Divorced FBG's please check in here (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

I wonder if the FFA would agree that certain personality types are better than others for getting married?I was watching a show on one of the networks and a psychologist basically came to the conclusion that certain personality types are much more likely to get divorced than others.Before contemplating marriage I think I'd read every good book available on the subject before taking the plunge.Any suggestions?

Hi Lhucks,I'm not real big on classifying people and sorting into different personality types. I obviously agree there are huge differences in personalities but I think it's quite a bit more complex than many of the "put them into this box and they all act like this" systems many proponents of personality typing seem to like to do.With that said, I think there are absolutely traits and attributes of people that have a gigantic effect on whether they should marry or not.Many are maturity issues meaning a person that isn't ready now for marriage may well be very ready later in life. Some are fixed traits that may not ever change meaning the person may never be ready.This is a huge and very important area. And one that I'm sort of passionate about. You're smart to be seeking and inquiring here.J

 

[L5UT1ger]

I had a divorce. It was violent and ugly. In retrospect I think that my exwife and I were not compatiable whatsoever. I made the mistake of thinking that the things I hated about her, I could deal with because I could make any relationship work if I tried. I was arrogant.

I believed that there is no such thing as a soulmate and that one has many such "soulmates" because it would be stupid to think that your soulmate happened to run into you in your life as opposed to living in the far east or Africa or something like that.

Because of my belief that just about any two people can get along and be married and because most of my friends were getting married, it was time for me to get married, too. Boy was that a silly thing to do!

The problem I have had in the past is that the girls that would make great wives are boring. I wanted to "tame" a wild girl and made a good woman out of her. I wanted a woman that was career oriented and a challenge to me in personality. Well I got everything I wanted and more in my exwife.

She had such a dominate personality that I was the one that backed down on everything and "just took it" to avoid encounters. I was fine with doing so for a couple years, but one day I just decided to say "heck with it! I'm not taking it anymore!" This lead to numerous, terrible, violent, sometimes death threatening fights. Lets just say if someone cornered me in a bathroom, pointed a loaded gun at me and cocked it, it wouldnt be the first time that has happened to me.

Anyhow, I think that the couple years antidepressants, heavy drinking, living on sofas, marriage counseling, hoors, and the subsequent getting my life together after finalizing my divorce has taught me alot.

First: Try to find someone that expresses their affection for you in a similiar way that you express affection. For example, I used to cook, clean and do all the laundry for my exwife and I. I did it to show that I cared about her and our well being. She didnt give two poots about that. She was more of a spend time watching TV with me person. I wanted to hold her and be intimate with her. She wanted to be listened to when she wanted to talk about how her day went.

I find that my current girlfriend and I are way more alike in this respect. She is also an affectionate person. This constantly reassures me that she cares deeply for me. I am so much more happy daily with this woman that I cannot even fathom why in the world I even thought about marrying my exwife.

I will write more later, my boss needs some work done and this is very likely long enough for one post.

 

[Joe Bryant]

This is one subject where the standard should be 100% sure, not beyond a reasonable doubt.

Is that even possible?

According to the happily married guys around here it is.

Hi Otis and bass,It's an objective thing talking about being "100% sure". But I'll say this, I think you can be, and more importantly should be EXTREMELY confident that you're making the right move when you get married.It's tough to define exactly "cold feet" vs real reservations about the path your setting out on but I think those things need to be worked through. I can remember being a little nervous about my wedding ceremony but that was nervousness about standing in front of a big crowd and hoping I didn't mess up. I wasn't the least bit nervous that I was starting down a path that wasn't going to be excellent. Big difference.Extremely confident that you are absolutely making the right choice is more the angle I'd think.J

 

[Joe Bryant]

First: Try to find someone that expresses their affection for you in a similiar way that you express affection. For example, I used to cook, clean and do all the laundry for my exwife and I. I did it to show that I cared about her and our well being. She didnt give two poots about that. She was more of a spend time watching TV with me person. I wanted to hold her and be intimate with her. She wanted to be listened to when she wanted to talk about how her day went.

Excellent point. People show love in lots of different ways. Lhucks said he was looking for books and "The 5 Love Languages" is a good one on that subject http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-...TF8&s=booksLove Language is a goofy word for what tiger said in that different people express love in different ways. You may think giving a gift says you love the person but she may think just listening to her says you love her. That kind of thing. Understanding your own (and your wife's) "language" or what is important or what means what to her is a huge thing. I'd definitely agree there.

J

 

[LHUCKS]

First: Try to find someone that expresses their affection for you in a similiar way that you express affection. For example, I used to cook, clean and do all the laundry for my exwife and I. I did it to show that I cared about her and our well being. She didnt give two poots about that. She was more of a spend time watching TV with me person. I wanted to hold her and be intimate with her. She wanted to be listened to when she wanted to talk about how her day went.

Excellent point. People show love in lots of different ways. Lhucks said he was looking for books and "The 5 Love Languages" is a good one on that subject http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-...TF8&s=booksLove Language is a goofy word for what tiger said in that different people express love in different ways. You may think giving a gift says you love the person but she may think just listening to her says you love her. That kind of thing. Understanding your own (and your wife's) "language" or what is important or what means what to her is a huge thing. I'd definitely agree there.

J

Thanks Joe, just ordered it.

 

[L5UT1ger]

Second thing: Try to find someone that has at least a relatively close background that you do. My exwife was raised by a single mother, in a city, who lives a few states away. I was raised on a farm, with my mother not working until we got into school, and then she became a teacher at that school.

Needless to say, my family is tight knit group. Her family is spread out. This lead to many, many differences of opinion. My family wanted to come visit and she hated that. I found that funny because her Mother would fly in and stay at our house for a week twice a year, but my family stayed in a hotel when they drove in from an hour and a half away about 5 times a year. She hated the way my mother was involved in our lives. It got to the point where my family quit trying to be a part of it as they perceived that their desire to be involved in us was a problem for my exwife. I resented her for that. I am not saying that you should be a clone of your partner, but at least try to keep it close, or discuss this situation at length.

My current girlfriend had experieced the same problems in her past relationships. Her family is very tight as is mine. I had to reassure her that her "overbearing" mother would not be a problem for me as I understood alot of her angst when it came to dealing with her mother. Her past boyfriends hated her mom and felt that she was meddling in her daughter's relationships. Well, her mother reminds me alot of my mother and I get along great with her. Sure she can be a pain, but I understand and dont fuss at my girlfriend because she wont stand up to her mother. Hell I was 28 years old, married, had a house of my own and was a lawyer and yet didnt tell my mother or father that i smoked cigarettes. I understand about not upsetting the parents.

My girlfriend and I get along great. I have discussed this having a similiar background with my Mother and she agrees wholeheartedly. She and my Dad are married for 40+ years now. I pointed out that they dont seem to be alot alike in alot of respects, Dad is quiet, she is a talker, Dad is very disciplined, Mom is kinda fly by the seat of her pants, but she countered with, "both your father and I are country people. We like cattle, horses, and are they typical 'salt of the earth' folks that politicians speak about. We are both conservative, yet can see other points of view." Although they dont really see other points of view really well, they do both THINK that they do, so i guess thats something and they both are definitely conservative.

There could be more I can write on the subject, but I guess this is enough. I read Tuesdays with Morrie and although I didnt especially care for it compared to other of his books, I did like the part where Morrie talked about family, marriage, and love. Also I think it is vital that two people married not only always try to love their partner, they have to love their marriage and respect that they are married. Ill get off the stump now.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Second thing: Try to find someone that has at least a relatively close background that you do. She was raised by a single mother, in a city, who lives a few states away. I was raised on a farm, with my mother not working until we got into school, and then she became a teacher at that school. Needless to say, my family is tight knit group. Her family is spread out. This lead to many, many differences of opinion. My family wanted to come visit and she hated that. I found that funny because her Mother would fly in and stay at our house for a week, but my family stayed in a hotel when they drove in from an hour and a half away. She hated the way my mother was involved in our lives. It got to the point where my family quit trying to be a part of it as they senced that their desire to be involved in us was a problem. I resented her for that. I am not saying that you should be a clone of your partner, but at least try to keep it close, or discuss this situation at length.

To play devil's advocate, my personal opinion on this is maturity comes into play in a big way here.One of my best friends has a very successful marriage. He grew up very upper middle class as one of three sons of a Doctor in the city. His wife grew up more in the country and she was one of 4 girls. Her parents never made more than 30,000 combined in a year. But both are mature enough to understand their diversity and actually celebrate it. They realize what they think about stuff "becuase they grew up that way" may be a very different take on it from their spouse because they grew up very differently.But that takes an intelligent and mature person to see and understand sometimes.J

 

[L5UT1ger]

Second thing: Try to find someone that has at least a relatively close background that you do. She was raised by a single mother, in a city, who lives a few states away. I was raised on a farm, with my mother not working until we got into school, and then she became a teacher at that school. Needless to say, my family is tight knit group. Her family is spread out. This lead to many, many differences of opinion. My family wanted to come visit and she hated that. I found that funny because her Mother would fly in and stay at our house for a week, but my family stayed in a hotel when they drove in from an hour and a half away. She hated the way my mother was involved in our lives. It got to the point where my family quit trying to be a part of it as they senced that their desire to be involved in us was a problem. I resented her for that. I am not saying that you should be a clone of your partner, but at least try to keep it close, or discuss this situation at length.

To play devil's advocate, my personal opinion on this is maturity comes into play in a big way here.One of my best friends has a very successful marriage. He grew up very upper middle class as one of three sons of a Doctor in the city. His wife grew up more in the country and she was one of 4 girls. Her parents never made more than 30,000 combined in a year. But both are mature enough to understand their diversity and actually celebrate it. They realize what they think about stuff "becuase they grew up that way" may be a very different take on it from their spouse because they grew up very differently.But that takes an intelligent and mature person to see and understand sometimes.J

I dunno about intelligent. She finished 2nd in her law class and I at least finished. I am not as smart as the typical FBG, but I usually hold my own just fine. My exwife and I did understand that we were from different backgrounds, the difference between my old situation and your friends is that she didnt celebrate those differences, she pretty much thought my family was crazy for being the way it was and after I had expressed my displeasure of her position, kept my mouth shut about my problem with her opinion. That was a mistake on my part.Perhaps it not an essential element of a successful marriage to be close in background, I think morals, etc. should be close. I can see where sometimes opposites attract, but in the long run, those opposites can cause friction that is not there if you had chosen otherwise. Marriage is hard enough without having to deal with this potential roadblock.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Second thing: Try to find someone that has at least a relatively close background that you do. She was raised by a single mother, in a city, who lives a few states away. I was raised on a farm, with my mother not working until we got into school, and then she became a teacher at that school. Needless to say, my family is tight knit group. Her family is spread out. This lead to many, many differences of opinion. My family wanted to come visit and she hated that. I found that funny because her Mother would fly in and stay at our house for a week, but my family stayed in a hotel when they drove in from an hour and a half away. She hated the way my mother was involved in our lives. It got to the point where my family quit trying to be a part of it as they senced that their desire to be involved in us was a problem. I resented her for that. I am not saying that you should be a clone of your partner, but at least try to keep it close, or discuss this situation at length.

To play devil's advocate, my personal opinion on this is maturity comes into play in a big way here.One of my best friends has a very successful marriage. He grew up very upper middle class as one of three sons of a Doctor in the city. His wife grew up more in the country and she was one of 4 girls. Her parents never made more than 30,000 combined in a year. But both are mature enough to understand their diversity and actually celebrate it. They realize what they think about stuff "becuase they grew up that way" may be a very different take on it from their spouse because they grew up very differently.But that takes an intelligent and mature person to see and understand sometimes.J

I dunno about intelligent. She finished 2nd in her law class and I at least finished. I am not as smart as the typical FBG, but I usually hold my own just fine. My exwife and I did understand that we were from different backgrounds, the difference between my old situation and your friends is that she didnt celebrate those differences, she pretty much thought my family was crazy for being the way it was and after I had expressed my displeasure of her position, kept my mouth shut about my problem with her opinion. That was a mistake on my part.Perhaps it not an essential element of a successful marriage to be close in background, I think morals, etc. should be close. I can see where sometimes opposites attract, but in the long run, those opposites can cause friction that is not there if you had chosen otherwise. Marriage is hard enough without having to deal with this potential roadblock.

Thanks tiger.I'm sorry if that sounded like I was saying you were not intelligent. I realize that's what it looked like and it was my bad on choosing words. Mature and understanding of the other's situation and being able to celebrate the diversity is more what I meant.And I don't disagree that as many things that you can line up in agreement beforehand, the better. My friend and his wife grew up very differently and had very different economic backgrounds, but were similar on many of the personality issues and on things that were important to them.J

 

[L5UT1ger]

Second thing: Try to find someone that has at least a relatively close background that you do. She was raised by a single mother, in a city, who lives a few states away. I was raised on a farm, with my mother not working until we got into school, and then she became a teacher at that school. Needless to say, my family is tight knit group. Her family is spread out. This lead to many, many differences of opinion. My family wanted to come visit and she hated that. I found that funny because her Mother would fly in and stay at our house for a week, but my family stayed in a hotel when they drove in from an hour and a half away. She hated the way my mother was involved in our lives. It got to the point where my family quit trying to be a part of it as they senced that their desire to be involved in us was a problem. I resented her for that. I am not saying that you should be a clone of your partner, but at least try to keep it close, or discuss this situation at length.

To play devil's advocate, my personal opinion on this is maturity comes into play in a big way here.One of my best friends has a very successful marriage. He grew up very upper middle class as one of three sons of a Doctor in the city. His wife grew up more in the country and she was one of 4 girls. Her parents never made more than 30,000 combined in a year. But both are mature enough to understand their diversity and actually celebrate it. They realize what they think about stuff "becuase they grew up that way" may be a very different take on it from their spouse because they grew up very differently.But that takes an intelligent and mature person to see and understand sometimes.J

I dunno about intelligent. She finished 2nd in her law class and I at least finished. I am not as smart as the typical FBG, but I usually hold my own just fine. My exwife and I did understand that we were from different backgrounds, the difference between my old situation and your friends is that she didnt celebrate those differences, she pretty much thought my family was crazy for being the way it was and after I had expressed my displeasure of her position, kept my mouth shut about my problem with her opinion. That was a mistake on my part.Perhaps it not an essential element of a successful marriage to be close in background, I think morals, etc. should be close. I can see where sometimes opposites attract, but in the long run, those opposites can cause friction that is not there if you had chosen otherwise. Marriage is hard enough without having to deal with this potential roadblock.

Thanks tiger.I'm sorry if that sounded like I was saying you were not intelligent. I realize that's what it looked like and it was my bad on choosing words. Mature and understanding of the other's situation and being able to celebrate the diversity is more what I meant.And I don't disagree that as many things that you can line up in agreement beforehand, the better. My friend and his wife grew up very differently and had very different economic backgrounds, but were similar on many of the personality issues and on things that were important to them.J

I think I need to modify my reason from have similiar background to have similiar morals, or lack thereof for some of yall. Perhaps the way one is raised and their family background has an effect on their morals, but it likely is not the sole developmental element of one's morals.I am sticking to having similiar morals as a really big issue.

 

[Bull Dozier]

First: Try to find someone that expresses their affection for you in a similiar way that you express affection. For example, I used to cook, clean and do all the laundry for my exwife and I. I did it to show that I cared about her and our well being. She didnt give two poots about that. She was more of a spend time watching TV with me person. I wanted to hold her and be intimate with her. She wanted to be listened to when she wanted to talk about how her day went.

Excellent point. People show love in lots of different ways. Lhucks said he was looking for books and "The 5 Love Languages" is a good one on that subject http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-...TF8&s=booksLove Language is a goofy word for what tiger said in that different people express love in different ways. You may think giving a gift says you love the person but she may think just listening to her says you love her. That kind of thing. Understanding your own (and your wife's) "language" or what is important or what means what to her is a huge thing. I'd definitely agree there.

J

My comment, and it kind of adds on to what Joe said, is that it is not as important to find someone who shows love the same way you do, but to make sure you both understand each others' way of showing love. If one person shows love by cooking and cleaning, it is not mandatory that the other person shows love that way, but that the other person understands why their spouse is cooking and cleaning and show appreciation for that. Likewise, the cooker and cleaner needs to understand when their spouse is showing love and to show appreciation for that.True, people's way of showing love can in and of itself cause conflict (one person shows love through sex while the other is not interested in sex at all), but I think usually, the larger problem is not understanding what each other is doing, why they are doing it, and showing appreciation. Mutual understanding is key.

 

[Dentist]

This has turned out to be a pretty interesting thread.

Interesting inputs, Joe.

LSUTiger > do you wish your first marriage had never happened? Was the personal growth you achieved worth the pain and suffering?

 

[Joe Bryant]

I am sticking to having similiar morals as a really big issue.

Agree for sure there.J

 

[CGRdrJoe]

The best statistic was the one that came out recently that said that 2/3 of married women would not marry the same man if given the chance. I can only imagine that number is higher for males.

 

[Joe Bryant]

First: Try to find someone that expresses their affection for you in a similiar way that you express affection. For example, I used to cook, clean and do all the laundry for my exwife and I. I did it to show that I cared about her and our well being. She didnt give two poots about that. She was more of a spend time watching TV with me person. I wanted to hold her and be intimate with her. She wanted to be listened to when she wanted to talk about how her day went.

Excellent point. People show love in lots of different ways. Lhucks said he was looking for books and "The 5 Love Languages" is a good one on that subject http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-...TF8&s=booksLove Language is a goofy word for what tiger said in that different people express love in different ways. You may think giving a gift says you love the person but she may think just listening to her says you love her. That kind of thing. Understanding your own (and your wife's) "language" or what is important or what means what to her is a huge thing. I'd definitely agree there.

J

My comment, and it kind of adds on to what Joe said, is that it is not as important to find someone who shows love the same way you do, but to make sure you both understand each others' way of showing love. If one person shows love by cooking and cleaning, it is not mandatory that the other person shows love that way, but that the other person understands why their spouse is cooking and cleaning and show appreciation for that. Likewise, the cooker and cleaner needs to understand when their spouse is showing love and to show appreciation for that.True, people's way of showing love can in and of itself cause conflict (one person shows love through sex while the other is not interested in sex at all), but I think usually, the larger problem is not understanding what each other is doing, why they are doing it, and showing appreciation. Mutual understanding is key.

BDJ

 

[Joe Bryant]

The best statistic was the one that came out recently that said that 2/3 of married women would not marry the same man if given the chance. I can only imagine that number is higher for males.

Link to this study?J

 

[L5UT1ger]

LSUTiger > do you wish your first marriage had never happened? Was the personal growth you achieved worth the pain and suffering?

Wow. Those are really good questions. The answer to the second question is a part of the first question. If i knew whether the "personal growth" I had is because of maturity in age or because of the miserable experience of being married, I could better answer those questions.If I had to go through that marriage in order to appreciate and meet my current girlfriend, then yes, I am glad I went through that first marriage and it was worth it.

 

[The Bad CEO]

I think a lot of the single guys on the board here are in the same boat. I'm 26 and been with my g/f for about 3 1/2 years. She's 24 and still in college so she's not really in a rush to get married yet, but I know that if I proposed, she'd say yes in a heartbeat. Marriage does scare me, though. You have the chance of divorce and all the financial hardships that go along with a divorce. And then when you add kids into the mix, it can get very messy. On the same token, however, I'd like to have kids someday but I definitely don't want to be a single father.Personally, I think I'm going to go be single for a few years (yes, break up with the g/f) while I'm still sort of young, and get the single #### out of my system. And if I find a girl worthey of wifey material when I'm in a my early 30's, great, if not, then I'll be single for a little longer.

How are you going to end it? Do you live with her?

We've been living together for the past 2 years. We share an apartment.We actually just got into a fight last night and it seems like we get into a good fight every 2 weeks or so. I've always been a little reluctant about breaking it off because I'm a little more financial stable since I'm out of school and I worry how she's going to pay the rent by herself. But the more I think about it, that's not a good reason to stay in a relationship that neither one of us are that happy in.No big plans on how I'm going to end it. I work Saturday morning and then have off Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday. I guess sometime Friday or Saturday I'll tell her and be on my way. It does suck because you get in a comfortable routine and setting living together, but I guess it's for the best sometimes.

Give her a ring, knock her up and get married in Jamaica =

 

[Bull Dozier]

I mainly want to know about your failed marriage, or multiple failures if that was the case. Not about your re-marriages, etc.

How much of http://www.nomarriage.com

is actually true in the cases of marriage failure, how much is basically true but embellished, and how much is totally false.

I've only really been around 3 friends divorces... my parents are together, as are grandparents, so I don't have any up-close personal experience other than my friends.... and two are already remarried and so they just think they were bad-beated, rather than buying into nomarriage.com

I'm not divorced, but my wife is. Looking at the site both from what she went through, and putting myself in her ex's shoes, the site holds little value. I read a few of the articles, and they were melodramatic to the point of rediculousness.Just my opinion.

 

[Flying V]

I always say every man is an island. THE GREATEST GIFT YOU GIVE IN THIS LIFE IS WHAT YOU NEVER HAD.The difference between you and me is you want all the fish to swim past that imaginary hook you see dangling over the water. I just want them to swim past because they actually know where they are going.

Maybe in another 48 years this will all make sense to me.

 

[Dentist]

Please. Two people marry and live happily for 50 years and because both don't die at the exact same time and leave the relationship "together", that qualifies as "ending badly" in your opinion?

Good fishing here.

J

Now I'm not saying people should avoid relationships or should avoid marriage completely, I'm saying to sit down and make good decisions about your life. Count the cost of what it means to be with someone and if you can accept all the good and bad that comes with them.

And my old saying still rings true here, don't listen to what anyone says on this subject, watch what people actually do.....

Yes, I believe personally that there is no greater tragedy in life than watching someone you love die. I also believe that just because I feel that way doesn't mean anyone else has to as well. I'm sure out of the thousands of members on this site, there are some widowers here. Ask them. Ask them what it's like to wake up each morning and look over to the other side of the bed and see it empty. Ask them what its like to hear an old song or drive past a restaurant and think about the past for five minutes. Ask them what it's like to never have said the things they wished they could have when the person was alive.

I'm an old man now. And when you get older, things start to fall apart. The center does not hold. The people around you start to get sick and die off. The places you remember begin to disappear. The things you remembered about how life used to be changes radically on you. Little by little, everything in your life becomes foreign to you. I always say every man is an island. That doesn't happen by choice. Time does that to you. And why should relationships with women be any different?

I've never expected my opinions to mean all that much to the older guys here. People get older and they are set in their ways. Change is hard and unlikely. But for the young men here, I have always encouraged them to sit down and try and make good decisions about their life. To not accept what they are told by society or anyone else blindly but to ask good questions and draw their own distinctions.

Joe Bryant, you are probably a young man. And good for you for that. I wish I was young again. But here's something that all old men learn over time -

THE GREATEST GIFT YOU GIVE IN THIS LIFE IS WHAT YOU NEVER HAD

This is exactly why some immigrant who can't speak english will work three minimum wage jobs at the same time so his son can go to college and get a better job and have a better life. It's why single mothers work an extra shift cleaning toilets and hotel rooms so their daughters can have piano lessons. It's why I say things plainly whether people agree with them or not or find them politically correct or not. If I can say a few words that can spare a young man here the kind of suffering and grief I've had in my own life, then to me, that's my own way of finding a small measure of redemption.

Most relationships fail. Most of the older guys here have cycled through 3 to 4, maybe 5 to 6, relationships in their lives. Most of us are already batting 15 to 20 percent so far, and those of us who get married at that point stand a good two thirds chance after that of getting divorced in the end, is that much of a stretch to accept that the odds of finding a truly great person and a truly great relationship are low? And even if you ignored ever word in this entire thread by everyone, just look at the world around you. There aren't many great ones out there and odds are you and everyone else, including me, probably won't find one.

The difference between you and me probably isn't just age. The difference between you and me is you want all the fish to swim past that imaginary hook you see dangling over the water. I just want them to swim past because they actually know where they are going.

What is your approximate age range?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Don't even get me started on the children question, which is even bigger than the marriage one. She wants children and doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want them.

Awe cripes. Now I feel the need to be serious for 5 minutes. I hate that. Unless you can get there and HONESTLY want them rather than deciding you'll just do it for her sake, this should be a bigger reason for concern than fear of divorce or fear of being alone. God that sounds condescending. Not the intent at all. I'm not sure how to communicate it any better, though. I guess it's like this: There's seriously nothing I've encountered in life that sucks more than hearing your spouse say, "If I had 10 million dollars I'd pay every penny of it for things to be the way they were before we had the baby." Of all the reactions you might expect from your spouse after having a child, one of them is usually not, "Do over!"I wasn't sure I was ready to have a kid, but I was sure I wanted one. The ready factor goes away quickly. The uncertainty about wanting one at all apparently does not.

 

[glock]

...All relationships end badly.You either have them blow up on you in the garden variety real life kind of way or you find that one special person and you grow old together and one of you has to die first. What would you consider worse? Having a string of unhealthy crappy relationships that went nowhere in your life? Or finding the true love of your life and watching her life slip away and living past her death for another twenty years?

That has to be one of the most pitiful things I have ever read. GG- I wish you luck with your intimacy issues, whatever and wherever they are derived from. I mean that.

 

[matuski]

nomarriage.com, the "good" GG (what the hell happened to this poster?), Joe selling Love Language books, LHUCKS ordering the Love Language book...

Tough to beat this thread.

 

[General Malaise]

GG is/was a group alias.

 

[Otis]

This is one subject where the standard should be 100% sure, not beyond a reasonable doubt.

Is that even possible?

According to the happily married guys around here it is.

Funny to look back. I was struggling with this question at the time. Met my wife a few years later, and it actually was pretty easy. Was 100% sure then, still the same today.