tough that the 3 different baby-daddies of your kids don't support them, but please don't complain to me about your husband that took in you and the 3 kids. I'm sure you don't make his life easy. I just found out you receive government assistance which is understandable with your 3 kids. What I don't understand is why you feel the need to have 7 large dogs, 4 horses, and a $2500 bird. I know you live on the farm and have the space, but they can't be cheap to feed. Oh, you're having another $2500 dog flown in? Sounds marvelous. You can't convince your husband to buy a boat? What is his problem?

I do share some of the blame. I should have never pretended to listen to you when you first started working here. Nice boobs have the affect on me.

I was right on board with despising this co-worker through the whole diatribe, example after example. I had your back. Then with the 'nice boobs' comment I had to reconsider whether she's a problem at all.

Can you unpack that? Although she does have nice boobs, it was a joke.

I was joking too. I was unsympathetic to the crap she was pulling but then you mentioned nice boobs at the end and it threw me off. Edited by johnnyrock62000

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To the person using our very fine restroom facilities and not flushing the toilet:

I will catch you one day, I will shove your face in that toilet bowl, I will make you drown in your own #### which you so graciously refuse to flush... I will then report you to HR who will refer this to the police bc you are dirty disgusting POS (pun intended), and they will make up a new charge just for you, you filthy ####### animal!

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A note to some of my clients:

You ####### idiots!!!

I believe we may have some clients in common.

I have a client that does a screen shot of the application, prints it out, scans it in as a pdf, then attaches the pdf to an email and sends it to me. He's done it twice...

Had a user late last year take a picture of his computer screen with his cell phone, emailed the pic to himself, then attached the pic to an email to me.

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A note to some of my clients:

You ####### idiots!!!

I believe we may have some clients in common.

I have a client that does a screen shot of the application, prints it out, scans it in as a pdf, then attaches the pdf to an email and sends it to me. He's done it twice...

Had a user late last year take a picture of his computer screen with his cell phone, emailed the pic to himself, then attached the pic to an email to me.

I think I'm going to need a Venn Diagram of that one.

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To the person using our very fine restroom facilities and not flushing the toilet:

I will catch you one day, I will shove your face in that toilet bowl, I will make you drown in your own #### which you so graciously refuse to flush... I will then report you to HR who will refer this to the police bc you are dirty disgusting POS (pun intended), and they will make up a new charge just for you, you filthy ####### animal!

####### animals!!!

http://i.imgur.com/jBaRj9j.jpg

and these toilets have a strong flush, THEY DON'T CLOG!!!

4 stalls, only 15 dudes to this bathroom, I'll find out who is responsible for this :hot:

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A note to some of my clients:

You ####### idiots!!!

I believe we may have some clients in common.

I have a client that does a screen shot of the application, prints it out, scans it in as a pdf, then attaches the pdf to an email and sends it to me. He's done it twice...

Had a user late last year take a picture of his computer screen with his cell phone, emailed the pic to himself, then attached the pic to an email to me.

Was it xzibit?

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Dear co-worker that always greets me with "There he is", please stop. AFAIK, no one is looking for me.

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Dear co-worker that always greets me with "There he is", please stop. AFAIK, no one is looking for me.

THERE HE IS!

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Dear co-worker that always greets me with "There he is", please stop. AFAIK, no one is looking for me.

Hmmm... I do this to one guy in my office. To be fair, when he shows up we are all definitely looking for him.

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Hey idiot, before spreading fear throughout the office and saying the patient at Mt Sinai has Ebola, do some due diligence first.

blogspot.iamnewsworldreport.247365.mybreakingnews.com might not be the most credible place to catch up on current events. Think twice before sending an email titled "Ebola case confirmed in NYC"to 1,000 people in the company...

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Hangs out in Irish bars and takes vacation offers, etc.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Hangs out in Irish bars and takes vacation offers, etc.

Angie?

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I'd like to hear more about these sunglasses ;)

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Hangs out in Irish bars and takes vacation offers, etc.

Angie?

Probably.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I'd like to hear more about these sunglasses ;)

A bag would be more beneficial if you saw her.

Did I mention that I really don't like her?

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I'd like to hear more about these sunglasses ;)

A bag would be more beneficial if you saw her.

Did I mention that I really don't like her?

Sounds hot.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I'd like to hear more about these sunglasses ;)

A bag would be more beneficial if you saw her.

Did I mention that I really don't like her?

Sounds hot.

Just wrap it first. You never know what you're gonna catch.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I'd like to hear more about these sunglasses ;)

A bag would be more beneficial if you saw her.

Did I mention that I really don't like her?

Sounds hot.

Just wrap it first. You never know what you're gonna catch.

I've got a streak going right now as the lord of my manor... After this, it is now in jeopardy :kicksrock:

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So the female version of George Hamilton or an alligator skin purse

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So the female version of George Hamilton or an alligator skin purse

Alligator skin purses still have value and are attractive to some people.

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So the female version of George Hamilton or an alligator skin purse

Alligator skin purses still have value and are attractive to some people.
:claws:
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So the female version of George Hamilton or an alligator skin purse

Alligator skin purses still have value and are attractive to some people.

:claws:

:lmao:

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So the female version of George Hamilton or an alligator skin purse

Alligator skin purses still have value and are attractive to some people.
:claws:

:lmao:

:hifive: Don't cross me.

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Just wrap it first. You never know what you're gonna catch.

Probably ebola. I hear it's going around.

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Just wrap it first. You never know what you're gonna catch.

Probably ebola. I hear it's going around.

Well it's transmitted by exchanging bodily fluids, so if you wrap it and no kissing, you maybe okay.

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Dear co-worker,

I really don't like you. I don't care that your two 20 something year olds have had three kids between them and that you are helping to support them because neither daughter has a decent job or a college degree. Maybe if you set a better example when they were teenagers and didn't sleep around with married men and act like a slut, then they would have turned out better. Doing their homework for them didn't help them in the long run. Don't tell me (a mom of two) that your money is going to the "little ones" and expect me to feel sympathy.

Please elaborate about the slut.

TIA.

Moved herself and one of her daughters to CA from back east after her divorce (husband cheated on her) to follow an old boyfriend who was married at the time. She stayed in a relationship with that guy but has told me (when she was drunk, which happens frequently) she has one night stands with married men she meets at bars. Has tried to justify sleeping with married men by saying they don't get it at home but ironically her ex is a cheating bastard.

You would not hit, resembles Tom Petty with sunglasses on, all her tanning has made her skin look like leather. In her 50s.

I like the way she thinks.

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

HFS

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Where do you work?

I should probably start a thread about my charmed life at work. I seriously think I stumbled into the luckiest job of my life.

I work for a Litigation Support vendor where we host a review platform for large document reviews. Not a whole lot of face-to-face communication so rules are pretty lax.

But some of the things I've seen are just baffling. Usually, I'm the weird one. Not so much here.

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

That can't be real, can it. :X

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It's real. I came within inches of sitting in them due to an emergency. Looked down at the floor with my rear hovering over the pile of short hairs on the seat and floor. Immediate stop and inspected the premises. Then moved over to the other stall.

Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy was last week. Don't know who it was but I think it was a sales guy that was in town.

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

That can't be real, can it. :X

Not to say TheAristocrat isn't clever, but how would you come up with that without having seen it! :X

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It's real. I came within inches of sitting in them due to an emergency. Looked down at the floor with my rear hovering over the pile of short hairs on the seat and floor. Immediate stop and inspected the premises. Then moved over to the other stall.

Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy was last week. Don't know who it was but I think it was a sales guy that was in town.

You didn't have to be that graphic. :X:X :X

Edited by iamsmilin

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

Where the #### do you work?

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One of the managers in my office came to me awile back saying the water cooler lease on our floor was almost up, wanted to know if we should renew. I took a look at it and calculated it be a little cheaper to buy a unit from Sam's Club & just double the standing Poland Spring delivery we had for the floor below (we added a second floor about 18 months ago). They came and unhooked the old unit which was fed by the kitchen water line, and a couple guys setup the new water cooler. The new unit is one that uses 5 gallon jugs, exactly like the unit on the floor below us.

Half hour later the CEO walks by: "Water's not very cold in the new cooker." Yeah? They just hooked it up. A little while later our Controller sticks her head in the door: "Hot water's not working in the new cooler." Huh. Let me see what they did with the manual. I find it in the box. Aha! Couple switches in the back under the flange. Which gets me thinking...and I wander down to the other floor. "Hey, we just got that same water cooler for our floor. How's that thing been working out - is the water cold?" Not really...we usually drink ice water. "I see. How's the hot water? Can you make tea with?" Nope, doesn't work. Have to throw it in the microwave.

MEMO TO 6th FLOOR: Great news! The water cooler now has ice cold water, and in addition, you can now use the hot water for tea.

18 months. WTF?

Edited by BobbyLayne

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One of the managers in my office came to me awile back saying the water cooler lease on our floor was almost up, wanted to know if we should renew. I took a look at it and calculated it be a little cheaper to buy a unit from Sam's Club & just double the standing Poland Spring delivery we had for the floor below (we added a second floor about 18 months ago). They came and unhooked the old unit which was fed by the kitchen water line, and a couple guys setup the new water cooler. The new unit is one that uses 5 gallon jugs, exactly like the unit on the floor below us.

Half hour later the CEO walks by: "Water's not very cold in the new cooker." Yeah? They just hooked it up. A little while later our Controller sticks her head in the door: "Hot water's not working in the new cooler." Huh. Let me see what they did with the manual. I find it in the box. Aha! Couple switches in the back under the flange. Which gets me thinking...and I wander down to the other floor. "Hey, we just got that same water cooler for our floor. How's that thing been working out - is the water cold?" Not really...we usually drink ice water. "I see. How's the hot water? Can you make tea with?" Nope, doesn't work. Have to throw it in the microwave.

MEMO TO 6th FLOOR: Great news! The water cooler now has ice cold water, and in addition, you can now use the hot water for tea.

18 months. WTF?

Upper management man. Whada do? Amiright?

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The work restroom is the best place to trim your pubes? Really, dude? And, why'd you leave them there without a quick wipe down with TP and a flush?

And, Barefoot in the Bathroom Guy: WTF?

Where the #### do you work?

Chick-Fil-A. The lord doesn't want us shodding our natural hooves.

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Dear academic administrator,

The word you're looking for is "borderline," not "boarder-line." I know this wasn't a typo because you did it twice in the same email.

Cordially,

IK

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