Destination Weddings (1 Viewer)

[Cyclones]

So after almost 9 years of dating and 7 of living together, some very good friends of mine are getting married next year.

Of course in the "look at us, we have no kids and 2 incomes" mode that they are in, they are getting married at some posh resort in the Dominican next October. I scoped the cost of my SO and I attending the wedding, and it would cost in the 4-5k neighborhood with food, booze, etc etc to go for three nights, plus the hassle of finding a babysitter for our toddler that weekend. Am I out of line in flat out telling them that I am not going because there are better things I can spend that kind of cabbage on?

I think its terribly selfish to do this and expect friends to come. They have it set up as an event on Facebook and some of the people who have accepted I know for a fact are in no financial position to make that trip and will be dropping a bunch of $$ on credit cards to make it happen. I understand if they want to have some fancy wedding, but go do it yourselves and come back and have a party or something for your friends.

I suppose I could just make up an excuse as to why we can't go that weekend, but I kind of want to make a statement here as to my total disdain for things like this.

 

[belljr]

Just say you can't swing it and send a gift.

we were going to do a destination wedding and pay for our family to go. We realized quickly what a nightmare that would become

 

[Steve Tasker]

IMO, it's not your place to make a scene. I agree that destination weddings are tacky and poor form, but this is not the time to cause a commotion.

Thank them for the invite and politely decline. Don't give a reason. If they press you for a reason, explain to them that both the financial cost and the prospect of finding a long-term babysitter for your child make it unfeasible for you to attend.

If they get offended or angry, well, then you know what kind of friends they are. If they understand and are cool with it, no harm done. If they're as good friends as you indicate - obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you to the wedding - they should understand. It's extremely unreasonable to expect everyone to drop everything and shell out $4-5k for a destination wedding. They should be anticipating that a number of people decline the invite.

 

[johnnycakes]

Been married twice. First time, fancy church wedding at Longfellow's Wayside Inn.... second wedding, the drive-thru at A Little White Chapel. Guess which one is more memorable?

Tell the friends to go to Vegas and have the ceremony streamed... you can view it live online and they'll still get their wedding gifts. win-win.

 

[McGarnicle]

People seem to lose their minds when planning a wedding. I wanted to go to the courthouse.

Nothing wrong with telling them you can't swing it. If they press, mention the 4-5k figure. If that doesn't end the conversation, I question what kind of friends they are.

 

[SIDA!]

Can't speak for your friends, but if I were planning a destination wedding, I would not feel slighted or pissed off in the least if people couldn't make it for whatever reason. Personally, I would do the super intimate destination wedding with immediate family and closest of friends and then do a get together back home.

I wouldn't think there would be any problem telling your friends that you would love to go, but just can't swing it financially right now.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

People seem to lose their minds when planning a wedding. I wanted to go to the courthouse.

Nothing wrong with telling them you can't swing it. If they press, mention the 4-5k figure. If that doesn't end the conversation, I question what kind of friends they are.

 

[sbonomo]

IMO, it's not your place to make a scene. I agree that destination weddings are tacky and poor form, but this is not the time to cause a commotion.

Thank them for the invite and politely decline. Don't give a reason. If they press you for a reason, explain to them that both the financial cost and the prospect of finding a long-term babysitter for your child make it unfeasible for you to attend.

If they get offended or angry, well, then you know what kind of friends they are. If they understand and are cool with it, no harm done. If they're as good friends as you indicate - obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you to the wedding - they should understand. It's extremely unreasonable to expect everyone to drop everything and shell out $4-5k for a destination wedding. They should be anticipating that a number of people decline the invite.

Really? let's not jump to conclusions here. You do know that the wedding is about the bride and groom right. Now if they demand that all of their friends and family are there i agree, but to put this blanket statement out is unjustified.

 

[sbonomo]

So after almost 9 years of dating and 7 of living together, some very good friends of mine are getting married next year.

Of course in the "look at us, we have no kids and 2 incomes" mode that they are in, they are getting married at some posh resort in the Dominican next October. I scoped the cost of my SO and I attending the wedding, and it would cost in the 4-5k neighborhood with food, booze, etc etc to go for three nights, plus the hassle of finding a babysitter for our toddler that weekend. Am I out of line in flat out telling them that I am not going because there are better things I can spend that kind of cabbage on?

I think its terribly selfish to do this and expect friends to come. They have it set up as an event on Facebook and some of the people who have accepted I know for a fact are in no financial position to make that trip and will be dropping a bunch of $$ on credit cards to make it happen. I understand if they want to have some fancy wedding, but go do it yourselves and come back and have a party or something for your friends.

I suppose I could just make up an excuse as to why we can't go that weekend, but I kind of want to make a statement here as to my total disdain for things like this.

I had a destination wedding in St John, which ends up being a very expensive trip for most. I told all my friends/family that we would be having a reception when we returned that everyone could attend to take the pressure off the folks that could not afford the cost. I am sure if you buy a gift you are fine.

 

[McGarnicle]

They should be anticipating that a number of people decline the invite.

I'm sure lots of people do destination weddings for exactly this reason. Shorten the guest list = cheaper wedding, plus you still get gifts from people who can't make it, then afterward you're already on your honeymoon. Come to think of it they are actually doing you a favor by skipping town, unless you enjoy having to put on a suit, eat crappy food, dance to corny music, etc.

 

[Steve Tasker]

IMO, it's not your place to make a scene. I agree that destination weddings are tacky and poor form, but this is not the time to cause a commotion.

Thank them for the invite and politely decline. Don't give a reason. If they press you for a reason, explain to them that both the financial cost and the prospect of finding a long-term babysitter for your child make it unfeasible for you to attend.

If they get offended or angry, well, then you know what kind of friends they are. If they understand and are cool with it, no harm done. If they're as good friends as you indicate - obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you to the wedding - they should understand. It's extremely unreasonable to expect everyone to drop everything and shell out $4-5k for a destination wedding. They should be anticipating that a number of people decline the invite.

Really? let's not jump to conclusions here. You do know that the wedding is about the bride and groom right. Now if they demand that all of their friends and family are there i agree, but to put this blanket statement out is unjustified.

I think we're saying the same thing. If a couple want to get married at a destination, go for it. Cool. But if they're at all offended that someone - anyone, I don't care if it's close family or a close friend - balks at the cost or time commitment, that's tacky and poor form.

 

[Bucky86]

Why is a destination wedding tacky and poor form? I I've been to 3 destination weddings in the past 2 years. They're fun and are a good excuse for a little vacation with friends.

If you can't afford it then just don't go and send a gift??? They most likely PURPOSELY picked a destination wedding to cut out some of the people they didn't really want going, but didn't want to be rude and knew they wouldn't spend the money to fly somewhere.

 

[Cyclones]

Why is a destination wedding tacky and poor form? I I've been to 3 destination weddings in the past 2 years. They're fun and are a good excuse for a little vacation with friends.

If you can't afford it then just don't go and send a gift??? They most likely PURPOSELY picked a destination wedding to cut out some of the people they didn't really want going, but didn't want to be rude and knew they wouldn't spend the money to fly somewhere.

It's not about being able to afford it, its the fact that I'd rather use that money for other things - kids' education, a new TV, a couple of mortgage payments, etc.

They are good friends and I assume that me declining to go probably won't be a big deal, they will understand. I agree with one of the posters above, the kid situation is a good excuse to use. I can see the vacation angle, but I already have a Disney trip planned for next year and don't want to base a vacation on where someone else decides to get married.

 

[mphtrilogy]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

 

[Bucky86]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

 

[sbonomo]

IMO, it's not your place to make a scene. I agree that destination weddings are tacky and poor form, but this is not the time to cause a commotion.

Thank them for the invite and politely decline. Don't give a reason. If they press you for a reason, explain to them that both the financial cost and the prospect of finding a long-term babysitter for your child make it unfeasible for you to attend.

If they get offended or angry, well, then you know what kind of friends they are. If they understand and are cool with it, no harm done. If they're as good friends as you indicate - obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you to the wedding - they should understand. It's extremely unreasonable to expect everyone to drop everything and shell out $4-5k for a destination wedding. They should be anticipating that a number of people decline the invite.

Really? let's not jump to conclusions here. You do know that the wedding is about the bride and groom right. Now if they demand that all of their friends and family are there i agree, but to put this blanket statement out is unjustified.

I think we're saying the same thing. If a couple want to get married at a destination, go for it. Cool. But if they're at all offended that someone - anyone, I don't care if it's close family or a close friend - balks at the cost or time commitment, that's tacky and poor form.

fair enough

 

[McGarnicle]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

 

[johnnycakes]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

Speaking of chet... tell us the story of your wedding & honeymoon, Chet... inquiring minds want to know!

 

[NutterButter]

So after almost 9 years of dating and 7 of living together, some very good friends of mine are getting married next year.

Of course in the "look at us, we have no kids and 2 incomes" mode that they are in, they are getting married at some posh resort in the Dominican next October. I scoped the cost of my SO and I attending the wedding, and it would cost in the 4-5k neighborhood with food, booze, etc etc to go for three nights, plus the hassle of finding a babysitter for our toddler that weekend. Am I out of line in flat out telling them that I am not going because there are better things I can spend that kind of cabbage on?

I think its terribly selfish to do this and expect friends to come. They have it set up as an event on Facebook and some of the people who have accepted I know for a fact are in no financial position to make that trip and will be dropping a bunch of $$ on credit cards to make it happen. I understand if they want to have some fancy wedding, but go do it yourselves and come back and have a party or something for your friends.

I suppose I could just make up an excuse as to why we can't go that weekend, but I kind of want to make a statement here as to my total disdain for things like this.

Had a wedding in Jan that I said I wouldn't be attending for this very reason. I definitely wouldn't make a big deal about it. Its their moment. If thats how they want to spend, good for them.

 

[Bucky86]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

You can put that in your pre-nups, right?

 

[Sinn Fein]

Been married twice. First time, fancy church wedding at Longfellow's Wayside Inn.... second wedding, the drive-thru at A Little White Chapel. Guess which one is more memorable?

Tell the friends to go to Vegas and have the ceremony streamed... you can view it live online and they'll still get their wedding gifts. win-win.

Let me guess, wife #2 crashed into the little white chapel?

 

[sbonomo]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

By the bride or groom? It is easy to part a fool with their money. I got my wife a 3.52 carat stone with 1.75's carat around it for half that price by working with whole sale diamond brokers and paying cash. I will bet they got less and paid more......

 

[McGarnicle]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

By the bride or groom? It is easy to part a fool with their money. I got my wife a 3.52 carat stone with 1.75's carat around it for half that price by working with whole sale diamond brokers and paying cash. I will bet they got less and paid more......

No idea, but the main stone was enormous and had lots of smaller diamonds around it. My wife wanted to stab all of them.

 

[Bucky86]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

By the bride or groom? It is easy to part a fool with their money. I got my wife a 3.52 carat stone with 1.75's carat around it for half that price by working with whole sale diamond brokers and paying cash. I will bet they got less and paid more......

No idea, but the main stone was enormous and had lots of smaller diamonds around it. My wife wanted to stab all of them.

I'd be shocked if they weren't still happily married.

 

[culdeus]

My best buddy did the same thing and we skipped it without hesitation. We have two small children I'd have to deal with someone also getting them to school on two days also. Would have run in the 3-5k range all told to go to a resort in the DR I had no interest going to with mostly his family which I find really uptight and boring in the limited time I've spent with them.

 

[Spanky24]

Why is a destination wedding tacky and poor form? I I've been to 3 destination weddings in the past 2 years. They're fun and are a good excuse for a little vacation with friends.

If you can't afford it then just don't go and send a gift??? They most likely PURPOSELY picked a destination wedding to cut out some of the people they didn't really want going, but didn't want to be rude and knew they wouldn't spend the money to fly somewhere.

We had a destination wedding for this very reason

 

[sbonomo]

destination invites should include all expenses paid...

no worries otherwise, cant afford it, is always a good reason these days

Maybe if they're Chet rich.

On our honeymoon in Costa Rica there was a group of silicone queens from L.A. with their douuchebag boyfriends who all came down for a destination wedding. The girl's rock cost 80 grand, which was mentioned at least 3 times. I didn't ask if the guests' expenses were covered, but it didn't seem like it would be an issue for them.I snorkeled behind the bride, both for the view and hoping that rock would fall off.

By the bride or groom? It is easy to part a fool with their money. I got my wife a 3.52 carat stone with 1.75's carat around it for half that price by working with whole sale diamond brokers and paying cash. I will bet they got less and paid more......

No idea, but the main stone was enormous and had lots of smaller diamonds around it. My wife wanted to stab all of them.

Now she sounds like a keeper!

 

[EYLive]

Destination weddings are probably cheaper than a traditional one if they aren't pay separately for all the venues and with fewer guests to feed. I like it.

 

[NutterButter]

Destination weddings are probably cheaper than a traditional one if they aren't pay separately for all the venues and with fewer guests to feed. I like it.

I wonder if the wedding food and booze is included or at least reduced if the guests are already paying for all inclusive at the resort

 

[massraider]

Definitely fire off a nasty email letting them know exactly what your think of their wedding. Point out how selfish they are. Perhaps cc everyone on their guest list.

 

[jonessed]

If they actually wanted you to attend they wouldn't have had a destination wedding.

You could send a gift, or not. I don't think it really matters.

 

[McGarnicle]

Definitely fire off a nasty email letting them know exactly what your think of their wedding. Point out how selfish they are. Perhaps cc everyone on their guest list.

And send it the morning of the wedding day with pics of your junk.

 

[fantasycurse42]

They don't actually want you to go. They just want your gift.

Destination weddings are such a #### move... Unless you're a serious baller and paying for everyone's hotel rooms (and even in this situation you are anticipating a larger gift), you are causing a massive inconvenience and expense.

If I want to go on a vacation, I plan it myself.

 

[NutterButter]

They don't actually want you to go. They just want your gift.

Are you supposed to send a gift even if you don't go? How much we talking here?

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

They don't actually want you to go. They just want your gift.

Are you supposed to send a gift even if you don't go? How much we talking here?

$20 Target gift card.

 

[joffer]

so don't go. It's not hard.

 

[Drifter]

I did it and didn't expect anybody to come. We rented an enormous house on the beach in the Caribbean. We took the lions share and offered guests rooms to rent at rates that were ridiculously low given it was a essentially a mansion on the beach in the Caribbean. Some couldn't come and that was fine and those that did had a great time.

 

[offdee]

Hey friends, my beautiful fiancé and I have decided to get married in the Dominican on (x date) to enjoy and relax in the sun. We'd love for all of our close friends and family to join us, but completely understand if that's not realistic. If it's something you'd be interested in let us know and we'll send along the info. Hope everyone is doing great! We love you all.

 

[krista4]

so don't go. It's not hard.

I did it and didn't expect anybody to come. We rented an enormous house on the beach in the Caribbean. We took the lions share and offered guests rooms to rent at rates that were ridiculously low given it was a essentially a mansion on the beach in the Caribbean. Some couldn't come and that was fine and those that did had a great time.

Yeah, I don't get why this is an issue. I had a destination wedding, and we paid for those for whom the cost would be a problem. We had some people who couldn't come anyway, which was fine, but just about everyone who did said that it was the best vacation they'd ever had. I didn't expect gifts from those who did attend, let alone those who didn't. I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

 

[EYLive]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

 

[parasaurolophus]

My wife and I had both been married before so we really only wanted something for family and very close friends and we certainly did not want any gifts. We decided to pick a place in cancun. It was 660 bucks per person for adults flight included for 4 nights at an all inclusive resort. Kids were Flight only as they had a promo going "kids stay free". We flat out told people we didnt want anymore stuff and if people gave us cash we would use it to buy their kids annoying toys and musical instruments. We were very clear that if it was an inconvenience in any way that we totally understood.

It was easier for us to be that way since it was a second wedding for each of us. Obviously people dont have as much guilt skipping a second wedding. WOuld have never considered it for a first wedding and would never do a place that was crazy expensive.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

Everyone can use more Pyrex.

 

[EYLive]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

Everyone can use more Pyrex.

True true.

 

[mr roboto]

Hey friends, my beautiful fiancé and I have decided to get married in the Dominican on (x date) to enjoy and relax in the sun. We'd love for all of our close friends and family to join us, but completely understand if that's not realistic. If it's something you'd be interested in let us know and we'll send along the info. Hope everyone is doing great! We love you all.

Congratulations! You taking his name or going hyphen?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

Everyone can use more Pyrex.

And cocaine. You can never have enough cocaine. Ever.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

Everyone can use more Pyrex.

And cocaine. You can never have enough cocaine. Ever.

Keep it clean Bob...as in uncut cocaine...Clean and pure.

 

[rockaction]

so don't go. It's not hard.

I did it and didn't expect anybody to come. We rented an enormous house on the beach in the Caribbean. We took the lions share and offered guests rooms to rent at rates that were ridiculously low given it was a essentially a mansion on the beach in the Caribbean. Some couldn't come and that was fine and those that did had a great time.

Yeah, I don't get why this is an issue. I had a destination wedding, and we paid for those for whom the cost would be a problem. We had some people who couldn't come anyway, which was fine, but just about everyone who did said that it was the best vacation they'd ever had. I didn't expect gifts from those who did attend, let alone those who didn't. I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

See, but this is...

well, it's considerate is what it is.

I agree with the rest of the people who would not raise the issue and politely decline the invitation. I had a chance to go to a destination wedding on someone else's dime unrelated to the bride and groom (it was a good friend's wedding) and I still sort of refused the vacation on principle, but certainly didn't say that. I just politely declined.

 

[chauncey]

Would any of you skip the traditional wedding and go with a destination wedding if you could do it all over?

 

[Apple Jack]

Big fan. I've been to four, all fantastic trips. Not remotely tacky. If you can't go, you can't go. They understand that. Though have to say if they're doing punta Cana, that's cheesy and unless it's a bunch of old friends I'd likely blow it off.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

I was 32 years old and wedding gifts in general just seemed dumb to me at that age.

I agree. When you combine the possessions of 2 adults, you really don't need more stuff.

Screw you. I want loot.