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Big age gap between first and second child (1 Viewer)

shadyridr

shadyridr

Footballguy
Anybody with experience? What am I in for? I'm talking 7 year age difference. I like the fact my son can help out with things but will they be close?

Growing up I had two younger brothers. One was 3 years younger and one was 7 years younger. Im actually closer to the one who is seven years younger now but when we were kids that wasnt the case.

Pros? Cons?

 
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My sister has a 7yo, and thought she wasn't going to be able to have kids again due to some botch up from the C-section. About a year and a half ago they had another one. Then in August came another surprise. So 7yo, 1.5yo, and a .5yo, all girls.

I actually think having an age gap makes it way easier, as the 7yo is much more self sufficient. Just don't have another one immediately after. Lol

 
Our oldest son is 7 yrs older than his brother (oldest is 20 now, younger is 13). Now my oldest son is a ##### in general so take it with a grain of salt, but they are not close at all and never have been. I am hoping it gets better as they get older, but I don't think it will because my older son actually gets along better with my youngest who is 8.

 
There are three kids in my family. Each of us is 8 years apart. The two biological kids are 16 years apart.

My parents were very tired by the time I graduated high school.

 
Haha yeah Im not too excited about the whole changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night thing again. So tiring. But well worth it in the end.

 
I'm 8 years older than my brother. I hated him growing up, but now he's semi-tolerable.

I'm 12 years older than my sister. We didn't spend too much time together while growing up because of the age gap, but we get along great now.

I am more like a 3rd parent to both of them.

 
shadyridr said:
Haha yeah Im not too excited about the whole changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night thing again. So tiring. But well worth it in the end.
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We are up to 10 months. It's not as bad the 2nd time. First 3 months suck, next 3 are pretty terrible and then it gets better every month.
 
are you guys trying or is she pregnant?

Congrats either way.

My sister was 9 years older than me.

We're not really close in terms of having deep talks and always spending time together but we're good

 
I have three boys - 9, 7, and six months. So far the older boys are really excited about having a baby brother, and they're always excited to see him. I hope my oldest will want to help coach the baby's early sports teams in 6 years, but I don't expect them to be especially close when the older ones become teenagers.

 
comfortably numb said:
are you guys trying or is she pregnant?

Congrats either way.

My sister was 9 years older than me.

We're not really close in terms of having deep talks and always spending time together but we're good
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Oh sorry didnt mean to be so cryptic. My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with a girl!

 
I have a 16 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. Same wife :)

It's been like separately raising two kids. My son adores his sister but he has his own life. We're doing things again with her that we did a decade ago. I wasn't keen on doing the whole diaper thing again at my advanced age (45 when she was born) but it's great. Oh and total opposites. He was the easiest kid, mild mannered, chill all the time...she is a tornado, hurricane.

Pros: built in babysitter

Cons: living groundhog day again years later

 
Congrats shady!!

Have two girls, 19 & 14. Oil & water, fire & ice, any other euphemism you care to interject. The oldest wants nothing to do with the youngest and the youngest thinks she is entitled to all the things the older one enjoys. My prayer is after my wife and I are dead & gone they reconcile their lives together and figure out they really didn't have it too bad. Good luck!

 
#1 - you can't do anything about it now, so just make the best of it!

#2 - my kids are 5 years apart, and it's been great. Older was totally self-sufficient by the time #2 came along, and off to school, so it meant #2 got a lot of one-on-one time and attention, just like #1 did.

They have a relationship of benign neglect with one another. They like each other well enough, but generally just do their own thing.

 
Dude, 7 year is nothing. There is 13.5 years between me and my only sibling. Yes, same parents, same marriage, no "half siblings" or anything, my folks just waited a LONG time before having a second child due to their careers. I found out about my sibling on my 13th birthday, which looking back was kind neat.

For me, it's almost like being "between" generations - as all my cousins are within a few years of my sibling, and both of my parents have younger siblings (I was born when my dad's little brother was a freshman in college, and I was a freshman in college when his youngest was born).

 
shadyridr said:
Anybody with experience? What am I in for? I'm talking 7 year age difference. I like the fact my son can help out with things but will they be close?

Growing up I had two younger brothers. One was 3 years younger and one was 7 years younger. Im actually closer to the one who is seven years younger now but when we were kids that wasnt the case.

Pros? Cons?
Click to expand...
We have a 9 year old son, and a 9 month old daughter.

So far it is great that he is pretty self sufficient. Really takes a load off not having to juggle two young kids. He really likes to help feed and play with her, so that is also a help. I think the only cons so far that I have noticed is that he does get the short end of the stick sometimes. He had 8 years of being the only one, so I know that it bugs him that we can't hang out as much as usual. I have tried to make it more of a point and make it a bigger deal when we are able to have a "dude day". The other con is that I am almost a decade older than when he was a baby (40 now), and I am ####in' exhausted. If she doesn't sleep through the night I feel it 5x more than with him.

Congrats, and enjoy the ride!!

 
The only thing that sucks about having kids so far apart is that your Parenting Clock gets set all the way back to zero. Just when you're done with getting them dressed, feeding them, etc., you are all the way back to Square One.

When I had to change #2's diaper for the first time and realized that I had totally forgotten how to do it and had no idea what I was doing, I was like, "What have we done?"

But it's been all good ever since

 
The_Man said:
The only thing that sucks about having kids so far apart is that your Parenting Clock gets set all the way back to zero. Just when you're done with getting them dressed, feeding them, etc., you are all the way back to Square One.

When I had to change #2's diaper for the first time and realized that I had totally forgotten how to do it and had no idea what I was doing, I was like, "What have we done?"

But it's been all good ever since
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Yep thats how I feel. I totally forgot everything.

 
Ya know I kinda forgot about myself. My next closest brother is 19 years older than me, mom was 45 when she had me, woops. Pretty much grew up as an only child with plenty of interaction with my siblings but it was just different. They where more the age of my friends parents so it was an odd dynamic. Everything was really cool but when there is literally a generation between you and your brothers & sister it's a different situation.

Downside to that kind of age difference is knowing you are the last in line and get the joy of watching all of your family pass away :(

 
My oldest is 5.5 years older than my youngest, and for the most part it's a good gap. Far enough apart that they aren't usually competing for same stuff, close enough that the oldest can bend the youngest to his gaming will and they both have fun. Downside will be when the oldest hits his teen years and thinks the youngest is a pest, and also the five years in the house for the youngest without his brother. I think he'll miss him a lot.

 
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I dont have any experience with the age gap, but good luck Shady. My rule was simple; once the youngest started school, we were done.

 
I am seven years older than my sister. I wanted a baby brother or sister the first 4 or 5 years of my life then when one came along was pretty used to being an only child. She wanted to do everything I did but was too young/small/ etc. to do it. I mainly looked out for her and protected her, came up with ways to change games to make it challenging for me and playable for her. You are not going to have the close relationship two boys or two girls that are within 3 years have.

I now have three boys and the oldest and youngest are 7 years apart, 9 and 2. The oldest is more of a babysitter than a playmate. The 2 year old is closer to his 6 year old brother.

My advice: It will be hard on the boy after the new wears off. Make sure as you are getting presents for the baby that he gets some presents too. I remember my bus driver bringing me a present also which was rare. He needs alone time with you too.

Pros: Helps to prepare him for responsibility and adulthood.

Cons: Finding activities suitable for everyone.

 
I'm 7 years older than my youngest brother. My other brother is only a year younger than me. There are a lot of fun things you can do with a 7 year younger brother that you can't do with a brother only a year younger. For example, one time we stuck his head between the iron rails on the front porch and he couldn't get out for over an hour. Another time we harassed him so much he cr*pped his pants, I don't remember this one but he insists it happened. He fondly remembers these episodes and from time to time, actually almost everytime we meet, he reminds me of them to reminisce about the good old days.

 
My youngest is a junior in high school and every time the wife and I hook up, a little piece of me worries about having another kid. I was a pretty young guy when my kids were small (mid-20's - 30) and I feel like I had a ton more energy then. I can't even imagine having to do it all over again. Although, I guess I'd adapt like everyone else does if I had to.

Good luck to you.

 
It depends on how you treat the first one when the second is born. I am almost 10 years older than my 1 bro. I was daddy's girl to the hilt and being the only kid, got a ton of love and attention. When bro was born some of it went away. I was 10 and not ready to give up daddy to anyone. I couldn't stand my bro for years when I was a teenager. I got in trouble for everything, even things he did. We didn't become close until I went to university and basically grew up. Now it's the two of us and we're buds. I paved the road for an easier life for him with experience and dealing with the parents. As far as having things in common, we do now later in life but didn't early on.

Nothing wrong with the age difference. Just don't let #1 feel like he's now #2.

 
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Chapelboy said:
I have a 16 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. Same wife :)

It's been like separately raising two kids. My son adores his sister but he has his own life. We're doing things again with her that we did a decade ago. I wasn't keen on doing the whole diaper thing again at my advanced age (45 when she was born) but it's great. Oh and total opposites. He was the easiest kid, mild mannered, chill all the time...she is a tornado, hurricane.

Pros: built in babysitter

Cons: living groundhog day again years later
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:goodposting:

We're considering going for another one, which if she got pregnant soon would mean 13,11,8,5,0. So far my 12yo doesn't like his 4yo brother (at times I don't blame him) but he helps a lot and they all get along pretty well.

 
I was almost 7 years older than my sister and it worked out great. Age difference didn't create any rivalries and I kind of looked out for her as long as I was home.

My kids are 7 years apart with our son the oldest - seems a lot the same and they get along great.

 
spreagle said:
I'm 7 years older than my youngest brother. My other brother is only a year younger than me. There are a lot of fun things you can do with a 7 year younger brother that you can't do with a brother only a year younger. For example, one time we stuck his head between the iron rails on the front porch and he couldn't get out for over an hour. Another time we harassed him so much he cr*pped his pants, I don't remember this one but he insists it happened. He fondly remembers these episodes and from time to time, actually almost everytime we meet, he reminds me of them to reminisce about the good old days.
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Don't you feel kinda ####ty about that now? Sounds like it left quite a lasting impression on him - not in a good way or he wouldn't keep bringing it up.

 
spreagle said:
I'm 7 years older than my youngest brother. My other brother is only a year younger than me. There are a lot of fun things you can do with a 7 year younger brother that you can't do with a brother only a year younger. For example, one time we stuck his head between the iron rails on the front porch and he couldn't get out for over an hour. Another time we harassed him so much he cr*pped his pants, I don't remember this one but he insists it happened. He fondly remembers these episodes and from time to time, actually almost everytime we meet, he reminds me of them to reminisce about the good old days.
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Truthfully as an older brother thats messed up. Im 3 1/2 years older than mine and i truly would expect to get my a$$ beat by him if i did that to him. If i was the younger i honestly would beat you with a bat. I mean i guess you are lucky as it sounds he is a pushover and hasn't retaliated but i grew up in a family where violence was almost the solution to everything so if something didn't go your way you would fight about it including with my father. I don't know how you are and how old he is now bout just consider yourself lucky overtime you see him that he doesn't snap because if you were in my household that would just "fly by" under the rug. Maybe at the time it would but as you say he brings it up often there would be fights almost every single time until i felt i beat your a$$ enough to where i felt we were even. I can already see you saying you were bigger and huskier but that wouldn't phase my family. Doesn't matter how big you are you catch a metal bat to the back of the head like i did you are going to sleep.

 
It really is almost an only child. My son is 11 years older than my daughter. He's always been great , when he was a teenager she was young enough that he would play with her and help out.

There was always sone "leave me alone" stuff but overall he was great. Plus he would babysit on occasion.

Now when he comes home from school she gets super pumped

 
Chapelboy said:
I have a 16 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. Same wife :)

It's been like separately raising two kids. My son adores his sister but he has his own life. We're doing things again with her that we did a decade ago. I wasn't keen on doing the whole diaper thing again at my advanced age (45 when she was born) but it's great. Oh and total opposites. He was the easiest kid, mild mannered, chill all the time...she is a tornado, hurricane.

Pros: built in babysitter

Cons: living groundhog day again years later
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Have 24 and 8 year old (also same wife) and the sisters have a great bond together, but is it the same as those who grow up together? I would imagine it is different. We go out of our way to avoid using the older one as a babysitter, since we do not want her sister to be a burden and want them being sisters. Having said that, we have used her sister as help too, so maybe not 100% successful on our part.

Pros: So much better parents 2nd time around. Better off financially, better knowledge of how to be a parent.

Cons: Chasing young kid around, being the old parent at every school and life event, the thought of kid hitting college as I am about to hit 60.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

 
I think the bigger the gap, the more the older one wants to take care of and be an example for; in the end they end up being great friends in a lot of cases that I know of. It is probably an advantage, in my opinion.

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
I think the bigger the gap, the more the older one wants to take care of and be an example for; in the end they end up being great friends in a lot of cases that I know of. It is probably an advantage, in my opinion.
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This is true however it came later in life for me and my bro. I paved the way for him to have it easier and to go against the grain that is this fam. And now he is returning the 'favor' by being my big bro. The only thing that sucks about the 10 year age difference is it's highly likely I will go before him, much sooner, which being it's just the two of us, would suck for him. For the longest time I wish I had a sibling closer to my age. It took until bro entered his 30s to feel like I have an equal mentally.

 
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