Dating Advice - I blew and now acting on emotion. Is there anything I can do now? (1 Viewer)

[Don't Toews Me]

Look - it totally sucks right now. We all know that. But that's part of it. You mentioned you don't have a lot of dating experience - well, you have some now.

If she comes back she does. If not, there are a TON of women out in the world. And that, my friend, is what makes the next step so much fun. You've learned some things about yourself and the next woman in your life will benefit from that. Or the one after that.

I'm not good at meeting women. I don't even know where. I am so afraid that a year from now, I'll be on my own like I was before this girl that has made me a wreck.
I don't know where to go, I don't have much of a game....I'm not a bad looking person, I have a good career, and I'm a good person. I'm not a disaster in any sense, but I don't know much about meeting women and then going from there.
That probably adds to my current state. I am so afraid that I threw something aside that was great and now I am alone again.

You'll be fine dude. It's always worse in our heads than it is in reality. Look at the bright side: more time for you to devote to productive activities than to a relationship that wasn't working out. Perspective is a choice my man. You can choose to look at it negatively or you can choose to examine it positively.

You didn't throw something aside. Just wasn't a fit.

Get into the gym or Brazilian jiu jitsu or muay thai or long hikes. Start a new hobby.

 

[Zow]

Sorry man, the reality is that your lack of relationships makes you very unseasoned in what women really want in dating. You did the exact OPPOSITE of what you should've done. Women want a chase and excitement and they want a man to be a man. When she said she needed to process and think you should've let her process and think....meaning, you go dark and let her reach out to you. You said it yourself...your moves reek of desperation and that is a HUGE turnoff to women. Especially women on the fence.

Honestly I didn't even read your final message to her because it doesn't matter what you said. And I imagine she more or less did the same. By the time I got to that message I was so bored and disinterested, it didn't matter and I'm sure she's feeling the same way.

Sorry to be so blunt my man, but take this as a lesson learned for future relationships. You need to be confident, in control and not needy and desperate. This one is over, please let it go. You're just gonna keep digging and digging with no positive reinforcement. Your mindset is that it's done and start the grieving process to move on. Do not text, call or anything anymore. DO NOT TEXT, CALL OR ANYTHING ANYMORE!!1!1! Her not responding to you is all the closure you need. It's disrespectful and immature....focus on that...after a long relationship she's treating you like crap right now knowing you're hurting. You only want to see the good things, I get it, but you deserve more respect than that. Get internally mad at her for this! Stay strong GB, you'll look back on this as a positive lesson. We've all been there.

This! By the time a girl breaks up with you she's thought about it for awhile. She's more than likely already seeing someone else. Sorry bud. Only way to turn things around is not act desperate and show that you've moved on. I know that's very hard to do. Hang in there.

If she's broken up with me, she hasn't come out and said that. In fact, she came to see me last week and said she needed to 'absorb/think'.
Maybe I'm not seeing every clear here with all of the things that have gone wrong in the past few months.

All right. Let me start with what not to do:
- Draft a ten page argument letter, including footnotes, to her parents.
- Write her poetry
- Put photos of you and her together up all over her/your apartment
- Send her middle of the night drunk texts
- Tell her other girls are interested in you
- Spend 1.5 years struggling to get over her and turn down care free sex with other girls in the interim (bonus points if you don't excuse yourself to go throw up after your first sexual encounter with somebody new)
- Spend that 1.5 years moping about it on a messageboard (note: particularly stay away from engaging with any Star Wars characters as internet handles and Canadian women)

I say the above because, as well documented on here many years ago, I did all of the above (and probably more that I don't recall at the moment). So, credit to you for just sending that long text and, frankly, I get it.

But, as ****ty as it is to say (because I know it wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time), @offdee is correct above. You said your piece in that long text message and by sending her flowers. As somebody mentioned above I think that's okay that you did that (despite the text maybe not being the best but if it's how you feel I don't blame you) as it'll prevent any future regret. Now, know that there's literally nothing you can actively do at this point. The proverbial ball is in her court. She'll either play the game some more with you or she won't. Best thing you can be doing in the interim, again as suggested above, is do some stuff for you and, ideally, that "stuff" improves who you are. For example, if you enjoy the gym make that your thing. If there's a sport you love to play, dive into it to the extent that you overprioritize. Doing so will both make you happy and, without you even knowing it, will increase your confidence so you stand out. Eventually, your gf will either come back to you or, more likely, you'll find some somebody else, or, most ideal, you'll find several not ideal girls to have some fun with for some time until you're ready for something serious again.

In short, it sounds like she's checked out, there's nothing you can really do at this point but for focusing on yourself, and it's going to suck for a period of time but will get better.

*However, as wonderfully explained in the move Swingers, she likely won't do this until you have actually gotten over her.

 

[Zow]

Look - it totally sucks right now. We all know that. But that's part of it. You mentioned you don't have a lot of dating experience - well, you have some now.

If she comes back she does. If not, there are a TON of women out in the world. And that, my friend, is what makes the next step so much fun. You've learned some things about yourself and the next woman in your life will benefit from that. Or the one after that.

I'm not good at meeting women. I don't even know where. I am so afraid that a year from now, I'll be on my own like I was before this girl that has made me a wreck.
I don't know where to go, I don't have much of a game....I'm not a bad looking person, I have a good career, and I'm a good person. I'm not a disaster in any sense, but I don't know much about meeting women and then going from there.
That probably adds to my current state. I am so afraid that I threw something aside that was great and now I am alone again.

If the bold is true, and assuming you have a some decent circle of friends to meet friends of friends with or be set up, the girls/women will find you so game isn't required. All you gotta do then is not screw it up. And with the somewhat slow but sure success you'll gain more confidence and dating will seem easy.

 

[Zow]

Sounds like the relationship has run its course.
She's done but hasn't communicated it explicitly.
I think you've tried to salvage it but it's probably not going to happen, especially long distance.
I'd probably give up on this. If you're not ready, I understand but try not to beg.

Most likely true. It is the opposite of how she has handled every other challenge we have had though and it's as if we didn't have some communication. It just feels so unlike her to not respond, but if she has checked out....

As for long distance, and I did say this in my message, I want to be with her. I was not as willing to do that before, but I have realized what what matters. I am willing to move to be with her, but she may not care anymore.

I hate to say it, but you're about to experience a whole different person. In other words, she's going to do things or say things you never thought she would. And it's going to suck, but know that this is part of a breakup and you shouldn't take it as being caused by you. And, hopefully in the future, you will realize that it's probably how she thought she needed to act.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Sorry man, the reality is that your lack of relationships makes you very unseasoned in what women really want in dating. You did the exact OPPOSITE of what you should've done. Women want a chase and excitement and they want a man to be a man. When she said she needed to process and think you should've let her process and think....meaning, you go dark and let her reach out to you. You said it yourself...your moves reek of desperation and that is a HUGE turnoff to women. Especially women on the fence.

Honestly I didn't even read your final message to her because it doesn't matter what you said. And I imagine she more or less did the same. By the time I got to that message I was so bored and disinterested, it didn't matter and I'm sure she's feeling the same way.

Sorry to be so blunt my man, but take this as a lesson learned for future relationships. You need to be confident, in control and not needy and desperate. This one is over, please let it go. You're just gonna keep digging and digging with no positive reinforcement. Your mindset is that it's done and start the grieving process to move on. Do not text, call or anything anymore. DO NOT TEXT, CALL OR ANYTHING ANYMORE!!1!1! Her not responding to you is all the closure you need. It's disrespectful and immature....focus on that...after a long relationship she's treating you like crap right now knowing you're hurting. You only want to see the good things, I get it, but you deserve more respect than that. Get internally mad at her for this! Stay strong GB, you'll look back on this as a positive lesson. We've all been there.

This! By the time a girl breaks up with you she's thought about it for awhile. She's more than likely already seeing someone else. Sorry bud. Only way to turn things around is not act desperate and show that you've moved on. I know that's very hard to do. Hang in there.

If she's broken up with me, she hasn't come out and said that. In fact, she came to see me last week and said she needed to 'absorb/think'.
Maybe I'm not seeing every clear here with all of the things that have gone wrong in the past few months.

People are often more clear in their actions than their words. Also……..needs space….. I think we should see other people……I’m not getting what I need from this relationship……are all code for we’re done. If there is a chance, it’s not going to come through you acting desperate. Nobody is attracted to desperate. Ball‘s in her court now. Cut off any further contact and move on. If she does eventually want to re-explore the relationship, don’t restart from a position of weakness. I’m not saying you can’t look to improve your communication skills but don’t be a doormat for her either.

 

[Spiderman]

Sorry man, the reality is that your lack of relationships makes you very unseasoned in what women really want in dating. You did the exact OPPOSITE of what you should've done. Women want a chase and excitement and they want a man to be a man. When she said she needed to process and think you should've let her process and think....meaning, you go dark and let her reach out to you. You said it yourself...your moves reek of desperation and that is a HUGE turnoff to women. Especially women on the fence.

Honestly I didn't even read your final message to her because it doesn't matter what you said. And I imagine she more or less did the same. By the time I got to that message I was so bored and disinterested, it didn't matter and I'm sure she's feeling the same way.

Sorry to be so blunt my man, but take this as a lesson learned for future relationships. You need to be confident, in control and not needy and desperate. This one is over, please let it go. You're just gonna keep digging and digging with no positive reinforcement. Your mindset is that it's done and start the grieving process to move on. Do not text, call or anything anymore. DO NOT TEXT, CALL OR ANYTHING ANYMORE!!1!1! Her not responding to you is all the closure you need. It's disrespectful and immature....focus on that...after a long relationship she's treating you like crap right now knowing you're hurting. You only want to see the good things, I get it, but you deserve more respect than that. Get internally mad at her for this! Stay strong GB, you'll look back on this as a positive lesson. We've all been there.

This! By the time a girl breaks up with you she's thought about it for awhile. She's more than likely already seeing someone else. Sorry bud. Only way to turn things around is not act desperate and show that you've moved on. I know that's very hard to do. Hang in there.

If she's broken up with me, she hasn't come out and said that. In fact, she came to see me last week and said she needed to 'absorb/think'.
Maybe I'm not seeing every clear here with all of the things that have gone wrong in the past few months.

All right. Let me start with what not to do:
- Draft a ten page argument letter, including footnotes, to her parents.
- Write her poetry
- Put photos of you and her together up all over her/your apartment
- Send her middle of the night drunk texts
- Tell her other girls are interested in you
- Spend 1.5 years struggling to get over her and turn down care free sex with other girls in the interim (bonus points if you don't excuse yourself to go throw up after your first sexual encounter with somebody new)
- Spend that 1.5 years moping about it on a messageboard (note: particularly stay away from engaging with any Star Wars characters as internet handles and Canadian women)

I say the above because, as well documented on here many years ago, I did all of the above (and probably more that I don't recall at the moment). So, credit to you for just sending that long text and, frankly, I get it.

But, as ****ty as it is to say (because I know it wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time), @offdee is correct above. You said your piece in that long text message and by sending her flowers. As somebody mentioned above I think that's okay that you did that (despite the text maybe not being the best but if it's how you feel I don't blame you) as it'll prevent any future regret. Now, know that there's literally nothing you can actively do at this point. The proverbial ball is in her court. She'll either play the game some more with you or she won't. Best thing you can be doing in the interim, again as suggested above, is do some stuff for you and, ideally, that "stuff" improves who you are. For example, if you enjoy the gym make that your thing. If there's a sport you love to play, dive into it to the extent that you overprioritize. Doing so will both make you happy and, without you even knowing it, will increase your confidence so you stand out. Eventually, your gf will either come back to you or, more likely, you'll find some somebody else, or, most ideal, you'll find several not ideal girls to have some fun with for some time until you're ready for something serious again.

In short, it sounds like she's checked out, there's nothing you can really do at this point but for focusing on yourself, and it's going to suck for a period of time but will get better.

*However, as wonderfully explained in the move Swingers, she likely won't do this until you have actually gotten over her.

For the message I sent, I just thought it was important for her to see that I've been listening and want to take steps to improve our relationship. Now, she may not care to be part of that any longer, and I really can't control that, but I wanted to try and and show her words were being listened too....maybe too late, but I am trying to take steps.

I hope that explains why I was so critical of myself and asking her to not give up on us.

I do feel like I probably came across desperate, maybe she doesn't care, but I had to get it out there in some way. I did put the ball in her court, but she may not be playing any longer. Probably the outcome, but hoping beyond hope.

Is there any other way I could reach out to her? I'm so messed up. I know that's probably a bad idea, and I probably won't do it, but is there any way I could say anything else at this point?

 

[ChiefD]

Is there any other way I could reach out to her? I'm so messed up. I know that's probably a bad idea, and I probably won't do it, but is there any way I could say anything else at this point?

NO.

 

[Zow]

Sorry man, the reality is that your lack of relationships makes you very unseasoned in what women really want in dating. You did the exact OPPOSITE of what you should've done. Women want a chase and excitement and they want a man to be a man. When she said she needed to process and think you should've let her process and think....meaning, you go dark and let her reach out to you. You said it yourself...your moves reek of desperation and that is a HUGE turnoff to women. Especially women on the fence.

Honestly I didn't even read your final message to her because it doesn't matter what you said. And I imagine she more or less did the same. By the time I got to that message I was so bored and disinterested, it didn't matter and I'm sure she's feeling the same way.

Sorry to be so blunt my man, but take this as a lesson learned for future relationships. You need to be confident, in control and not needy and desperate. This one is over, please let it go. You're just gonna keep digging and digging with no positive reinforcement. Your mindset is that it's done and start the grieving process to move on. Do not text, call or anything anymore. DO NOT TEXT, CALL OR ANYTHING ANYMORE!!1!1! Her not responding to you is all the closure you need. It's disrespectful and immature....focus on that...after a long relationship she's treating you like crap right now knowing you're hurting. You only want to see the good things, I get it, but you deserve more respect than that. Get internally mad at her for this! Stay strong GB, you'll look back on this as a positive lesson. We've all been there.

This! By the time a girl breaks up with you she's thought about it for awhile. She's more than likely already seeing someone else. Sorry bud. Only way to turn things around is not act desperate and show that you've moved on. I know that's very hard to do. Hang in there.

If she's broken up with me, she hasn't come out and said that. In fact, she came to see me last week and said she needed to 'absorb/think'.
Maybe I'm not seeing every clear here with all of the things that have gone wrong in the past few months.

All right. Let me start with what not to do:
- Draft a ten page argument letter, including footnotes, to her parents.
- Write her poetry
- Put photos of you and her together up all over her/your apartment
- Send her middle of the night drunk texts
- Tell her other girls are interested in you
- Spend 1.5 years struggling to get over her and turn down care free sex with other girls in the interim (bonus points if you don't excuse yourself to go throw up after your first sexual encounter with somebody new)
- Spend that 1.5 years moping about it on a messageboard (note: particularly stay away from engaging with any Star Wars characters as internet handles and Canadian women)

I say the above because, as well documented on here many years ago, I did all of the above (and probably more that I don't recall at the moment). So, credit to you for just sending that long text and, frankly, I get it.

But, as ****ty as it is to say (because I know it wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time), @offdee is correct above. You said your piece in that long text message and by sending her flowers. As somebody mentioned above I think that's okay that you did that (despite the text maybe not being the best but if it's how you feel I don't blame you) as it'll prevent any future regret. Now, know that there's literally nothing you can actively do at this point. The proverbial ball is in her court. She'll either play the game some more with you or she won't. Best thing you can be doing in the interim, again as suggested above, is do some stuff for you and, ideally, that "stuff" improves who you are. For example, if you enjoy the gym make that your thing. If there's a sport you love to play, dive into it to the extent that you overprioritize. Doing so will both make you happy and, without you even knowing it, will increase your confidence so you stand out. Eventually, your gf will either come back to you or, more likely, you'll find some somebody else, or, most ideal, you'll find several not ideal girls to have some fun with for some time until you're ready for something serious again.

In short, it sounds like she's checked out, there's nothing you can really do at this point but for focusing on yourself, and it's going to suck for a period of time but will get better.

*However, as wonderfully explained in the move Swingers, she likely won't do this until you have actually gotten over her.

For the message I sent, I just thought it was important for her to see that I've been listening and want to take steps to improve our relationship. Now, she may not care to be part of that any longer, and I really can't control that, but I wanted to try and and show her words were being listened too....maybe too late, but I am trying to take steps.

I hope that explains why I was so critical of myself and asking her to not give up on us.

I do feel like I probably came across desperate, maybe she doesn't care, but I had to get it out there in some way. I did put the ball in her court, but she may not be playing any longer. Probably the outcome, but hoping beyond hope.

Is there any other way I could reach out to her? I'm so messed up. I know that's probably a bad idea, and I probably won't do it, but is there any way I could say anything else at this point?

1. To the first bold, yes. But it's not what you think. Your best bet is to only do so indirectly - which is by doing all the self-improvement things discussed so that, ideally, mutually friends see you and report back to her that you're doing well. That's about it in terms of what you can do affirmatively. Additionally, by not further initiating contact (if she contacts you then - depending on context - obviously it's okay to respond) you are, in a way, sending her a message that you heard her about her needing space. You are also showing her that you don't need her - which, irrationally, causes us humans to then more desire the person who doesn't need them.

2. As to the second bold: sure, there are plenty of ways. I described the ways I went about it in my post above. And they all crashed and burned. So, yeah, you can say things several ways to her right now but none will do any good and likely all will make matters worse.

Please understand that I know the above sucks to read. And it's not what you want to hear. But, they are the right answers to your questions.

 

[Zow]

Look - it totally sucks right now. We all know that. But that's part of it. You mentioned you don't have a lot of dating experience - well, you have some now.

If she comes back she does. If not, there are a TON of women out in the world. And that, my friend, is what makes the next step so much fun. You've learned some things about yourself and the next woman in your life will benefit from that. Or the one after that.

I'm not good at meeting women. I don't even know where. I am so afraid that a year from now, I'll be on my own like I was before this girl that has made me a wreck.
I don't know where to go, I don't have much of a game....I'm not a bad looking person, I have a good career, and I'm a good person. I'm not a disaster in any sense, but I don't know much about meeting women and then going from there.
That probably adds to my current state. I am so afraid that I threw something aside that was great and now I am alone again.

Get to the gym and sign up for Hinge and Tinder. If you’re good looking and have a good career, you’ll be fine.

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

Eh, my humble suggestion is not to go down this road quite yet. Idating was one of the few pieces of advice that I did listen to way back when, and even the many small rejections versus some dates and sex did more harm than good. Looking back, I wish I would have waited on idating (my second stint online dating was incredibly successful because I was ready for it) and just focused on getting in the gym and socializing with my peer group (which would have for sure resulted in dates by itself without the added pressures of actively online dating and experiencing the minor rejections that comes with it).

 

[Spiderman]

Going back to the message I wrote, what you say is the most likely ways she is reading it?
- She doesn't care anymore?
- She is still needing space, and may respond?
- I may not get a response at all
- It relates to her and she does feel something still.
- other

 

[Spiderman]

Look - it totally sucks right now. We all know that. But that's part of it. You mentioned you don't have a lot of dating experience - well, you have some now.

If she comes back she does. If not, there are a TON of women out in the world. And that, my friend, is what makes the next step so much fun. You've learned some things about yourself and the next woman in your life will benefit from that. Or the one after that.

I'm not good at meeting women. I don't even know where. I am so afraid that a year from now, I'll be on my own like I was before this girl that has made me a wreck.
I don't know where to go, I don't have much of a game....I'm not a bad looking person, I have a good career, and I'm a good person. I'm not a disaster in any sense, but I don't know much about meeting women and then going from there.
That probably adds to my current state. I am so afraid that I threw something aside that was great and now I am alone again.

Get to the gym and sign up for Hinge and Tinder. If you’re good looking and have a good career, you’ll be fine.

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

Eh, my humble suggestion is not to go down this road quite yet. Idating was one of the few pieces of advice that I did listen to way back when, and even the many small rejections versus some dates and sex did more harm than good. Looking back, I wish I would have waited on idating (my second stint online dating was incredibly successful because I was ready for it) and just focused on getting in the gym and socializing with my peer group (which would have for sure resulted in dates by itself without the added pressures of actively online dating and experiencing the minor rejections that comes with it).

I actually decided to sign up with eHarmony. I don't know much about it, but have heard some good things.
I did have a conversation going with someone that seems to be going well. We traded numbers this morning and I think we're on a track to see each other. REally, though, my heart isn't in it, and I feel like I'm faking this to keep myself interested. At the same time, she seems attractive (at least with her pics) and a nice person so you never know.

 

[BigJim®]

Still, there were lots of conversations that didn't end well, especially from her point of view. She is very in-touch with her emotions and I don't think she thought I was doing some of the things that are needed to support each other. So, over the last month, we did have some conversations that ended awkwardly or even with some more issues from that call.

Sometimes conversations don't end well by design. When you said this person you are in a long term relationship came to town and you had lunch, it's pretty telling where you stand. Sorry.

 

[Spiderman]

Going back to the message I wrote, what you say is the most likely ways she is reading it?
- She doesn't care anymore?
- She is still needing space, and may respond?
- I may not get a response at all
- It relates to her and she does feel something still.
- other

This is just the part that is driving me crazy. The rational part of me realizes that the ship has sailed. When we saw each other on August 21st, she didn't end the relationship, but she didn't endorse it either. It's completely possible, maybe likely, that she was passively ending things. However, she was still texting me even after she may have broken up with me. That's why I'm not sure that's what she did and maybe she just does need space.

Even if it's space to think, I had to say something. I just don't know how to process this without hearing back. Even if she truly needed space, what does that look like? She'll get back to me in 1 month? 2 days? What does that even mean?

 

[Spiderman]

Still, there were lots of conversations that didn't end well, especially from her point of view. She is very in-touch with her emotions and I don't think she thought I was doing some of the things that are needed to support each other. So, over the last month, we did have some conversations that ended awkwardly or even with some more issues from that call.

Sometimes conversations don't end well by design. When you said this person you are in a long term relationship came to town and you had lunch, it's pretty telling where you stand. Sorry.

Yeah, but I didn't think we were done. I thought we would get back to discussing 'us', which is what we started to do, but I didn't think we were finished even with next steps. I really thought there would be a continued conversation, maybe me visiting her, something. Clearly, that is not happening to this point and as each day goes by, it doesn't appear to be the plan.

Going into our lunch, I knew things were not well and so did she. Maybe I thought things were still 'ok' and she thought things were 'ending'...

 

[fruity pebbles]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

 

[Zow]

Look - it totally sucks right now. We all know that. But that's part of it. You mentioned you don't have a lot of dating experience - well, you have some now.

If she comes back she does. If not, there are a TON of women out in the world. And that, my friend, is what makes the next step so much fun. You've learned some things about yourself and the next woman in your life will benefit from that. Or the one after that.

I'm not good at meeting women. I don't even know where. I am so afraid that a year from now, I'll be on my own like I was before this girl that has made me a wreck.
I don't know where to go, I don't have much of a game....I'm not a bad looking person, I have a good career, and I'm a good person. I'm not a disaster in any sense, but I don't know much about meeting women and then going from there.
That probably adds to my current state. I am so afraid that I threw something aside that was great and now I am alone again.

Get to the gym and sign up for Hinge and Tinder. If you’re good looking and have a good career, you’ll be fine.

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

Eh, my humble suggestion is not to go down this road quite yet. Idating was one of the few pieces of advice that I did listen to way back when, and even the many small rejections versus some dates and sex did more harm than good. Looking back, I wish I would have waited on idating (my second stint online dating was incredibly successful because I was ready for it) and just focused on getting in the gym and socializing with my peer group (which would have for sure resulted in dates by itself without the added pressures of actively online dating and experiencing the minor rejections that comes with it).

I actually decided to sign up with eHarmony. I don't know much about it, but have heard some good things.
I did have a conversation going with someone that seems to be going well. We traded numbers this morning and I think we're on a track to see each other. REally, though, my heart isn't in it, and I feel like I'm faking this to keep myself interested. At the same time, she seems attractive (at least with her pics) and a nice person so you never know.

Good deal. Just go into it with no expectations.

I've been out of the idating world for over a decade now so I don't know whether it's still a successful site, but in my peak (well after I had gotten over the girl who had broken up with me and I did all those stupid things), eharmony was amazing. Had something like 14 dates in 14 days, all of the girls were cool (even if there wasn't a physical attraction), and the stint culminated on the 14th date with a date with my now wife.

 

[Zow]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

 

[Zow]

Going back to the message I wrote, what you say is the most likely ways she is reading it?
- She doesn't care anymore?
- She is still needing space, and may respond?
- I may not get a response at all
- It relates to her and she does feel something still.
- other

This is just the part that is driving me crazy. The rational part of me realizes that the ship has sailed. When we saw each other on August 21st, she didn't end the relationship, but she didn't endorse it either. It's completely possible, maybe likely, that she was passively ending things. However, she was still texting me even after she may have broken up with me. That's why I'm not sure that's what she did and maybe she just does need space.

Even if it's space to think, I had to say something. I just don't know how to process this without hearing back. Even if she truly needed space, what does that look like? She'll get back to me in 1 month? 2 days? What does that even mean?

And you said something. Which is fine. You'll look back on this then as having no regrets as you tried.

But, as to when she'll get back to you, since she didn't immediately there's no answer to your question. She probably will down the line. But, for now, as harsh as this sounds, her not immediately responding means she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you right now. You need to accept that and accept that you can't change this.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Still, there were lots of conversations that didn't end well, especially from her point of view. She is very in-touch with her emotions and I don't think she thought I was doing some of the things that are needed to support each other. So, over the last month, we did have some conversations that ended awkwardly or even with some more issues from that call.

Sometimes conversations don't end well by design. When you said this person you are in a long term relationship came to town and you had lunch, it's pretty telling where you stand. Sorry.

Pretty much. You haven't seen each other in awhile and you should be ripping each other's clothes off. Not a friend's lunch date.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

 

[fruity pebbles]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

 

[Spiderman]

Still, there were lots of conversations that didn't end well, especially from her point of view. She is very in-touch with her emotions and I don't think she thought I was doing some of the things that are needed to support each other. So, over the last month, we did have some conversations that ended awkwardly or even with some more issues from that call.

Sometimes conversations don't end well by design. When you said this person you are in a long term relationship came to town and you had lunch, it's pretty telling where you stand. Sorry.

Pretty much. You haven't seen each other in awhile and you should be ripping each other's clothes off. Not a friend's lunch date.

Yeah, but I think we both knew that we were to try and talk through stuff. I wasn't looking for anything sexual, just wanted to get on the same page.
Literally, 1 month or so ago, we were talking, probably not as well as we could have, about options for me spending more time with her. 20 days later, roughly, she may have ended things? I don't know, it's probably what she is doing without saying, but it shows me much things can shift so much.

 

[Zow]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

She may not know what her ultimate intentions are.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

 

[fruity pebbles]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

She may not know what her ultimate intentions are.

This is maybe her position. At least, how she has handled some of our issues in the past, she's always been very clear on communication and expectations/ideas around how we can improve things. I've mentioned this prior, but the timing still implies, at least a chance, that she is thinking through things. That is pretty much what she said on August 21st also - she needed to absorb things and maybe she is doing that. It's just hard to not know what she may be thinking and/or if it's actually over.

 

[offdee]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

Dude she’s not mad, she’s annoyed at this point. And that’s actually worse in a woman’s world because there’s no feelings involved in that.

Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s playing control games by not communicating. You should be mad at her for disrespecting you. And honestly that’s probably her play…you either just quietly disappear or you officially end it. She’s now putting this on you. Just quietly disappear.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

Yeah, you're making sense, it's just hard to balance my emotions vs. reality. I think emotions won when I sent her that message, but I really wanted to make sure she knew I was listening and am taking ownership in many of our issues. I hope that means something to her and, if she is still thinking, maybe, this can help her be willing to not give up on us.

I guess the other part I keep thinking about....Things have been up and down, choppy for the last 2-3 months. We both agreed with the assessment on August 21st. She was willing to talk to me then, but now she is going silent? Again, maybe absorbing, probably done, but it leave me at a loss.

Given that we don't know what she is thinking, and knowing it's probably heading to a bad outcome for me, is there any expectation she'll respond with anything? If so, how long will that take given she isn't very responsive right now and since last Friday.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

Dude she’s not mad, she’s annoyed at this point. And that’s actually worse in a woman’s world.

Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s playing games at this point by not communicating. You should be mad at her for disrespecting you. And honestly that’s probably her play…you either just quietly disappear or you officially end it. She’s now putting this on you. Just quietly disappear.

I don't want to end things. I was a fool. I want us to try. I don't know if there's anything else I can do that won't be seen as desperate though.

 

[offdee]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

Dude she’s not mad, she’s annoyed at this point. And that’s actually worse in a woman’s world.

Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s playing games at this point by not communicating. You should be mad at her for disrespecting you. And honestly that’s probably her play…you either just quietly disappear or you officially end it. She’s now putting this on you. Just quietly disappear.

I don't want to end things. I was a fool. I want us to try. I don't know if there's anything else I can do that won't be seen as desperate though.

You’re not getting it. SHE wants it to be over. She’s just taking the coward way out of it.

You seriously sound pathetic just continuing to repeat yourself over and over, just fyi. Pull yourself together.

I’m about to start ghosting this thread. It’s not me, it’s you.

 

[Zow]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

Dude she’s not mad, she’s annoyed at this point. And that’s actually worse in a woman’s world because there’s no feelings involved in that.

Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s playing control games by not communicating. You should be mad at her for disrespecting you. And honestly that’s probably her play…you either just quietly disappear or you officially end it. She’s now putting this on you. Just quietly disappear.

 

[fruity pebbles]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

Yeah, you're making sense, it's just hard to balance my emotions vs. reality. I think emotions won when I sent her that message, but I really wanted to make sure she knew I was listening and am taking ownership in many of our issues. I hope that means something to her and, if she is still thinking, maybe, this can help her be willing to not give up on us.

I guess the other part I keep thinking about....Things have been up and down, choppy for the last 2-3 months. We both agreed with the assessment on August 21st. She was willing to talk to me then, but now she is going silent? Again, maybe absorbing, probably done, but it leave me at a loss.

Given that we don't know what she is thinking, and knowing it's probably heading to a bad outcome for me, is there any expectation she'll respond with anything? If so, how long will that take given she isn't very responsive right now and since last Friday.

If you get a response it'll be out of the blue after youve tried to move on. Be like a single word .......hey

 

[Zow]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

She may not know what her ultimate intentions are.

This is maybe her position. At least, how she has handled some of our issues in the past, she's always been very clear on communication and expectations/ideas around how we can improve things. I've mentioned this prior, but the timing still implies, at least a chance, that she is thinking through things. That is pretty much what she said on August 21st also - she needed to absorb things and maybe she is doing that. It's just hard to not know what she may be thinking and/or if it's actually over.

1. If there is still a chance, you can only blow that chance by communicating with her when she clearly doesn't want communication from you.
2. "Time to absorb things" generally means "I'm just not that into you anymore and I may have another dating prospect."

 

[BigJim®]

Yeah, but I didn't think we were done. I thought we would get back to discussing 'us', which is what we started to do, but I didn't think we were finished even with next steps. I really thought there would be a continued conversation, maybe me visiting her, something.

I'm really not saying this to be mean, but from what you describe she's been clearer than most. Let's say roles were reversed, and it was you who suggested seeing other people. What do you imagine *your* mindset would be to make that sort of suggestion? I've suggested it before myself, but not to people I wanted to deepen my relationship with. She may be a bit passive aggressive, but I think you're probably too emotionally invested to hear her words, and view her actions, exactly for what they are.

 

[fruity pebbles]

I mean she came right out and said she thought maybe we should see other people. Usually that means, I'm currently seeing other people.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Your relationship has essentially been over for awhile. She's had time to process that and is at a whole different stage than you. Guys are often oblivious so you're at step one.

 

[Zow]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

I just wish she would make her intentions a bit more clear. If she needs more time, wants to cut things off completely, or wants to continue, it will really help me to have some response. The part of not knowing, and my mind playing tricks on me, is really making me a wreck.

I get it and it sucks but you can't control her reaction. Like I said earlier actions always speak louder than words. Hang in there, first few weeks are the worst. If she comes back it won't be because you beat her over the head showing her how much you care.

Yeah, you're making sense, it's just hard to balance my emotions vs. reality. I think emotions won when I sent her that message, but I really wanted to make sure she knew I was listening and am taking ownership in many of our issues. I hope that means something to her and, if she is still thinking, maybe, this can help her be willing to not give up on us.

I guess the other part I keep thinking about....Things have been up and down, choppy for the last 2-3 months. We both agreed with the assessment on August 21st. She was willing to talk to me then, but now she is going silent? Again, maybe absorbing, probably done, but it leave me at a loss.

Given that we don't know what she is thinking, and knowing it's probably heading to a bad outcome for me, is there any expectation she'll respond with anything? If so, how long will that take given she isn't very responsive right now and since last Friday.

If you get a response it'll be out of the blue after youve tried to move on. Be like a single word .......hey

Yep. At a time when she's feeling down, and quite possibly when you're at a point where this girl has come back from the bar with you and is fully willing to engage in a number of fun activities yet you shut that down to talk to your ex and miss out on that only to have your ex tell you the next day that was having a moment, didn't mean it when she said she missed you, and wishes you well.

 

[Spiderman]

You're now George Costanza and you should do the opposite of whatever you think is right. Every time you think she's perfect, amazing, you blew it etc. Just remember how bad you're hurting......she's knows your hurting that bad......and she doesn't care.

This seems a little harsh. I think she may still care. But, she has to balance that care with her lack of desire to continue the relationship.

Disagree. If she cared he was hurting, she'd have responded. Even if it's just a.....I need time or I'm done. She's mad at him because now he's come through too late. After a relationship is over, women are ice cold. Feels almost heartless to the guy.

That's where I don't want to her be mad, I just want to know if it's possible for us to work on things.

Dude she’s not mad, she’s annoyed at this point. And that’s actually worse in a woman’s world.

Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s playing games at this point by not communicating. You should be mad at her for disrespecting you. And honestly that’s probably her play…you either just quietly disappear or you officially end it. She’s now putting this on you. Just quietly disappear.

I don't want to end things. I was a fool. I want us to try. I don't know if there's anything else I can do that won't be seen as desperate though.

You’re not getting it. SHE wants it to be over. She’s just taking the coward way out of it.

You seriously sound pathetic just continuing to repeat yourself over and over, just fyi. Pull yourself together.

I’m about to start ghosting this thread. It’s not me, it’s you.

You may be right. I may also not be getting it. I'm going to defend her, but maybe her perspective is that things haven't been good now for the last few months and she did try to talk with me, but we probably made things worse. Essentially, the message I wrote was something she was trying to get through to me and I wasn't taking any action so the results are on me.

I am really sorry. Just over-analyzing everything and hoping for a positive outcome.

 

[Drunken knight]

It's almost as if we've seen this plot in bad romcoms

 

[Spiderman]

Your relationship has essentially been over for awhile. She's had time to process that and is at a whole different stage than you. Guys are often oblivious so you're at step one.

Probably....definitely likely. I still don't understand why, if things were over, we were talking about 1 month ago about spending more time in her new location. I don't understand, if things were over, why should we even want to see me on August 21st. I don't understand, if things were over, why she even sent me any texts after we saw each other on August 21st.

She said she needed time to absorb. She could be doing that, but it could also be over and I just didn't realize that.

 

[Spiderman]

I mean she came right out and said she thought maybe we should see other people. Usually that means, I'm currently seeing other people.

The timing doesn't make sense although it's possible. Even into August, we were still talking and then we didn't talk from August 3rd or 4th through the 21st. We did text somewhat regularly, but things were not good. She traveled to see her mother, and eventually me on the weekend of the 18th. I also don't believe she would move on given how much her past and our relationship was probably impacting her. She is very thoughtful person, smart and is very big on mental health. Although it's possible that something happened towards the end of July and has continued into August, I would just be surprised if she moved on to another person vs. taking the time she needs for herself.

Yes, she did hint at potentially dating other people, but she was also suggesting that in the context of our relationship struggling.

So, it could be true, she has moved with another person, but I would actually be surprised. I think it's more likely she's done with me than actually moved on, but it could be she isn't moving on with anyone right now and needs time to figure out what she wants.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

Going back to the message I wrote, what you say is the most likely ways she is reading it?
- She doesn't care anymore?
- She is still needing space, and may respond?
- I may not get a response at all
- It relates to her and she does feel something still.
- other

This is just the part that is driving me crazy. The rational part of me realizes that the ship has sailed. When we saw each other on August 21st, she didn't end the relationship, but she didn't endorse it either. It's completely possible, maybe likely, that she was passively ending things. However, she was still texting me even after she may have broken up with me. That's why I'm not sure that's what she did and maybe she just does need space.

Even if it's space to think, I had to say something. I just don't know how to process this without hearing back. Even if she truly needed space, what does that look like? She'll get back to me in 1 month? 2 days? What does that even mean?

I know it's hard, but you need to stop this. You're quoting yourself now. Gotta find a way to get out of your own head, man.

You're not gonna want to hear this, but she's not thinking about your situation as much as you hope she is. I tried to be softer in my earlier comments, but she's moved on - and she did it way earlier than you think. And I'm pretty sure that, if she wants to see other people, she's either already doing it or has someone(s) in mind. I disagree with demonizing her as a way to feeling better, but do whatever you need to do to get over - blocking her (you're really blocking yourself from temptation) on whatever ways you have contact with her; trust me on this.

There are probably a dozen people that have posted here that have been through the exact same thing you're going through. I know you think your situation is different, but it's not.

Pro Tip: find a good therapist and lay all of this out. Don't lie to make things look more promising or to reduce the pain you're going through - just be straight up true. If the therapist is worth his/her salt, they'll set you straight and make you feel better about yourself.

 

[bushdocda]

Sorry but this seems over and even if she does ‘come back’, I don’t think it will be for good reasons, just that another avenue dried up for her.
Take some time and slowly you’ll move on. You’ll figure out how when you realize you want to and no longer want to look back. Keep busy, try some new things and good luck.

 

[Zow]

I mean she came right out and said she thought maybe we should see other people. Usually that means, I'm currently seeing other people.

The timing doesn't make sense although it's possible. Even into August, we were still talking and then we didn't talk from August 3rd or 4th through the 21st. We did text somewhat regularly, but things were not good. She traveled to see her mother, and eventually me on the weekend of the 18th. I also don't believe she would move on given how much her past and our relationship was probably impacting her. She is very thoughtful person, smart and is very big on mental health. Although it's possible that something happened towards the end of July and has continued into August, I would just be surprised if she moved on to another person vs. taking the time she needs for herself.

Yes, she did hint at potentially dating other people, but she was also suggesting that in the context of our relationship struggling.

So, it could be true, she has moved with another person, but I would actually be surprised. I think it's more likely she's done with me than actually moved on, but it could be she isn't moving on with anyone right now and needs time to figure out what she wants.

She may not have moved on to another person. But her suggesting that you see other people means she's thought about it. And, practically speaking, that's all you need to know right now.

 

[TLEF316]

Yeah, certainly seems like this was over WAY before the recent visit. Seems like that lunch (I mean seriously.....LUNCH is the meetup with her supposed long-distance boyfriend after weeks apart? That's a red flag the size of Texas) was basically (in her mind, as cold as this sounds) just an inconvenient chore she had to get out of the way during her trip home (like stopping into the DMV to renew your drivers license)

And the crappy part is that (based on what we're being told) she didn't even have the stomach to officially end it. Pretty messed up (unless the OP is just totally glossing over that because he doesnt want to accept it)

 

[SWC]

brohan i tell you what your gonna do you are gonna go out hit the gym and pump some iron and feel good about yourself and you are gonna go to the local watering hole and chat up some papershakers and you are gonna feel good about yourself and then you are gonna go and get a hot car and ride with the windows down letting your flowing locks and sideburns flap in the breeze while you crank brandy by looking glass up to 10 and you know damn well you are gonna feel good about yourself and when she sees some pictures of you on the old internet she is going to be like damn i had it all in my hands and i let it go and she is going to text you saying lets talk and you will see it while you are on a date with some girl who looks like a cross between prime buck rogers erin gray and tj hooker heather locklear and you are gonna ignore the hell out of that text because you feel good about yourself and damn right you should take that to the moving on bank brochacho

 

[SWC]

- Draft a ten page argument letter, including footnotes, to her parents.
- Write her poetry

oh sweet child brohan please tell me you didnt take that to the bank

 

[Zow]

if you are on twitter or facebook you should go out and get with a bunch of brohans a

- Draft a ten page argument letter, including footnotes, to her parents.
- Write her poetry

oh sweet child brohan please tell me you didnt take that to the bank

I wish I could tell you that I didn't, bromancer. But if I did, I'd be lying.

 

[Zow]

and also i have been around since the late 90s how in the heck did i miss this take that to the bank bromigos

Yeah I have no clue. I dominated this board with my relationship issues from like '06 - '08.

 

[Major]

I couldn't get through all of your original post but just do me a favor. If things are going downhill with a girl, DONT SEND FLOWERS.