netnalp - Do you ever have fears that you may be 'wired' incorrectly also? Even though it doesn't show now do you sometimes fear it may come out later or have strange thoughts that you may associate with genetics or your childhood?
I've also had issues in my life that make people I've talked to shake their head and wonder how I've coped and stayed so even keeled. In the back of my mind, I always wonder if I'm wired correctly and if someday things may snap......
I don't think I could snap or that I'm a ticking time bomb. The theory of a criminal gene hasn't held up in scientific research studies, so I don't think there's a concern for that. I think common problems that some people have, like, depression, lack of social skills and anger issues to name a few, have at their core self-esteem issues. At least for cases where brain chemistry issues have been ruled out. In the case of my immediate family, it seems like I differ from my brothers in that they look to hide their flaws and emotional issues. The oldest brother for instance will never apologize, say thank you, he's never wrong, everything is someone else's fault, and everybody else is the problem not him. It makes it so he can't hold down a job because he can't work with others. I think his low self-esteem causes him to take everything as a personal attack and he won't take responsibility for things because that would be an admission of being flawed. He even takes it personally when someone passes him on the highway. If someone tries to pass him on the left, he'll speed up and go into the left lane. Then when he gets next to a car in the right lane he'll slow down to the right lane car's speed. That way nobody can pass. He claims that "They shouldn't be going faster than the speed limit to pass."
The second oldest brother that installed the camera in a restroom, he coped differently. Low self-esteem as well, his issues were mainly with approaching women. He had strong sexual attraction but lacked the social skills to attract women. To satisfy those desires he resorted to peeping rather than find way to improve his social skills. He's always been mechanically inclined, so he went with his strengths, engineering a physical means to accomplish the desire to see naked women. Rather than working on his mental and emotional deficiencies. He's said he never thought he would get caught due to a belief that he was smarter than the police. He started slowly compromising his morality. Using binoculars to look into windows, then going up to the window, to where he gave himself the permission to go ahead and put a camera in. To compensate for his guilt, he became heavily involved in a religious group. He got caught and served his punishment. The court mandated therapy was helpful for him. He lives a more honest life, though it's not ideal. He's honest with the women he's with, that he's mainly in it for the sex. The result is he gets involved with women that have major issues themselves. Most react very violently when they get upset. It wouldn't surprise me if one of these women were to stab him or accuse him of a crime he didn't commit just to get back at him for leaving them.
Drew had similar issues to the brother above him to an exponential degree. The age difference between him and the older brothers made him almost an only child. So he didn't have some of the experiences that a child with an older sibling closer in age would. I came along and he couldn't cope with the feelings of jealousy. I don't think I'll ever make sense of how he got to where he did. I think he probably slowly escalated and then made the big step in deciding to rape someone. The killing could have been so there was no witness or maybe he enjoyed doing the act. I have no way of knowing.
Me, I tend to admit my fears and short comings. If I can do something to remedy them then I take actions to overcome them. Like being shy around girls as a teenager, I made friends with guys that were good with women and learned from them. I'm constantly gathering stuff to dig into and learn about, most recently computer programming, how to play guitar, and learning languages. I do get accused of being over analytical. I think that's because those are skills I used to learn skills that I wasn't a "natural" at. Some friends say I'm a bit of a know it all. But that's mostly my less educated friends, so the overlap of topics we share knowledge of is smaller. They don't care about classical conditioning and I'm clueless when it comes to the strategy of basketball.