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Parenting Tips (1 Viewer)

Joe Bryant

Guide
Staff member
Codie Sanchez is a business person I like. This is non business but good.

https://x.com/Codie_Sanchez/status/1871565019705471238


I asked my mom & dad for advice recently from raising me and my brother...

I’m not a parent yet but one day (fingers crossed).

This is what they told me, maybe you’ll find it useful too:

1. Your kids are not your friends. They’re yours to safeguard and support, but set rules. Biggest problem with most kids in our generation, their parents wanted to be liked not respected.

2. Psy ops are underrated. My mom had this line for whenever I got into trouble. She’d say, “When I ask you a question like this, I already know the answer. I am giving you a chance to come clean...” At which point I’d sing like a canary because I’m a scaredy cat. I found out today she rarely knew the answers. Brilliant and maniacal.

3. Always on the same page. My mom and dad rarely fought in front of my brother and I. They would never go back on the word of the other. United front to deal with us mini terrorists.

4. Make time. My dad had this silly line that is actually not silly: “You can make money, you can make a cake, but you can’t make time.” So they made allllll the time for us.

5. Four chairs. We have these four chairs in our living room, no tv. Growing up, we’d sit and debate and talk for hours. Politics. Opinions. Our days. Only thing not allowed was an opinion you couldn’t defend unemotionally. We still do this today.

6. Mi Sangre mi siempre. They’d always say, blood comes first. They meant it. I hired my brother, my dad, my mom, my cousin at times. We stick together and we may fight like hell but never in front of others.

7. Once you decide, you don’t quit. We could play any sport or instrument BUT if we committed we had to play the full year all out. No 3 lessons and quit. Taught us to choose thoughtfully and keep going even when it hurt.

8. Always call. They still pick up the phone nearly every time it’s family. My dad in a meeting will pause to answer my mom. My husband taught me this too, and I try to do the same. If they’re your first priority this is an easy way to prove it.

9. You’re not a princess, you’re a president. My dad always used to say that line. He told me this week that I lived up to it. Gutted me. He taught us we didn’t need to be saved, instead we could save ourselves and help others.

10. Hug often and seriously. If you’ve ever hugged my parents, they mean it when they do it. Such a simple, free gesture. My mom always gives you a hug and says vaya con dios... go with God. How can you not do big things with parents that hold you like that?

Just some lessons from parents I happen to think are some of the best in the world.

Moms & dads everywhere, I’m in awe of you.

Hardest job I’ve ever seen.

Hope ya'll have a great time with the fam today Now get off your phone
 
Codie Sanchez is a business person I like. This is non business but good.

https://x.com/Codie_Sanchez/status/1871565019705471238


I asked my mom & dad for advice recently from raising me and my brother...

I’m not a parent yet but one day (fingers crossed).

This is what they told me, maybe you’ll find it useful too:

3. Always on the same page. My mom and dad rarely fought in front of my brother and I. They would never go back on the word of the other. United front to deal with us mini terrorists.
This one is my #1 with a bullet.

I'd add this one - If you over-discipline, or yell just a bit too loudly, you don't lose "points" with your child if you apologize for it. Explain that the correction was still necessary but that you went too far. It'll demonstrate to you child that you're tough but fair.
 
These are interesting and sound nice, but many of them are more nuanced issues than the list would suggest.

Some examples:
  1. feeling obligated to hire your family members might be a quick way to go out of business
  2. if your spouse is yelling at your kid unfairly...is it more important to back up your spouse every time or sometimes to show your kid some support?
  3. if your kid is in a toxic situation, is it really always better to finish out the season?
 
These are interesting and sound nice, but many of them are more nuanced issues than the list would suggest.

Some examples:
  1. feeling obligated to hire your family members might be a quick way to go out of business
  2. if your spouse is yelling at your kid unfairly...is it more important to back up your spouse every time or sometimes to show your kid some support?
  3. if your kid is in a toxic situation, is it really always better to finish out the season?
As far as this one goes, I took it more to mean parents quarrel/quibble alone behind closed doors and away from ear shot and hash out where they stand and then support the plan whole heartedly in front of the kid even if things don't go the way you wanted them too. My wife and I did this often because we had different approaches to discipline at times so we'd talk and sometimes argue until we made a final decision on how to go forward and then it was full support from both of us in front of our kid. Never let the kid think he/she can play favorites or has an option other than what you present as a couple.

honestly, it is quite empowering for the parents as well because you learn to go all in and give support to your spouse/ partner so even your kids recognize the couple relationship is inviolate.
 
These are interesting and sound nice, but many of them are more nuanced issues than the list would suggest.

Some examples:
  1. feeling obligated to hire your family members might be a quick way to go out of business
  2. if your spouse is yelling at your kid unfairly...is it more important to back up your spouse every time or sometimes to show your kid some support?
  3. if your kid is in a toxic situation, is it really always better to finish out the season?

Sure. Any list like this is going to be big picture.

For family, I didn't read that as an obligation to hire family.

6. Mi Sangre mi siempre. They’d always say, blood comes first. They meant it. I hired my brother, my dad, my mom, my cousin at times. We stick together and we may fight like hell but never in front of others.

I read it as what she wrote, "blood comes first." She happened to hire some of her family. I've seen that work out great first hand. But I've also seen that not work. So be careful. But I agree with putting high value on family.

For finishing out the season, I'd say you have to look closely. I don't think she's saying stay in a toxic situation. I see lots of kids on the other end of the spectrum who want to quit as soon as it gets difficult. I think she's saying don't do that.
 
apologize for it. Explain that the correction was still necessary but that you went too far. It'll demonstrate to you child that you're tough but fair.

Apologizing to the kids is underrated. I’ve made more ground with my teens when I admit I was wrong or overreacted. I try not to make it a habit but I want them to do the same, and recently they have been.
These are interesting and sound nice, but many of them are more nuanced issues than the list would suggest.

Some examples:
  1. feeling obligated to hire your family members might be a quick way to go out of business
  2. if your spouse is yelling at your kid unfairly...is it more important to back up your spouse every time or sometimes to show your kid some support?
  3. if your kid is in a toxic situation, is it really always better to finish out the season?
1. Yeah, no. Thankfully I’m not in a posit to do so except for chores, which I’m happy to do.
2. It takes two to be on the same page. If spouse is acting like that it’s probably already a failure at that moment. Thankfully I haven’t felt compelled to yell at them in a while but IIRC the last time I did, my wife just looked at me and that calmed me down. I don’t think she’s ever yelled at them, she doesn’t have to.
3. Agreed here. Reasons matter, but generally complete the season, fulfill your obligations. I did let my middle schooler drop advanced math after trying hard for a couple months. Later we found out that half the class dropped, teacher moved the next year.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
 
#3 is big with us. We've both written checks the other had to cash, so to speak, but our kids will never know and we've never disagreed in front of them. Even in the one in college knows mom and dad are on the same page at all times, there will be no divide and conquer.
 
Good stuff!

I'll add... For us, parenting has been about teaching consequences- cause and effect, so they can learn to make their own, hopefully healthy choices as they navigate life outside chez floppo.

We had floppinho from 2-4yo in a very progressive pre-school, that we loved. But we noticed other parents decided that "no" and "good job" were bad words on their own. The idea was to explain why and what that kid had done well instead of just saying "good job" and to not limit kids with "no", but to explain things to them.

While we agreed with idea behind that... These kids are 2-4yo, and need to hear both no and good job- to learn basics from... Along with the explanations, to expand that learning.

Im constantly astonished at how very smart little ones are- if you explain it, they'll get. You can't do a, b, c because of x, y, z... Often as simple as that.
 
1. Keep super glue on hand at all times.

2. Keep duct tape on hand at all times.

3. Make your kids play in the dirt.

4. You are their parent and not their best friend when they are little. You can be their best friend later.
 
Not a parent, but I really like #4, making time for your kids, in concert with @ChiefD’s “playing in the dirt”. The most well adjusted kids I know come from families with involved parents, who do outdoor activities with their children. While things like sports are valuable as they get older, hiking and camping when they’re little teaches the value of physical exertion, self reliance, and takes away the tech.

Also, parents need to model good behavior with diet and exercise habits, avoiding alcohol, and limiting time on electronic devices. Free will comes into play, of course, but children ultimately learn from their environment.
 
Some food for thought - thx for sharing Joe. In that vein, I'll share some of my thoughts on Codie's thoughts:

1) Building and maintaining a friendship with your kids is very important. Of course you have to use your authority to parent but how many strained relationships do we see/read about where parents and their adult kids have terrible relationships? Being a dictator instead of a guide is bad advice, IMO.

3) I agree with showing a solidified front on most occasions, but modeling adult disagreements and variances of opinions in a civil and respectful manner is also important. Shouting matches shouldn't happen in front of kids or behind closed doors. I'm glad that my kids see my wife tell me in real time if I'm making a poor decision, and also see my acceptance of critical feedback and processing.

7) The idea that quitting isn't an option is lame. It also ups the ante for your kids to trying new things. I call BS on the idea that if you sign your kid up for piano lessons, and 2 months in they hate it, you have to keep forcing them to go. As mentioned above, toxic sports environments are also places where kids are better off leaving early than sticking it out. Of course there's a happy medium - but Codie doesn't suggest that. Keep going when it hurts is bad advice.

Most of the other stuff - answering the phone when your immediate family calls, hugging your kids, and teaching them they can be leaders (presidents) - I'm all in on that stuff. :clap:
 
Codie Sanchez is a business person I like. This is non business but good.

https://x.com/Codie_Sanchez/status/1871565019705471238


I asked my mom & dad for advice recently from raising me and my brother...

I’m not a parent yet but one day (fingers crossed).

This is what they told me, maybe you’ll find it useful too:

1. Your kids are not your friends. They’re yours to safeguard and support, but set rules. Biggest problem with most kids in our generation, their parents wanted to be liked not respected.

2. Psy ops are underrated. My mom had this line for whenever I got into trouble. She’d say, “When I ask you a question like this, I already know the answer. I am giving you a chance to come clean...” At which point I’d sing like a canary because I’m a scaredy cat. I found out today she rarely knew the answers. Brilliant and maniacal.

3. Always on the same page. My mom and dad rarely fought in front of my brother and I. They would never go back on the word of the other. United front to deal with us mini terrorists.

4. Make time. My dad had this silly line that is actually not silly: “You can make money, you can make a cake, but you can’t make time.” So they made allllll the time for us.

5. Four chairs. We have these four chairs in our living room, no tv. Growing up, we’d sit and debate and talk for hours. Politics. Opinions. Our days. Only thing not allowed was an opinion you couldn’t defend unemotionally. We still do this today.

6. Mi Sangre mi siempre. They’d always say, blood comes first. They meant it. I hired my brother, my dad, my mom, my cousin at times. We stick together and we may fight like hell but never in front of others.

7. Once you decide, you don’t quit. We could play any sport or instrument BUT if we committed we had to play the full year all out. No 3 lessons and quit. Taught us to choose thoughtfully and keep going even when it hurt.

8. Always call. They still pick up the phone nearly every time it’s family. My dad in a meeting will pause to answer my mom. My husband taught me this too, and I try to do the same. If they’re your first priority this is an easy way to prove it.

9. You’re not a princess, you’re a president. My dad always used to say that line. He told me this week that I lived up to it. Gutted me. He taught us we didn’t need to be saved, instead we could save ourselves and help others.

10. Hug often and seriously. If you’ve ever hugged my parents, they mean it when they do it. Such a simple, free gesture. My mom always gives you a hug and says vaya con dios... go with God. How can you not do big things with parents that hold you like that?

Just some lessons from parents I happen to think are some of the best in the world.

Moms & dads everywhere, I’m in awe of you.

Hardest job I’ve ever seen.

Hope ya'll have a great time with the fam today Now get off your phone
Spot ****ing on.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
 
Numbers 1,2 and 3 are bedrocks in our household and things my wife and I discussed at length prior to us having kids.

I’ve always said my job isn’t to love my kid, that is unconditional, my job is to raise a good human being. My daughter is 9 now but with every decision I make with her I envision what kind of 25 year old am I creating/shaping?

The not being a quitter rule also is strictly followed in our household. If you start it you finish it. This ties into also what has been mentioned up thread and involvement in organized sports. We’re pretty much year round in something, sometimes 2 simultaneously.
 
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Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.

Love her take on grit. Perseverance and passion for long-term goals.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
Yes, I would agree with that statement. My kids did sports, but any type of commitment would serve the same function.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.

Thanks. Would you recommend the book overall?
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
Yes, I would agree with that statement. My kids did sports, but any type of commitment would serve the same function.

Absolutley. It's not specifically the sports. It's being involved in an activity that is challenging and requires perseverance.
 
Duckworth TED talk.

 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
Yes, I would agree with that statement. My kids did sports, but any type of commitment would serve the same function.

Absolutley. It's not specifically the sports. It's being involved in an activity that is challenging and requires perseverance.
yes yes yes 1000 times yes my girls did a ton of sports and were good at them and got to play in college our next door neighbors who were not as sporty although i did coach the daughter in softball back in the day were way into the arts and they would have concerts and plays and i think they were surprised at first when we would show up but they were always happy about it and would come right to us after the concert or play and talk about it like it was a game and it was effen awesome brohans to see them excited and pumped up i think the big deal is if you have kids or you have friends kids you go and support them and show them that whatever they are into matters to you and is worthwhile and worth coming to see and that is how you keep a kid invested and growing and being a part of whatever it is that they enjoy just be present be supportive and allow kids the to enjoy things and have fun take that to the bank brohans
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.

Thanks. Would you recommend the book overall?
100%. She is one of if not the leading expert on the subject.
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.

Thanks. Would you recommend the book overall?
100%. She is one of if not the leading expert on the subject.

Thanks. Does she have an opinion on the requiring kids to stick with an activity point?
 
Having raised 5 kids, with the youngest currently a senior in High School, I think the most important thing was having them in team sports throughout the entire year. This gave them the best opportunity to be around good kids, from good families. I fully appreciate that not everyone has the ability (time, money, flexibility) to have their kids in sports, but I cannot recommend it enough if you have the means.
I will expand this to extracurricular activities. 4 are out of the house, but we have one left who is a junior. He played sports in grade school, but was never very good at them and didn't enjoy them, but did enjoy being part of the team. He is now involved in marching band in the fall, Jazz band, robotics, and concert band in the winter and spring, not to mention Quiz Bowl and other extracurriculars. He doesn't have anything in the summer, but only has part of June and July off before Band camp starts in August.

Whatever their interest is, the main thing is encouraging them to be involved in extracurricular activities.
This was one of the big takeaways from the book Grit by Angela Duckworth as well.

Thanks. Would you recommend the book overall?
100%. She is one of if not the leading expert on the subject.

Thanks. Does she have an opinion on the requiring kids to stick with an activity point?
Yes, there's a chapter about this. She recommends letting the kids pick their activity but once they start they can't quit until a natural stopping point in the schedule - e.g., the end of the sports season. Additionally, a big part of developing grit is the kids seeing the results of their work in terms of noticeable progress, like milestones in athletic achievement. So it's not just about showing up for the minimum number of practices and picking grass in the outfield, it's putting real work in and seeing themselves become better players or whatever.
 
i have kids i have coached who have gone on to play college ball but who wanted to quit at some point along the way and ive always told them in high school look you might not believe me now but i miss playing ball every day of my life and if you stop now and dont finish what you started in 10 or 20 years you will look back and regret it every single day and most stay and osme have told me at the end of high school that i was right some of those not because they love ball but because they love thier teammates and either way there are about 100 lessons from this take that to the bank bromigos
 
7) The idea that quitting isn't an option is lame. It also ups the ante for your kids to trying new things. I call BS on the idea that if you sign your kid up for piano lessons, and 2 months in they hate it, you have to keep forcing them to go. As mentioned above, toxic sports environments are also places where kids are better off leaving early than sticking it out. Of course there's a happy medium - but Codie doesn't suggest that. Keep going when it hurts is bad advice.
Quitting is lame. There is a difference between quitting and giving everything you have into a situation to the point that the situation has run it's course and you stop. Every situation can come to a head where removing yourself is the right answer but that is far different than quitting.
 

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