A note to my coworker ... (1 Viewer)

[TommyGilmore]

Dear Idiot Coworker:

I don't care if you talk out of your butt like a sleazy used car salesman. I actually think it's amusing the way your voice changes to a soft, smooth tone when a potential customer is on the phone, only to revert to your jackhole frathouse personality the moment you hang up.

Just please stop using my name to back up your inaccurate answers. These people are questioning your answers because your answers are WRONG. You make them up. This is what makes you an idiot. I appreciate that you think you can lend some credibility to your answers by attaching my name to them, but please.....just knock it off already.

Oh, and while I'm here: please stop taking credit for jobs that this company sold before you even started working here. Just because you drove by the jobsite on your first day of work, that doesn't mean you were a part of the project.

 

[Print Is Dead]

Guy,

Congratulations on UT-Arlington, your alma mater, making the NCAA tournament. However, just because they have a number 16 next to them in the bracket does not mean they've made the Sweet 16. And arguing about it when you're corrected only makes it worse. I might let it go if you weren't generally a giant #####.

No one likes you,

Print Is Dead

 

[The Dweeze]

Guy,Congratulations on UT-Arlington, your alma mater, making the NCAA tournament. However, just because they have a number 16 next to them in the bracket does not mean they've made the Sweet 16. And arguing about it when you're corrected only makes it worse. I might let it go if you weren't generally a giant #####. No one likes you,Print Is Dead

The "Sweet Sixty-five" just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well...

 

[chet]

Guy,Congratulations on UT-Arlington, your alma mater, making the NCAA tournament. However, just because they have a number 16 next to them in the bracket does not mean they've made the Sweet 16. And arguing about it when you're corrected only makes it worse. I might let it go if you weren't generally a giant #####. No one likes you,Print Is Dead

Unpossible. He really thinks that's what sweet sixteen refers to?

 

[Print Is Dead]

Guy,Congratulations on UT-Arlington, your alma mater, making the NCAA tournament. However, just because they have a number 16 next to them in the bracket does not mean they've made the Sweet 16. And arguing about it when you're corrected only makes it worse. I might let it go if you weren't generally a giant #####. No one likes you,Print Is Dead

Unpossible. He really thinks that's what sweet sixteen refers to?

I wish it weren't true.

 

[eoMMan]

Dear 22 year old in the cube next to me,

You can't be this dumb. It's gotta be schtick, right? First, the saying isn't "the smartest tool in the shed". Good job butchering that one. Second, it isn't Charles Barkley that sings "Crazy"....it's Gnarls Barkley. I think it would be best if you shut your hole....I'm talking about your mouth.....for a while. TIA.

eoMMan

 

[Abraham]

Dear lazy nurses,

In the time it took for you to come complain to me about how someone in the front-desk area didn't make copies for you / pull a chart / check in a patient / etc. you could have done the activity in question and saved us all a lot of trouble.

Thanks.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Dear 22 year old in the cube next to me,

You can't be this dumb. It's gotta be schtick, right? First, the saying isn't "the smartest tool in the shed". Good job butchering that one. Second, it isn't Charles Barkley that sings "Crazy"....it's Gnarls Barkley. I think it would be best if you shut your hole....I'm talking about your mouth.....for a while. TIA.

eoMMan

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

 

[Wild Young Billy]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

"sharpest" maybe?

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

technically, there ARE just about any combination of these sayings that you could think of...for example: Not the brightest fry on the chain

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

technically, there ARE just about any combination of these sayings that you could think of...for example: Not the brightest fry on the chain

Not the sharpest knife on the tree.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

technically, there ARE just about any combination of these sayings that you could think of...for example: Not the brightest fry on the chain

Not the sharpest knife on the tree.

 

[Cunk]

Sally, when I ask you to look at something on my computer screen you don't have to lean into it so your retina is almost scraping it.

And to everyone else. It's ok to point at the screen without actually touching it thus causing smear marks. I think only about 10% of humans can point at the screen without touching it.

Boss' wife. I bought you an extra large stupid. It may be snug on you though. Your welcome on saving your ### all the time so nobody realizes what a clueless dolt you really are. I love how I have to do your work because if I don't I have to fix the mess you made which will take longer than just doing it to begin with.

Sue, I like you but the "you're fired" shtick is played out. It gives me a headache now. That along with the yelling of my name the first time you see me every day. It's also weird how one day your boobs seem large then not large at all on other days.

 

[Cunk]

Uh. There IS a saying "not the smartest tool in the shed."

technically, there ARE just about any combination of these sayings that you could think of...for example: Not the brightest fry on the chain

Not the sharpest knife on the tree.

Not the Larsest in the Ulrich family

 

[Pickle Rody]

Dear Boss for a Day,

I understand that things are going pretty shatty for you right now. But really, is it my fault that you didn't have enough insurance to cover any mishaps that might occur on the job site? Yes, I was there the day the houses burned down. I was also the one (whom you told) to take the box of rags over to the next unit. Am I a freakin science geek? No. How the hell was I supposed to know that the fumes would combust and the homes would burn to the ground? Did you go into the unit to make sure that everything was "in the right" before heading home that night? No.

I really don't care what kind of trouble you might get into or what problems you might have to deal with in the future now that you are a risk in the eyes of insurance providers. Just freakin PAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did the job you asked of me. I am asking you to pay me for the work I did.

I'm never working for you again.

 

[Wild Young Billy]

Dear Boss for a Day,I understand that things are going pretty shatty for you right now. But really, is it my fault that you didn't have enough insurance to cover any mishaps that might occur on the job site? Yes, I was there the day the houses burned down. I was also the one (whom you told) to take the box of rags over to the next unit. Am I a freakin science geek? No. How the hell was I supposed to know that the fumes would combust and the homes would burn to the ground? Did you go into the unit to make sure that everything was "in the right" before heading home that night? No.I really don't care what kind of trouble you might get into or what problems you might have to deal with in the future now that you are a risk in the eyes of insurance providers. Just freakin PAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I did the job you asked of me. I am asking you to pay me for the work I did.I'm never working for you again.

So, you burned a house to the ground?

 

[Pickle Rody]

Dear Boss for a Day,I understand that things are going pretty shatty for you right now. But really, is it my fault that you didn't have enough insurance to cover any mishaps that might occur on the job site? Yes, I was there the day the houses burned down. I was also the one (whom you told) to take the box of rags over to the next unit. Am I a freakin science geek? No. How the hell was I supposed to know that the fumes would combust and the homes would burn to the ground? Did you go into the unit to make sure that everything was "in the right" before heading home that night? No.I really don't care what kind of trouble you might get into or what problems you might have to deal with in the future now that you are a risk in the eyes of insurance providers. Just freakin PAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I did the job you asked of me. I am asking you to pay me for the work I did.I'm never working for you again.

So, you burned a house to the ground?

Two houses.

 

[The Dweeze]

Dear Co-Worker who's office is next to mine,PLEASE STOP SINGING! I too somewhat enjoy the new Alicia Keys song but you are doing your best to change that. Yes it does have a catchy chorus and a nice beat to it. But please, do you need to listen to it at least once an hour? And you you need to sing along to it as well each time?Also, please change your cell phone ringer to vibrate. If not please change it from that God forsaken Alisha Keys song! And must you let it ring until your voicemail picks it up EVERY time?!?!? You do know you can hit a button to silence your ringer right?Thanks so much.

Dear other co-worker on the other side of me,It is apparent that you borrowed our co-workers Alicia Keys album. It is also apparent that you like it just as much as she did. Thanks I was really missing the times that my days were filled with listening to this AWESOME tune all day. I am glad this provides a great soundtrack to your day while YOU KNIT AT YOUR DESK ON THE COMPANY DIME!5pm can not come soon enough,The Dweeze

 

[TheAristocrat]

Dear Boss for a Day,I understand that things are going pretty shatty for you right now. But really, is it my fault that you didn't have enough insurance to cover any mishaps that might occur on the job site? Yes, I was there the day the houses burned down. I was also the one (whom you told) to take the box of rags over to the next unit. Am I a freakin science geek? No. How the hell was I supposed to know that the fumes would combust and the homes would burn to the ground? Did you go into the unit to make sure that everything was "in the right" before heading home that night? No.I really don't care what kind of trouble you might get into or what problems you might have to deal with in the future now that you are a risk in the eyes of insurance providers. Just freakin PAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I did the job you asked of me. I am asking you to pay me for the work I did.I'm never working for you again.

So, you burned a house to the ground?

Two houses.

If I PM you an address, will you burn that one down as well?

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

lol. GB Nigel bringin the funny in this thread as usual.

 

[eoMMan]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

Still bitter about Steve Guttenberg getting voted off?

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

Still bitter about Steve Guttenberg getting voted off?

 

[TommyGilmore]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

Still bitter about Steve Guttenberg getting voted off?

He's just a huge fan of Adam Carolla riding a unicycle dressed as Zorro

 

[wadegarrett]

Person:

You vote for "Dancing With the Stars" contestants? Really?

Die.

 

[mr. furley]

Hi,

I've had about enough of signing cards, chipping in to buy people lunch, gifts, flowers, etc.

I HAVE SIGNED FIVE CARDS THIS WEEK!

I HAVE CHIPPED IN ON TWO LUNCHES SINCE LAST WEEK!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE "10 or 20 bucks" TO BUY A GIFT THIS WEEK!

I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS TRADITION!

It has got to the point where a meeting was convened today to figure out a system of payment so that one person doesn't get stuck paying for the cards every time.

JUST STOP BUYING THE ####ING CARDS! STOP!

We needed to waste 10 minutes for this??? SERIOUSLY?!

I don't feel any better seeing a "Get Well" card on my desk when i come back from a couple days of being sick! I don't need a birthday card from you people! We don't need to drop $200 on a gift because someone's ex-mother-in-law died!

####!

 

[Fiddles]

o man this is what this thread is about

i should have some goodies in the future

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Hi,

I've had about enough of signing cards, chipping in to buy people lunch, gifts, flowers, etc.

I HAVE SIGNED FIVE CARDS THIS WEEK!

I HAVE CHIPPED IN ON TWO LUNCHES SINCE LAST WEEK!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE "10 or 20 bucks" TO BUY A GIFT THIS WEEK!

I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS TRADITION!

It has got to the point where a meeting was convened today to figure out a system of payment so that one person doesn't get stuck paying for the cards every time.

JUST STOP BUYING THE ####ING CARDS! STOP!

We needed to waste 10 minutes for this??? SERIOUSLY?!

I don't feel any better seeing a "Get Well" card on my desk when i come back from a couple days of being sick! I don't need a birthday card from you people! We don't need to drop $200 on a gift because someone's ex-mother-in-law died!

####!

:excellentposting: we got hit up today for a 'donation'

 

[joffer]

Hi,

I've had about enough of signing cards, chipping in to buy people lunch, gifts, flowers, etc.

I HAVE SIGNED FIVE CARDS THIS WEEK!

I HAVE CHIPPED IN ON TWO LUNCHES SINCE LAST WEEK!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE "10 or 20 bucks" TO BUY A GIFT THIS WEEK!

I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS TRADITION!

It has got to the point where a meeting was convened today to figure out a system of payment so that one person doesn't get stuck paying for the cards every time.

JUST STOP BUYING THE ####ING CARDS! STOP!

We needed to waste 10 minutes for this??? SERIOUSLY?!

I don't feel any better seeing a "Get Well" card on my desk when i come back from a couple days of being sick! I don't need a birthday card from you people! We don't need to drop $200 on a gift because someone's ex-mother-in-law died!

####!

Get well - get well soon we want you to get well....Get well - get well soon we want you to get well....

 

[McJose]

Hi,

I've had about enough of signing cards, chipping in to buy people lunch, gifts, flowers, etc.

I HAVE SIGNED FIVE CARDS THIS WEEK!

I HAVE CHIPPED IN ON TWO LUNCHES SINCE LAST WEEK!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE "10 or 20 bucks" TO BUY A GIFT THIS WEEK!

I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS TRADITION!

It has got to the point where a meeting was convened today to figure out a system of payment so that one person doesn't get stuck paying for the cards every time.

JUST STOP BUYING THE ####ING CARDS! STOP!

We needed to waste 10 minutes for this??? SERIOUSLY?!

I don't feel any better seeing a "Get Well" card on my desk when i come back from a couple days of being sick! I Idon't need a birthday card from you people! We don't need to drop $200 on a gift because someone's ex-mother-in-law died!

####!

:excellentposting: we got hit up today for a 'donation'

We have a "Sunshine Committee" around here. Every year they come around and ask for $10 to put into a fund. They use the money to buy flowers or cards for births, deaths whatever. Last year the Sunshine Broad came around and told me that the donation went up to $15. I asked her why. She said "We hired more people this year."

I must have given her this look: for about 5 minutes.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Hi,

I've had about enough of signing cards, chipping in to buy people lunch, gifts, flowers, etc.

I HAVE SIGNED FIVE CARDS THIS WEEK!

I HAVE CHIPPED IN ON TWO LUNCHES SINCE LAST WEEK!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GIVE "10 or 20 bucks" TO BUY A GIFT THIS WEEK!

I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THIS RIDICULOUS TRADITION!

It has got to the point where a meeting was convened today to figure out a system of payment so that one person doesn't get stuck paying for the cards every time.

JUST STOP BUYING THE ####ING CARDS! STOP!

We needed to waste 10 minutes for this??? SERIOUSLY?!

I don't feel any better seeing a "Get Well" card on my desk when i come back from a couple days of being sick! I Idon't need a birthday card from you people! We don't need to drop $200 on a gift because someone's ex-mother-in-law died!

####!

:excellentposting: we got hit up today for a 'donation'

We have a "Sunshine Committee" around here. Every year they come around and ask for $10 to put into a fund. They use the money to buy flowers or cards for births, deaths whatever. Last year the Sunshine Broad came around and told me that the donation went up to $15. I asked her why. She said "We hired more people this year."

I must have given her this look: for about 5 minutes.

we have this too...we use it for people in our division (large organization), but we still get the occaisional 'something extra' donation invitation

 

[mr. furley]

One of the ladies came around and asked me what i thought of the card/gift fund.

i told her i didn't really care to get them or be included in sending them.

she gave me a spiel about how she paid $7 for cards this year already and didn't think it was fair to her to be responsible for buying cards all the time. i told her to stop buying them.

her response, "well, who's going to do it then??!!? "

me:

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Dear 26 year old-ish Consultant,

Those things are FANTASTIC. I would liquidate my 401k tomorrow for 5 seconds of motorboating those glorious natural DDs.

Stay hard,

Fo Shizzle

 

[mr. furley]

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

furley, your situation sounds so Office Spacey.

 

[mr. furley]

furley, your situation sounds so Office Spacey.

i've often said i feel like i'm in a movie. more like The Truman Show and i'm being broadcast to eager fan-boy's across Japan.

 

[Shooter McGavin]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

do you work in an elementary school?

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

 

[wadegarrett]

Hey girlie,

I LOVE looking at your ### in those pants.

Too bad your horse teeth and annoying loud voice absolutely RUIN the rest of you.

wg

 

[wadegarrett]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

Unbelievable. i mean i believe you are serious. But you know, just, unbelievable.

 

[JaxBill]

Dear Business Analyst,

Yes, I realize there is a problem with the code that might appear one in a miilion times. I will drop what I'm doing with my project which has a deadline of next week. However, it is impossible to figure out what the problem is when you send an email about it, then IM me three times and finally call me all within a minute and a half.

Oh, and I see that your email has "urgent" for a title. Does that refer to the severity of the problem or the fact that you needed to urgently throw this grenade at 2:56 PM EST because you leave for the day at 3:00?

JaxBill

 

[Shooter McGavin]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

do you work in an elementary school?

Just with people who long for those days, I guess. The funny thing is, they're calling them "Spirit Days". I'm just waiting for the pep rally.

 

[shuke]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

Funny Hat Day deserves it's own thread, with pics.

 

[McJose]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

do you work in an elementary school?

 

[Shooter McGavin]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

Funny Hat Day deserves it's own thread, with pics.

If more than two people participate, I'll try to oblige...

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

Funny Hat Day deserves it's own thread, with pics.

If more than two people participate, I'll try to oblige...

2 o'clock conference call.

 

[Cameron Frye]

Dear HR lady,

Despite the noncommittal, polite nods I gave you, I think "Funny hat day" is a truly horrible idea. You should really watch "Office Space"

With love,

Shooter

My god, they're actually going through with it. "Funny Hat Day" is tomorrow. And if my life wasn't already enough like Office Space, there's a whole series of these theme days planned, including -- you guessed it -- Hawaiian Shirt Day.Kill me now.

My company had Funny Hat Day, Patriot Day, Funny Shoe Day (oh yeah) and then I think it petered out. Luckily I work in a remote office, so we just laughed at the pics and updated our resumes. During Patriot Day the receptionist dressed up as the Statue of Liberty.