I have been with my girl friend since March of 2021. Probably until June of 2022 (the last ~3 months), things have been going well. About 4 - 5 months into our relationship, it had become a long distance relationship, but we were making it work. I did most of the traveling, which was fine. We went to a few of her family weddings in April and early July of this year, but by July there were some issues developing. My girlfriend has much more relationship experience than me, I just don't have much sadly. She is much more into expressing yourself and I tend to not do that. Over time, and in the recent months, there were some issues that developed with communication. I think she contributed to me shutting down at times, but I agree with her that we need to work on that. By June as our problems with long-distance were also creating issues - prices were going up on airfares, I was traveling less. In her opinion, when I left, it would almost reset the relationship and probably wasn't wrong. She started to ask me about moving to her new location and I think I became scared, which lead me to be more closed down, stubborn, etc. I didn't realize it July because our conversations were going bad, and I think, looking back, I was more concerned with right than listening to her, but as recently as later July, we were still talking about me spending more time in her new location than now.
Between early August and until this past weekend, we hadn't talked on the phone, just pretty regular texting, but nothing serious. We saw each other last weekend. She was in town to see her mom who recently had some surgery. She spent the afternoon with me, and we had lunch and talked. The conversation was not uncomfortable, no tension like some of our phone calls. She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship after her past ones, and that my lack of relationship experience are both real issues and made her have to understand what was next for us. She sort of hinted at dating outside of us, and that we could find our way back to each other, but I said I wasn't interested in that, just working things out with her. Looking back, I don't know if she was telling me that was what she was doing and I just didn't hear it, but she actually say that was what she was doing and the timeline for doing that is hard to believe is even possible. I told her I wanted to do what I could do and improve, etc. I think it was clear where I stood and she mentioned she needed to absorb and really think on what she needed. Over the last 10 days, there have been some very generic texts, but nothing about where we stood and she was often delayed in even responding. This past Saturday, I asked her, via text, if she would want to talk soon about us again. After close to 3 days with no response, I decided that I needed to send her a text laying out some things that I haven't said previously.
With her lack of response since we saw each about 10 days ago, and very disconnected text messages, the reality is that she probably may have broken up with me when we saw each other even though she didn't come out and say that. At the very least, she needed time to absorb, which means space. I have kept out hope because she didn't come right out with it, but as time goes on and she isn't really giving me anything definitive, I decided to do what is probably very stupid. At the same time, I thought I had one chance to try and fight for us. I sent her flowers and a long message this evening.
Below is the message I sent - it's long and I removed a few specific things, but it covers most everything. I guess I am holding out hope that I haven't lost her over the last 2-3 months and she will see how much I want to change and do what I can to find our way back to each other - again, most of our relationship has been great, but I do think recent months we haven't connected very well. In my head, while it's possible she could be threw with me, I don't think she would be in any serious relationship considering we were still talking (not productively) through early August, for the most part regular texting and she actually saw me 10 days ago. I don't know why she would see me, keep some line of communication going if she was completely done (her last text to me was on Friday), but I realize I am probably not being rational here. I guess I would be pretty destroyed if she started dating someone else in early August after 1.5 years of us, not actually officially breaking up with me and listening to her talking about her past as a reason to be cautious about her future. It wouldn't be better, but some finality would probably help me.
Maybe the answers are obvious and we are done, but what do you think?
Do I have any moves yet (good or bad)?
Why wouldn't she just respond and tell me things are over?
Is there any timeframe where she could respond?
Is there any reason for me to be optimistic?
I realize that this could also push her away if she's feeling stressed.
Like I said above, I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't try to say everything. Maybe a bad move, but it wasn't like current status was working either. I thought I took a very self-reflective look that took on heads on some of the things that were coming up in our recent conversations that made things not go well. It may be too late, and I know sending a message can look desperate, but that's why I am. I love her, I think she felt the same about me, and just hoping that the last few months weren't when this ended.
I'm suffering mentally right now and am having a hard time processing. Optimism can help me right now if there's something else I can do or maybe if you think my message can help.
Message sent:
I sent flowers to you today as a way to show you I am thinking of you, and did some much needed recent self-reflection.
I am SO sorry for how our recent conversations have gone. I have been insensitive and showed a lack of empathy in not understanding or asking about your past - I realize how much it matters to who you are. I certainly should have done more this past weekend when we saw each other, but it also opened by eyes to realize my flaws, and self-reflect in how much I have hurt you and what matters most to me - you. I was way too stubborn and took too long to understand how I took us off-track. It took me time to understand that I was afraid of committing myself fully to our relationship when you asked about living in xxxxxx in late June. I was scared, closed off, distant, defensive and stopped listening in our relationship. It hurt our closeness, bond, intimacy and I am so ashamed that I let my fear overcome our connection. You did nothing wrong, I was just scared and I let that that hurt us.
I want to share with you what I learned and how I will do everything possible to regain our connection and your belief in us. I am asking for a leap of faith now and am pleading with you to not close the door on something that has been so meaningful to both of us. I know I have damaged our relationship and I do not mean to not give you space, but I want to fight for us and show you, not just through words, but through actions that our future can be amazing together in xxxxxx.
I am ALL in for every aspect of our lives together and I should have said much sooner. I have made mistakes in being defensive, guarded and didn't treat you like you were my partner. I treated you like you didn't matter when you have always mattered most to me.
I want to re-establish what we were building together and with some work, I do want to live in xxxxx with you full time - not in a year, but much sooner. You are what matters and I want to show that through my actions. I am so blessed to have found the most amazing person (you) who cares so much for me, and I hope I haven't squandered it.
You have made me a better person, but I need to do better in being fully supportive of you and sharing myself, being vulnerable. I want a life with you if you give me that chance. I really do think that we are two peas in a pod.
I need your help now. I am asking for something that I may not deserve and don't mean to pressure you. You told me that relationships are not just about logic, but emotion. I realize now how right you were and I will give every part of myself through my support, understanding and empathy, listening to you more deeply and improving our communication. I want to earn your faith back. Everything I said should have been said much sooner, and I will do better to improve our relationship. I realize how unique our relationship has been, and with recent self-reflection, I want to be part of everything in your life, and vice versa - the good, bad, normal, challenging, all of it!
When we saw each other in xxxxx, you mentioned you needed to absorb my comments on my hope for us continuing our relationship, what you need, and what our future is. I hope you are still absorbing. If you haven't given up on us, I would like to come to xxxxx this weekend and share even more, but I would do it in any way you'd allow me.
You are my best friend, my partner, my rock. You are my family..... I am so in love with you and want to continue together on our life journey that we began.
Let me know your thoughts and if you are willing to take a leap with me. I said a lot, but it's because you matter to me deeply. I am sorry for not sharing how scared I was, but I will make changes both for me, and for us. Our relationship is worth saving and I really believe our lives are better with us together, not apart.
I hope to hear back soon. I miss you so much and want to find our way back to each other. I hope you feel the same.
I Love You
Between early August and until this past weekend, we hadn't talked on the phone, just pretty regular texting, but nothing serious. We saw each other last weekend. She was in town to see her mom who recently had some surgery. She spent the afternoon with me, and we had lunch and talked. The conversation was not uncomfortable, no tension like some of our phone calls. She did say out loud that she wasn't sure that she was actually ready for this relationship after her past ones, and that my lack of relationship experience are both real issues and made her have to understand what was next for us. She sort of hinted at dating outside of us, and that we could find our way back to each other, but I said I wasn't interested in that, just working things out with her. Looking back, I don't know if she was telling me that was what she was doing and I just didn't hear it, but she actually say that was what she was doing and the timeline for doing that is hard to believe is even possible. I told her I wanted to do what I could do and improve, etc. I think it was clear where I stood and she mentioned she needed to absorb and really think on what she needed. Over the last 10 days, there have been some very generic texts, but nothing about where we stood and she was often delayed in even responding. This past Saturday, I asked her, via text, if she would want to talk soon about us again. After close to 3 days with no response, I decided that I needed to send her a text laying out some things that I haven't said previously.
With her lack of response since we saw each about 10 days ago, and very disconnected text messages, the reality is that she probably may have broken up with me when we saw each other even though she didn't come out and say that. At the very least, she needed time to absorb, which means space. I have kept out hope because she didn't come right out with it, but as time goes on and she isn't really giving me anything definitive, I decided to do what is probably very stupid. At the same time, I thought I had one chance to try and fight for us. I sent her flowers and a long message this evening.
Below is the message I sent - it's long and I removed a few specific things, but it covers most everything. I guess I am holding out hope that I haven't lost her over the last 2-3 months and she will see how much I want to change and do what I can to find our way back to each other - again, most of our relationship has been great, but I do think recent months we haven't connected very well. In my head, while it's possible she could be threw with me, I don't think she would be in any serious relationship considering we were still talking (not productively) through early August, for the most part regular texting and she actually saw me 10 days ago. I don't know why she would see me, keep some line of communication going if she was completely done (her last text to me was on Friday), but I realize I am probably not being rational here. I guess I would be pretty destroyed if she started dating someone else in early August after 1.5 years of us, not actually officially breaking up with me and listening to her talking about her past as a reason to be cautious about her future. It wouldn't be better, but some finality would probably help me.
Maybe the answers are obvious and we are done, but what do you think?
Do I have any moves yet (good or bad)?
Why wouldn't she just respond and tell me things are over?
Is there any timeframe where she could respond?
Is there any reason for me to be optimistic?
I realize that this could also push her away if she's feeling stressed.
Like I said above, I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't try to say everything. Maybe a bad move, but it wasn't like current status was working either. I thought I took a very self-reflective look that took on heads on some of the things that were coming up in our recent conversations that made things not go well. It may be too late, and I know sending a message can look desperate, but that's why I am. I love her, I think she felt the same about me, and just hoping that the last few months weren't when this ended.
I'm suffering mentally right now and am having a hard time processing. Optimism can help me right now if there's something else I can do or maybe if you think my message can help.
Message sent:
I sent flowers to you today as a way to show you I am thinking of you, and did some much needed recent self-reflection.
I am SO sorry for how our recent conversations have gone. I have been insensitive and showed a lack of empathy in not understanding or asking about your past - I realize how much it matters to who you are. I certainly should have done more this past weekend when we saw each other, but it also opened by eyes to realize my flaws, and self-reflect in how much I have hurt you and what matters most to me - you. I was way too stubborn and took too long to understand how I took us off-track. It took me time to understand that I was afraid of committing myself fully to our relationship when you asked about living in xxxxxx in late June. I was scared, closed off, distant, defensive and stopped listening in our relationship. It hurt our closeness, bond, intimacy and I am so ashamed that I let my fear overcome our connection. You did nothing wrong, I was just scared and I let that that hurt us.
I want to share with you what I learned and how I will do everything possible to regain our connection and your belief in us. I am asking for a leap of faith now and am pleading with you to not close the door on something that has been so meaningful to both of us. I know I have damaged our relationship and I do not mean to not give you space, but I want to fight for us and show you, not just through words, but through actions that our future can be amazing together in xxxxxx.
I am ALL in for every aspect of our lives together and I should have said much sooner. I have made mistakes in being defensive, guarded and didn't treat you like you were my partner. I treated you like you didn't matter when you have always mattered most to me.
I want to re-establish what we were building together and with some work, I do want to live in xxxxx with you full time - not in a year, but much sooner. You are what matters and I want to show that through my actions. I am so blessed to have found the most amazing person (you) who cares so much for me, and I hope I haven't squandered it.
You have made me a better person, but I need to do better in being fully supportive of you and sharing myself, being vulnerable. I want a life with you if you give me that chance. I really do think that we are two peas in a pod.
I need your help now. I am asking for something that I may not deserve and don't mean to pressure you. You told me that relationships are not just about logic, but emotion. I realize now how right you were and I will give every part of myself through my support, understanding and empathy, listening to you more deeply and improving our communication. I want to earn your faith back. Everything I said should have been said much sooner, and I will do better to improve our relationship. I realize how unique our relationship has been, and with recent self-reflection, I want to be part of everything in your life, and vice versa - the good, bad, normal, challenging, all of it!
When we saw each other in xxxxx, you mentioned you needed to absorb my comments on my hope for us continuing our relationship, what you need, and what our future is. I hope you are still absorbing. If you haven't given up on us, I would like to come to xxxxx this weekend and share even more, but I would do it in any way you'd allow me.
You are my best friend, my partner, my rock. You are my family..... I am so in love with you and want to continue together on our life journey that we began.
Let me know your thoughts and if you are willing to take a leap with me. I said a lot, but it's because you matter to me deeply. I am sorry for not sharing how scared I was, but I will make changes both for me, and for us. Our relationship is worth saving and I really believe our lives are better with us together, not apart.
I hope to hear back soon. I miss you so much and want to find our way back to each other. I hope you feel the same.
I Love You