What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Does a man cheating on his woman change your opinion of him? (1 Viewer)

If you find out a man cheated on his wife or girlfriend (and that’s all the information you have) do

  • Yes, he’s a bad person because he broke his vows or commitment.

    Votes: 11 5.2%

  • Yes, I disrespect dishonest people.

    Votes: 38 17.9%

  • Yes, both 1 & 2.

    Votes: 65 30.7%

  • No, I don’t judge other relationships because I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.

    Votes: 51 24.1%

  • No, his issues are with his wife or girlfriend not with me.

    Votes: 7 3.3%

  • No, both 4 & 5.

    Votes: 40 18.9%
  • Total voters
    212
We currently have a near dead heat.

40 people voted, yes, their opinion of the man would be lessened.

42 people voted, no, their opinion of the man would not be lessened.

1 person, Walking Boot, voted their opinion of the man would now be more positive.  😄

 
I used to think "Hey, what happens between two people are their own business.  I'm not judging".

Then just a couple of weeks ago I found out someone I know cheated on his wife.  I find myself thinking less of him.

 
Gary Coal Man said:
Plus, let’s be honest, when a man cheats the prevailing societal view is that it was all his fault.  When a woman cheats you have plenty of people suggesting that maybe she wasn’t being treated right at home so she sought an escape.
Click to expand...
No. Women and men cheat for the same reasons. Up to and including not being treated well at home. It is not only diminishing to suggest otherwise, it's patently false.

Let the women put on their big girl pants and hold them accountable for their own ###$. No need to protect them and society from "their addled lady-brains gettin' the vapors."

 
Hastur said:
I used to think "Hey, what happens between two people are their own business.  I'm not judging".

Then just a couple of weeks ago I found out someone I know cheated on his wife.  I find myself thinking less of him.
Click to expand...
What if your male friend is crazy ugly. And you find out he hooked up with a bikini model. Do you still think less of him or do you high5 him?

 
cosjobs said:
Are you French?
Click to expand...
No.  But we would be much better if we had more empathy towards people's faults and celebrated more in their goodness.  Obviously there has to be balance as truly cruel people need to be called out, but we are far too condemning.   We are too quick to judge and tend to be very harsh.  

 
Gary Coal Man said:
Do you think that maybe... just maybe... “woman” was used in lieu of “wife or girlfriend” in the title because your word number is limited and the question applies to both marriages and serious, monogamous dating?  You tell me — would “wife” apply to the latter?

That wasn’t really difficult to understand, but I can see why you didn’t.
Click to expand...
Why does it have to be a heterosexual relationship? Don’t you know it’s Pride Month? 👬

 
Of course it would change my opinion of him. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I would go from thinking he was a good person to a bad person. If he's a friend, I'm not going to stop being his friend. His relationship with his wife is not my business. But at the same time he better not try to make it my business. If he tries to get me to cover for him he's going to get an earful. I'm not going to lie to her for him.

 
Chaka said:
No. Women and men cheat for the same reasons. Up to and including not being treated well at home. It is not only diminishing to suggest otherwise, it's patently false.
Click to expand...
Interesting take you got there, but you railed against something I never said.  

I didn’t say that men and women cheat for different reasons.  I said there’s a different public perception for why men and women cheat, and cheating women are often extended a greater benefit of the doubt than cheating men under the idea that more cheating women are freeing themselves from an abusive or negligent relationship than are men.   It is not only diminishing to suggest otherwise, it’s patently false.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
EYLive said:
What if your male friend is crazy ugly. And you find out he hooked up with a bikini model. Do you still think less of him or do you high5 him?
Click to expand...
Yes I still think less of him.  What does looks have to do with respecting the person you made a commitment to?

 
Gary Coal Man said:
Interesting take you got there, but you railed against something I never said.  

I didn’t say that men and women cheat for different reasons.  I said there’s a different public perception for why men and women cheat, and cheating women are often extended a greater benefit of the doubt than cheating men under the idea that more cheating women are freeing themselves from an abusive or negligent relationship than are men.   It is not only diminishing to suggest otherwise, it’s patently false.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure what circles you run in but for pretty much the entire history of humanity women have been judged more harshly than men for cheating. Even today the world is dominated by the patriarchy and a  there are still places where female infidelity is criminalized. Thankfully, in America we no longer live in the times of the scarlet letter but our boys-will-be-boys mentality is still alive and well.

 
Vermonters got it right in a least one area - the more you're minding someone else's business, the less you're minding you're own. It has never ceased to amaze me how great a source of fascination and even self-concept the codes and ways and intimate details of others is to the average person. To think of it is to be ashamed for us all so i don't any more than i have to..

As far as stepping out, it's as relative as anything else. I know folks who never cheated on their mates but are such flirts that i consider them adulterous creeps and i know others who , for instance, can't stay married and keep the nuclear (still the optimum) family together without steppin out now & then and i respect em for trying. My mother was a fat, ugly woman who starved herself for a yr to trap a husband, caught my father and promptly gained the 100 pounds back having me. I never begrudged me Da his dalliances - even served as an alibi for him - because relations w my mother wasn't sex, it was service. Having been married to a woman dying of cancer who could barely move but still wanted her freakydeaky, i know how soul-ripping service can be. Theyve been married 67 years.

I myself - who is bored to tears by close contact with ANYONE for more than six weeks - was romantically happiest during a period when i had three girlfriends (who all knew about the others) with very different appeal and orientations. One of them was a married lady who respected but did not enjoy her husband but wanted her sons to have a daddy in the house til they left it. Our Thursday afternoons saved her marriage and taught her how to conduct them for herself so she could keep a happy home for 15 more years than she wanted to (she served notice the day after her youngest's graduation). I learned how to spoil women & keep their secrets so, when word got around to other nurses, my appointment book was always full. 

I haven't made all that many exclusive arrangements w women, but i havent broken any. Having pretty much learned sex on the rock&roll road, i know how little it has to mean & how accidental it can be. I never had the appetite some have and never considered appetite more important than honor & responsibility. Maybe it was easier for me because i knew i'd likely be moving on, but there you go.

But i also know that no two people approach it entirely the same way and the only basis on which i can condemn it is if one person actually cheated another, took their faith and crushed it without consideration. You know when someone loves you in a way that will destroy them if you violate it. So you don't, you see it thru and/or end it fairly and run for the hills or you deal. That's your deal, deal with it. Ain't my deal. If you my friend, you can make it my deal, but i wish you wouldn't. Shun't be nobody else's deal.

 
Chaka said:
I'm not sure what circles you run in but for pretty much the entire history of humanity women have been judged more harshly than men for cheating. Even today the world is dominated by the patriarchy and a  there are still places where female infidelity is criminalized. Thankfully, in America we no longer live in the times of the scarlet letter but our boys-will-be-boys mentality is still alive and well.
Click to expand...
Doesn’t your last sentence support my point that there are often different public perceptions of why men and women cheat?  When men cheat it’s generally viewed, as you said, that they’re doing so because “boys-will-be-boys”.  

When women cheat, however, not all but more people are willing to consider that they’re “not being treated well at home” (as you wrote in an earlier post.)

And we’re not talking about Puritan times or repressive foreign cultures.  We’re talking present day Western culture.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Summer Wheat said:
If you cheat on your wife or at golf you I have no respect for you.
Click to expand...
What if... I play golf to have fun. If I’m in the deep rough, or behind a tree, I’m gonna kick my ball into a better lie. I don’t wanna be out there hacking away on my day off. I want to enjoy myself. And I don’t care about my score. 

Now, if we’re playing for money or in a tourney, that’s a different story. 

 
Gary Coal Man said:
When women cheat, however, not all but more people are willing to consider that they’re “not being treated well at home” (as you wrote in an earlier post.)
Click to expand...
It's the opposite.  More people think a woman who cheats on her husband is a whore, and a man that cheats on his wife is not being treated well at home.  (not enough sex, nagging, not taking care of herself, etc.) 

ETA: It's been that way for most of history.  Maybe it's changing.  I don't know.

I hope it goes without saying that I do not agree with the difference in how women and men are treated in this situation.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Unfortunately, this is difficult to answer for most people until you define his political party and influence.

For too many people, it's not a big deal when the guy's on your side and the same actions are a huge deal if he's not on your side...

 
Buddy of mine had a wife that let her self go and hadn't had sex with him in years.   Now he's nothing to look at and eventually got fat too, but he had enough of the no sex thing and hired help.   

Got caught because the help came to the house which was stupid and wrong on several levels,  but I think more of the guy now for getting a few Kraft's and a few outcalls.  

I'm inclined to give people reason of the doubt.  

 
Last edited by a moderator:
politics have zero to do with it.

whether you're a fan of Bill Maher or not, his routine about men being "as faithful as their options" seems to be true.  

have you seen the guys at a "Promise Keepers" parade?  

 
Yes, it would absolutely change my opinion of him.

There are certain variables that might mitigate my opinion to a certain degree (e.g., if his wife is a cold fish), but political affiliation is NOT one of them.

 
Joe Bryant said:
Maybe. But I think it illustrates a bigger (non political) point. We tend to overlook discretions by those we agree with / or like and be outraged by those who we don't agree with / don't like. That's human nature. Not politics. 
Click to expand...
I would agree just seemed odd to bring up the political notion

 
Joe Bryant said:
Maybe. But I think it illustrates a bigger (non political) point. We tend to overlook discretions by those we agree with / or like and be outraged by those who we don't agree with / don't like. That's human nature. Not politics. 
Click to expand...
I completely agree with you that people are more willing to overlook indiscretions from someone they like than someone they’re predisposed to dislike.  In the latter instance, people generally use the indiscretion to confirm why they always disliked the person in the first place.

I also completely agree with you that the mindset I referenced above is particularly pronounced in politics.  People accept indiscretions from politicians they view as on their team as not ideal but forgivable whereas the same indiscretion from a politician on the other team is further proof of their evilness.

So much of life is dictated by in-group vs. out-group without people even realizing that dynamic is influencing their views.

 
Joe Bryant said:
Unfortunately, this is difficult to answer for most people until you define his political party and influence.

For too many people, it's not a big deal when the guy's on your side and the same actions are a huge deal if he's not on your side...
Click to expand...
If you believe this, I am disappointed.

eta  - the more times I read this the more disappointing it is.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
matuski said:
If you believe this, I am disappointed.

eta  - the more times I read this the more disappointing it is.
Click to expand...
It’s disappointing for sure. But I’m not sure how one couldn’t believe this. Look at the people shrugging with Trump that we’re outraged with Clinton. You think that’s a coincidence?

And again, not trying to turn it Political but that’s the most obvious example. Another would be the guy from your sports team who does something that gets overlooked but if the guy from the rival team did the exact same thing, you’d be upset.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Definitely think less of anyone that cheats. Don’t get trying to turn this political, this political obsession here is extremely unhealthy. 

 
I think  people are misunderstanding Joe Bryant’s point.

His comments aren’t really about politics, he just used politics as an example.  His comments are really about in-group vs. out-group bias.

And Joe’s not saying that inconsistent application of ethics is the way life should be.  He’s just acknowledging that’s the way it is for a great many people.

Seems perfectly valid and true to me.

 
Voting update....

The “Yes, I would think less of the guy” view has pulled into a commanding lead.

Yes = 83

No = 74

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Binky The Doormat said:
politics have zero to do with it.

whether you're a fan of Bill Maher or not, his routine about men being "as faithful as their options" seems to be true.  

have you seen the guys at a "Promise Keepers" parade?  
Click to expand...
I think that’s pretty shallow.  Most men I know with families would go to great lengths to hold things together.

 
Gary Coal Man said:
I think  people are misunderstanding Joe Bryant’s point.

His comments aren’t really about politics, he just used politics as an example.  His comments are really about in-group vs. out-group bias.

And Joe’s not saying that inconsistent application of ethics is the way life should be.  He’s just acknowledging that’s the way it is for a great many people.

Seems perfectly valid and true to me.
Click to expand...
Thank you. For sure I'm not saying it's how it should be. I'm saying it's how it is for a great many people.

 
Joe Bryant said:
It’s disappointing for sure. But I’m not sure how one couldn’t believe this. Look at the people shrugging with Trump that we’re outraged with Clinton. You think that’s a coincidence?

And again, not trying to turn it Political but that’s the most obvious example. Another would be the guy from your sports team who does something that gets overlooked but if the guy from the rival team did the exact same thing, you’d be upset.
Click to expand...
I guess I missed where this was about people we don't know, assumed it was about people we do know. 

Grown men and women using politics or team fandom to bias their personal relationships is embarrassing.

 
matuski said:
I guess I missed where this was about people we don't know, assumed it was about people we do know. 

Grown men and women using politics or team fandom to bias their personal relationships is embarrassing.
Click to expand...
Apologies if I didn't understand the question. I'm speaking completely of people in general. Whether we know them or not. 

 
Joe Bryant said:
Apologies if I didn't understand the question. I'm speaking completely of people in general. Whether we know them or not. 
Click to expand...
Maybe I didn't get it.

This certainly happens all the time with politics, athletes, celebrities.... the mistake made there is people assuming they know anything about the person they see on TV.

 
matuski said:
Maybe I didn't get it.

This certainly happens all the time with politics, athletes, celebrities.... the mistake made there is people assuming they know anything about the person they see on TV.
Click to expand...
And maybe that's another or a bigger question: Does it matter? Do we have to know much about the person to decide whether we think it's ok to cheat on your wife? If so, how much do we need to know? And what kinds of things would someone say makes it ok? For me, I don't know of anything that makes it ok. 

 
Gary Coal Man said:
Do you have to wait for the divorce to be finalized or you can you start sleeping around after filing for divorce?
Click to expand...
Most states, if not all, use some determination of a "clear intent to end the marriage" as the legal date of separation which is then used for cutoff dates on things like community vs. separate property, support payments and the like.  Effectively, the DOS is your divorce date even if finalizing the divorce takes months or years due to various reasons (statutes, one or both parties dragging things out in hopes of getting a better deal/judgment). Often the filing date is used as the "clear intent" so you're pretty much divorced once you file.

Law aside, once you've filed you've told your spouse the marriage is over so I don't see how you're "cheating" since you've made it clear things are over. 

 
Joe Bryant said:
And maybe that's another or a bigger question: Does it matter? Do we have to know much about the person to decide whether we think it's ok to cheat on your wife? If so, how much do we need to know? And what kinds of things would someone say makes it ok? For me, I don't know of anything that makes it ok. 
Click to expand...
It isn't for me to judge.

Because I don't know the situation, I don't know either person, whether the relationship was abusive, whether the relationship was open, and so on and so forth... I simply don't know enough or care to know enough.  None of my business. 

Personally, in the two cases this has happened with friends, my concern was to find ways to be supportive to both parties.  I didn't worry about blame and focused on helping friends get through tough times.  Not my place to worry about anything else.  :shrug:

 
matuski said:
It isn't for me to judge.

Because I don't know the situation, I don't know either person, whether the relationship was abusive, whether the relationship was open, and so on and so forth... I simply don't know enough or care to know enough.  None of my business. 

Personally, in the two cases this has happened with friends, my concern was to find ways to be supportive to both parties.  I didn't worry about blame and focused on helping friends get through tough times.  Not my place to worry about anything else.  :shrug:
Click to expand...
Lots of interesting things there.

Is changing an opinion the same as "judging"? 

Is there any action he could do where you would change your opinion of him?

Is there any action he could do where you would judge him?

 
Joe Bryant said:
Lots of interesting things there.

Is changing an opinion the same as "judging"? 

Is there any action he could do where you would change your opinion of him?

Is there any action he could do where you would judge him?
Click to expand...
Yes. 

Yes. The act of cheating, without context, is not one of them. 

Yes.

 
I used to have friends who would talk about banging strange when out and about then I know that they were going home to their significant others after and I had to remove myself from their company for the most part.

I found that I could not look the spouse in the eyes afterwards knowing the things that I knew and I don't want to feel complicit in the cheating.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

krista4
The middle-aged dummies are forming a band called "Blanket"! It's a cover band.
87 88 89
Replies
4K
Views
110K
Mister CIA
Mister CIA
GordonGekko
How Much Food Does Your Household Waste On A Regular Basis? (7/30)
Replies
22
Views
693
jhib
jhib
Joe Bryant
  • Poll
Talk About Alcohol
8 9 10
Replies
463
Views
13K
Ack88
A

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top