Community Talk - "Third Places" (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

https://x.com/Football_Guys/status/1768273708890648708?s=20

Society, and people, need community.

And that means places to gather. Real physical places.

Sociologists call these places "Third Places." The name comes from the idea that people want a third place to go along with home and their workplace.They can be barbershops, community centers, churches, hardware stores, coffee shops, and more.Often they are bars.

This is a good article I thought about a niche type bar that leans on the community part more than ever.

Detroit’s Third-Shift Bars Were a Lifeline. Now They’re a Dying Breed.

Detroit, Michigan’s early morning bars, like Abick’s Bar and Eastpointe Pub, which serve factory workers and first responders, are in decline.

punchdrink.com

 

[Keerock]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Thanks. I do wonder what percentage of folks are like that.

 

[belljr]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

 

[Scoresman]

Another home, home, and home here. Obviously require social interaction but that mostly happens at our house. Wife and I love to host and cook.

 

[Ilov80s]

I’ve got a local bar that’s a nice hangout. It’s usually the place I’ll meet friends after work or to watch a game. We’ve been going there for almost 20 years, know the owners, staff, the regulars, etc

 

[Runkle]

I was recently reading something somewhere, complaining about a DJ at a party. that made me think of this. The DJ was playing their latest creation hip techo crazy music that, while technically good, couldn't be danced to. And then the comment was made that people don't really dance nowadays anyway anymore. And that's kind of true. Something people have done for millennia is kind of disappearing. And so is the casual after-work bar, and all the other third places. And the reason is similar... when the owners try to maximize spending money the end up ruining the community experience. You want people to spend money, and that means drink more, and that means talk less, so let's blast the music so no one can hear each other and they have nothing else to do with their mouths than pour alcohol into it, therefore profit. Let's make the 'dance club' a place where they have to spend money to get in to hear the latest DJ but then have to keep going back to the bar between songs because they can't really dance to the music, so that's more profit. And so on.

There really are very, very few places that one can exist for free. Or at least at low cost. A place that is also safe to hang out in without becoming overcrowded, loud, and aggressive. Losing those kind of places hurts. But they're not profitable enough or maximized so the whole thing is just gone.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Annoyingly, there is lots of commercially-zoned land within walking distance from my house, and I don't believe any of it will be developed into a bar any time soon. My wife and I would absolutely become regulars (or at least occasion-ers) at a place like that, if we could turn it into a pleasant stroll and not have to worry about driving.

 

[AAABatteries]

We have a local place that is part coffee house and part beer tap room - 50 beers on tap. I love it and started working there on Fridays, which is an everybody is WFH day for us. It’s fantastic- gotten to know the staff and I’ll have a coffee or two in the morning and then transition to beer after lunch time. I refer to it as my Friday office and occasionally invite others to meet me there to work or just hang out.

 

[Ilov80s]

Annoyingly, there is lots of commercially-zoned land within walking distance from my house, and I don't believe any of it will be developed into a bar any time soon. My wife and I would absolutely become regulars (or at least occasion-ers) at a place like that, if we could turn it into a pleasant stroll and not have to worry about driving.

Yeah that's the key for me. The bar is very close and an easy walk.

 

[New Binky the Doormat]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

no doubt, at one in my life I spent FAR too much time in the men's grill of my golf course - we all could just get ****hammered and just drive home in the neighborhood in our golf carts.

don't you people have homes?

 

[belljr]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

no doubt, at one in my life I spent FAR too much time in the men's grill of my golf course - we all could just get ****hammered and just drive home in the neighborhood in our golf carts.

don't you people have homes?

I never did that lol....just meant playing haha

 

[zoobird]

Another home, home and home here. In fact, the majority of my contact even in the home is with my wife and kids. Occasionally see other close family members (maybe once or twice a month on avg) or friends (probably just a few times per year).

I get a ton of satisfaction out of communicating with co-workers on Zoom and Slack all day long, but that's enough for me. I enjoy seeing co-workers in person, but only because I only do it every few months.

My wife isn't even that sociable..actively seeks to avoid more frequent contact with others, even online/phone.

There's a really wide range in terms of how people react to being around others and how much contact with others they want.

Interestingly, I was very social when I was younger. But now I just find it a bit tiring being in person with most people.

 

[Zow]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

Same. Was the softball field. But now basically all my socialization is the golf course.

I do want to add that text threads have become a big social resource for me. I am in the following text threads with different groups of guys that probably have daily activity:

Main golf text thread - very active, daily banter
Two threads of guys that play in the same golf tournaments throughout the year - pretty active
One golf/all things sports thread which my college roommate and brother in law that has pretty consistent banter
Multiple golf group threads for various clubs that I play with that is mostly just coordination for tee times and gambling groups but some banter
Dynasty FF text thread - near daily banter
Multiple fantasy groupme chats which are active daily during the season
A softball group text thread that is still active even though I'm not
A lawyer buddy thread from my very first office where we mainly reminisce and ***** about our jobs
A semi-active text thread with my two closest childhood friends - usually that is only active when one of our favorite sports teams beat the other
And, of course, the FFA

Given the above, I still feel like I get the same or similar experience to like a college dorm setting or hanging out at these "third places." It's very common for me to watch a game on my own (most likely with my kids around me doing their own thing) yet feel like I'm in a bar setting with the constant text chatter as we all watch the game together. I suppose the downside is that it closes off meeting new people, but I believe I have a very wide range of social groups I'm active in already.

So, Joe, not to hijack your thread here but what about the added element of text/chat/online threads to the analysis of "third places"?

 

[Zow]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

no doubt, at one in my life I spent FAR too much time in the men's grill of my golf course - we all could just get ****hammered and just drive home in the neighborhood in our golf carts.

don't you people have homes?

I never did that lol....just meant playing haha

I never did it until I moved onto the first hole of my golf course. Since then, my family and I have treated our club's outdoor restaurant patio (which is very near the putting green) as a second backyard.

My wallet and liver haven't enjoyed it, but it's been a great social experience.

 

[beer 30]

Interesting, I haven't had a place I'd call a third for a while. As I've grown older my third place has increasingly become a different room in my house rather than the golf course or a bar. To counter that though, when I travel for work 4-5-6 times a year, I'm a social butterfly that is comfortable in about any setting and adapt to whomever I am with and whatever spot we are meeting at. Odd dichotomy now that I think about it.

 

[FairWarning]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Thanks. I do wonder what percentage of folks are like that.

Since covid, those numbers are up a lot. My sales are in free fall since covid, I see much less morning traffic to work. Diners and drinking bars really took a hit.

 

[Manster]

I'm not terribly social, but one of my FF leagues meets semi-regularly at a local watering hole. In fact this Friday we will meet up for a couple coldies. Other then that, the river is where I prefer to be, with fly rod in hand. That can be, and often is, a solo undertaking......but I do fish with others.

If I had to pick between the two, the river wins out.

 

[Hawks64]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

I am also full time WFH but I have to get out during the week at least once and then we are out Fri night and often Sat/Sat Night as well. Couldn't stay home all the time.

 

[-fish-]

There's a little market about 1/2 mile from my house that serves craft beer and wine and used to have a deli (now it's waffles--weird). If you spent a couple hours there, you were guaranteed to run into 15-20 people you knew well enough to sit down and have a conversation. I no longer frequent it, but I used to go there 3-4 times a week just to get out of my house since I work from home.

 

[Gally]

And so is the casual after-work bar, and all the other third places. And the reason is similar... when the owners try to maximize spending money the end up ruining the community experience.

I think the casual after work bar is going away because of the prices. It's tough to go have a couple drinks and an appetizer for anything under $50-100. That makes it cost prohibitive so it's easier/cheaper to just have a couple friends over and do it at your house. The costs have just gone up to ridiculous levels.

 

[Drunken knight]

i used to love having "my places." have to admit that while i am still somewhat social, i would much rather stay at home or over at a friend's.

@Eephus
@El Floppo

Pat O’shea’s in sf

@Osaurus


Barkley’s in frisco,colorado
Erik’s in Breckenridge

 

[nirad3]

I’ve got a local bar that’s a nice hangout. It’s usually the place I’ll meet friends after work or to watch a game. We’ve been going there for almost 20 years, know the owners, staff, the regulars, etc

I have one of those too. It's on my way home from the office so on Mondays during football season I'll stop in and have a couple of drinks (and spend the entire game there, so I'm fine to drive home). Still try to go to support local business and see friends....

But recently I've been going there less on the weekends (I would usually go at least once/twice a month on a Friday or Saturday night even if I had no one to meet up with). I just find myself bored and have really just preferred being at home having a couple of cocktails while watching sports or a TV show & messing around on various phone apps (games, Facebook, Yahoo! fantasy, etc.).

I was never a "home drinker" but COVID and old age has changed me.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I don’t consider myself social, but spend a lot of time outside the home. Some of that time is exercising, usually with my wife, outdoors or at the gym. At least half those occasions I’ll meet up with friends. I also have “game nights” once a week, play tennis, pickleball, and ping pong with overlapping social circles. And we’ll occasionally eat out with other couples.

Have no need for bars or clubs, and think society can do just fine, maybe even better, without that type of “third place”. Places of worship also aren’t my thing, though I can appreciate their value.

But I think @Zow is onto something with e-places supplanting many traditional social venues.

 

[Caveman33]

I no longer enjoy drinking or spending money so bars have no appeal. Nor am I interested in dating and I don't really enjoy group hang-outs. But I do go to parks and recreation centers every day. Sports and exercise are still fun. Since I don't work, most of my friends are retirees.

 

[Don Quixote]

Pretty sure if, after I wrapped up work, I frequently then advised my wife that I was heading out for some drinks and leaving her home alone with the kid after she also just worked a full day, I’d be staring at some divorce papers.

 

[The Gator]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

no doubt, at one in my life I spent FAR too much time in the men's grill of my golf course - we all could just get ****hammered and just drive home in the neighborhood in our golf carts.

don't you people have homes?

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Sorry thought this was a NY Jets thread

 

[jhib]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

 

[Snoopy]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

Bronze medal?

 

[AAABatteries]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

Honestly, this thread is the first time I’ve ever heard of it.

 

[FairWarning]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

Honestly, this thread is the first time I’ve ever heard of it.

Same here. I do think the after work drinking places are dwindling, especially in rural areas.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Golf course is as close as I come to the op

Same. Was the softball field. But now basically all my socialization is the golf course.

I do want to add that text threads have become a big social resource for me. I am in the following text threads with different groups of guys that probably have daily activity:

Main golf text thread - very active, daily banter
Two threads of guys that play in the same golf tournaments throughout the year - pretty active
One golf/all things sports thread which my college roommate and brother in law that has pretty consistent banter
Multiple golf group threads for various clubs that I play with that is mostly just coordination for tee times and gambling groups but some banter
Dynasty FF text thread - near daily banter
Multiple fantasy groupme chats which are active daily during the season
A softball group text thread that is still active even though I'm not
A lawyer buddy thread from my very first office where we mainly reminisce and ***** about our jobs
A semi-active text thread with my two closest childhood friends - usually that is only active when one of our favorite sports teams beat the other
And, of course, the FFA

Given the above, I still feel like I get the same or similar experience to like a college dorm setting or hanging out at these "third places." It's very common for me to watch a game on my own (most likely with my kids around me doing their own thing) yet feel like I'm in a bar setting with the constant text chatter as we all watch the game together. I suppose the downside is that it closes off meeting new people, but I believe I have a very wide range of social groups I'm active in already.

So, Joe, not to hijack your thread here but what about the added element of text/chat/online threads to the analysis of "third places"?

Group texts are the worst

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

Honestly, this thread is the first time I’ve ever heard of it.

I've never heard it before either. I thought this thread was going to be about giving giant trophies to kids who finished in 3rd place.

 

[Da Guru]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Thanks. I do wonder what percentage of folks are like that.

I was for awhile, easy to get into a habit of avoiding personal contact. During COVID we built a nice home gym that has basically everything, finished a bathroom with a steam shower right next to it. It was great. Get up, go down workout, have breakfast, go to home office, rinse repeat.

COVID ended and I was still working from home, working out at home, having groceries delivered. Sometimes weeks would pass and we hardly left our home. After some time I said to my wife "I don`t see anybody anymore" Ended up joining a local gym just to get out more and be with other people. I have always been social and missed interactions.

My wife said why don`t you organize a place to meet your friends you don`t see that much. I sent out a mass text to all my buddies "Lets meet at 5pm Fridays for Happy Hour at a bar my buddy owns..whoever can make it" first week 2-3 guys showed up. Then we had 8-10 every week, and different combo of people every week, then it was couples. Now it is has been 3 years and going strong with or without me. It has turned into a old neighborhood reunion type. Friends of friends. I know if I go there in a Friday now there will be people there I know. Been there when there has been 15-16 people, or only 3-4, but always been a good time.

Also stopped have groceries delivered. I like going out to different markets and picking out my own stuff.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

 

[SWC]

my third place is my tailgate after a day of fishing on a trout stream with npr jazz on the radio and an ice cold lacroix or four out of my cooler and a few buddies who fished different sections gathering up and all of us telling fish stories that is as good as it gets for me bromigos take that to the bank

 

[urbanhack]

Home ~ Home ~ Home

definitely have a big social connection with the disc golf scene in PDX. Casual rounds, leagues, and tournaments. Also pop into one pub on occasion when I know most of the staff. That's about it.

 

[AAABatteries]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

What do you mean by destroyed it?

 

[Joe Bryant]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

Interesting. I don't see it everywhere. But I think about it a lot and I probably find myself noticing it more.

I'd be interested in if you dug more into why it annoys you.

It seems to be one of those terms where the words accurately describe what one means. (once we get past it's not a 3rd place trophy )

It does seem like some folks here had never heard it before so not sure how prvelant it is.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Guess I'm a different breed. I work from home so my places are home and home and home. I'm fine with it.

Thanks. I do wonder what percentage of folks are like that.

Since covid, those numbers are up a lot. My sales are in free fall since covid, I see much less morning traffic to work. Diners and drinking bars really took a hit.

I'm sorry to hear about the sales. Can you remind me what it is you sell? Or what market it is that you see down?

 

[Desert_Power]

Closest thing on my list is probably a bar too. Interesting how many responses are similar.

 

[Joe Bryant]

So, Joe, not to hijack your thread here but what about the added element of text/chat/online threads to the analysis of "third places"?

Thanks. That's not a hi-jack. I think that's a valuable point on an offshoot where "Third Places" become digital.

For most all of human history, we didn't have that option of course. Now we do. That can be a whole additional conversation of in person social vs virtual social.

The fact this message board is as popular as it is is evidence there's a human need/desire for it.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

Thanks. Can you elaborate on what and how we destroyed it? And what you're calling "it"?

It does seem like the physical places like the bars are declining as the original article I linked talks about. But not sure if overall the desire is declining or if the places are just shifting to different spots. Coffee shops now are way more popular in the US than they were 40 years ago for instance and there's a lot of "3rd Place" type connection that goes on there.

 

[Zow]

my third place is my tailgate after a day of fishing on a trout stream with npr jazz on the radio and an ice cold lacroix or four out of my cooler and a few buddies who fished different sections gathering up and all of us telling fish stories that is as good as it gets for me bromigos take that to the bank

This is exactly the same as the 19th hole on the golf course. Exchange cash, exchange stories, exchange some laughs...

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

Thanks. Can you elaborate on what and how we destroyed it? And what you're calling "it"?

It does seem like the physical places like the bars are declining as the original article I linked talks about. But not sure if overall the desire is declining or if the places are just shifting to different spots. Coffee shops now are way more popular in the US than they were 40 years ago for instance and there's a lot of "3rd Place" type connection that goes on there.

Every time I encounter this topic, it's always in the context of "third spaces are disappearing." I guess I just assume that that's an actual thing that's happening. This isn't really a new phenomenon -- Bowling Alone came out nearly 25 years ago. But this is another one of those trends that I think the pandemic greatly accelerated. Look at the number of "home, home, and home" responses in this thread, and ask yourself if we would have seen any such responses in the Old Yeller days.

 

[dgreen]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

Thanks. Can you elaborate on what and how we destroyed it? And what you're calling "it"?

It does seem like the physical places like the bars are declining as the original article I linked talks about. But not sure if overall the desire is declining or if the places are just shifting to different spots. Coffee shops now are way more popular in the US than they were 40 years ago for instance and there's a lot of "3rd Place" type connection that goes on there.

Every time I encounter this topic, it's always in the context of "third spaces are disappearing." I guess I just assume that that's an actual thing that's happening. This isn't really a new phenomenon -- Bowling Alone came out nearly 25 years ago. But this is another one of those trends that I think the pandemic greatly accelerated. Look at the number of "home, home, and home" responses in this thread, and ask yourself if we would have seen any such responses in the Old Yeller days.

So the observation is that Home-Work-X has turned to Home-Home-Home. That could indicate that, for whatever reason, switching the second place from Work to Home has also then switched the third place from X to Home. I can see that. (I guess people could been Home-Work-Home before and never really had a Third Place.) I was Home-Work-Church and am now Home-Home-Church. So, I haven't lost that third place, but I do recognize that my 4th, 5th...nth places have dropped since COVID. I can go weeks with Church basically being the only place I go (other than quick trips to the grocery store or Target which aren't places of socialization for me). I'm there quite often and I'm involved, so I consider it a very big Third Place.

 

[The Gator]

Closest thing on my list is probably a bar too. Interesting how many responses are similar.

Cheers was right

 

[SFBayDuck]

Pat O’shea’s in sf

That was one of my spots to watch football on Sundays, but my "daily" spot was Last Day Saloon a couple of blocks way on Clement, mixing it up with the occasional trip across the street to Bitter End.

Like many here I work from home, and I can go days without going anywhere other than walking the dog twice a day. During the fall, tailgates are the big social scene, with a core group of 5-10 and another 10-15 depending on who comes into town for the day. But once football season ends, I've found I really have to make an effort to see my buddies, as I don't have any concept of a "third place" (I've also never heard the term until this thread).

As I envision retirement hopefully beginning in a few years, I'd like to make a gym/fitness center a part of that. Go, get a workout in, then hang out for a bit. We have a downtown "Athletic Club", and pre-covid it had a restaurant and bar, and there is a big seating area downstairs where people hang out, work remotely, etc. But the food/bev biz never re-opened. There's also a tennis club nearby with a pool, but that seems like more a family hangout kind of place.

Maybe I do have to take up golf, seems that's a good way to stay socially connected for many.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Weird. I was just thinking today that I would mention this kind of "third place" in the "phrases/terms that need to be retired" thread. Seeing it everywhere. I'm not exactly sure why it annoys me, but it does.

We never talked about this before because we didn't realize it was important until we had already destroyed it.

A motivated reader could probably come up with other examples of similar phenomena.

Thanks. Can you elaborate on what and how we destroyed it? And what you're calling "it"?

It does seem like the physical places like the bars are declining as the original article I linked talks about. But not sure if overall the desire is declining or if the places are just shifting to different spots. Coffee shops now are way more popular in the US than they were 40 years ago for instance and there's a lot of "3rd Place" type connection that goes on there.

Every time I encounter this topic, it's always in the context of "third spaces are disappearing." I guess I just assume that that's an actual thing that's happening. This isn't really a new phenomenon -- Bowling Alone came out nearly 25 years ago. But this is another one of those trends that I think the pandemic greatly accelerated. Look at the number of "home, home, and home" responses in this thread, and ask yourself if we would have seen any such responses in the Old Yeller days.

Thanks. I do wonder if we have less 3rd Spaces now or how they're shifting. I read and listened to this last week and it's right on that topic.

Why Americans Stopped Hanging Out—and Why It Matters​

Why Americans Stopped Hanging Out—and Why It Matters

Sociologist Eric Klinenberg joins Derek to examine the dramatic decline in face-to-face socialization in the U.S.

www.theringer.com

I do think agree it seems we have more of the home - home - home and that feels not optimal to me. But maybe that's me.

The article is good I linked to and the podcast was excellent too.