Does a man cheating on his woman change your opinion of him? (1 Viewer)

[jvdesigns2002]

I didn't vote because none of the options are truly reflective of what I feel with the information given.    I do think that I would make a mental note about somebody (man or a woman) if they cheated on their partner in general.     A promise is a promise and a commitment is a commitment--so if somebody breaks one---that is something that I personally make a note of.  However--wiith that said--I think it's impossible to make general claims over a very ambiguous hypothetical that is lacking a major amount of information.   

For example--a friend of a friend of mine has a brother that lives in North Carolina.  His wife suffered a pretty massive stroke a few years back and is wheelchair bound.   The man loves her to death--literally has hired help to assist her while he is at work and when he gets home--he takes the reigns himself and helps her and handles household duties.    The dude literally works his butt off at work and comes home--and works and loves her as much as he can.   He truly loves her and has and would never consider divorcing her.  Unfortunately--due to her paraplegic condition--they are extremely limited when it comes to the ability to be intimate.   He is in his mid 30's and of course has a normal/healthy sexual appetite.  She understands that he loves her to death and she understands that she is physically unable and restricted from fulfilling all of his sexual desires/needs.  Because of that--she and him apparently have an agreement that she is okay with him having relations with another woman (as long as its done in a safe/protected manner--and that the other woman is fully aware that he is married and and the situation).  Apparently there is a woman that he has engaged in these relations for a couple of years--and everybody is okay and happy.  By definition--I guess that could be cheating--or it could be considered an "open relationship".  Regardless---my point is this:--without knowing all of the details---it is hard to make generalizations.  Many people that don't know the details of this story could see it is as : "look at this doosh bag--cheating on his paraplegic wife for years"--when in reality--this guy absolutely loves his wife to the utmost extent.   

 

[Christo]

I think the situation is set forth in the question. Cheating implies dishonesty or not following the rules. So the situation set forth by @jvdesigns2002 would not be cheating.

 

[matuski]

I think judging right vs. wrong is something most people do automatically.  Deciding whether to be supportive or not is a separate thought process.

As I've gotten older I realize more and more that my efforts to judge right and wrong for other people were often, indeed, wrong.  For all the reasons above revolving around not knowing what I didn't know.

 

[matuski]

I think he will give the same answer even if the poll is about murder.

The pole would be flawed in the same way regarding murder, yes.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I think the situation is set forth in the question. Cheating implies dishonesty or not following the rules. So the situation set forth by @jvdesigns2002 would not be cheating.

Thats what I feel too--but without going into too much detail--there are relatives of the wife that think that what her husband is doing is flagrantly bad and reprehensible.  They believe that the wife just agreed to that arrangement because she was fearful that he could divorce her down the road due to the restrictions of intimacy----and that the arrangement was propelled by her fear and not by "love".   The point is that things are not that cut and dry.  You can have 20 people look at the same picture and each sees and feels something different.  You can have 20 people look at a hypotethical situation and each might have different feelings and interpretations. 

 

[EYLive]

I disrespect people who voted “No, I don’t judge other relationships because I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.”

 Liar, liar, pants on fire.  

Are you a mind-reader in real life or just on the internet?

 

[EYLive]

Just wondering, would anyone vote differently if the guy is in your own family?

Family is irrelevant if the spouse is the second coming of Hitler.

 

[Christo]

Thats what I feel too--but without going into too much detail--there are relatives of the wife that think that what her husband is doing is flagrantly bad and reprehensible.  They believe that the wife just agreed to that arrangement because she was fearful that he could divorce her down the road due to the restrictions of intimacy----and that the arrangement was propelled by her fear and not by "love".   The point is that things are not that cut and dry.  You can have 20 people look at the same picture and each sees and feels something different.  You can have 20 people look at a hypotethical situation and each might have different feelings and interpretations. 

Sure, we all draw lines in different places. Some in here are claiming they wouldn't judge if it was deceitful. There are also people who would judge a couple who actively participate in a swinger lifestyle. But, IMO, the question posed takes your situation and swingers out of the equation.

 

[Judge Smails]

Almost always I lose some level of respect for the person. The question is to what degree.  If the person is cheating for sport or just because they can, with good partner, family, not seckless relationship, lots of respect lost. Seen it with men and women. 

If miserable, seckless relationship, can’t get out yet because of kids etc then not so much. Seen plenty of these as well. 

Those are everyday people. I haven’t been put in a position of extreme fame, wealth, power, rock/sports God so can’t judge that. Chris Rock may be right....

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I think the situation is set forth in the question. Cheating implies dishonesty or not following the rules. So the situation set forth by @jvdesigns2002 would not be cheating.

That's how I interpreted the poll too.  

 

[cloppbeast]

'If the mountains fell in the sea, let it be it ain't me' - jimi hendrix

 

[DallasDMac]

Most states, if not all, use some determination of a "clear intent to end the marriage" as the legal date of separation which is then used for cutoff dates on things like community vs. separate property, support payments and the like.  Effectively, the DOS is your divorce date even if finalizing the divorce takes months or years due to various reasons (statutes, one or both parties dragging things out in hopes of getting a better deal/judgment). Often the filing date is used as the "clear intent" so you're pretty much divorced once you file.

Apparently not.

 

[pats3in4]

Apparently not.

Interesting. Michigan does handle community vs. separate property like I described...in general.  But extenuating circumstances can create legal wrinkles. A WaPo article on the topic indicated the husband wasn't paying child support at the time the ticket was bought, so I'm guessing that affected the arbitrator's view on what was considered community property.

 

[Tool]

I didn't vote because none of the options are truly reflective of what I feel with the information given.    I do think that I would make a mental note about somebody (man or a woman) if they cheated on their partner in general.     A promise is a promise and a commitment is a commitment--so if somebody breaks one---that is something that I personally make a note of.  However--wiith that said--I think it's impossible to make general claims over a very ambiguous hypothetical that is lacking a major amount of information.   

For example--a friend of a friend of mine has a brother that lives in North Carolina.  His wife suffered a pretty massive stroke a few years back and is wheelchair bound.   The man loves her to death--literally has hired help to assist her while he is at work and when he gets home--he takes the reigns himself and helps her and handles household duties.    The dude literally works his butt off at work and comes home--and works and loves her as much as he can.   He truly loves her and has and would never consider divorcing her.  Unfortunately--due to her paraplegic condition--they are extremely limited when it comes to the ability to be intimate.   He is in his mid 30's and of course has a normal/healthy sexual appetite.  She understands that he loves her to death and she understands that she is physically unable and restricted from fulfilling all of his sexual desires/needs.  Because of that--she and him apparently have an agreement that she is okay with him having relations with another woman (as long as its done in a safe/protected manner--and that the other woman is fully aware that he is married and and the situation).  Apparently there is a woman that he has engaged in these relations for a couple of years--and everybody is okay and happy.  By definition--I guess that could be cheating--or it could be considered an "open relationship".  Regardless---my point is this:--without knowing all of the details---it is hard to make generalizations.  Many people that don't know the details of this story could see it is as : "look at this doosh bag--cheating on his paraplegic wife for years"--when in reality--this guy absolutely loves his wife to the utmost extent.   

That's not cheating.

ETA, saw this was discussed. In any case it's not cheating and has nothing to do with cheating despite what relatives or other people not involved in the relationship think.

 

[Christo]

Interesting. Michigan does handle community vs. separate property like I described...in general.  But extenuating circumstances can create legal wrinkles. A WaPo article on the topic indicated the husband wasn't paying child support at the time the ticket was bought, so I'm guessing that affected the arbitrator's view on what was considered community property.

You're not understanding the difference between community property and equitable distribution states. What you are describing happens in community property states. There are only 10 community property states. Michigan is not a community property state.

 

[pats3in4]

You're not understanding the difference between community property and equitable distribution states. What you are describing happens in community property states. There are only 10 community property states. Michigan is not a community property state.

Thanks.  On a related note, do you have further insight into this ruling? The general AP reporting-to-the-masses style seems lacking.