Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
I love each of you a ton.
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****Official**** depression thread (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter St. Louis Bob
- Start date
Peak
Footballguy
Thanks to all for the comments/replies. I reached out to my Dr and scheduled an appt for tomorrow afternoon. I'll see if he has any recommendations. I spent most of the weekend with my head down. I had a small escape where I led baseball practices for my two boys. It's the only time I feel I can put things aside and just enjoy being with them. But once the practices were over, it's almost like a let down. Other than those few hours, just mood swings up and down.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Man, I do not know what happened, but the big D is kicking my a**. Started yesterday, no excitement, irritability, very tired.
I am getting decent sleep, eating Ok, taking my meds. Just one of those times depression is a random d*ckwad
I am getting decent sleep, eating Ok, taking my meds. Just one of those times depression is a random d*ckwad
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El Floppo
Footballguy
fred_1_15301
Footballguy
Wow I honestly never would have pictured you having depression issues based on your posts in here. Just goes to show that you can never tell what someone is dealing with. Hope you’re able to find an outlet.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Depression is a silent disease. Most can function and look fine but the darkness lives inside..
fred_1_15301
Footballguy
I know. I’ve had my own demons in the past as well. But 4 years later and I’m in the best place of my life right now. Problems can be resolved over time. I’m hoping nobody in here ever gives up
cosjobs
Footballguy
Statorama
gangster
PIK95
Footballguy
I got enough darkness for this whole board. Luckily for me my super power is repressing memories. The concussions actually help in that regard. Music is my drug of choice.
Hope everyone is having a good night. I'm a bit manic today, but I know a crash is looming.
Jayrod
Footballguy
Well, my job has become infinitely more stressful over the past month and my wife had major knee surgery which has taken a lot out of me at home.
As a result, I was stretched too thin, stopped doing a lot of the things that helped get me out of my prior depression and now am struggling again. It has been difficult just getting out of bed every day for the last week or so and I am not doing a good job of focusing at work. I just want to run and hide from everything.
Difference is, this time I know what is going on and am not hesitating to get some help. I told my wife last night and scheduled a doctor's appointment today. Just those two things have helped lighten me up a bit this morning. However, had a bombshell dropped on me (key person I work with is quitting) first thing this morning and it has been difficult to get through mentally. I'm saying and doing all of the right things, but my mind is screaming at me just to run away from it all. Thought I'd run in here for some personal therapy as well as a warning to all that even though things improve, you have to stay on your game, or it can come back. Those pathways are easily rediscovered by the brain if you let it.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Agreed. Battling depression is work. It makes you tired which is part of the reason it's hard to get out of bed at times. It's a daily job to keep it in check with whatever works for you, just like your other daily duties.
Best wishes. X
D-Day
Footballguy
Best of luck @Jayrod on working through the tough patch. Hopefully with help, it will get better soon.
Kind of makes you wish there was something to take your mind off all of your troubles. Something like rating the hotness of some random people. If only something like that could be invented.
Kind of makes you wish there was something to take your mind off all of your troubles. Something like rating the hotness of some random people. If only something like that could be invented.
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Frostillicus
Footballguy
I’m in the process of moving to a new home (yay!) that’s more expensive than anywhere I have ever lived by double (scary!). In the process I have not taken my pill (celexa) for three days and had some drinks tonight.
Dont do this. I can almost feel the demons trying to rush in. But I know what is happening and I am fine and I will take my pill tomorrow and everything will be ok.
I hate having to write this but I think you will understand.
Dont do this. I can almost feel the demons trying to rush in. But I know what is happening and I am fine and I will take my pill tomorrow and everything will be ok.
I hate having to write this but I think you will understand.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Do you ever let loose in here and then regret it and delete the next day? I feel that tonight. I can’t believe a pill has this much sway over my life. But I am greatful I have it.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I’m going to go run into a wall head first and knock myself out. Seems like the best course of action. See you tomorrow!
rockaction
Footballguy
Frostillicus, you'll get through it. I know this is weird, but I hope you have the best night. Just...ride it out. There's always tomorrow and good stuff in the morning. Until then, keep with your pills and you'll see the morning .
Never. I may regret certain details but unless I know a person well I don’t give their opinion that much sway.
It’s probably better to touch yourself in an impure manner.
If you are planning a head delete then that might be legit psychosis.
If it’s not serious intent you are likely better fiddling your Netherlands and catching a good nap.
if you are SERIOUSLY thinking of running in to a wall just respond to this and I’ll do my best to talk you through it.
This is a total “ mad libs” response.
Do you know this person? What qualifies you to give such a definitive response? Are you unaware that injecting your own opinion on to another can really set them off and is “ bad therapy”?
If this person has something to say let them say it. Don’t tell them how they should think or presume you know the solution. That’s not just bad therapy but it’s being a bad friend.
Listen
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
yes, but i never delete.
if i can get through my wife having a cancer scare, losing her job now a year after we about doubled our monthly housing payment, my 13-year-old daughter living with us full time now because her mom moved several hours away, and my ex continually not adhering to agreements, on only a few drinks per day of whatever alcohol we have in the house plus a few adaptogens, i'm sure you can make it through.
or not. but the internet will always be here. at least until the singularity.
tri-man 47
Footballguy
Good morning, @Frostillicus! Hopefully you and the wall made it through the night in one piece and at peace, respectively. Congrats on the new house ...seems to be an indication of your success, although that carries with it responsibilities.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I'm all good. This is good to have a place to vent. Thanks.
rockaction
Footballguy
John Bender
Footballguy
I'm in such a bad place in life right now
I'd like to vent in here. Please read all the way through if you can help me. I've always tried to help others about things I know at FBGs but now I need answers about life.
The good - about 18 months ago, I was diagnosed as diabetic. It depressed the #### out of me, I was overweight and felt terrible but still acted myself. I fell into a pattern of pretty bad anxiety. I locked myself up in the house for like 3 months until I decided to do something. I've now lost nearly 100 lbs and look better than ever and have more outgoing confidence (I'm at my high school wrestling weight). You can look at my backstory a bit in the Keto thread. I went to the doctor and my blood sugar dropped so dramatically, I was now "under" what they consider to be too low of an A1C blood sugar by a smidge. No meds, and that life is behind me. I kicked that things ###.
The dark - During those 3 months of depression, my wife and I, didn't drift apart but it was hard to be romantic and we spent more time doing our own things - something we were always comfortable with. I met her 6 years ago in Philadelphia and married her a year ago and we bought a house. She got offered a job in Virginia and I followed. Here I am 800 miles form where I grew up in Rhode Island and because of the anxiety issues, I didn't really manage to make many friends. This part is all my fault.
Wife travels a ton for work which is ok because we are both very independent and need our alone time. Friday night she got home from a trip and said "I'm not happy and I'm leaving", just a year into the marriage. Just like that. We had a GOOD relationship, we NEVER fought, we hardly ever argued. Honestly, my only criticism to her was she would never tell me if she felt a certain negative way about something I did or said. I implored her to please let me know if I pissed her off, annoyed her, she never did. I cherished her. She is absolutely an amazing person.
She won't listen to reason and took off to her moms in Philadelphia. She was planning this, sprung it on me. Refuses to try couples counseling, just says she is definitely not in love with me any more and is leaving. I can't do anything. She left me, trapped in our home, 800 miles from my original home for the weekend, alone. It's been agony. Alone, with my thoughts, and zero friends here
Now it gets deeper...
This is my 2nd divorce. 10 years ago, some might remember ( @General Malaise gave me especially good advice at the time I remember), my wife of only 6 months came home and said she is unhappy and leaving. Turns out, I found out later she was fooling around w another guy, who she eventually married, has since divorced and is now engaged a 3rd time at the age of 32. She also wouldnt listen to reason, no counseling, just DONE. I don't believe the current wife is having an affair, she's absolutely not that type but I'm suspicious that she could take vows a bit over a year ago and not be willing to try. Even try, even if it doesn't work.
What the #### is wrong with me?! I'm a kind person, I treat everyone with respect, I'm clean cut, well-off financially (self made), I've never even gotten a speeding ticket in my life, I'm an animal lover, a pianist, a personable and intelligent person, a friend to few but a dependable one.
Lets go back 10 years before that. High school, my father took a job in Florida, I was going to be a junior in high school. So they said I could stay back and live with my aunt. They didn't even fight to bring me with them. I rarely talk to my family to this day. Cordial, once a month phone calls.
On top of all this stress...we bought a house we could live in for life. It's loaded with furniture, a ####### grand piano for gods sake that I certainly can't take with me anywhere else to some smaller place. This woman wasn't just my wife, she was truly my best friend - no children (I don't want any and she doesn't either) - my closest friend I've ever had.
I don't know where to turn, who to talk to, what to do. My closest confidant is my boss, who is 4 states away and has been a father figure for me when I need advice but I can only lean on him so much, he's my boss. I'm 36. I'm definitely moving back home to Rhode Island when this is all settled to be closer to friends, but what in the #### do I do in the mean time. How do I handle the stress of all this.
I've seen therapists, I have a xanax rx. But seriously, why does every single person in my life abandon me?
I'm not suicidal at all, sometimes I think, well if I didn't wake up one day, that wouldn't be so bad but I don't think of doing it to myself, never have.
Where's the bright side, why does this #### keep happening to me and how did I become such damaged goods? Can anyone show me something positive. I get the physical changes and stuff but why is everything in else in my life and in my head so ####### broken?
Gah - thanks all.
ETA: one of the most dreadful things is my poor 10 year old, former abused dog who trusts no one and her and my wife are amazing together. She's the nurturer, I'm the provider. My dog has been freaking out all weekend and I swear if I move her away, she's going to die from heartbreak. She's almost like a child in our life. That part depresses me even more than thinking what I'll go through.
I'd like to vent in here. Please read all the way through if you can help me. I've always tried to help others about things I know at FBGs but now I need answers about life.
The good - about 18 months ago, I was diagnosed as diabetic. It depressed the #### out of me, I was overweight and felt terrible but still acted myself. I fell into a pattern of pretty bad anxiety. I locked myself up in the house for like 3 months until I decided to do something. I've now lost nearly 100 lbs and look better than ever and have more outgoing confidence (I'm at my high school wrestling weight). You can look at my backstory a bit in the Keto thread. I went to the doctor and my blood sugar dropped so dramatically, I was now "under" what they consider to be too low of an A1C blood sugar by a smidge. No meds, and that life is behind me. I kicked that things ###.
The dark - During those 3 months of depression, my wife and I, didn't drift apart but it was hard to be romantic and we spent more time doing our own things - something we were always comfortable with. I met her 6 years ago in Philadelphia and married her a year ago and we bought a house. She got offered a job in Virginia and I followed. Here I am 800 miles form where I grew up in Rhode Island and because of the anxiety issues, I didn't really manage to make many friends. This part is all my fault.
Wife travels a ton for work which is ok because we are both very independent and need our alone time. Friday night she got home from a trip and said "I'm not happy and I'm leaving", just a year into the marriage. Just like that. We had a GOOD relationship, we NEVER fought, we hardly ever argued. Honestly, my only criticism to her was she would never tell me if she felt a certain negative way about something I did or said. I implored her to please let me know if I pissed her off, annoyed her, she never did. I cherished her. She is absolutely an amazing person.
She won't listen to reason and took off to her moms in Philadelphia. She was planning this, sprung it on me. Refuses to try couples counseling, just says she is definitely not in love with me any more and is leaving. I can't do anything. She left me, trapped in our home, 800 miles from my original home for the weekend, alone. It's been agony. Alone, with my thoughts, and zero friends here
Now it gets deeper...
This is my 2nd divorce. 10 years ago, some might remember ( @General Malaise gave me especially good advice at the time I remember), my wife of only 6 months came home and said she is unhappy and leaving. Turns out, I found out later she was fooling around w another guy, who she eventually married, has since divorced and is now engaged a 3rd time at the age of 32. She also wouldnt listen to reason, no counseling, just DONE. I don't believe the current wife is having an affair, she's absolutely not that type but I'm suspicious that she could take vows a bit over a year ago and not be willing to try. Even try, even if it doesn't work.
What the #### is wrong with me?! I'm a kind person, I treat everyone with respect, I'm clean cut, well-off financially (self made), I've never even gotten a speeding ticket in my life, I'm an animal lover, a pianist, a personable and intelligent person, a friend to few but a dependable one.
Lets go back 10 years before that. High school, my father took a job in Florida, I was going to be a junior in high school. So they said I could stay back and live with my aunt. They didn't even fight to bring me with them. I rarely talk to my family to this day. Cordial, once a month phone calls.
On top of all this stress...we bought a house we could live in for life. It's loaded with furniture, a ####### grand piano for gods sake that I certainly can't take with me anywhere else to some smaller place. This woman wasn't just my wife, she was truly my best friend - no children (I don't want any and she doesn't either) - my closest friend I've ever had.
I don't know where to turn, who to talk to, what to do. My closest confidant is my boss, who is 4 states away and has been a father figure for me when I need advice but I can only lean on him so much, he's my boss. I'm 36. I'm definitely moving back home to Rhode Island when this is all settled to be closer to friends, but what in the #### do I do in the mean time. How do I handle the stress of all this.
I've seen therapists, I have a xanax rx. But seriously, why does every single person in my life abandon me?
I'm not suicidal at all, sometimes I think, well if I didn't wake up one day, that wouldn't be so bad but I don't think of doing it to myself, never have.
Where's the bright side, why does this #### keep happening to me and how did I become such damaged goods? Can anyone show me something positive. I get the physical changes and stuff but why is everything in else in my life and in my head so ####### broken?
Gah - thanks all.
ETA: one of the most dreadful things is my poor 10 year old, former abused dog who trusts no one and her and my wife are amazing together. She's the nurturer, I'm the provider. My dog has been freaking out all weekend and I swear if I move her away, she's going to die from heartbreak. She's almost like a child in our life. That part depresses me even more than thinking what I'll go through.
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kutta
Footballguy
Sorry about what you’re going through. On the the bright side, no kids. That’s great.
You know, here’s a thought. Try to live for you. Just you. Don’t let your happiness be determined by someone else. Ever. Even in a marriage or a friendship. You control that. I’ve been married 25 years, and if she left or died tomorrow, yes, I would be sad. And yes, it would hurt. But I truly believe I could still be happy.
There’s a lot of guys who would love to have a chance to be 36, decently well off, and single. You control your life. You can do WHATEVER you want right now. That’s a pretty good place to be. Accept it. Reflect on how you can be a better boyfriend/husband, and go do some awesome things.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
Not being glib. Sounds like you've had a run of bad luck, the effect of which you are compounding by taking personally.
There is not a playbook to modern life. There really should be. We are all improvising, making almost no aspect of our personal lives a matter of forethought or practice, going up to the line without a call, imitating our favorite QBs on the snap count as we envision the 40yd strike we are about to let loose, then ending up surprised and hurt to be sacked, walking off the field to seek drugs & excuses from "professionals". goddluckwiddat.
I have helped many people develop and carry out structured responses to what is going on in their lives. I do so gratis because i am trying to write that playbook to which i referred and need the same kind of practice i counsel others to exercise on their own behalf. If you are interested, PM me. You dont have to sign up for anything, may take my help as far as you need to (i've yet to stop at the same point with any two out of dozens of clients) and, at worst, will get a little personalized tea & sympathy and plain speaking. If not, i wish you courage, patience & better luck
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Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
not communicating along the way and just blindsiding you really sucks. right now, try to keep the focus off of yourself. nothing is wrong with you to cause this. relationships are tough. honestly, it's going to be hard to get the self-doubt out of you in the future (I've only had 1 divorce and I know), so i'm not going to sit here and just give you a saul "it's not your fault", but try to remember as much as you can that so much of the world is not in your control and life moves around us in unexpected ways. but there will absolutely be better times ahead.
Man In The Box
Footballguy
Damn. Sorry to hear about all this JB. I don’t have a lot of advice other than what’s been given by others here. You’ve always been one of my favorite posters here. The good old days and nights in the wagering threads are my fondest memories in this place. I wish you well, keep your head up bud. You’re good people.
John Bender
Footballguy
Yeah I know it's hard to give advice to people like this. I don't have many people to talk to, and venting has always helped me. Just reading some new perspectives so I don't feel so worthless. @wikkidpissah I'm definitely interested in what you mentioned above. I'll take any guidance I can right now.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
So sorry. I wouldn't take her back if she asked. She obviously has issues herself. People who pull stunts like that and without any discussion, just leaves, are weak. Look at your first wife. Can't keep a relationship.
Is there anyone in your family, anyone, you could start to establish a relationship with? As people get older many tend to want to re establish lost family relationships, make ammends, like maybe your parents. My dad has changed so much for the better in his older years. Maybe they want you to reach out first. Worth a try?
The obvious positive is how you lost a lot of weight and are off diabetic meds. Not an easy thing to do. Big ups. How about joining a gym for the time you are there. Set more goals for yourself as you build yourself back up. The plan to move is in place so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
This is fresh so naturally you have these feelings. You've been through it before and probably thought the same way you do now. Focus on you and the dog. There is time before you move and with time it'll be less heartbreaking to him. We never thought my friend's sister's dog would be ok after she died 3 years ago. He would sit at her bedroom door sad waiting for her to emerge. Then he became attached to their mother. 8 months later she went to assisted living. Now he's attached to my friend and her brother who live together. While traumatic times 2, he's bounced back because of the love and attention he gets from them, and me when I'm there. He does bark in sadness when one of us leaves which sucks, probably from 2 people who never came back, but he is very loved at 10 years old who also was abused.
Focus on you, your dog. You play piano? Something to get more into? Get out more so you're not left with your why me thoughts. Go to a dog park to help your dog mentally as well. Many of us have the why me thoughts for which who knows. Chalk it up to bad luck. You're life is about to change for the better. You're moving back soon for one. One day you'll look back at this and think thank God she left. People who have 0 communication skills make horrible partners in life.
Best wishes. Xxx
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
Sorry, my friend - i find "venting" a colossal waste of time and usually an exercise in reinforcing self-pity and nothing i do except for online-forum rambles has anything to do with "right now". That's what you pay the drugs&excuses folks for and there are plenty caring and sympathetic ears in this forum/thread with whom you are well-advised to trust your cares & woes. I got some answers if you want to add structure to your approach on life. PM me anytime if you want to know more.
The Duff Man
Footballguy
John, my situation isn't like yours exactly but there are some similarities. I don't have any close friends due to some of my history and general lack of interest and ability to get close to people.
I am very close to my wife, she is about the only person in the world I really want to spend time with. This weekend she wanted to go to a girls night on Fri at a very fun weekend event, which basically means I wouldn't get to go.
Instead of feeling sad that she didn't want to be with me (not the truth) or that I would miss the event, I went solo on Sat.
I decided I would be there like a character.....not like me.....and walked up to strangers, told them I didn't know a single person there (huge event with thousands) and could I join them for a beer. I went up to random girls and asked them to dance. In short, I allowed myself to open up to other people and had a blast
It was scary as hell, but sitting here a few days later I am thrilled I did it and ready for my next chance.
It could be worth a try.
(Just deleted what I’d written)
Am I the only one here who has trouble sharing because they just feel like it comes off like a friggin sad sack and no one wants to hear it? I don’t tell anyone in real life my issues, the wife doesn’t want to hear it and I struggle with saying anything here. Ultimately I’m so closed off from connecting with anyone. And there’s no prospect of things improving.
Am I the only one here who has trouble sharing because they just feel like it comes off like a friggin sad sack and no one wants to hear it? I don’t tell anyone in real life my issues, the wife doesn’t want to hear it and I struggle with saying anything here. Ultimately I’m so closed off from connecting with anyone. And there’s no prospect of things improving.
John Bender
Footballguy
All the time. But I got to the point where I needed some words from other people. It helped.
Just type it out.
kutta
Footballguy
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
Why would your wife not want to hear her husband's struggles?
Definitely don't feel like a sad sack. We all have struggles and sharing with each other is how we connect and better ourselves and each other.
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
Zegras11
Footballguy
John Bender
Footballguy
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Keep posting here. Never ever think people won't care. A good group here.ChopMeat said:
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Damn. Just found out a friend took his life yesterday. We haven't been that close lately, but he was the one where I got most of my jokes in the Jokes Laughter thread. A great guy, played the bass was a father and grandfather. But couldn't escape the demons :(
You will be missed Mike
You will be missed Mike
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
It's like singing the blues - if you don't do it right, it's just complaining,ChopMeat said:
But you've found the right place here. There's a damn good chance you'll find someone who can relate to where you're at, plenty of bright people who care and, though i've seen petty concerns deflected, i havent seen anyone harshed in the help threads. Maybe we can help.
And we're all sad sacks, dood. It's near impossible not to fall thru the cracks in some aspect of modern life, mainly because there aint a map to where the cracks are. The successful ones just make enough good for the bad to be dealable. There is a reason to continue, and even thrive, which can be found in most any life. We here try to help each other find that and point out some of the false steps along the way. We cant help your wife & kids appreciate you more, your boss not be a jackhole, the world seem less impossibly stoopit, but we can help you care more, act better, fail less, recover quicker. Give us a try.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
I take it by no posts since July that people are good?
Well, I am out of it today. I forgot to call in my prescription for my Limactil and Prozac on Thursday and havent taken any since Thursday morning. Just realized it last night. So everything is back full force (Racing thoughts, anxiety, no focus, etc.). My pharmacy is open today so I hope I can get it refilled today otherwise it will be Monday.
I will be OK, just will be a rollercoaster weekend if I can't get them until Monday
Well, I am out of it today. I forgot to call in my prescription for my Limactil and Prozac on Thursday and havent taken any since Thursday morning. Just realized it last night. So everything is back full force (Racing thoughts, anxiety, no focus, etc.). My pharmacy is open today so I hope I can get it refilled today otherwise it will be Monday.
I will be OK, just will be a rollercoaster weekend if I can't get them until Monday
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
It's just your inner weather, my friend. Very little of it can hurt you if you don't let it.
Tip for you and anyone else who needs to push extreme weather out of one's head - Daimoku chanting. Repeating "nam myoho renge kyo" over & over & over, as in the clip, feels silly at first, but Buddhists have been doing it for hundreds of years and, though i practice no religion, i've used this for everything from improving my golf swing to the "thinking about baseball" part of intimate situations.
Including crowding out the #### in my head. Thought is electrical and the Asians have gotten pretty sharp about focusing the flow of the 20-30 watts we have running our nervous system. It's best to practice it before you need it so it comes naturally, but i swear you can regain control of your head in the worst exigencies of dangerflow with this. Good health to you -
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Rattle and Hum
Footballguy
I Googled this and it translates to "I'm so small a virgin toad is sloppy". Please explain how this has helped you.
![[icon]](/data/avatars/s/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
